Awkward/Awful Roommate Stories

[Willie]

a gimp mask, leather vest, and Bart Simpson pajama pants.

This is the best.

[stone cold steve austin]

i lived with this chick who was just a dirt bitch.

Any way, me and my friend were getting drunk while she was at work and he said he is going to wank and cum on her pillows i was like yeah do it that's funny. So like half n hour later he says he's going to do a shit i didn't think much of it when he was done i could here him laughing and I'm like "what have you done?" and walks up to me with a jar of Vegemite ( She took this to work nearly everyday ) and there was just a fresh load of dead babies in there.  i was like that beyond fucked. he stirred it up with a knife so i couldn't see anything but Vegemite and put it back. the next day i saw her going to work with the jar in hand.

[castillo's curls]

i lived with this chick who was just a dirt bitch.

Any way, me and my friend were getting drunk while she was at work and he said he is going to wank and cum on her pillows i was like yeah do it that's funny. So like half n hour later he says he's going to do a shit i didn't think much of it when he was done i could here him laughing and I'm like "what have you done?" and walks up to me with a jar of Vegemite ( She took this to work nearly everyday ) and there was just a fresh load of dead babies in there.  i was like that beyond fucked. he stirred it up with a knife so i couldn't see anything but Vegemite and put it back. the next day i saw her going to work with the jar in hand.

Godammit, humanity sucks so bad. How could you ever justify doing something like that?

[LloydChristmas]

was the only guy in a house full of girls.  one of them, a korean girl, was a complete slob - she had a little dog that she let piss and shit on pee pads in her room, which she would proceed to throw in the kitchen trash making the whole apartment smell.  having just one bathroom, the girls were always bashful about pooping in my presence, so i could sometimes tell they were waiting for me to leave.  why are people so weird about pooping?  

[Flume]

I found kiddy porn on my ex roommates computer one time while he was at work. A whole hard drive dedicated to that shit. It made me sick to my stomach when I finally realized what it was. I ended bailing at the end of the month and haven't seen this dude for over a decade now. Everything about this dude's personality started to make sense after that whole episode. I've been on the solo tip ever since.

wtf

[Made In China]

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a gimp mask, leather vest, and Bart Simpson pajama pants.

[close]

This is the best.

This dude wins the thread. So far at least.

[Soggy]

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I found kiddy porn on my ex roommates computer one time while he was at work. A whole hard drive dedicated to that shit. It made me sick to my stomach when I finally realized what it was. I ended bailing at the end of the month and haven't seen this dude for over a decade now. Everything about this dude's personality started to make sense after that whole episode. I've been on the solo tip ever since.

[close]

wtf

what's kiddy porn?

[ROCKxADIO420]

stiletto kiddy porn

[smokecrack]

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I found kiddy porn on my ex roommates computer one time while he was at work. A whole hard drive dedicated to that shit. It made me sick to my stomach when I finally realized what it was. I ended bailing at the end of the month and haven't seen this dude for over a decade now. Everything about this dude's personality started to make sense after that whole episode. I've been on the solo tip ever since.

[close]

wtf

[close]

what's kiddy porn?

just google it brodie

[Soggy]

just a bunch of naked kids fucking

legal in my country

[ciaran]

I rented a room from a woman in her 40s when I first moved out to CA who had a shrine to her (former) self in the garage. Photos of her past modeling career framed on the wall with candles and potpourri and incense beneath it all. I'd met with this certifiably insane lady the day before I met this one while searching for apartments so by comparison, this woman seemed fairly even keel. She was unemployed the whole time I lived with her. She did have this pseudo boyfriend who she would insult viciously whenever we had company and she'd inevitably be shithoused. I think she called him the Gargoyle, but definitely called him ugly and stupid to his face while people were over. BUT, she would fuck him, and then the next day he'd have left money (not a lot) for her, and cleaned our apartment. She also had this habit of sipping tequila out of shot glasses and day drinking Cahuenga beer. I worked 9-5 so by the time I was home she was usually pretty drunk. Sometimes a bit too friendly, but usually it wasn't a big deal as I'd just go to my room and ignore her. When she was really drunk she'd want an audience so wouldn't take the hint that I was in my room, so she'd barge in and punish me with inane conversation that I've since blacked out. When I needed a break, I'd walk to the bar a few blocks from our house. On one fateful instance, I was sitting at the outside portion, which had an extra tall granite slab as the bar. I was having a beer and watching a hockey game when I heard her, blocks away, chattering to herself in messy pursuit of someone to talk to. Minutes later she was at the bar in a sundress, hammered of course, and berating me for leaving her alone. She then blamed me for her sandal breaking on the way over, lifted her leg onto the bar which revealed her hairy aborted babyhead of a vagina to me, the bartender, and anyone unfortunate enough to be looking our way. Shit looked like a shower drain jammed between two potato buns.

I moved out shortly after, but before doing so, one night we were each in our own rooms sleeping or attempting to when I started hearing this muffled screaming and grunting. It wasn't just sex grunts and the shit you'd hear by the nature of properties being stacked up on one another, this shit sounded violent and potentially non consensual. We both came out of our rooms at the same time and were like, dude, what the fuck? Wasn't her. Wasn't me, so we figured out it was our downstairs neighbor. We both went downstairs to knock on the door to see what was up and kind of check to make sure no one was getting raped or something. Mind you this is at like 1:30-2ish on a weekday. We knock on the door and no one answers for a minute. Then the grunting stops and a minute later, the door opens revealing a dude in a gimp mask, leather vest, and Bart Simpson pajama pants. I lose my shit and head upstairs. My roommate, taken aback, asked if things were okay down there. The dude in the mask was super apologetic and said that they'd keep it down and that he could have his partner come to the door if we wanted to make sure everything was... not rapey. She declined and came upstairs white as a sheet, which was quite a feat considering she was very dark skinned Italian.

christ almighty, this is gold.

[Kolostrum]

i lived with this chick who was just a dirt bitch.

Any way, me and my friend were getting drunk while she was at work and he said he is going to wank and cum on her pillows i was like yeah do it that's funny. So like half n hour later he says he's going to do a shit i didn't think much of it when he was done i could here him laughing and I'm like "what have you done?" and walks up to me with a jar of Vegemite ( She took this to work nearly everyday ) and there was just a fresh load of dead babies in there.  i was like that beyond fucked. he stirred it up with a knife so i couldn't see anything but Vegemite and put it back. the next day i saw her going to work with the jar in hand.

I hope Karma fucks your buddy's asshole inside out.

[EXTRA SPICY]

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i lived with this chick who was just a dirt bitch.

Any way, me and my friend were getting drunk while she was at work and he said he is going to wank and cum on her pillows i was like yeah do it that's funny. So like half n hour later he says he's going to do a shit i didn't think much of it when he was done i could here him laughing and I'm like "what have you done?" and walks up to me with a jar of Vegemite ( She took this to work nearly everyday ) and there was just a fresh load of dead babies in there.  i was like that beyond fucked. he stirred it up with a knife so i couldn't see anything but Vegemite and put it back. the next day i saw her going to work with the jar in hand.

[close]

I hope Karma fucks your buddy's asshole inside out.

The little bit I know about anal sex is that it actually occurs outside and then goes in.

[Kolostrum]

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i lived with this chick who was just a dirt bitch.

Any way, me and my friend were getting drunk while she was at work and he said he is going to wank and cum on her pillows i was like yeah do it that's funny. So like half n hour later he says he's going to do a shit i didn't think much of it when he was done i could here him laughing and I'm like "what have you done?" and walks up to me with a jar of Vegemite ( She took this to work nearly everyday ) and there was just a fresh load of dead babies in there.  i was like that beyond fucked. he stirred it up with a knife so i couldn't see anything but Vegemite and put it back. the next day i saw her going to work with the jar in hand.

[close]

I hope Karma fucks your buddy's asshole inside out.

[close]

The little bit I know about anal sex is that it actually occurs outside and then goes in.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectal_prolapse

[Noble Experiment]

I've posted these same stories before in a thread about roommates a year or so back, but I figured id post them again anyways just for the hell of it. Not really too "awkward" or "awful", but still somewhat entertaining nonetheless.

Around Spring of 2011 I lived with my buddy Tim for a bit at his apartment. Tim was a friend of mine that I've known for a long time and who I'd been skating with since we were in high school. The dude was one of the messiest guys ever. He had two cats and never really cleaned after them, so his whole place had sort of a hint of cat piss smell to it. There was dirty clothes everywhere, weird stains on the carpet, wrappers and other assorted garbage all over the floor, half eaten pizzas and empty beer bottles just lying around on the ground all the time, and the bed I crashed on had old spilt clam chowder all over it. After getting over how initially gross it was, you kinda get used to living grimey. We had a routine which we kept for the longest time: Wake up, smoke a cigarette or two outside on the steps and just shoot the shit for an hour or so, hit the skate park and skate, come home and eat, play Mortal Kombat 3 til 3 or 4 in the morning with punk rock blasting in the background, then pass out and do it again.
He lived in a pretty shitty neighborhood too, and our downstairs neighbor (who was this big sketchy ass dude who I'm pretty sure was a drug dealer) threatened to kill me one time because I accidentally woke him up from a nap while I was walking up the steps. Good times.

Then, around late 2012/early 2013 I stayed with my buddy Lee for a bit. Lee was also a friend of mine that I knew from back in high school. It was pretty weird living there. He had a two room apartment which he shared with his sister who is a stripper, her boyfriend, their three kids, and her boyfriends mom. I usually crashed on the couch in the living room, along with the boyfriend's mom, who was probably the laziest woman I've ever met. She just slept all day and pretty much only got up off of the couch to use the restroom. Lee's sister would always bring over her stripper friends to party and hang out, so that was pretty cool. It's always pretty interesting to have scantily clad women around all the time, getting fucked up on booze and drugs all night, doing/saying stupid shit, it was pretty entertaining. Her and her boyfriend also knew some sketchy ass people that they would bring over all the time. They had a friend who had recently gotten out of prison after being locked up for 15 years for several armed robbery charges and drug possession charges. Whenever he was over he would tell me about how how he was in a prison gang, and that he would often be forced into fights even though he didn't want to fight, and how he had shanked close to fifty people while in prison. Why was this guy there all the time you ask? He was the guy that Lee's sister and her boyfriend had to watch their kids while they were out. An ex con watching kids; it was like something out of a sitcom. but it turns out he was a pretty cool dude. Those kids were always loud and rowdy, and he actually did a great job watching over them.
I rarely got to see Lee because he had such a hectic work schedule, but whenever I did see him he was always strung out on methadone (he's a former heroin addict who was just coming out of it at the time, so he was put on methadone) and he would just spend the whole night playing Batman: Arkham City. Every night it was the same for him, get home from work and play Arkham City til the wee hours. Me and him used to have the wildest adventures together, so it was kind of a bummer to see how much he has calmed down since then.
My daily routine there was usually: wake up, get food, job hunt all day, come home and kick it with everyone, then sit on the couch and watch Lee play Arkham City all night until I get tired and decide to go to sleep.
It was pretty shitty living, but I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. Had such weird and awesome times while I lived there.

[tag_king]

I had this very beautiful and  charming female roommate once. She had this amazing house with cheap rent, so I went for it. For the first while it was great, but then she got these 2 persian cats and it kinda went downhill from there. There was hair everywhere, one would piss in the shower daily, their litter box would fill up, and I would go as long as I could not cleaning it out of principal, but I usually caved because the smell was so rancid.

I had some friends that dated her, and had heard that she could be kind of crazy (daddy issues, mom passed away, super smart scientist but to the point of fault) and I slowly found out she was. Manipulative, had all these guys sending her shit, trying to buy her love. She had plane tickets bought for her, a mac book, so much shit. I didn't get to see the full extent of it until she dated this Scandinavian. They would fight a lot and he would stay there for months on end while visiting. One night I wake up to all this screaming. My room was across from hers on the top floor. There was a landing and stairs heading the second level. I come out of my room and her boyfriend is screaming and crying at the top of the stairs. I look down to the landing and my roommate is laying there, no underwear, with her neck jammed into the corner of the wall, eyes open, not moving. He's yelling at me 'SHE JUMPED! SHE FUCKING JUMPED!' and I am groggy, drunk and freaked the fuck out. I go down to her and start talking to her and shes not responding, just starring forward, breathing all fucked up. I go back to her boyfriend and tell him we need to call an ambulance. I tell her '_____, we are going to call the ambulance now, ok?'. I finish my call, hang up, and a split second afterward, she gets up and tells me that I should call back and tell them that she's ok. She thens proceed to tell me, 'Oh don't worry, he didn't push me. It's fine.' which I never asked, or thought ever. I stayed up until like 6 in the morning, the guy was leaving and planning on going back to Copenhagen as soon as possible, the ambulance came and inspected her, and I went back to bed. Saw them together the next day and didn't get an apology or ever acknowledgement of the night before. Luckily I was already on my way out after she promised me a room change after our other roommate left and pulled it away from me, pulling rank, a day before I was moving my stuff in.

[Candygirl]

So I was living together with this couple. Everything went fine until he bcheated on her and she moved out.
The Apartement has 3 rooms, of which one is a living room.
Of course the two of us couldn't pay the rent alone, especially with the high rents in CPH.

We build a wall made of shelfs and split the living room in half. It looks pretty cosy with curtains and stuff.
The person who would live there would not have 100% privacy.
We had many people to chose between until my roommate (apartement on his name) got this "friend" in.

So the guy does seriously nothing. He has a rich dad who gives him a lot of money each month. He sleeps until midday,
smokes joints and doesn't clean up at all. In the evening he usually smokes even more weed until he passes out next to
his noisy electronic music.
He lies next to it and sleeps, while I am in my room and can't sleep (earplugs won't do it). At some point he grew himself some stuff
in the window. Everything was smelling and he had his bonghead-homies around all the time.
In the weekends he left friday evening and got back sunday around midday, then slept until monday evening.
This wasn't good for my studies at all.


I started going over every time I was annoyed(which was pretty much all the time). I told them to shut up and leave.
He stopped inviting people over, stopped listening to loud music and it seems like he stopped to smoke so much weed.
The guy still does nothing, literally! How can you live like that in your mid-twenties?!
The apertement looks like a mess, since I didn't clean their shit up. God bless I am moving out soon.

Edit:
I found out that his mother killed herself with pills 8 years ago. This explains a lot. But still, how can you live like that?
Wouldn't someone in this position want to keep themselves busy?

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

My last roommatee was a guy I met on craigslist when I moved to LA. He got 5150'd twice. One time I was there, and the entire apartment complex saw him get dragged out by police kicking and screaming. That was really awkward/awful. I don't do roommates anymore.

[lickcakes]

I'm not sure if this is the best or worst thing I could read, being that I'll probably have to find a roommate within a couple weeks.

I haven't had anything that bad, but I did have an idiot butt roommate that had entitlement and ego issues, and I couldn't stand him, enough to where I hated his eyes, his prominent orbicularis oris, and his dumb hair. He made me hate the products he used, the food he ate, and anything that I associated with him. I wish he never existed. I had no problem making fun of his inability to find a girl willing to spend time with him.

Oh yeah, the last roommate I had only lasted a 2 months... he WAS awesome, but he was so damn negative and depressing that it heavily affected my performance in my grad program, and I was never really happy. So I had to break up with him, and he moved back to Texas (from Oregon) the next day.

[Candygirl]

I'm not sure if this is the best or worst thing I could read, being that I'll probably have to find a roommate within a couple weeks.

I haven't had anything that bad, but I did have an idiot butt roommate that had entitlement and ego issues, and I couldn't stand him, enough to where I hated his eyes, his prominent orbicularis oris, and his dumb hair. He made me hate the products he used, the food he ate, and anything that I associated with him. I wish he never existed. I had no problem making fun of his inability to find a girl willing to spend time with him.

Oh yeah, the last roommate I had only lasted a 2 months... he WAS awesome, but he was so damn negative and depressing that it heavily affected my performance in my grad program, and I was never really happy. So I had to break up with him, and he moved back to Texas (from Oregon) the next day.

Man, I feel you.
My first roommate was like that. He was a friend and skatebuddy until we moved in together.
I threw him out. We still skate every now and then(not on purpose), but only when other people are around.
Haven't talked to him since.

[posguy]

surely someone has a new story. anyone?

[Tufty]

 Not my story, but its a funny one. I had a very good friend at university that desperately wanted to find a roomate to split the costs. After having all his friends taken he decided to be roomates with a weirdo that used  to hang out with us. The weirdo became friend with us after a while. People would ask us  if the weirdo was gay and it didnt cross our minds. Eventually one day, after one year of roomating, he told to my friend that he was gay and told him that he was tired of hiding that and that he was a virgin and stuff. My friend was kindna freaked out but then again he felt sorry for him. After a few days the gay guy begged him to let him suck his dick. My friend freaked out and told him that he is not gay. Then things became awkward and the gay guy was kind of depressed. My friend wanted to move away but he was broke and he didnt want to make the gay guy feel shit. Eventually the gay guy found a boyfriend and everything worked out. We used to joke and tell him that they have enema in the bathtub by unskrewing the shower thingy and shoving it in their ass. We told him that he should mark the shower thingy with a marker to see if it gets unskrewed. He was thinking it for months.

[Willie]

A couple of my friends were splitting a house together and one of their roommates bailed. They put out an ad on Craigslist and got this women in her fifties who looked kinda like Mama Fratelli.

Her sole source of income was supposedly "slip and fall" lawsuits but she never missed rent. I guess it worked out ok for them, she was relatively unobtrusive and stayed in her room most of the time. Still, it was always weird to be over there, drinking, partying and being loud and then have this older woman wordlessly pad by to get something from the kitchen.

[Sleazy]

i saw enough situtations like those in this thread to know better. never had a roommate after i got out of my shitbag, pile phase.

[coneklr]

I have a bunch of shit I could post both amazing/awkward and awful but I'll just give you one awful one from my early years before I decided I'd never live with room mates again ( other than a gf that is )

So, to preface this, my friend had to serve time for a really poor decision he made to impress a girl and I decided to be a good friend and pick him up and let him move in my apt with my roommates for a while as it was away from the town he was in and I knew he'd get into more shit there.  ( I did ok this with my roommates first )

So I had the largest room in the apt and created a shitty wall to separate the room into two.  ( I also had a gf who stayed over sometimes, to which he walked in on her riding me but that's another story haha )

Anyway, One day I come home and the main door to the room was shut and I was like fuck that, we separated that shit so it wasn't necessary to do that.  So I walk in ...

I walk in to a chick on her back with him fucking her and some dude ( who was supposedly gay ) getting head from her hanging off the end of the futon upside down head, while another chick was sitting in a chair watching it all happen ( for some reason I thought this was the weirdest part).  I hear, is that all you got mumbled from the girl as she takes a breath, notice they are fucking on my expensive sleeping bag and then turn around and walk out just thinking wtf did I just see!

Anyway, later on he and I run into each other and I was like wtf man, you took my sleeping bag!  To which he replied he'd wash it.  I made him buy me a new one instead, it sucks though, I loved that sleeping bag.

[n0torious]

I went a long time without roommates post-college. Lived with a girlfriend for a year, but that's another story. When I came out to DC, I suddenly had to get used to the idea. The rent is crazy expensive, and while I was broke I couldn't justify draining what little money I had every month. So I had two roommates in succession that were particularly bad, both in the same place.

The first guy was a Mormon and had serious issues. He was at least partially developmentally disabled, and he grew up in a restrictive culture and bad household. It was like living with a giant child. He had good intentions but struggled in social situations: couldn't read cues but would keep going full steam ahead. He had a really weird relationship with his dog. I love animals, and at first it seemed like fun to have a golden retriever around the house. But he'd warped the dog to an incredible degree. It would have panic attacks when he got home from school and would just wind it up more and more. Then he'd have extended conversations with his dog in front of me. I saved two choice quotes:

You want me to touch your balls, huh? I won't do it.

and

I wish I was asexual like you. [Pause] You don't have to worry about relationships with women.

He was 35 and unmarried which is very unusual for Mormons. Most have paired off by age 22. He eventually started seeing a woman from Utah long distance. I've never met anyone who was more obviously a lesbian in my life. Her uniform was a camper hat, a yellow polo, plaid capris, and Tevas. They got married and he moved out of the house. I hear they have two kids already.

I'll write about his successor later.

[LesbianPUNCH]

I'll try and keep these short and sweet.

I lived with a guy who moved into town from Seattle. He moved to tulsa to get away from a troubled past and start fresh, he was enrolled in spartan school of aeronautics, seemed to have his shit together. He also killed it on a skateboard, and we clicked as homies pretty much instantly. Things were good for a few months until he just decided not to go to work one day. A few weeks later he's got pounds of weed coming in from Seattle in coffee cans, and now random fools are knocking on my door at all hours of the night for a gram. We had people break into our apartment a few times and steal his supply, games, movies. The worst part was when he started embracing the lifestyle. He'd go buy some pimped out car, his clothing choices and music, his persona, became some cheesy Mac Dre persona. He decided to move out one day. His pimped out car got pulled over in Utah and got confiscated along with about $25,000 cash. I do miss coming home to personal blunts though.

Eh, this isn't even the bad roommate. More later.

[posguy]

I'll try and keep these short and sweet.

I lived with a guy who moved into town from Seattle. He moved to tulsa to get away from a troubled past and start fresh, he was enrolled in spartan school of aeronautics, seemed to have his shit together. He also killed it on a skateboard, and we clicked as homies pretty much instantly. Things were good for a few months until he just decided not to go to work one day. A few weeks later he's got pounds of weed coming in from Seattle in coffee cans, and now random fools are knocking on my door at all hours of the night for a gram. We had people break into our apartment a few times and steal his supply, games, movies. The worst part was when he started embracing the lifestyle. He'd go buy some pimped out car, his clothing choices and music, his persona, became some cheesy Mac Dre persona. He decided to move out one day. His pimped out car got pulled over in Utah and got confiscated along with about $25,000 cash. I do miss coming home to personal blunts though.

Eh, this isn't even the bad roommate. More later.

Sounds like a fun roommate to be honest. Hopefully none of your stuff was ever stolen by accident. The cheesy Mac Dre attire can't be helped, especially when he's "weed kingpin" of Tulsa.

[LesbianPUNCH]

He was a cool ass dude and I had some amazing times living with him. It just got sketchy after a while. Dudes knocking on the door at 3 am asking me for pills and shit. Eventually people started blowing up my phone if my roommate didn't answer.  It just wasn't what I signed up for, and truthfully I'm not a huge fan of the whole stoner thing. My friends would come over and bum weed every day, get high, and then sit in awkward silence all afternoon doing nothing. It's cool once in a while, but these fools were using us.

One of my last roommates stole a ferret from Pet smart, decided he hated it, and then started crashing at his girlfriends place when his room started reeking of ferret shit. As a result, I ended up having to feed the ferret and clean it's cage every day. Eventually I got attached to her, and that's precisely when he decided to show up and give the ferret away without telling me.  This is probably my worst roommate to date. We had a small one bedroom place, and I would sleep in the second little living room on a futon, which was connected to the main rooms and acted as a social room during the day. It was right on the river, awesome location, and it would have been a perfect place for two people. A few weeks after moving in, I take a trip to Boston, and when I return I find out he is letting 3 other dudes crash for a while. A while turned into half a year. I couldn't get out of there without having someone else sign onto the lease, and none of the freeloaders would. I'd come home to full blown parties where my shit would get fucked up. I came home from work one night and there's some dude fucking a girl in my bed. Worst living situation ever. And of course my friend was a slob. The kind of guy who cooks spaghettios (yes, really) in a pan, walks over to the couch and eats out of the pan, and then leaves it on the coffee table for weeks.

Man, I'm just bitching now.

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

Nah dude, that's fucking awful. I hope you at least get joy in venting it now that its done.
Did you ever ask the stoner freeloaders if they were ever gonna buy a bag?
I feel like in skate culture, many parts of your story are too common. Skate houses aren't 100% glamor kids!