Divorce

[Casey Jones]

Anybody have experience with this?

My parents just got divorced about 6 months ago after 30 years of marriage. Things always seemed super happy and fine. Thought we had a pretty strong family. Now things are pretty strange.

Weird to me that the fam will never all hang out together again like old times. We had some fun together. Makes me kinda sad, to this day.

My mom started dating again soon after. She moved back to her hometown in Northern Michigan and is now dating someone she dated in high school. Seems like a good dude though at least. Still feels odd when she tells me about him. She was super sad about the whole thing so I told her I'd support her and wouldn't feel weird about her telling me about that stuff. But it does make me feel weird.

My dad is always on tinder. I did the same thing and told him I didn't mind knowing he was dating. But it does weird me out thinking of my dad having these encounters with random women.

Fuck. Shit sucks you guys. Anybody else here deal with a divorced family? What's your story? How'd you deal with it? I live 2000 miles away from the family now, so when I go home it's really hard logistically to see everyone. My mom and my dad live 9 hours apart.

[Yushin Okami]

I was only 4 or 5 when my parents divorced so I really don't remember much of it. Growing up I spent every other weekend with my dad and that was just normal for me. Holidays were rotated (Thanksgiving with mom/Christmas with dad one year, switch the next). Luckily for me, my parents always lived about 45 minutes from each other so even after I grew up and moved out of state, I was able to see everyone when I would come home. Sounds like your parents are handling it pretty well. I have a hard time imaging what it would be like if my parents would have split up when I was an adult. I'm glad it happened when I had no real memory of it.

My divorce on the other hand sucked for me. Her decision, caught me off guard. I'm in a much better place now but it fucked me up for awhile.

[iKobrakai]

Heavy topic. What are the percentages these days, close to 50 within short amount of time?

[Fongstarr.]

My parents have been divorce since I can remember but stayed within the same house hold for my younger sister. About 10 years ago, they finally started dating and I would be introduced to their boyfriend or girlfriend. At the time I didn't care since I was in my 20s but it was still odd nonetheless. It wasn't until my older brother had kids where everyone was mutual with each other. I am currently 34 years old and it was about a solid 25+ years of parent turmoil.

My advise that I always say, time heals things but it does take time for things to happen. If this just happened, expect to go through it all. From my experience, my parents became almost young again and wanted to do things for themselves rather than us kids. We sort of had to just be on our own at the time but we were at least at the proper age for that to happen. Give your parents their space but also be there as a son. Hopefully everyone will be at a better place in the long run.

[Casey Jones]

I was only 4 or 5 when my parents divorced so I really don't remember much of it. Growing up I spent every other weekend with my dad and that was just normal for me. Holidays were rotated (Thanksgiving with mom/Christmas with dad one year, switch the next). Luckily for me, my parents always lived about 45 minutes from each other so even after I grew up and moved out of state, I was able to see everyone when I would come home. Sounds like your parents are handling it pretty well. I have a hard time imaging what it would be like if my parents would have split up when I was an adult. I'm glad it happened when I had no real memory of it.

My divorce on the other hand sucked for me. Her decision, caught me off guard. I'm in a much better place now but it fucked me up for awhile.

Thanks for chiming in. Funny, I have a hard time imagining what it would be like if I was young, having to go through my childhood being tossed around like that. Always felt bad for the kids that had to do one week with one parent, one week with the other, or a couple days, or weekends. That would be so hard. I think I have it easy. While I'm old enough to process the thing, at least my daily life isn't affected to much by it.

Sorry to hear about your own divorce. I can't imagine going through that. It makes me hesitant to get married in the first place, knowing what the divorce rate is. Everyone gets married and thinks it's the right person. I have a significant other that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.. we live together too. But given what has happened with my parents and other stories, it makes me terrified to pull the trigger and start this whole "have kids and be a family" thing. Divorce is a mess and I'm sure the paperwork and all the legality only adds to the heartache.

[MintySandwhich]

My Parents divorced when I was about 20 years of age. It sucks at first and is definitely weird because my parents always want to know what the other is doing.

[Casey Jones]

My parents have been divorce since I can remember but stayed within the same house hold for my younger sister. About 10 years ago, they finally started dating and I would be introduced to their boyfriend or girlfriend. At the time I didn't care since I was in my 20s but it was still odd nonetheless. It wasn't until my older brother had kids where everyone was mutual with each other. I am currently 34 years old and it was about a solid 25+ years of parent turmoil.

My advise that I always say, time heals things but it does take time for things to happen. If this just happened, expect to go through it all. From my experience, my parents became almost young again and wanted to do things for themselves rather than us kids. We sort of had to just be on our own at the time but we were at least at the proper age for that to happen. Give your parents their space but also be there as a son. Hopefully everyone will be at a better place in the long run.

That's crazy they were divorced but stayed in the same household. I'd almost rather have them just separate. It would be too awkward to see. But good for them for putting their kid first.

You make a good point of becoming young again. My mom is always active now. It's kind of cool to see her hiking, kayaking, and snow-shoeing all the time now. My dad is going mid-life-crisis direction, except maybe almost-hitting-retirement-crisis would be more accurate. Bought a nicer car. Got some little loft apartment in the city. That's pretty youthful too though. We always lived on cul-de-sacs in the 'burbs when I was growing up.

[Fongstarr.]

Yeah.....my dad juggled girls and would be like, "This is girl 1 and this is girl 2". It was just odd to see cause I am not even like that but I gave him props for doing what he wants to do. My mother was the more domesticated but she went to like clubs for older people and met her current boyfriend there who's she's been with for a while. I still think considering, that is pretty easy to accommodate to as a son. Watch either your mom or dad dates someone super young. I don't think I could even handle that shit.

[brycickle]

My parents divorced when I was really young too. My dad was all over the country working, so I only got to see him summers and Christmas. Even then, during the summer I didn't see him that much. He was working and I would be at his house with his wife. It's probably for the best that I was with my mom. If I lived with my dad I probably would have turned out being a right wing nut job. I still love him though. It is crazy though. My dad has been divorced 3 times, and my mom twice, the second one being a drug addicted, abusive asshole. Skateboarding was definitely my biggest coping mechanism.

[augustmoon]

my parents got divorced long after i was an adult.  turns out my dad had a secret woman on the side for 20 years or so.  my mom finally got wind of it, hired a PI, and confronted him and the woman.  They should have gotten divorced long before that though.  Home life was pretty miserable.  I don't know why people stay together so long when things are obviously that bad.  Anyway, my dad married his secret woman, so now I'll have to see her at least for as long as my dad is still alive.  My mom died a year and a half ago, so now they're my only real family.  stoked.  

[essal]

My parents divorced when I was 6. Me and my brother stayed together for 1 week in each house which seems a lot better than some other arrangements (like 1 week a month at dads, rest at mom which is common in Norway). They lived in the same area (~20 minute walk).

Never really care about their dating (I was young), and they both fairly quickly got into new relationships. Dad got married to some woman who also had 2 kids, so I had a step brother and sister for a while. She turned out to be a coke head that was scheming money from the business she ran... One night we (me, brother, dad and her, her kids were in bed) were watching TV and all of a sudden she starts screaming that my dad hit her, just being fucking erratic. She runs out of the house and into a waiting car and they leave... Next day she comes back with the police to get her kids. They divorced and her fucking kids got my SNES! Dad found a bag of coke in some of her stuff that he took to the cops. She was a real bitch.

Mom had a partner for a while. They split up, I'm not sure exactly why but whatever.

Then mom and dad started to date each others again for a bit. It was weird but alright. They decided not to get back together for some reason, which was ok. Now my dad has an awesome partner, she is real nice. Mom is single and she doesn't seem interested in relationships any more which seems kinda depressing. We all actually spend Christmas together, which I am really happy about. It's nice to see adults being adults about things.

All in all I've been pretty luck. Never really had a super shitty family situation with mom or dad.

[Bobby Peru]

Thanks for chiming in. Funny, I have a hard time imagining what it would be like if I was young, having to go through my childhood being tossed around like that. Always felt bad for the kids that had to do one week with one parent, one week with the other, or a couple days, or weekends. That would be so hard. I think I have it easy. While I'm old enough to process the thing, at least my daily life isn't affected to much by it.

Sorry to hear about your own divorce. I can't imagine going through that. It makes me hesitant to get married in the first place, knowing what the divorce rate is. Everyone gets married and thinks it's the right person. I have a significant other that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.. we live together too. But given what has happened with my parents and other stories, it makes me terrified to pull the trigger and start this whole "have kids and be a family" thing. Divorce is a mess and I'm sure the paperwork and all the legality only adds to the heartache.

Divorce as a kid sucks. Being that I didn't have a childhood in a successful marriage, I don't have a real index, but it sucks.

I'm with you on the hesitance for marriage. On the (sort of) positive side, seeing my parents cope with single life in different ways has given me firsthand experience of traits I definitely do not want to exemplify myself. I really think I'm in a more mature spot for a relationship than either of my parents were when they started, and in some ways, even right now.

How far north is your mom? I'm a yooper.

[ducky darnsworth]

my parents didn't get a divorce but i knew if i wasn't there they would have split years ago, i knew the deal at around 8 or so, pretty lucky for me i guess, could have been way worse.

[Brett]

My parents divorced when I was 10-11. Part of the reason I was a fucked up child, I believe, but I could have turned out worse.

I have seen lots of kids go through this since I was a kid. If the kids are 8-15 they normally get a little messed up over it.

Some parents are just assholes though, I can tell you that!

[ice nine]

maybe not the right thread but I'm newly dating a single mother with two kids, her family has a history of divorce, whereas mine has none whatsoever. it makes me worry a little bit about our future but I guess that's part of dating in your 30's

[KING TUT]

Casey Jones my friend went through a pretty similar situation. Don't wan't to be an asshole but since the divorce seemed to come out of no where and your mom started dating a guy soon after do you think she was cheating on your old man and he found out? That's what happened with my friend, it was his moms old high school friend as well.

[4LOM]

7 or 8 and it really threw me, I hallucinated my dad picking me up at school - "dad, dad," reaching to an empty doorway, interrupting reading class.
Used to pray that something would happen to my mom so I could live with dad.


But I see that staying in love is a bunch of choices.
 Do I pay attention to the minor annoyance so they build to resentment or what's wonderful about my partner so they stay lovable?

[Turtle Boy]

Casey Jones my friend went through a pretty similar situation. Don't wan't to be an asshole but since the divorce seemed to come out of no where and your mom started dating a guy soon after do you think she was cheating on your old man and he found out? That's what happened with my friend, it was his moms old high school friend as well.

What I lived was not a divorce, but my ex gf which I was during 3 years when we break up 4 years ago suddenly became insanely jealous about ex gfs of mine with who I had no contact or whatever, she spyied my fb and my emails just to found out some conversations from years ago and went crazy but then  accepted those conversations where years old, even before knowing her etc..
Then one day she read something I written to a friend of mine about another girl (you know typical conversation between guys talking about a hot girl...) then proceed to erase me from her life in a couple minutes.
Blocked me on msn, fb, phone etc... A couple days before everything was more or less okay, then she disappeared. It was a shock for me because I never thought it would end like that, and not having any way to communicate with her from 100 to 0 in a couple days. It was fucking hard for me, until I get to meet other girls that made me forget her and realize how crazy that situation was.

A year after her erasing me from her life, I stumble across her with her new BF, who happened to be her ex BF (the one before me with who she was during 2 years or so). To this day I'm almost positive her fear about me were only a projection of her own desires to go back with her firt BF. Understanding that was a relief, because I got to understand that nothing I could have done or said would have changed anything, and it was better for everybody involved to end like that.

Now I'm happier than ever with my gf, and I've never met my ex again, and I don't give a fuck anymore.

First love is something powerful and some people keep thinking about it like it was the best feeling, the chosen one etc...

I have nothing to say about divorce, I think sometimes it's a new start for people. I hope everything turns out for the better everybody.

[Dontfearthereefer]

Parents had a pretty rough divorce when I was seven. I remember watching my mom Huck milk at my dad while I his under a table. Another time my mom jammed knives in the door so my dad couldn't open it. I was with my father so I was locked out as well. Dad wasn't playing that and kicked the door in. I somehow got stabbed in the face as the door exploded.

My relationship with both has had some turbulence but were all cool now. Thank skateboarding for keeping me out of the house as long as possible.

All I know us witnessing shitty toxic relationships my entire life gave me the wisdom to know what I don't want. But it seems I'm doomed anyways.

[JB]

it is weird seeing people go back to their previous ex's after a relationship ends. after my ex and i broke up she went out to cali to see her ex, ended up hooking up with his roommate then moving there for him. she had a very hard time making up her mind over just about everything.

im getting married next year and i wouldnt say im scared about it, but i know divorce happens a lot. i know so many families who went through it that im almost numb to it. all of my uncles on my moms side are divorced and my aunt on my dads side has been married i think three times now and is currently single. the strangest one i remember is that we had two families that ours was friends with pretty much since i can remember. the first family were my parents childhood friends and our two families spent a lot of time together growing up. the second was my childhood best friends mom and dad and after him and i became friends our families hung out a lot, and through my family these two families became friends as well. fast forward 15 years or so and word gets out that the wife from family 1 and the husband from family 2 are having an affair and both families divorce. after it happened i had just assumed that everyone went their separate ways. my family really only keeps in contact with the husband from family 1 who got cheated on. I saw his ex wife and the husband from family 2 a few weeks ago at the grocery store together and it made me feel really bad for their kids. i cant imagine having one of my parents cheat on the other with one of their best friends, then start a new relationship with them. i know id be full of resentment toward them both. (sorry if that was confusing to follow). i cant imagine my wife cheating on me with my buddy, then leaving me for him either.

[layzieyez]

I'm on my second marriage.

The divorce from my my first wife was terrible, but I'm happy that it happened considering how things are now.

Still, when it was going on from the separation until I started seeing my now wife, it was hell in my head to remember anything about that past relationship.

[h00man]

My parents divorced when I was 8, so it wasn't too bad at the time because I didn't really know the consequences of it. I was young and dumb, which was a good thing, because I could've been a wreck if I were older.

It's definitely weird seeing your parents date other people, especially when I'm doing the same. Main thing is that you live away from them, which is a good thing. You wouldn't want to have to deal with all the repercussions that come after a divorce. Just be there to support both of them in whatever they do, as long as they end up happy in the end.

[lampshade]

Divorce is heavy.  I had a few friends growing up with divorced parents.  It was always weird dealing with the whole, "I'm at my mom's house this weekend/dad's house next weekend type stuff." 

My wife's parents have a strange relationship.  In the 80's her mom got a really good job about an hour and a half outside DC.  They just ended up buying a townhouse in Richmond, VA.  Real estate was dirt cheap there in the 80's- murder capital and all.  Now her mom pretty much lives in Richmond and her dad lives in DC.  Still married, but only see each other once or twice a month.  It's like they love each other, but don't. 

[asakusa75]

7 or 8 and it really threw me, I hallucinated my dad picking me up at school - "dad, dad," reaching to an empty doorway, interrupting reading class.
Used to pray that something would happen to my mom so I could live with dad.


But I see that staying in love is a bunch of choices.
 Do I pay attention to the minor annoyance so they build to resentment or what's wonderful about my partner so they stay lovable?

Thats some heavy shit.

I am divorced...and though it was super tough at the time, its probably the best thing that has happened to me in the last 12 years (thats when I met my ex).

[givecigstosurfgroms]

  I'm done again.  Another break up.  I'm good , Im happy but 'they' never are.  Why does every girl say to me, 'we need to talk'.  When ever I hear that statement I go incomunicado for a coulple of days.  Fuck off!! Why do girls want problems all the time.  I always say to them "Just fire me or don't, i refuse to engage with non harmonious type behavior, have a good day"  (not exact. but words to this effect)

[The Lap Dancer]

 I'm done again.  Another break up.  I'm good , Im happy but 'they' never are.  Why does every girl say to me, 'we need to talk'.  When ever I hear that statement I go incomunicado for a coulple of days.  Fuck off!! Why do girls want problems all the time.  I always say to them "Just fire me or don't, i refuse to engage with non harmonious type behavior, have a good day"  (not exact. but words to this effect)

You should read "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" book. It's psychology, it explains men and women behavior. I read that shit in college and get the understanding how to understand women better. Basically men solve their problems by leaving and being alone trying to control and figure out how to solve the problems by themself while women need to express their feelings, need communication and talk. The art in this is both of the genders to understand that, sacrifice their natural behavior or work their way for compromise.

[Bloody Matt]

But I see that staying in love is a bunch of choices.
 Do I pay attention to the minor annoyance so they build to resentment or what's wonderful about my partner so they stay lovable?

Currently dealing with this.

[Maggie]

yeah my parents decided to split when i was 13, we all lived under the same roof for another year, shit was awkward, glad college was around the corner, piled out for a bit, finally bouncing back at 26