Came straight here from somebody blowing up their insta about this. Dan, really sorry to hear you're going through this and were putting hopes in the wrong people. A lot of good advice has already been given above.
I'm going to share something that has been bugging me since Monnie released and that I've kept to myself out of discretion and a bit of illguided "neutrality" a la newphone: Drugs (legal and nonlegal) played a big role in Ben's suicide. I have no idea why the Ben foundation hasn't adressed this more directly (it was NOT just some misguided self-medication), maybe out of respect for his family's wishes. The fact that Jacuzzi is starting off with this exaggerated focus on substance abuse is in such bad taste I'd call it vile.
I am up to here with all these rotten secrets in skateboarding just to preserve idolatry. Drinking and drunks played a part in so many of the deaths we've mourned in this scene and all this "tell your friends you love them" when those guys weren't "only" depressed, but waging chemical warfare on their brains. Some examples: Van Wastell died because of a heroin addiction he got introduced to by either Dollin or Phelps. When Dustin eventually kills himself, let's remember he wasn't just having the odd cup of red too many. Phelps himself died (probably intentionally) from a fentanyl overdose. Grosso, too, albeit unintentionally. All of these are stories that should be read as substance abuse being the final killing ingredient, NOT the depression or the "accident"!!
Dan, if you're still reading: Depression is a sickness, it CAN be treated and there WILL be better times for you. But throwing any kind of substance in the mix is lethally dangerous. If you're addicted, talk to the guys above who can share their experience with simultaneously battling substances and depression. If you're not, stay as sober as you can, move as much as you can, touch the ground and breathe in the air, I believe in you.