KELCH JOKES

[Venture1]

What does Stevie Wonder's wife do after they've had an argument?

Rearranges the furniture.

[MAGIK INC GROUPIE]

Kelch would toss yall haters around like a rag doll!

Anybody who was ALLOWED to skate emb loves Kelch to
death cause they know that in order for them to be able
to do 1 noseslide without  getting clothes lined or having their
shot out board dissapear, that it was Kelch who accepted them.

He never abused that power and even let t-dogs like yourself
skate with the best. As Sam said, he ruled with an iron fist and
a heart of gold. Most of you hating are not familiar with either.

[eight oh eight]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee,

And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to checkout, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly  stated," You must be single."

 The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was  intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.  She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual  about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.



Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"



The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly"

lol, well done.

[bentmode]

i have plenty of sponsors. i skate all the time, unlike most of you dwellers. i come here to have fun. you shit talkers make my day. its like comedy central on here. and i will be in tampa for the am contest if any shit talkers wanna come down and have a face to face conversation! later bloods!

i see you are competing this year.

[Bruce Wayne]

Three black dudes die and go to heaven and arrive at the Golden Gates.
The gate keeper looks at them and tells to wait. The gate keeper goes to God and tells him there are three black fellas at the Golden Gates waiting to get in, God tells him we do not discriminate anyone so go let them in. The gate keeper leaves and comes back two minutes later and says, "They're gone!" God says, " The Black fellas?", the gate keeper says," No, the gates!"

[The Slap Poster Formerly Known As Shughe]

Three black dudes die and go to heaven and arrive at the Golden Gates.
The gate keeper looks at them and tells to wait. The gate keeper goes to God and tells him there are three black fellas at the Golden Gates waiting to get in, God tells him we do not discriminate anyone so go let them in. The gate keeper leaves and comes back two minutes later and says, "They're gone!" God says, " The Black fellas?", the gate keeper says," No, the gates!"

abd but nice. kelchs was better. much more originallity

[Bruce Wayne]

I think I was actually the one that posted it the first time, but I couldn't remember...I'll make up for it.

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says,
"What
EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give
you
the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left
testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my
name is
Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Whew, Thank God! I thought you
said, "Turn around"!

[Bruce Wayne]

A Wal-Mart manager was given the task of hiring an
individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he
found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the
four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine
which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT".
It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's
just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked the second man.

"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers, It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit in my pants.

Old Bubba is the new "Greeter" at the Hanford Walmart.

[tehmizzark]

I think I was actually the one that posted it the first time, but I couldn't remember...I'll make up for it.

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says,
"What
EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give
you
the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left
testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my
name is
Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Whew, Thank God! I thought you
said, "Turn around"!

lol

[eight oh eight]

hah, both of those, quite good.

[cup]

*spits out coffee*

[Mentos]

What's the worst thing your mother could ever say to you?


I could've swallowed you.

[peacepappies]

sanch shut up your a t-dog yourself.

[kelchmonster]

sanch a t-dog! you should be grounded child . you have no idea what your saying! and  i dont compete, i dont have to. the boxes will keep coming anyway!

[MAGIK INC GROUPIE]

sanch shut up your a t-dog yourself.

OVER THE NET I GUESS I'M ANYTHING YOU SAY I AM, RIGHT T-DOG?

WTF, YOU TALKING ABOUT?

[kelchmonster]

iand im 5-3 and 112 pounds!

[kelchmonster]

how did the pollack get first degree burns on his face?

bobbing for french fries!

[Sleazy]

this girl asked her dad to borrow the car and the dad thought about it for a minute and replied "if you suck my dick..."

the girl was shocked "dad, what the fuck are you talking about?"

dad: "I'm talking about what your going to do if you want to use the car, end of story."

girl: "your a sick fuck but fuck it, I need the car."

the girl starts blowing her dad and after a while stops and says "dad, your dick literally taste like shit, what the fuck?"

dad: "oh that's right, your brother's got the car tonight..."

[Sleazy]

Kelch would toss yall haters around like a rag doll!

Anybody who was ALLOWED to skate emb loves Kelch to
death cause they know that in order for them to be able
to do 1 noseslide without  getting clothes lined or having their
shot out board dissapear, that it was Kelch who accepted them.

He never abused that power and even let t-dogs like yourself
skate with the best. As Sam said, he ruled with an iron fist and
a heart of gold. Most of you hating are not familiar with either.

did you usually take your tounge out his ass before he regulated or would he let you finish up first?

[kev]

Did James Kelch own any property on EMB?  If not, who the fuck was he to say who could skate there and who couldn't?  That's some straight up jock mentality bullshit.

[MAGIK INC GROUPIE]

that's crew shit. you don't have to understand. You would still be subject to Embarco code of ethics. The only way you wouldn't be is if you bounced to another spot.

[uruquay]

i'm really dissapointed in you dorks.  hating on kelch?  you're like 15. shut the fuck up already.

[MAGIK INC GROUPIE]

These kids love their freedom to hate.... as long as it's behind a computer-lol

[kev]

I'd like to read this EMB code of ethics.

[MAGIK INC GROUPIE]

I'm sure you would.

[kev]

But then again, Kelch Monster couldn't be a power-tripping bully if people knew what "rules" they had to follow.

[MAGIK INC GROUPIE]

Code of Ethics(slap forums)

1. Snivel and whine about everything
2. Hate on everyone and everything
3. blah-blah-blah

[eight oh eight]

more vibing, less of this....

[MAGIK INC GROUPIE]

the Hello Kitty color scheme?

[isaac]

Expand Quote

Kelch would toss yall haters around like a rag doll!

Anybody who was ALLOWED to skate emb loves Kelch to
death cause they know that in order for them to be able
to do 1 noseslide without  getting clothes lined or having their
shot out board dissapear, that it was Kelch who accepted them.

He never abused that power and even let t-dogs like yourself
skate with the best. As Sam said, he ruled with an iron fist and
a heart of gold. Most of you hating are not familiar with either.

[close]

did you usually take your tounge out his ass before he regulated or would he let you finish up first?

you must not know that Sanchez and Kelch have been friends for a very long time. your comment was poorly thought out.