Kind of long, but hopefully worth it:
Alright so the story starts with me being wasted going to a buddies show at this shitty little dive bar/ club, not the most popular spot in town. So as I continue to get hammered to deal with all the shitty hip-hop, I see this (to me at the time) fine little brunette thing dancing with her friends. I see her in the hallway to the bathroom, pull my standard "hey your attractive, lemme get that number" to which she surprisingly complied (not the best line/ move FYI) anyways, talked to her a bit then dipped out. Next day she hits me up "hey, wanna hang out tonight?" so I'm thinking, damn some easy poon right here but was weary because my level of intoxication from the night before definitely gave me a case of hazy-memories concerning her attractiveness. I throw all caution to the wind and say fuck it, I'll see what's up. She offers to bring a bottle of my choosing so naturally I oblige.
So she comes over about 1130pm, and we all know any co-ed visits past 11 only means one thing, with a bottle in hand. Man am I surprised. At the door is not the fine little brunette wasted me remembers but a mediocre-at-best, frumpy little 30 something (I was 21 at the time) brunette, needless to say I was a little disappoint. However, the gentleman/ scumbag in me is not gonna turn away a woman with a bottle of jack looking to bone. I knew I needed to be drunk for this one, so I let her in and we start drinking/ talking whatever, she's kinda cool but not really, sort of a fake "ballin"/ hip-hop vibe and had maybe had a bit too much fun drug-wise. About 4am I'm thinking "shit I gotta work tomorrow, better get this done" so I take her to bed and boy let me tell ya she was a dirty girl, she just wanted to be fucked and spanked with as much strength and vigor as I could muster. Now let me take this opportunity to say that she had brought her dog over, a stupid little chihuahua or some shit, which she would periodically give commands to in between the moaning/screaming and demanding a harder spanking. weird.
The next morning I wake up an hour and a half late for work. FUCK. So I'm freaking out "gotta get outta here c'mon lets go!!!" get dressed, rushing out the door as she says "oh my dog shit on your floor" I take a quick glance, don't see anything except a couple leafs from the tree outside "nah nah its just a leaf, whatever I GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" so we part ways. upon returning home, indeed her dog had shit on my floor. Bummed. Then, either that day or the next, around 11pm she hits me up "hey, want me to put you to bed?" I'm slightly buzzed about to pass out and think "eh she's not that hot/ her dog shit on my floor. But... I wouldn't mind getting my rocks off and she owes me for the dog shit" so again I say fuck it, c'mon over. She comes over, I'm already down to my boxers so we get right down to it. She says "I like feeling naughty, I like being punished, what are you gonna make me do?" I respond with "suck my dick" or some form of the like. She responds with a "wanna fuck my face?" like a giddy school girl I start the dirty deed. Having never committed such an act, I was quite excited and she was pretty into it, gagging/ choking/ tearing up like music to my ears. So I begin to think this girl is pretty nasty I wonder what I can get away with right now, So I start to bust pull it out of her mouth then spread the rest of my DNA paste across her face and in her hair, a NBD for myself. To my surprise she was not very pleased. "You don't just fucking do that to someone and not say anything GODDAMMIT!!" I'm thinking "jesus I was just defiling your mouth hole, you would think a little baby batter wouldn't be a big deal" so she gets up, starts cleaning herself up in the bathroom and I'm just chillin in the bed smug look on my face like "hehe last time your dog shits on my floor bitch!" shes getting all huffy puffy like "do you drink everyday?!" "it smells like shit in here!" no shit woman, your dogs crap was sitting on my studio apartment carpet for 8 hours plus. Well knowing she was not happy one bit I say "well, I guess you can crash here if you want" she responds with a "no thanks, I'm going to go home" as I show her to the door I let her know "by the way, your dog did shit on my floor" "see I told...." I shut the door, locked it, goodbye.
Upon review of this story, it's maybe less "awkward" and more just me being a dick with low standards. Either way, I think I'll just leave this here.
Topic: Awkward Sexual Experiences (Read 463838 times)