Tips for a beginner dad

[layzieyez]

Only thing I can add since my kids are about to turn 20 and 16, these beginning years are actually the easy part.

It may seem like you’re in the weeds at its worst but you’re going to make it. As a skateboarder, just use that same positive self talk that helped build you up every time you set forth on four wheels to do something awesome. Don’t linger on mistakes too long if you make them.

[pugmaster]

You won’t know till later on but lookout for signs of autism in the early years…

[EdLawndale]

Apparently kissing babies on the mouth can give them brain damage, which I just learned at 37 years old from Facebook.  So don’t do that.

I just googled this to check it out and read a crazy story about a guy kissing his baby on the top of the head and her catching herpes or an infection. Guess you have to be rly careful.

[ok boomer]

Feed the baby until the baby is done, don’t listen to anyone on how much to feed your kid. Then you will sleep

[OldieButFrenchie]

Lots of good advice here so I'll just add: read to your kid. A lot!
The bedtime story is an important moment and it might give your kid a taste for reading. My wife and I made mistakes of course, everybody does, but I'm real glad we gave our kids a passion for reading. Everything from comics to magazines, newspapers, novels.
My 16year old even tried turming me on to Dostoevsky recently but I could not get into it ha.....
And congrats!!

[Skibb]

Expecting our first kid in about a month, and I constantly swing between disablingly nervous and giddy with excitement. Stumbled upon this thread at the perfect time.

[RoaryMcTwang]

^ Hell yeah, all the best for you!

My daughter is here and she and her mum are all good!

I am enormously grateful for the sterling advice you all have given here. Wish you all all the best in the world!

[tuesday]

Congratulations! Wish you all the best!

[brycickle]

Apparently kissing babies on the mouth can give them brain damage, which I just learned at 37 years old from Facebook.  So don’t do that.

I work at a large midwest pediatric hospital and can confirm that this is true, but with one caveat: If you kiss them with tongue, it actually makes them stronger. Kind of like drinking your own sperm is the only way to pass a drug test.

[Alan]

Congrats to you and your wife, @RoaryMcTwang! What wonderful news.

[GardenSkater77]

Congratulations. You will be fine. Just enjoy the present and don’t worry about the future. But save and save often. Become frugal. And don’t beat yourself up too much. Just grow into the job…

[breezer]

one last thing....was alluded to above.....read to them.....and keep reading to them....one of the best things you can do for your kids.

[yghartsyrt]

congrats to you and your wife @RoaryMcTwang

enjoy the first weeks

[fineslime]

Positive affirmation and reinforcement every step of the way. Give praise for every new thing they learn, no matter how small, and they will develop a thrist and love for learning.

Trust your heart. Learn through them. Enjoy every single moment in time you have with them.

Congratulations on your beautiful blessing.

[nonickname]

So much good stuff on here...so what I'm about to say will sound weird - but hear me out. Be ready to sift through what people tell you and be ready to forget it. Just because it worked for them and their child doesn't mean it will work for you and yours, but know, for the most part they are offering you tips out of love. So it will involve trial and error, some will work and feel right and others wont - but you'll find your way and as others have said the mere fact you're reaching out means you're already caring and smart enough to know you can't possibly know everything.

However if you do want to know everything ask my 13 and 16 year olds...

Oh and ALWAYS have more wipes and extra cloths at diaper changing time. Even if only to quickly cover up/block pee and poop that may leave at a rate you'd never expect.

[323-BALM]

don’t get one of those diaper snake container systems…wait until 7 months to introduce hillbombing vids.

11 and 7 here, they just keep getting cooler!

[323-BALM]

So much good stuff on here...so what I'm about to say will sound weird - but hear me out. Be ready to sift through what people tell you and be ready to forget it. Just because it worked for them and their child doesn't mean it will work for you and yours, but know, for the most part they are offering you tips out of love. So it will involve trial and error, some will work and feel right and others wont - but you'll find your way and as others have said the mere fact you're reaching out means you're already caring and smart enough to know you can't possibly know everything.

However if you do want to know everything ask my 13 and 16 year olds...

Oh and ALWAYS have more wipes and extra cloths at diaper changing time. Even if only to quickly cover up/block pee and poop that may leave at a rate you'd never expect.

In this vein I’m gonna say go spartan with the stroller but lavish on the diaper bag…the magic is in the softgoods for real

[Sleazy]

congratulations @RoaryMcTwang ! i truly believe that being a parent is most impactful thing a person can do. there's really nothing else you could do that will still impact people long after you pass in the way that having kids can. you can create your own tribe with it's own values that will outlive you. it's really a special thing to me.

a few things i'd share that were really valuable to us

mental load
is a concept someone shared on here years back that i wish i had seen when we were first getting started. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic. TLDR: don't make your wife have to ask you to do every little thing, work together and help plan the days to be as smooth as possible.

communication
even if my wife and i had known about mental load and tried to plan together we would have failed on some levels because our communication wasn't where it needed to be. i definitely think that we have always been way above average in chemistry and communication but having a child will force you to agree really hard impactful things that effect your lifestyle in a way that you don't have to before kids. closet thing i can think of is buying a house with drastically different taste but it's way beyond that. you really end up having to go to the matt often and you end up doing it while exhausted and grouchy for years. we have 3 kids so we were in the trenches for about 7 years or so. for communication i wish we had know about the four horseman framework. my wife and i started using it as a foundation for us and then we introduced it to our kids. it just allows you to agree as a family about what unhealthy communication is and allows you to flag it when it happens in specific ways (you are using contempt right now, etc.). it's not meant to be "to win" arguments, it's meant to help you talk through tough things in productive, unemotional ways. very valuable to us. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

smell the flowers
final thing... it really does go fast and it's super special time. if you enjoy being a parent and taking your kid on summer holiday you get 18 summers, if you like doing santa clause, you've got maybe 8 good seasons, etc. it's easy to get into a state where you overwhelmed but for me it's always been important to remember why i'm doing this and really enjoy each day as much as i can. my daughter is 16 and will be moving on in 2 years and i think about it every day. will miss her so much when she move on.

[Sila]

Love your kid with everything you've got, don't forget to take care of your partner's needs in the process
.. land bolts, and ride away clean.

[Lenny the Fatface]

Just remember to take care of yourself, get some sleep , drink a shitload of water and eat well because you’re going to have less room to exercise with a new born. It’s important because you can’t help your child and the mother that well if you feel like shit.

[S.]

I have a two year old son. I love the kid to death and I also love it when I have some time away from the little guy. Lol.

It has been a lot of ups and downs, but overall it has been a great change in my life. I have decided to work part time to have more time for him, which has been good for us. My advice is to get as much support as possible: you are gonna need friends and grand parents if you want to have some time for yourself and for your partner still. He still has three grand parents, which all have a good relationship with him and see him regularly.

It is an ongoing struggle though for my wife and I to be there for him, each other and also ourselves. Try to be open with your wife about what you want and communicate regularly about how to organize everything. Share the work in a way that works for both of you. Try to be patient with your kid and be interested in what he or she likes.

[Shtonk]

Lots of good advice here so I'll just add: read to your kid. A lot!
The bedtime story is an important moment and it might give your kid a taste for reading. My wife and I made mistakes of course, everybody does, but I'm real glad we gave our kids a passion for reading. Everything from comics to magazines, newspapers, novels.
My 16year old even tried turming me on to Dostoevsky recently but I could not get into it ha.....
And congrats!!

If you wanna score big time against your little lit buff offspring, I can slip you smart stuff about "Infinite Jest". Two or so years from now when he'll probably try to read it for the first time, you will be a god in his eyes.

Thanks grandma for taking me to the library every time you saw me...

[OldieButFrenchie]

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Lots of good advice here so I'll just add: read to your kid. A lot!
The bedtime story is an important moment and it might give your kid a taste for reading. My wife and I made mistakes of course, everybody does, but I'm real glad we gave our kids a passion for reading. Everything from comics to magazines, newspapers, novels.
My 16year old even tried turming me on to Dostoevsky recently but I could not get into it ha.....
And congrats!!

[close]

If you wanna score big time against your little lit buff offspring, I can slip you smart stuff about "Infinite Jest". Two or so years from now when he'll probably try to read it for the first time, you will be a god in his eyes.

Thanks grandma for taking me to the library every time you saw me...

that's not gonna work...  a friend lent me that book and I just could not get into it. I read maybe 50 pages and gave up. (even though I usually make it a point to finish any book I've started....Dostoevsky I finished at least)
Anyways to get back to the subject at hand, we used to read A LOT to our kids. And as soon as they learned to read, they were both stoked to be able to do it by themselves. It's also a blessing cause you get to do other stuff while they read. (whereas before learning to read they would get bored easily)

[Lou Strux]

Lots of pretty solid advice on here.
I’ll share a little tip I learned from another skater that is really more of a “do not” rather than a “do this”…
Under no circumstances should you ever pose for an instagram pic with your sleeping child whilst recklessly brandishing a gun in their immediate vicinity.
Definately do NOT do that, even if it’s for the culture.

[Shtonk]

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Lots of good advice here so I'll just add: read to your kid. A lot!
The bedtime story is an important moment and it might give your kid a taste for reading. My wife and I made mistakes of course, everybody does, but I'm real glad we gave our kids a passion for reading. Everything from comics to magazines, newspapers, novels.
My 16year old even tried turming me on to Dostoevsky recently but I could not get into it ha.....
And congrats!!

[close]

If you wanna score big time against your little lit buff offspring, I can slip you smart stuff about "Infinite Jest". Two or so years from now when he'll probably try to read it for the first time, you will be a god in his eyes.

Thanks grandma for taking me to the library every time you saw me...

[close]

that's not gonna work...  a friend lent me that book and I just could not get into it. I read maybe 50 pages and gave up. (even though I usually make it a point to finish any book I've started....Dostoevsky I finished at least)
Anyways to get back to the subject at hand, we used to read A LOT to our kids. And as soon as they learned to read, they were both stoked to be able to do it by themselves. It's also a blessing cause you get to do other stuff while they read. (whereas before learning to read they would get bored easily)

What age is that? I can not wait to get longer breaks without doing something I don't agree with - you can plonk a 2 year old in front of a TV and they're occupied for a long time but that can't be good. Im actually surprised there haven't been any (?) comments or discussion around avoiding screentime in early childhood. (Kinda what Infinite Jest is about, ironically)

[botefdunn]

If it's been said  it bears repeating: help out as much as you can with the housework and cooking.

[OldieButFrenchie]

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Lots of good advice here so I'll just add: read to your kid. A lot!
The bedtime story is an important moment and it might give your kid a taste for reading. My wife and I made mistakes of course, everybody does, but I'm real glad we gave our kids a passion for reading. Everything from comics to magazines, newspapers, novels.
My 16year old even tried turming me on to Dostoevsky recently but I could not get into it ha.....
And congrats!!

[close]

If you wanna score big time against your little lit buff offspring, I can slip you smart stuff about "Infinite Jest". Two or so years from now when he'll probably try to read it for the first time, you will be a god in his eyes.

Thanks grandma for taking me to the library every time you saw me...

[close]

that's not gonna work...  a friend lent me that book and I just could not get into it. I read maybe 50 pages and gave up. (even though I usually make it a point to finish any book I've started....Dostoevsky I finished at least)
Anyways to get back to the subject at hand, we used to read A LOT to our kids. And as soon as they learned to read, they were both stoked to be able to do it by themselves. It's also a blessing cause you get to do other stuff while they read. (whereas before learning to read they would get bored easily)

[close]

What age is that? I can not wait to get longer breaks without doing something I don't agree with - you can plonk a 2 year old in front of a TV and they're occupied for a long time but that can't be good. Im actually surprised there haven't been any (?) comments or discussion around avoiding screentime in early childhood. (Kinda what Infinite Jest is about, ironically)

the oldest learned to read on his own before first year of primary school, second in first year of primary school. So they were around 5 and a half to 6.
As far as screen time, yeah that's a super important topic, you're right. We had a rule of like 1 hour of TV/cartoons on wednesdays/saturday/sundays. No TV the rest of the week. during vacations, it was more lenient. Later my wife was super strict with phones and computers and she was totally right. Otherwise, they would be even more addicted to video games than they are......We are still fighting to limit screen time....Big hassle.

oh one other, counterintuitive thing: we actually had more free time when we had our second! Not at first of course, but when they started playing together, it changed everything. Even though they are 4 years apart. It probably helps they are 2 boys and have the same interests though.

[Maccat]

Treasure the lasts as much as the firsts. There will be  times when you wish a stage would pass, and if you only plan to have one, the last time they do anything really sets in. It taught me a lot about making moments count and not to be as distracted when we’re together.