Awkward/Awful Roommate Stories

[paraquat]

I lived with seven of my friends after high school in a party skate house. Our land lord was a crackhead who would pimp his wife out and forget we gave him rent money.

When you are living with that many people, alliances start to form to maintain order. My alliance was with my buddy who shared a bedroom with me. We would keep an eye out for each other's stuff and would leave each other alone with girls. One time I woke up from a stupor to a chick riding his face pretty hard. I tried to fall back asleep, yeah right. Anyway she dips and I was like "nice dude" and he turns on the light and has hot wings all over his face like a messy clown. We laughed and smoked bubblers for awhile after.

We had a dude named Cyrus live on our couch and slang E all day. He honestly slept 18 hours a day on this shitty couch. Everytime chicks came through he would take his shirt off and try to sell them E.

One by one people started moving out.. And our land lord became more and more cracked out. These 2 pimps moved in to his house and would tag team his wife in the bedroom directly across from my friends room. Still can't un see that. Landlord never paid the water bill so the health dept tried to evict us. We ended up destroying the interior of the house.

Ahhhh good times.

[n0torious]

Raw! I don't have stories that scandalous. Lived vicariously through a couple dirt houses occupied by friends but nothing on that level.

The successor to the Mormon was what finally got me out of the house. I was studying for a professional certification exam and had no time to pick applicants, so I was stuck. He was a computer programmer and part robot. I probably said 100 words to him in the month we lived together. He'd work on computers all day, come home, and sit in his room on his computer. His food was the worst part. He microwaved tuna fish from the can, and I didn't think there could be anything worse. Then he unveiled his signature dish. Once a week, he'd put frozen chicken breasts, egg whites from a carton, and water into a crock pot, leaving it on over night. The result was this gray and white mash...one of the most awful things I've ever smelled. He'd split it into several portions, cover it with Sweet Baby Ray's bbq sauce, and those were his lunches for the week.

Things have been great since then, thankfully.

[weedpop]

Skate houses aren't 100% glamor kids!

100%? I think even 50% would be asking a bit much.

Once a week, he'd put frozen chicken breasts, egg whites from a carton, and water into a crock pot, leaving it on over night. The result was this gray and white mash...one of the most awful things I've ever smelled. He'd split it into several portions, cover it with Sweet Baby Ray's bbq sauce, and those were his lunches for the week.

Things have been great since then, thankfully.

Closest I have ever come to barfing from a SLAP post. Fuck man, that's just inhuman.

[Rusty_Berrings]

wow that dish does sound terrible. eggs and chicken are pretty hard to mess up, but i guess easy if you just throw em into a crock pot. damnit.

[Rasmus]

not too awkward - but I just found out that my roomie's latest date sound like an owl when they have sex... it's pretty confusing to listen to.

[abudabi]

this is very tame because i am young and have only lived in a few places:

where i am now, the lock on the door to our shared bathroom is pretty terrible to use, so i always leave the door unlocked.

i was taking a shit one day a couple months ago and my roommate opens the door, thinking im not in there.
no big deal, he says sorry, shuts the door, i go on shitting.

that night around 2ish im shitting again.
my roommate has a chick over. they are playing music loud (probably banging or whatever), so she doesnt hear me walk to the bathroom.
all of the sudden i hear her run out of his room super quickly to the bathroom. she opens the door, looks me in the eye, looks down towards where my dong is dangling above the water, then looks me in the eyes again. after a couple more seconds of this, she literally runs back to my roommate's room.

all of this without saying a word. very strange.

[lampshade]

Directly post college I lived with two dudes who were seriously womanizing sociopaths.  It was actually fun to watch, but I was in a relationship with my (now) wife at the time.  One dude was a legit male model and the other was a 6'3" ripped up ex college swimmer.  Basically a good situation if you are early 20's looking to hook up.  They would just go to college bars 4-5 nights a week and bring girls home.

One day I was at work and they didn't realize my girlfriend/(now) wife was sleeping in my bed.  All the bedrooms were upstairs.  She told me they just had a loud conversation for like 20 minutes about "bitches", "anal", giving facials, etc.  in the hall outside my room.  She just walked out and it got awkward.  

Pretty funny in hindsight.

[DJ]

all of the sudden i hear her run out of his room super quickly to the bathroom. she opens the door, looks me in the eye, looks down towards where my dong is dangling above the water, then looks me in the eyes again. after a couple more seconds of this, she literally runs back to my roommate's room.

all of this without saying a word. very strange.

umm, I think she needed to spit something out

[lampshade]

One of my roommates had an epic hook up system.  He was what women would refer to as handsome, but had no money at all.  We lived a 10 minute walk from a very popular going out/bar neighborhood.  Last call is 2:00am.  He would sit at home, smoke and drink cheap beer until about 1:15, then just walk over and holler at girls coming out of the bars, acting as if he had been in there all night.  It worked an amazing amount of the time.  His goal was to leave the house and return with said bar girl within one hour. 

[Molte]

In high school I lived with a guy who was on his last year while I was on my second. (I don't know how american high school system works, but we spend three years.)

Now well, both of us used to live in a dormitory before we got our apartment. For a party at the school, my room mate invited a guy called Stefan who had finished high school the year before, to come and stay a our place for the weekend. Stefan brought his queers fuckaroundbuddy, both with solid marked cheek bones and lots of powder and foundation in their faces. I weren't really that much around for that weekend, so them staying there was alright with me, but little did I know that my room mate allowed them to sleep and fuck in my bed. He didn't wash my bed sheets and he didn't tell me until half a year later.. douche, douche, douche..

I still love him though.

[Jim and Dan]

Was desperate for a room at school one year so I answered a Craig's List ad . . .

It turned out to be 50 + y/o homosexual man, his partner of the same age with a serious neurological impairment, a PTSD ridden 30 something y/o guy who had served in the US Army during the Bosnian civil wars, & a myriad of homeless/transient people.

Needless to say I took that room in a moment!

The landlord & his partner would drink a fucking handle of Seagrams 7 & fight all night, screaming about infidelities & such.

The PTSD dude would stay in his room all day, take gravity bongs out of the garbage can & ask me to download conspiracy laden rap music.

Went to Texas for Spring Break that year, returned home to my landlord pestering me about the possibility of gay altercations I may have had with my van mates over those couple of weeks . . .

Needless to say I was not too psyched on him hitting on me so I kind of distanced myself from them . . .

Missed rent by one day, he got drunk & tried to evict me & then quickly changed his mind; but the damage had already been done . . .

The PTSD guy ended up stealing a good amount of 19th century ornate silver serving dishes from the landlord & selling them for scrap . . .

Ironically, a kid I knew answered the same ad about a year later & told me how Peter would watch gay porn really loud at night & still get fucking rip roarin' drunk!

[Random Matt]

^
Is this house in Bristol, PA?  I had a co-worker that lived in a similar place.

[KoRnholio8]

this is pretty vanilla compared to the other stories, but my last roomate though it is perfectly normal to wash dishes once a week (not a big kitchen and limited kitchenware) and would cook in big batches - i.e. leave the cooked chicken at room temperature for a whole week etc. He made the decision to move in my own apt so much easier

[spool of cord]

College - Roomed with 2 Koreans who would microwave raw pork. That was the worst smell ever.

I had to dorm with the college basketball team's point guard. Ghetto beyond belief. He ended up harboring his cousin from Syracuse on our couch for six months who turned out to be on the run from a shooting homicide. Dude was alright, but he had no money and stole everything he could get his hands on. I had to get outta there.


Those weren't too bad. For four years I rented a out a five bedroom house on 18 acres and the rent remained 1k/month regardless of how many people were living there. One of the original roommates had a terrier puppy who he'd leave locked in his room all day. The guy never had time to train or socialize the dog ... and half the time didn't have money to buy her dry food. His room was carpeted and she ended up eating a solid quarter of the carpet because she was trapped in there all day and starving.

The dude would pick other roommate's locks and then destroy their food stash. He'd get drunk and call our landlord's wife and say shit like 'you're so fucking hot can I come over?' and 'I'm taking a piss right now ...I just realized my dick is Huge!'. This same guy ended up harboring these two chicks who were on the run for a series of house burglaries. Straight skanks and he'd come home get drunk and then leave his bedroom door open while he fucked both of them for hours. Kinda boss, but extremely disrespectful and obnoxiously unnecessary.

A few months later a guy came to live there who had just gotten out of a 6 month sleep-away heroin rehab. I was super skeptical but it was the winter, we were desperate, he had a job lined up and everyone else convinced me six months was a long enough time to get clean for good. Things were fine for awhile. Then, he started to call out of work and spend days at a time in his room. He'd come out to microwave something, piss, then go right back in. I realized the guy was never shitting (constipation is a side affect of dope) and it didn't take long for his new girlfriend to get curious as well. She ended up searching his room and opened up an eyeglass case to find 30+ needles stashed in there. He got confronted, and friends and roommates decided to pull some back-woods intervention shit on him.
When he caught wind of that, he waited until I was the only one in the house besides him, and confronted me blitzed out of his mind with a song-journal...he started trying to sing a suicide note/ song to me that he had written years before. It was pretty shocking. He stumbled out of my room and came back with a prescription bottle full of pills and downed them in front of my face then sat down in a chair and started crying.

So I had to call 911 and report an overdose in my home. While he was in the hospital, we cleaned his room out, found dozens of dirty dishes, mold everywhere, and towards the end we accumulated close to 60 needles. He's alive and apparently doing well for himself now. But that was the fucking worst. And on top of it all, I was selling bud for a living and he was very well-aware that doing what he did would bring cops to the house for a subsequent search and interviews. I was able to get everything out of there before that happened, luckily.

Moral of the story - live on your own or with your girl!

[abudabi]

Expand Quote

all of the sudden i hear her run out of his room super quickly to the bathroom. she opens the door, looks me in the eye, looks down towards where my dong is dangling above the water, then looks me in the eyes again. after a couple more seconds of this, she literally runs back to my roommate's room.

all of this without saying a word. very strange.

[close]

umm, I think she needed to spit something out

ha, i thought about that before. maybe.

[matty_c]

I live in a house with a few other people now and we got this chick in to rent spare room. 100% got weird vibes off her but you never know about people honestly I just assumed she was out of a relationship and on her arse or something, it happens

Sorta fell through the cracks I think nobody was keen on her moving here but we didn’t really discuss it and then she moved in

Anyway she lasted maybe six hours hahaha, late last night she’s got the tv cranked and Jimmy the chippie that lives downstairs has come up and asked her to turn it down, I didn’t catch all that was said but what I did see was her losing her fucking shit at him like proper screaming it was like when they wet those things that turn into gremlins

I forget cause I was drinking but she said something like fuck you I’m just trying to watch my rod Stewart so I kinda involved myself and said nah that’s bullshit I get up mad early most days too, just get some headphones or turn it down a bit please

Dunno bout you people but rod Stewart interviews and even a whole documentary about his concert, you gotta shut that sort of stuff down immediately hey, nip it in the bud sort of thing

I think it was on a tape or a dvd and I knew there and then I was gonna focus that tape the second I had the opportunity

Anyway she fucks off into her room and around 2am I am sitting up playing tien len with some other housemates and she comes out of her room with something in her hand, I didn’t really see but I thought it might have been a glassy anyway she goes into the bog and doesn’t shut the door I can see a lighter going. I just call out hey you’re not smoking ice in there, are you?

Anyway she yells out nah I’m smoking ‘hack’ and tells me to get fucked - we’re looking at each other all man what’s ‘hack’ nobody knew

And she comes out and she’s got just the hose and conepiece out of a bong and she’s clearly smoking resin through it. Like the black stuff that accumulates in a bong, yeah?

She’s just got the other end of the hose in her mouth and smoking just like that.  Reminded me of a fucked up cartoon person or something hey. I never saw someone do that before

Man it was fucking disgusting I mean we were all up smoking too, but not like that man, not like that
She’s gone now

[Owen]

I just call out hey you’re not smoking ice in there, are you?

Anyway she yells out nah I’m smoking ‘hack’ and tells me to get fucked - we’re looking at each other all man what’s ‘hack’ nobody knew

And she comes out and she’s got just the hose and conepiece out of a bong and she’s clearly smoking resin through it. Like the black stuff that accumulates in a bong, yeah?

She’s just got the other end of the hose in her mouth and smoking just like that.  Reminded me of a fucked up cartoon person or something hey. I never saw someone do that before

Fark that's heavy. Maybe tell her to get an electric grinder. Always plenty of resin crystals to scrape from there if you're out of bud.

In saying that, I've definitely smoked what I now know to be called 'hack' before, but not straight from the bong stem 

[ugh_whut]

Oh my, this is quite the thread. Got a few stories, nothing that can't be laughed at though...

-I was in my early 20's and living with 2 friends. One had a job shellfishing and the other was unemployed (still is) well the unemployed one would sleep all day, wake up around 4 and go from there. Had a terrible habit of drinking a ton, and cooking what I would say, were elaborate meals (chicken cacciatore was a fav) given the level of inebriation and how late this would be (10-11pm). I'd find tomato sauce on the ceiling from him tossing this stuff in the pan. What also added to this, was the kitchen and living room were really one big room, with carpet up to the linoleum. As you could expect, he would rarely do dishes and rarely finish these meals, leaving what was unfinished out. I'm like a strange house cat, eat mostly dry food, don't really cook, eat at work for the majority, so this didn't bother me as much as it should have at the time. Well one day, I was up at 4:30, getting ready to ride to work with a bong rip, and I hear something moving from the stove area. I go to check it out, and whatever he had made, had turned to a pyrex baking tray full of maggots. I think I sent a text when I went to work.

-Was living in PDX, in an apartment I found through my gf at the time, as she was in school out there and I threw caution to the wind and moved out there. The roommates were 2 students at Reed College and they were bright dudes in lotsa ways, but not so much in others. I was a bit older than these dudes, working and going to community college for whatever while they helped run a nuclear reactor or something. Moving on, the school they attended had/has some long time drug culture, "honor code" policy so you can go pretty wild, if you don't blow yourself up or whatever. One of the roommates was ordering coke off the dark web, shipping it to the apartment under a misspelled name of the other roommate and then doing it when he wasn't working on complicated problem sets. At the end of the year, Reed always put on some sort of "ball" always with a different theme. This year was "trap ball" so they decided to turn their dark web coke into crack, they just had to use the one pan I would cook with. These dudes probably all work at google now, or are burnt out.

I currently live in a "Hey Arnold" sorta boarding house of sorts and its great...

[silhouette]

Not my story but my friend and his wife had to rearrange their former flatmate's room once after the guy had moved out, and under the bed they found hundreds of what turned out to be cum tissues rolled into a ball.

[Urtripping]

My roommates when I first moved to California were a group of girls that were really into making an event out of the little things, which is totally not me. Once, they took it too far when we saw a feral looking cat cross the street in front of us. Girl #1 stops the car and demand we do something to rescue it, which was fine but a bit of an inconvenience. Girl #2 and #3 agree.

The rescue plan they ended up devising, however, was that the cat was now ours. I was the odd man out, the other three voted to keep it. Didn't even bother to try to find out if it belonged to someone.

Now, I like cats... but there was a reason this cat was without an owner. It was hyper aggressive and would nip/claw at your ankles as you went by, but in their eyes it could do no wrong. That was, however, until the day it got fleas. It is expensive to fight a flea infestation for a cat your landlord doesn't know you have, and we were living on Americorps volunteer budgets, so the war raged on for two months. When we thought we had finally gotten rid of them after home remedies and over the counter bug bombs, they'd come back with a vengeance.


Now, it's June and our volunteer service year was up, so these girls all moved back to Vermont or wherever the fuck. I had planned on staying out there, so I was basically left in charge of the move out effort. That was fucked enough, being left to deal with furniture and cleaning, but also to finish the fight with the fleas that remained on top of it. I finally went in there the day of move out armed with as many bug bombs as my little stipend could buy, hucked em in each room, and called it good.

Somehow got my deposit back...

[Lame_Nigga]

This was maybe 2016.

My GF and I needed to move out of our apartment. We were living in an apartment that was in her mom's name. Her mom was a methhead who constantly held it over us and would threaten to move in and kick us out so we were desperate. My best friend and his fiance said we could move in with them. So us 4 get a pretty decent loft. At the time my job didn't pay me shit so I paid just the electric bill.

My girl and my friends fiance (we'll call her Bitch) were pretty good friends and were coworkers. Bitch always made sure to remind us that the apartment was in her and my friends name and we just lived there. After like two months my friend goes on a business trip, and Bitch invites people over she's never met to buy weed. My girlfriend and I stay in our room because we had agreed that there'd be no selling weed in the place so we were mad.

My friend gets back after a week and Bitch tells him we stole her portion of the rent money because it went missing. We explain we def didn't and why would we steal the rent money for a place we live at. She claims my gf did because of a work argument. We suggest maybe it's the new people she met but of course not them. My friend then kicks us out.

My friend and I don't talk for a couple years, then in 2019 he says they're getting a divorce. Come to find out his wife had been taking her rent money and spending it then asking her rich family for the money and saying he was bad with finances. He apologized to me about it but I bring it up in a joking way every now and then

[TheLowerBack]

I moved in with a guy when I was 21. First real shared experience, lived with a girlfriend the prior few years and parents before that.
I barely knew him except running into him skating and at the bar. Seemed legit and everyone seemed to like him. Plus a cheap apartment in a cool neighborhood.
I gave him cash a few days before moving in. When I moved my shit in he was like “there’s a problem with the rent”
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“I spent it all on crack last night”
“That’s on you, homie”
He ended up sorting it out and paid rent and I lived there for a year. I was sober except cigs when I lived there and worked at 5am
 Too many wild stories to tell, but this one stands out.
I came home at like 8pm and I could hear the static from the television full blast in the courtyard. I come in he’s passed out on the couch, burnt foilies on the the coffee table, porn popped out of the vcr(meaning he had that shit playing at an audible from outside volume) and the apartment was filled with smoke from the burning bagel bites in the oven.
I run in, turn off the oven and throw the charred bagels in the sink then turn off the tv. I wake him up like “DA FUQ?!”
He gets all aggressive and starts lecturing me on how I need to clean more and how if we kept things “tip top” we’d have a “pimp palace”. All while tossing around HIS mess and saying I need to tighten up. He eventually calmed down and nodded out again.

[rawr1922]

Good thread, might as well pin. Blue Chip Topic

[LordManHammer]

SF: a gothapotamus named Satan Ron we were introduced at OTO meeting his sister was cute she took pity on me and I rented his closet.
Well to describe it well it was like that 6th and Newell hidey spot it was fairly big, enough to get a bed and some ass in there.

Dude was into theatrical performance and dressed like a awful Marylin Manson Vampyre the masquerade he ended up taking a shitload of acid and beating to death of a pregnant woman. What was worse I was out in Richmond at the Burnt Ramen I got a call from him and I believe it was either before or after the incident.  Fuck that dude.

[DaleSr]

SF: a gothapotamus named Satan Ron we were introduced at OTO meeting his sister was cute she took pity on me and I rented his closet.
Well to describe it well it was like that 6th and Newell hidey spot it was fairly big, enough to get a bed and some ass in there.

Dude was into theatrical performance and dressed like a awful Marylin Manson Vampyre the masquerade he ended up taking a shitload of acid and beating to death of a pregnant woman. What was worse I was out in Richmond at the Burnt Ramen I got a call from him and I believe it was either before or after the incident.  Fuck that dude.

My man between this and living under a ramp stories you sound like you've had some really unique living conditions

[Grind King Rims]

My new housemate has taken to playing guitar and singing in our house with paper thin walls while I'm trying to work from home.
My other housemate keeps turning the heat off to save oil when the house is freezing cold.
My other housemate keeps dropping shit on my ceiling and waking me up.
My neighbours have 3 small children that scream on the other side of my paper thin walls. The housemates didn't tell me about this before I moved in.

I also live in one of the most expensive cities to rent in the entire world and in a country that's experiencing a housing crisis that the government isn't taking seriously.

I'm going to snap.

[Sila]

^ I hope you have a way to find some peace at the moment. I mean it. I had a bad run of about 4-5 different share houses at one point and never wanted to come home, but only ever wanted a 'home' ya know? Living in undesirable housing for that amount of time crushed me, I lost a lot of time dissociating because of my circumstances. So when people share troubles like this I feel it in my core. Much love.

[Lenny the Fatface]

My sophomore year roommate was a notorious alcoholic/coke head around campus and would just tweak the fuck out sometimes. A few times that year he would just be passed out on his bed with his dick out lol.

[birdplops]

My new housemate has taken to playing guitar and singing in our house with paper thin walls while I'm trying to work from home.
My other housemate keeps turning the heat off to save oil when the house is freezing cold.
My other housemate keeps dropping shit on my ceiling and waking me up.
My neighbours have 3 small children that scream on the other side of my paper thin walls. The housemates didn't tell me about this before I moved in.

I also live in one of the most expensive cities to rent in the entire world and in a country that's experiencing a housing crisis that the government isn't taking seriously.

I'm going to snap.

I'm extremely sympathetic. I've got undergrads below who go to bed late and a fitness freak above who gets up and runs around from 5 AM... then the major construction works carry on throughout the day while I'm working from home. Some noise cancelling headphones have stopped me from going postal and I endorse them if you can afford some.

My most unusual experience is from when I lived in a house share in Oxford where the landlords lived on the ground floor- they regularly looked after their grandchildren, which seemed nice . One day I discover that my car bonnet has been badly scratched. It looked like a child's drawing, but you know, scratched into my car bonnet. The driveway was walled off and gated, so I asked my landlords what had happened. They said that they'd seen some unknown kids do it, while they were playing in their garden but they hadn't thought to stop them. After a heated argument, I moved out.

[fakie nollie]

Do stories about me being an awful roommate count?