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General Discussion => WHATEVER => Topic started by: shpongle on February 08, 2022, 11:24:39 AM
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i think marriage first then kids second. its like taking initiations and steps in order to be have your sacred union sorted out first in order to be your best for the kids. what are your thoughts on the matter?
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no sex before marriage. for sure.
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Finances gotta be A1 before kids!
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No strong views either way, shit happens.
While of course there’s a lot of evidence suggesting that getting married before popping out kids is more ideal for everyone, it’s not like the nuclear family structure is how humans were designed to live.
According to the book Sapiens, when humans were hunter gatherers we roamed fertile areas in colonies of 50-150 people where the entire group raised children and everyone who weren’t biologically related fucked each other.
The concept of marriage only develops after we discovered shit humans aren’t even supposed to do like farming, establish city states, and create economic systems etc.
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Me and Mine have been together for 7 or so years. The only reason we talk about marriage is for health insurance purposes- she's got a job with insurance, I don't. Things are good as they are and there's no need to complicate it with marriage right now.
We also talk about having a kid within the next couple years and again, marriage has nothing to do with it at this point in time.
Our sacred union has been initiated time and again through the yoga of love and relationships. Might have a ceremony of love or something at some point, but the legal stuff is less than ideal for us.
@shpongle
hope it's good for you man! hit me up
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My parents had me accidentally before they were married at the ages of around 20, however having young parents was great during my childhood as they were super active then and also by the time i was old enough they were still able to go on ski/motorcycle trips as they were only 40 by the time me and my sister moved out
due to my experience my view is that it depends on the partner, i remember being at my parents weeding (probably my oldest memory) and it really worked out for them in the long run (even though it wasn't intentional). However, it wouldn't be a good situation if the parents broke up with the kid still around, like if one partner realizes they don't want to actually get married anymore it can effect the kid at varying degrees.
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I suggest never having kids.
And, for marriage, prenuptial agreements are key. Even if you have nothing when you get married, get a prenup.
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That's a hard no on both.
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After going through a few office jobs where most of my peers were already married and some had kids..
That's a hard no on both.
Not dissing if that’s your ideal life situation but man did those young folks look battered and dead inside.
In the sense that they looked/sounded like my old man (60) but in their early 30s.
I have this theory that when you and your partner have a kid, a part of both of the parents soul dies with it. Like a life loop or something.
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No strong views either way, shit happens.
While of course there’s a lot of evidence suggesting that getting married before popping out kids is more ideal for everyone, it’s not like the nuclear family structure is how humans were designed to live.
According to the book Sapiens, when humans were hunter gatherers we roamed fertile areas in colonies of 50-150 people where the entire group raised children and everyone who weren’t biologically related fucked each other.
The concept of marriage only develops after we discovered shit humans aren’t even supposed to do like farming, establish city states, and create economic systems etc.
I got this idea we have kinda done everything as a species before and sort of invented rules to fix it. Back in the tribe days and everyone just ran trains every night there were probably mad sti, std, some version of aids and they figured just pairing off would reduce it then made up religios reasons to explain it. That and/or small nob dudes were sick of never getting to pass on their genetics.
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I don't think it matters at all.
Just because you have a wedding and are 'married' suddenly you're going to be a better parent?
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I don't think it matters at all.
Just because you have a wedding and are 'married' suddenly you're going to be a better parent?
Well the theory is the more bound together financially and legally, the harder it is to disappear.
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I don't think it matters at all.
Just because you have a wedding and are 'married' suddenly you're going to be a better parent?
very true, I have a friend with unmarried parents and both of us have had very normal upbringings.
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No strong views either way, shit happens.
While of course there’s a lot of evidence suggesting that getting married before popping out kids is more ideal for everyone, it’s not like the nuclear family structure is how humans were designed to live.
According to the book Sapiens, when humans were hunter gatherers we roamed fertile areas in colonies of 50-150 people where the entire group raised children and everyone who weren’t biologically related fucked each other.
The concept of marriage only develops after we discovered shit humans aren’t even supposed to do like farming, establish city states, and create economic systems etc.
things humans 'aren't supposed to be doing'? cause you read a book? i'm sure you can go to places in africa or australia and find tribes still living like this but i'm not sure that that's how we're 'supposed to live'. immigration seems to be flowing one way and it's not their direction. farming is awful, huh? now everyone can eat, not just hope to stumble on berries or a corpse before you starve.
marriage first. children second. but it doesn't always work that way. single mom is the single greatest predictor of prison later on.
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No strong views either way, shit happens.
While of course there’s a lot of evidence suggesting that getting married before popping out kids is more ideal for everyone, it’s not like the nuclear family structure is how humans were designed to live.
According to the book Sapiens, when humans were hunter gatherers we roamed fertile areas in colonies of 50-150 people where the entire group raised children and everyone who weren’t biologically related fucked each other.
The concept of marriage only develops after we discovered shit humans aren’t even supposed to do like farming, establish city states, and create economic systems etc.
marriage first. children second. but it doesn't always work that way. single mom is the single greatest predictor of prison later on.
Shut your bitch ass up.
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No strong views either way, shit happens.
While of course there’s a lot of evidence suggesting that getting married before popping out kids is more ideal for everyone, it’s not like the nuclear family structure is how humans were designed to live.
According to the book Sapiens, when humans were hunter gatherers we roamed fertile areas in colonies of 50-150 people where the entire group raised children and everyone who weren’t biologically related fucked each other.
The concept of marriage only develops after we discovered shit humans aren’t even supposed to do like farming, establish city states, and create economic systems etc.
marriage first. children second. but it doesn't always work that way. single mom is the single greatest predictor of prison later on.
suck my bozak
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I always want to at least get a good look at the kid before proposing.
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no sex before marriage. for sure.
It's the other way around, actually. No sex AFTER marriage.
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No strong views either way, shit happens.
While of course there’s a lot of evidence suggesting that getting married before popping out kids is more ideal for everyone, it’s not like the nuclear family structure is how humans were designed to live.
According to the book Sapiens, when humans were hunter gatherers we roamed fertile areas in colonies of 50-150 people where the entire group raised children and everyone who weren’t biologically related fucked each other.
The concept of marriage only develops after we discovered shit humans aren’t even supposed to do like farming, establish city states, and create economic systems etc.
marriage first. children second. but it doesn't always work that way. single mom is the single greatest predictor of prison later on.
I would suggest you read the book, but you aren’t presenting yourself as someone who is open minded. I hate to go full Gipper on you, because I should be working, but fuck it.
What humans are “supposed to do” is subjective, you’re right about that. Thing is the vast majority of our grievances with existence has been a side effect of the agricultural revolution. Our evolution has yet to catch up, and probably never will.
The homosapien by design are daytime pack hunters and foragers with high stamina, problem solving, and communication skills, but relatively low strength and speed for our size. A lot of our distinguishing features as a species are centered around nomadic group survival.
While we were more likely to be killed by a lion, or falling off a cliff back then, we didn’t have nearly as many diseases and mental illnesses until we became a farming centric species. It’s not like we’re natural farmers either, we were just intelligent enough to figure out how it works. It’s very exhausting work that still required assistance from animals, slavery, and advanced machinery just to maintain demand.
You are also right that tribal people today have a lower quality of life compared to us debating about existence on essentially space technology, but you have to keep in mind that these people exist in a world ravaged by disease, deforestation, pollution, and limited resources. 7 billion humans producing toxic waste on a planet that’s 30% land isn't conducive for tribal living anymore.
You are wrong with the idea that everyone can eat though, in fact there’s still tons on famine and poverty in the world. Both of which didn’t exist until the agricultural revolution.
95% of our societal standards have been established around maintaining food cultivation in one way or another. So when I say the traditional family isn’t really how humans are “supposed to live”, it’s because it’s just one of many schemas established to maintain city states, which were only created to maintain farming.
Also, I wrote this response off of an adderall pill I take to help my ADHD. The ability to shift focus constantly was a survival mechanism when we were hunter gatherers as it helps you spot predators. In a farming centric society it is a great disadvantage that requires treatment of some form or you are deemed as unproductive. Even with evolution tons of people have some form of ADHD, gee I wonder why…
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In my view marriage is a much smaller commitment, so it doesn’t matter much which comes first. If you get married and it doesn’t work out you can always divorce. Once that is all settled financially and legally you’re good for the rest of your life. Don’t need to think about how much of a mistake you made, you can just move on with life and go your own way. Find happiness and have nothing to keep you from whatever choices you want to make for yourself.
Having a kid... that is a lifelong commitment if you are a real stand up kind of person. You’ll endure hell for that kid. The problem lies in that having a kid with someone is a lifelong commitment not only to your child, but it ties you to your spouse/partner/cousin or whatever in a way that divorce doesn’t just end. You are now involved with that baby momma/daddy and their possible bag of issues that you may not have even known about when you were joyfully making babies. Leaving will still mean you need to negotiate custody, visitation, child support, holidays, transportation, schooling, consistent discipline, etc etc etc. If you make a baby with a solid person you can work together and do all that without a great deal of hassle. If you chose poorly or you are the asshole, or you both are, holy shit a world of pain awaits.
My take is go ahead and get married, but for god’s sake think about who you have a baby with. For your own sake, the child’s, your family, your pets, and the rest of all of us.
I say this as a guy with no child of my own, but I have a wife and we have adopted her nephew out of foster care who came from a violent, drug fueled, abusive, and neglectful start. I have also helped friends both male and female escape abusive relationships where there are kids also involved, and seen the fallout of great people dealing with abusive wastes of skin for years to do their best for their kid. Not all humans are good at relationships, splitting up, remaining respectful, cooperating, or even being non abusive or violent. Selfish people won’t meet you half way and expect the world without giving much.
This all really makes the start of idiocracy seem rather on point, because it really fucking is.
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You lost me at sacred union…..
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None.
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Have kids and don't worry about marriage just have a party to celebrate yourselves marriages are only good to obtain visas/benefits of other nations
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No strong views either way, shit happens.
While of course there’s a lot of evidence suggesting that getting married before popping out kids is more ideal for everyone, it’s not like the nuclear family structure is how humans were designed to live.
According to the book Sapiens, when humans were hunter gatherers we roamed fertile areas in colonies of 50-150 people where the entire group raised children and everyone who weren’t biologically related fucked each other.
The concept of marriage only develops after we discovered shit humans aren’t even supposed to do like farming, establish city states, and create economic systems etc.
marriage first. children second. but it doesn't always work that way. single mom is the single greatest predictor of prison later on.
I would suggest you read the book, but you aren’t presenting yourself as someone who is open minded. I hate to go full Gipper on you, because I should be working, but fuck it.
What humans are “supposed to do” is subjective, you’re right about that. Thing is the vast majority of our grievances with existence has been a side effect of the agricultural revolution. Our evolution has yet to catch up, and probably never will.
The homosapien by design are daytime pack hunters and foragers with high stamina, problem solving, and communication skills, but relatively low strength and speed for our size. A lot of our distinguishing features as a species are centered around nomadic group survival.
While we were more likely to be killed by a lion, or falling off a cliff back then, we didn’t have nearly as many diseases and mental illnesses until we became a farming centric species. It’s not like we’re natural farmers either, we were just intelligent enough to figure out how it works. It’s very exhausting work that still required assistance from animals, slavery, and advanced machinery just to maintain demand.
You are also right that tribal people today have a lower quality of life compared to us debating about existence on essentially space technology, but you have to keep in mind that these people exist in a world ravaged by disease, deforestation, pollution, and limited resources. 7 billion humans producing toxic waste on a planet that’s 30% land isn't conducive for tribal living anymore.
You are wrong with the idea that everyone can eat though, in fact there’s still tons on famine and poverty in the world. Both of which didn’t exist until the agricultural revolution.
95% of our societal standards have been established around maintaining food cultivation in one way or another. So when I say the traditional family isn’t really how humans are “supposed to live”, it’s because it’s just one of many schemas established to maintain city states, which were only created to maintain farming.
Also, I wrote this response off of an adderall pill I take to help my ADHD. The ability to shift focus constantly was a survival mechanism when we were hunter gatherers as it helps you spot predators. In a farming centric society it is a great disadvantage that requires treatment of some form or you are deemed as unproductive. Even with evolution tons of people have some form of ADHD, gee I wonder why…
TL,DR but farmers don't have mental illness. consumers in the city w/ service industry or other meaningless jobs? sure. but actual producers can look at themselves in the mirror. farming allowed us to not only live fat but subsidize stupid countries that are too lazy to farm. we are so good at surviving we subsidize 80IQ children!
i'm against that but i don't blame farmers, i blame bureaucrats who decided it.
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No strong views either way, shit happens.
While of course there’s a lot of evidence suggesting that getting married before popping out kids is more ideal for everyone, it’s not like the nuclear family structure is how humans were designed to live.
According to the book Sapiens, when humans were hunter gatherers we roamed fertile areas in colonies of 50-150 people where the entire group raised children and everyone who weren’t biologically related fucked each other.
The concept of marriage only develops after we discovered shit humans aren’t even supposed to do like farming, establish city states, and create economic systems etc.
marriage first. children second. but it doesn't always work that way. single mom is the single greatest predictor of prison later on.
you’re 40
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Don’t want either one.
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Don’t have kids unless you plan to spend the rest of your life with the woman/man.
I have the most beautiful boy. Born on my birthday. And we have a great relationship.
His mother though… I wouldn’t give her water if she was dying in the desert. Actually I would. Cause my son loves her.
BUT choose wisely!!!!!!
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I love kids, but the idea of raising one has always been a mortifying to me and my wife. Our careers (and skateboarding) have let us spend a lot of time with young people, but like... at their best moments (having fun or educating them as opposed to feeding them and being a caregiver).
Having said, there's no order to things anymore. It just depends on what kind of input and support your giving the grom. Having said, most of my friends have kids, and this is good, those little ones are expensive:
Finances gotta be A1 before kids!
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anyone that wants kids, adopt.
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Kids are just as bad whether you're married or not.
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Having kids is awesome. I have 3 of my own and a solid spouse that helps make all of it possible. We’re not married but have rings and refer to each other as husband and wife. We were together for 6 months, we spent a majority of our time getting blacked out drunk, and then I knocked her up. Life hit me like a ton of bricks, it forced me to grow the fuck up and get my priorities straight. Granted, it wasn’t always great between my “wife” and I, we spent all of our time together drunk, but we got it figured out and continued making babies hahaha. Having kids is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I quit drinking and focused on working and providing for my family. If I never got my wife pregnant I’d still working dead end jobs just to fuel my drug and alcohol habit. Those tax returns are pretty legit when you got some dependents too!!
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who doesn't love a good bastard every now and then
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Who did you knock up OP?
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Who did you knock up OP?
I’d prefer a “views on abortion before marriage?” thread
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nothing wrong with kids before marriage, i feel like the term marriage could be interchangeable with stability though.
if you're married but have a shitty housing/relationship situation, then it's probably not good.
if you're not married but have stable lives, then go crazy.
life is a big thing, it's kind of shitty to bring another one in when you can't give it a solid start.
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no sex before marriage. for sure.
Wife and I were texting about “doing it” tonight but then we had Mexican food and ice cream, I took a giant shit, and now we’re just staring at our phones.
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no sex before marriage. for sure.
Ah, life past 30...
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Do yourself a favor and flush it out.
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Do yourself a favor and flush it out.
RIP Barnabas Reynolds
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Just a thought about kids in general. We were all a kid before we became who we are.
If you had great parents and provided for you and gave you support, then you should be ready to be able to do the same or better for your own kids before you even have one.
If your parents were less than ideal, then you know where they came up short and you had better be able to make up for that or else they'll only go through the same cycle you went through.
My own kids are happy and independent thinkers who know the kind of upbringing I went through. One of them is graduating high school in a few months and thinking of moving out. My wife hates that but if you are a good parent, that means you gave them everything to feel like they can make it out on their own whether or not they succeed. At a certain point, they are you when you decided to leave home. Don't be a jerk and hold them back.
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mandatory
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I don’t think you need to be married to have kids. I don’t even think you need to be in a relationship to have them. You don’t need 2 parents. It makes shit easier but not always better. If you can afford to take care of a kid, do whatever you want.
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I don’t think you need to be married to have kids. I don’t even think you need to be in a relationship to have them. You don’t need 2 parents. It makes shit easier but not always better. If you can afford to take care of a kid, do whatever you want.
You don't technically need two parents but you need multiple people to look after your kid. So unless you have the kids grandparents to help or have some crazy high paying job that somehow doesn't need you to work crazy hours, you're going to want someone else to help.
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Dog weddings are weird, regardless if they had puppies or not.
For humans, weddings can be weird, depending on the circumstances. Having a child to "make it work" is a recipe for disaster.
Planning and financial preparation is never a bad thing, in addition to talking through parenting style a priori in order to talk through differences in philosophy (although I admit things can change over time).
I am a stray human who was adopted as a baby. Hectic circumstances, but anyway I advocate for adoption. That being said, Mr./Mrs. Garrison on South Park made me laugh when they said, "I don't want that fuck trash!" Then I felt sad. But then I felt happy later.
Full disclosure: I do not have any kids. I do not have a wife, ex-wife, girlfriend, or any prospects whatsoever.
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Dog weddings are weird, regardless if they had puppies or not.
For humans, weddings can be weird, depending on the circumstances. Having a child to "make it work" is a recipe for disaster.
Planning and financial preparation is never a bad thing, in addition to talking through parenting style a priori in order to talk through differences in philosophy (although I admit things can change over time).
I am a stray human who was adopted as a baby. Hectic circumstances, but anyway I advocate for adoption. That being said, Mr./Mrs. Garrison on South Park made me laugh when they said, "I don't want that fuck trash!" Then I felt sad. But then I felt happy later.
Full disclosure: I do not have any kids. I do not have a wife, ex-wife, girlfriend, or any prospects whatsoever.
A dog wedding is a clear sign people have been babied way too much and can't function as proper adults.
The financial thing makes sense but it's a dangerous line because it ends with hey poor people don't have kids. Only us rich people get to repopulate.
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I think the important thing is the quality of the relationship and the commitment to take care of the kid no matter what, people don’t have to be married to do that.
Personally, marriage has been very good for me, it has definitely helped me commit, and as everyone on here knows that significantly raises the chances of landing the trick. And if you eat shit at least you know you really tried.
Don’t have a kid yet but looking forward to it.
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My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 1. We have a 5 year old son. It’s not for everyone. I like my kid, but when it comes to other peoples kids; fuck that, get them away from me.
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It’s not even legal to get married to your dog
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It’s not even legal to get married to your dog
Just you wait. They already legalized gay marriage. It's a slippery slope.