pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations

[essal]

A guy I know went from Norway to Scotland to hit on a chick. The closest he got to any action was her head resting on his shoulder. Oh and the chick was seeing someone, but "failed" to mention it to him while it was there. I guess the total cost of the thing was around ~$650.


My favorite one was when I was fucking shitfaced (as always). Somehow I managed to talk to a cute girl at one club. Then I got kicked out for being too drunk, so I went across the street to another shitty club. Drank more. Went it was time to leave, I go out into the street with my homie and this cute girl is there. She says something along the lines of "if you remember my name then I'll let you come home with me". At that point I knew I was out of luck. I can't remember peoples names even if you put a gun to my head. So I fail miserably when I try a random name. She then gives me another shot with; "Maybe we can meet up tomorrow or something then? Get a coffe or something to eat."
I finish her off with "I can't afford you. I'm broke.". So she got pissed at me basically calling her a whore. I didn't even try to rephrase it when I realized how it came out.

[Tufty]

 This reminds me of a chick i met at a bar and we had some good talk and gave me her phone. Then she gave me her number and i called her. We were talking about going to some place. She asked me what time i would pick her up and i answered: "Pick you up with the bus?" and she hung up. Apparently this girl doesnt like people without car, i expect that she would want me to pay for everything at the date. Fuck those women.

[pantless]

This happened during the summer of 2009 right after a 2 year relationship ended.

My friends and I were at a bar down town, and somehow managed to start a conversation with these three girls. They were room mates, lived close by, and seemed really cool and down to earth. I ended up mainly talking to one of them who seemed really cool. Talked about music, she grew up around cars (which for me was really cool = instant win). We ended up talking about the shitty Howie Mandel show called "Howie Do It", where he pranks random people and then in the end pulls off a wig and they see that it's him. She ended up suggesting we cut out early and go watch a couple of episodes. Easy for me, watching a shitty show on a Friday night with a good looking girl = guaranteed sex. Turns out that's not always the case.

We ended up in her apartment (which was actually pretty nice), and I managed to play it cool during one shitty ass episode. Turned out she had like 10 episodes on her PVR (did this girl actually like this show?) During the second one, I decided to put on the moves, when she instantly hit the brakes. I had my arm around her, the other on her thigh, about to start making out with her when she says "what the FUCK are you doing? I just want to watch this show, get the fuck off of me." I was really taken aback, she seemed kinda into me, and was at least friendly.
She ended up lecturing me for the next 10 minutes about rape, how wrong it was for me to just assume that she was into hooking up with me when she had only invited me over to hang out. She was going on and on about how she was tired of males assuming power roles in society and all of this other severe bullshit. I remember her going on about how pathetic women are for allowing men to penetrate them because it's always rape, pregnancy is prolonged torture/rape, when you give birth you are raped by the grown sperm of the man and all this craaaaaazy shit.

I think I was in so much shock that I just sat there for about 10-15 minutes, just listening, trying to understand what the fuck was happening. I was expecting her to pull off her wig and turn into Howie fucking Mandel, but that didn't happen. I said "what the fuck?" and got the hell out of there. Luckily, she lived really close to this place with killer pizza called Dany's, so I grabbed two slices of spinach and garlic pizza and biked back home.

The next day, I charged my phone and called one of my friends. He told me that as soon as I left, the other two girls basically gave them the cold shoulder and pretty much jetted for no apparent reason. I guess they were all in on it, and just got a kick out of messing around with people's heads. I don't even know. 

[brycickle]

Expand Quote

This happened during the summer of 2009 right after a 2 year relationship ended.

My friends and I were at a bar down town, and somehow managed to start a conversation with these three girls. They were room mates, lived close by, and seemed really cool and down to earth. I ended up mainly talking to one of them who seemed really cool. Talked about music, she grew up around cars (which for me was really cool = instant win). We ended up talking about the shitty Howie Mandel show called "Howie Do It", where he pranks random people and then in the end pulls off a wig and they see that it's him. She ended up suggesting we cut out early and go watch a couple of episodes. Easy for me, watching a shitty show on a Friday night with a good looking girl = guaranteed sex. Turns out that's not always the case.

We ended up in her apartment (which was actually pretty nice), and I managed to play it cool during one shitty ass episode. Turned out she had like 10 episodes on her PVR (did this girl actually like this show?) During the second one, I decided to put on the moves, when she instantly hit the brakes. I had my arm around her, the other on her thigh, about to start making out with her when she says "what the FUCK are you doing? I just want to watch this show, get the fuck off of me." I was really taken aback, she seemed kinda into me, and was at least friendly.
She ended up lecturing me for the next 10 minutes about rape, how wrong it was for me to just assume that she was into hooking up with me when she had only invited me over to hang out. She was going on and on about how she was tired of males assuming power roles in society and all of this other severe bullshit. I remember her going on about how pathetic women are for allowing men to penetrate them because it's always rape, pregnancy is prolonged torture/rape, when you give birth you are raped by the grown sperm of the man and all this craaaaaazy shit.

I think I was in so much shock that I just sat there for about 10-15 minutes, just listening, trying to understand what the fuck was happening. I was expecting her to pull off her wig and turn into Howie fucking Mandel, but that didn't happen. I said "what the fuck?" and got the hell out of there. Luckily, she lived really close to this place with killer pizza called Dany's, so I grabbed two slices of spinach and garlic pizza and biked back home.

The next day, I charged my phone and called one of my friends. He told me that as soon as I left, the other two girls basically gave them the cold shoulder and pretty much jetted for no apparent reason. I guess they were all in on it, and just got a kick out of messing around with people's heads. I don't even know. 

[close]

I was really hoping that's where this was going.

That was the best part for me too Luke.

[Exposure]

I had my arm around her, the other on her thigh, about to start making out with her when she says "what the FUCK are you doing? I just want to watch this show, get the fuck off of me."

This is the stuff nightmares are made of