Divorce

[NBA NFL]

Pretty sure I’m going to buy a house elsewhere also. Only thing that really affects my location is … my son is on one of those expensive , fancy select baseball teams… so I need to be in the realm of that area I suppose .

Minor humble brag: this whole weekend is his All Star exhibition and games. Pretty proud of him. He almost won the throwing challenge (lost by one point) and right before he did it I said: “One piece of advice bud…” .. he leaned in and I go “deez nuts” then he went out and kicked ass

Absolutely beautiful. I have an 8 year old son and I try my hardest to maintain a fun relationship (while fully aware that I’m his father first and foremost) and I do shit like that all the time. Reading that truly warmed my heart.

[Gland Dongzig]

Obviously divorce is never an easy thing Boomer. Keep your head held high brotha. If you ever need someone to listen, PM me I have had 2 divorce’s and somehow all 4 of my kids came through the process better than I could of ever hoped for. Also my man, it has been evident on here for years that you are an amazing father.
-Sevntyfnsvn
(we used to chat on here) 

[pugmaster]

Obviously divorce is never an easy thing Boomer. Keep your head held high brotha. If you ever need someone to listen, PM me I have had 2 divorce’s and somehow all 4 of my kids came through the process better than I could of ever hoped for. Also my man, it has been evident on here for years that you are an amazing father.
-Sevntyfnsvn
(we used to chat on here) 

Welcome back!

[Gland Dongzig]

Expand Quote

Obviously divorce is never an easy thing Boomer. Keep your head held high brotha. If you ever need someone to listen, PM me I have had 2 divorce’s and somehow all 4 of my kids came through the process better than I could of ever hoped for. Also my man, it has been evident on here for years that you are an amazing father.
-Sevntyfnsvn
(we used to chat on here) 

[close]

Welcome back!

thank you man! nice to be back. I certainly missed bullshittin’ with great people like You..Boomer, and countless others on here

[Garfiled L. Asagna LLC]

I would look into seeing if you can mutally agree upon custody. In alot of states they allow co parents to come up with their own parenting plan(custody arrangement) and at most you just need a notary.

Divorce is expensive but family court custody disputes are really expensive. If you can get that taken care of without going to mediation or trial do that.

[Willie]

The more you guys can agree upon, the better.

I’ve got a friend who is an ambulance chaser type lawyer and he insists it’s divorce lawyers who are the scum of the earth. They are incentivized to stretch out your case as long as possible and an unscrupulous one will do just that - while making promises that he can get more money for his client.

I’ve got another friend who’s wife’s lawyer is doing just that and it’s crazy because most of the division of assets stuff is already prescribed by law.

The house stuff is tricky because if it doesn’t get sold, the one who moves out is entitled to half the current fair market value (or half the appreciated value if the property was originally owned by the other partner).

I could see her having trouble coming up with the money with the way it likely appreciated but if she was able to come up with the money from elsewhere (possibly from other joint assets she is entitled to), she could “buy” you out. She would not have to “re-buy” the house or refinance if she did that, she would just become the sole owner through legal agreement.

Sorry you are going through this, Boomer.

[ok boomer]

So divorce went through right before thanksgiving. We had an uncontested divorce.. only cost me $1150. Took some L’s financially.. I guess she wanted to “get” me there and I just took whatever to end it and stop the resentment between us both. Got my son 50% legally.. but I generally have him 90% of the time so that’s cool. He was mad af at first .. when I first moved out end of July or whatever but he sees the difference in us now so he is more accepting of it now.

Unsurprisingly, my ex had a boyfriend in no time. (I had some suspicions but kinda whatever as our relationship had basically been RIP in denial for a few years). Also new - my best friend for the last five years has since become my girlfriend and it’s going great. We hung out as just friends alone a few times and it just clicked. Kinda one of those “so obvious that neither of us even noticed” things. My son knows her and likes her too. And her son has known him since they were five so they’re wrecking balls together. (Ex extremely not feeling this but I mean it is what it is) l. Also she had my dog that I couldn’t keep three years ago… so inadvertently.. me and my son regained the dog he picked out then.

Life going pretty well.. sometimes I get nervous about it because everything been pretty nuts for me most of my life and this new happy chill life is .. well new and chill… scared of fucking it up I guess. Also have to buy a new house but prices and interest are some bullshit rn.

[Urtripping]

It seems like you have the best attitude about this. Happy that its been smooth-ish (all things considered) start to this new era for you! Housing market sucks ass rn, especially if you want to stay in the fancy area you said you're in, but keep your eyeballs peeled... sometimes great deals pop up, but are gone quick.

[TheLurper]

@ok boomer glad you made it out and everything is looking up.

[counter spell]

glad this panned out the way it did for you.

as a product of a 30+ year marriage, where the parents screamed, threatened, threw stuff, broke shit, called me and my siblings names and convinced us we weren't worth much more than the pull out couch we were sleeping on.. this was the best thing you could do.

my folks didnt separate until my father had only years to live, and my mother locked down some guy with a terminal illness and, you guessed it, tons of cash. also scared of fucking up my new semi-chill life.

wishing you and your new life the best!

[sexualhelon]

Glad it seems to have all worked out for the best with your divorce hombre.

Went through one a 3/4 years ago myself but we didn't have a kid. Coming to the realization that you've grown apart and things aren't working out is insanely hard. Fortunately mine was amicable and we're still friends. I can see how things blow up and once in love, married people become very malicious towards each other. I guess that depends on how things end. Now I just look back on it and can appreciate the good from all those years together.

[RoaryMcTwang]

Hell yeah, great to hear you got through it and came
out of it so well. Wish you all all the best going forward!

[Sleazy]

really glad to hear things went so well for you. love to hear the lawyers not getting paid off peoples pain for once and i'm going to guess "taking the L" was a really wise choice for you.

i wanted to share that in my life this idea

scared of fucking it up I guess.

has been so powerful. i find that if i don't have some healthy level of concern, fear, anxiety about my family, career, health, etc. attrophy starts setting in. i try to stay in that zone and not get too comfortable. as soon as i think "i got this" i stop progressing. to keep my anexiety in check i end up working harder, doing random nice things for my wife, working out, etc... everyone is different but this has been my go to for a good bit.

[CossRooper]

Respect to you @ok boomer . Reading shit like this is reassuring. Life goes on etc etc. glad you're doing well.

[Jehoshaphat Augustus]

I used to be the first dude to call out divorce rates and all the dumb stuff single unlovable 'men' say but its truly brave of you to have given your all and to contributed a wonderful addition to the world who stands for a testament of the good times and good time spent. 

My life is paralyzed by concept of the divorce process (due to seeing my parents do it all wrong) to even ever start. I'll never go down the road of marriage. I'll never have children. My life is largely about me, quite hollow, and living like that makes it so if I died today, people would be over it by next week. It's much better to have tried, what's more: You are free to try again!

Let the benefit of your son's future be the guiding light for everything you do for them. Try not to disparage his mom, especially if she's not extending you the same courtesy.  I personally stopped listening to everyone once I knew my mom and dad weren't good or to be trusted.  It sounds like all parties are much better adjusted and are above that.  I respect you very much for sharing your situation and your thoughts and I wish you much grace as time mends, OK, Boomer?!

[Sleazy]

I used to be the first dude to call out divorce rates and all the dumb stuff single unlovable 'men' say but its truly brave of you to have given your all and to contributed a wonderful addition to the world who stands for a testament of the good times and good time spent. 

My life is paralyzed by concept of the divorce process (due to seeing my parents do it all wrong) to even ever start. I'll never go down the road of marriage. I'll never have children. My life is largely about me, quite hollow, and living like that makes it so if I died today, people would be over it by next week. It's much better to have tried, what's more: You are free to try again!

Let the benefit of your son's future be the guiding light for everything you do for them. Try not to disparage his mom, especially if she's not extending you the same courtesy.  I personally stopped listening to everyone once I knew my mom and dad weren't good or to be trusted.  It sounds like all parties are much better adjusted and are above that.  I respect you very much for sharing your situation and your thoughts and I wish you much grace as time mends, OK, Boomer?!

there's not just one path through life that works for all people but... i kind of feel the high divorce rates are what makes marriage special. if you look at all the things in life that lead to what a lot of people see as living well they have really high failure rates whether it's getting degrees, starting a business, getting married, etc. there's a reason so many people screw it up, because it's hard to get right but pays dividends when you do.

[Nosferatu]

Heavy, enlightening, and ultimately heartwarming thread to comb through. Glad everything is going smoother for boomer and others that shared in here.

[skippersoldballs]

My parents got divorced when I was young, I’m extremely grateful that they remained friends. Being able to spend holidays with both of my parents was awesome

[breezer]

Fellas I'm heading down this road.........but what complicates matters is the Mrs poor mental health.  And what complicates things even further is her refusal to acknowledge the situation and / or seek help.  My guess is she is suffering from not only anxiety, but depression, compounded by low self esteem and lack of confidence.  She has no friends and no family support network.  If or when we separate I imagine it will be tough for me.....but I will push through.  But I dread to think how she will handle it.  And how her behaviours will affect our 2 kids. Recently she has been suffering paranoid thoughts about being followed by security guards in shops and at the mall. But she is convinced its happening and any questioning of that throws her into a rage.

I will definitely be seeking joint custody, but I just can't imagine how she will cope.  As for the present - our relationship is done.......no love, no affection, no sex - just bad vibes, which grew intolerable over the Christmas period.  But I have to think about my own mental health and how all the negative shit is affecting my little ones.  I could dwell on past bad decisions, but its all done, I need to push forward, but I'm frightened of the consequences. Any advice or input is welcome.  OP I apologise in advance for hijacking your thread......

[n0torious]

You are walking the thin line of knowing you can't save someone who won't save themselves. No right answers but staying together for your kids is definitely the wrong one.

[ok boomer]

Fellas I'm heading down this road.........but what complicates matters is the Mrs poor mental health.  And what complicates things even further is her refusal to acknowledge the situation and / or seek help.  My guess is she is suffering from not only anxiety, but depression, compounded by low self esteem and lack of confidence.  She has no friends and no family support network.  If or when we separate I imagine it will be tough for me.....but I will push through.  But I dread to think how she will handle it.  And how her behaviours will affect our 2 kids. Recently she has been suffering paranoid thoughts about being followed by security guards in shops and at the mall. But she is convinced its happening and any questioning of that throws her into a rage.

I will definitely be seeking joint custody, but I just can't imagine how she will cope.  As for the present - our relationship is done.......no love, no affection, no sex - just bad vibes, which grew intolerable over the Christmas period.  But I have to think about my own mental health and how all the negative shit is affecting my little ones.  I could dwell on past bad decisions, but its all done, I need to push forward, but I'm frightened of the consequences. Any advice or input is welcome.  OP I apologise in advance for hijacking your thread......

This sounds eerily like my situation. My ex did finally accept things and that an uncontested divorce was going to be the easiest way for all of us.

There were a few points where she would lose it and want to get sole custody… which seemed like she just wanted to punish me for hurting her by ending the marriage. She did accept eventually though.

The last three years of the relationship- I couldn’t even talk to her without her yelling at me (in front of my son)… and she didn’t even seem to notice the last two years of it - I slept in the spare bedroom. One day she just seemed to get it and realized I wanted out.

As far as the kids… my son wouldn’t really talk to me for two months (he did later tell me that she told him this was all my fault etc etc). As time went on and he hung out with us separately… he got it. And we’re good now. He now openly acknowledges that all we did was argue and act stupid in front of him, which is what I wanted to stop.

He does go through mood swings a lot now but he also knows that I was railroaded financially in the divorce (apparently she openly talks about this in front of him?)… so he knows that me living at my moms… is because I took a big L in the divorce. About to start looking for a house again though.

As hard as the process is…. I saw it effecting my son negatively and I know I was spiraling downward (if anyone noticed I haven’t posted as much the last few years)… and I read a lot about how the kids eventually see you doing better and happy and it helps them too

[Sleazy]

It’s been an interesting year to say the least. My wife and I had a rough one and after some time in therapy realized there isn’t really a future for us as husband and wife anymore, so we’re filing for divorce this week.

Nothing dramatic happened — no cheating or anything like that. Just a stressful year that led to a lot of arguing, resentment, and eventually a change in how we felt.

We’ve been together 28 years so it’s obviously disappointing, but we’re both very focused on keeping things stable for the kids. The plan is to keep the family home and rent a nearby 2/2 apartment that we’ll rotate weeks in so the kids can stay put. Hoping to make that work for about two years while the kids finish high school.

It’s a pretty surreal place to be after almost three decades together.

[whale]

All the best to all of you.
Getting a divorce was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life, and with kids it’s a thing that I think I will continue to get through for many more years.

But I firmly believe we’re all in a better place.
Keep your heads up.

[Sleazy]

All the best to all of you.
Getting a divorce was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life, and with kids it’s a thing that I think I will continue to get through for many more years.

But I firmly believe we’re all in a better place.
Keep your heads up.

Thanks @whale and sorry to hear about your divorce

I’m hoping to find some strength in adversity on this adventure.