Advanced shitting techniques

[butterballs for jerry]

We all know fiber and proper hydration are key to poop prep - properly formed turds are more satisfying than piles, and a dookie that won't budge is a pain in the ass - butt when it comes to showtime do you have any techniques to ease the brown out?

I try to wait until the urge to shit is such that resisting any further would be a catastrophe. Once I'm on the toilet, I keep the clench going while I lean to the right, then ease all the way back. Return to center. Lean left then all the way back, return to center and release the package while leaning forward.

If some broke off before expulsion and the shit feels incomplete, I'll push in to the left of my belly button with my left hand and repeat the leaning/stretching process. I'll add a full arm raise while leaning as far back as possible, it seems to squeeze more out.

I've always found pooping to be funny as everyone has their own style and techniques, and talking about it's always a good time. Try my poop yoga next time you're in a struggle. Happy pooping!

[iKobrakai]

When I was a fiend, I'd get super constipated to the point where I had to dig the shit out of me. Not my proudest years...

Other than that, I have nothing.

[pizzafliptofakie]

If we wanna talk about leveling up our shitting game, I installed a bidet under my toilet seat and it has honestly been life changing. It's insane to me how this isn't the norm around here, because it's just infinitely better, and you can get a decent one for like 30 bucks.

[kentrock]

If we wanna talk about leveling up our shitting game, I installed a bidet under my toilet seat and it has honestly been life changing. It's insane to me how this isn't the norm around here, because it's just infinitely better, and you can get a decent one for like 30 bucks.
[/quote

does water go up your asshole?  what does it feel like?

[SHIREFLIP]

I installed a bidet under my toilet seat and it has honestly been life changing.

I do not understand North America's aversion to the bidet. People seem convinced that it is somehow sexually deviant, or cleaning one's butthole is superfluous.

It's fucking madness.

[AitchBeeGayBuh]

Suatty Potty brah or stack a few boards around the same height, whatever u want it's your perogative. Shit just slowly falls out like an old man getting into a hot bath.

[FROTHY]

Expand Quote

I installed a bidet under my toilet seat and it has honestly been life changing.

[close]

I do not understand North America's aversion to the bidet. People seem convinced that it is somehow sexually deviant, or cleaning one's butthole is superfluous.

It's fucking madness.

I'm American. I don't think it's a sexual thing, but I'll just speak for myself. I suppose I don't have one because:
-I think poop is going to splatter around the toilet bowl
-I think poop is going to splatter on the bidet
-Is it possible to pee onto the bidet, which, in turn, sprays onto your asshole? Seriously, this doesn't seem sanitary.
-Is it another thing to clean?
-Will a guest shit on it and feel embarrassed or proud?
-Will a guest see it and think it's an internet spy cam?
-Can I hook a camera up to it?

[Gray Imp Sausage Metal]

Expand Quote

If we wanna talk about leveling up our shitting game, I installed a bidet under my toilet seat and it has honestly been life changing. It's insane to me how this isn't the norm around here, because it's just infinitely better, and you can get a decent one for like 30 bucks.
[/quote

does water go up your asshole?  what does it feel like?

[close]

awesome!

[SHIREFLIP]

-I think poop is going to splatter around the toilet bowl

That is possible.

-I think poop is going to splatter on the bidet

Perhaps. When I lived in a glorious bidet having country, it was a separate throne, so poop splatter wasn't really a concern.

-Is it possible to pee onto the bidet, which, in turn, sprays onto your asshole? Seriously, this doesn't seem sanitary.

Mmm, again, experience for me has it as a separate entity from the toilet. That said, your own urine is probably a lot more sanitary than your shit. So all things considered, I think I'd rather be sprayed with my own dilute urine than smeared with my own shit.

-Is it another thing to clean?

Unfortunately.

-Will a guest shit on it and feel embarrassed or proud?
-Will a guest see it and think it's an internet spy cam?

I think these questions depend on your guests.

-Can I hook a camera up to it?

I don't see why not.

[pizzafliptofakie]

Expand Quote

If we wanna talk about leveling up our shitting game, I installed a bidet under my toilet seat and it has honestly been life changing. It's insane to me how this isn't the norm around here, because it's just infinitely better, and you can get a decent one for like 30 bucks.
[/quote

does water go up your asshole?  what does it feel like?

[close]

Not really, unless maybe you shoot full blast and like aim your open asshole at the stream.

Think of it this way: If you got some shit on your arm, would you rinse it off with some water, or would you just rub it a bunch with some paper?

[SHIREFLIP]

what does it feel like?

It feels like cleaning your ass with water.

[SHIREFLIP]

Actually, this might help somebody, but it's also anedcotal, so results may vary:
Someone told me to try magnesium glycinate to help with some tendon/muscle pain. It's also supposed to help you sleep, but whatever. This person negated to tell me about the swiftness and efficiency I would shit with the next morning.

Be warned, there may be some loose stools, but if ye keep a high fibre diet, and still have murky bellows, swab your poop deck with some magnesium and send those stow aways to Davey Jones' locker.

[essal]

squat. but since you most likely have a western toilet then a really low stool (the chair kind) under your feet get closer to the same position. if you can bother with the chair, then be on your toes and with a straight spine.

it's like being a professional shitter.

[dirtyweemidden]

I got a little step for my son so he could get up on to the toilet easier. It doubles as my poop stool, my feet on that bad boy brings my knees higher than my hips. now I get some real torque on my turds

[givecigstosurfgroms]

Outdoor one cheeker.  You sit on one cheek (car bumper, tree stump) and pull your other cheek so you feel them spread apart.   Let her rip.

[Roisto]

squat. but since you most likely have a western toilet then a really low stool (the chair kind) under your feet get closer to the same position. if you can bother with the chair, then be on your toes and with a straight spine.

it's like being a professional shitter.

This is the best technique. I tried this when I was eating a bunch of painkillers for my broken leg. Made my shit really hard and bowel movements just lazy as fuck. This helped me get the shit out in 1/10th of the time with 1/10th of the force. Big recommendation from me! 👍