Okay, personally, I love this thread. It keeps me entertained while I have nothing else better to do. I was bummed when I saw it wasn't on the first page of the whatever section. So, I decided to try to keep it alive by posting "just one time" and then return to just lurking on slap. So, here's my awkward and painful story (If you just want to read about the terrible foreplay and sex (well, not sex to you guys, but kind of sex to me), go to the 7th paragraph that reads, "I don't know what happened just before but it started off with hugging..."):
Let me get this out of the way, I'm a girl and I'm gay. My best friend had been with her girlfriend for a while now, who's really cool. She insisted that I had to get laid somehow (I hadn't had sex since my first girlfriend of about a year cheated on me and dumped me about 10 months before. I was pretty heartbroken for about 8 months. Yeah, I suck). I'm really shy and not the type to pick up girls so she told me that she wanted to hook me up with her friend (who she said was attractive). I trusted her and she told her friend about me, gave me her number and I texted her for a couple days. She seemed nice so we decided that the four of us (my friend, her girlfriend, and this girl) would meet up the next day to chill somewhere. So that next day I'm told to meet her at BART at four. I'm there for about half an hour, seeing hot girls walk in my direction, hoping it's her. None of them were.
Eventually I hear a voice that's way deeper than mine (I'm a fucking dyke. If you're a feminine lesbian you're voice shouldn't have more bass to it than mine) call my name and I look up to a girl who's taller than me (big turn off), has tons of freckles (ugh), really short red hair cut into some sort of weird bob (ARG) and a really small head (sigh). I'm disappointed, but still act friendly. Her grammar would remind you of someone you would consider white trash. For example, her favorite phrase seemed to be, "Dats sum buuhhllshit." Obviously, I wasn't attracted.
We meet up with my friend and her girlfriend and end up going back to my house (my parents were at work) only to find out that this girl is a complete cock block. She kept following my friend and her girlfriend around my whole house. So my friend takes me aside and tells me, "Come on dude, I know you don't want her, but take one for the team. Go cuddle with her or something, please." So, being the good friend that I am, I let my friend and her girlfriend use my room while I pick out a movie to watch with this girl. We end up cuddling on the couch and she's petting my arm for some reason.
I was relieved when my friend and her girlfriend came out of my room. I thought I was going to have the house to myself; but then my friend told me that they really needed to talk alone and that they couldn't take my date (whatever you want to call her) with them, so she had to stay with me. She told me, "Dude, I owe you so bad. Thank you. But look, just go for it, she's down."
Initially, I had refused to even consider it. But as the sun started to go down and less light filled my house, she started to look better. I figured that there were tons of guys and girls, gay or straight who hook up with people they weren't attracted to just to "get their dicks wet." So I asked her what she was thinking and she said she thought I was cute and she hoped she wasn't a disappointment. I didn't really know what to say, so I just replied with, "Of course not" then laughed awkwardly and looked away. I really should've stopped it there, but since there was a girl in my house that wanted to fuck me, my parents weren't home, and I hadn't gotten laid in almost a year, I decided I should just take what I can get.
I don't know what happened just before but it started off with hugging, then eventually, somehow she started making out me. She tasted like Doritos and sweat. She opened her mouth almost as wide as it would go and shoved it against mine. She repeatedly opened and closed her it like that motion you make with your mouth when you're pretending to be a fish. It kind of looks like this
except it was like she was trying to eat my face. So I pulled away and started kissing her neck instead, which also tasted like sweat and Doritos, but it was better than her terrible mouth; no tongue (as in she was opening her mouth that wide and didn't even attempt to use her tongue, which made it more awkward. But I guess it was lucky for me. I could've ended up with it down my throat for all I know), no teeth clashing, just her salty neck. Sadly, that was short-lived. She started moaning a bit before she pulled my hair to yank me back up to her lips. After a little bit of that I couldn't take it anymore and had her lie down on the kitchen floor. I was on top and I took off her shirt, she took off mine and I got underneath her bra. I started sucking on her nipples, flicking them with my tongue, etc. and she started to go a little nuts before she asked me if we could go to my bedroom.
We walked down the hall and I opened the door. We were both hit with the smell that our friends had created before when they fucked. I opened the window and we continued from where we left off. I was on top of her again, playing with her nipples and was reaching in between her legs when she stopped me and told me she was on her period (I later found out from my friend's girlfriend that she didn't really have her period. She had a yeast infection for about two weeks beforehand. Yeah, what the fuck right? That can really fuck you up. I'm lucky that she didn't let me go down there). I just said, "Oh" and looked at her.
She responded with, "Yeah." We looked at each other for a few more seconds till I broke the stare and gazed at the floor more intently than I had been looking at her. "I'll still fuck you though." I agreed and she got on top of me and started sucking on my neck like a fucking, drooling vacuum cleaner (I ended up with about three different hickeys on the left side of my neck). She took off my bra and tried to do what I did to her before but then stopped and said she didn't really know what to do and that I was the farthest she had ever went with a girl. So I "showed" her again what to do for about half a minute (I was starting to lose patience with this girl) and asked if she knew what to do now. She nodded and rolled me over so she was on top. You know those black clamps that you use to hold stacks of papers together? Yeah, well, it was like that, but with her teeth on my nipple with a slight grinding motion and added suction.
Why didn't I say anything? I really don't know. "Ouch" would have been sufficient. I didn't want to be rude I guess. I know it was stupid of me. Anyway, I was guessing that if she could hardly understand what she was doing to my nipple, she wouldn't be able to focus enough to rub my clit at the same time. I couldn't help thinking, "Fuck it, I've gone through all of this, I have to get off." So I grabbed her hand and guided it towards my zipper. She stopped and smiled at me as she unzipped and pulled off my pants. When she put her hand down there, I came to the surprise realization that I was wet. I don't know how it happened, but it did. I guess my body had decided that after waiting that long, any kind of human sexual contact would be okay.
So she's rubbing my clit, and surprisingly, she's doing a good job. I'm the road to an orgasm. So I decide to give her a little motivation and I start breathing a bit harder. But I guess she took that as, "Bitch, go as fast and hard as you fucking can!" So she did that and the little car on the road to an orgasm made a U-turn. Back to the beginning. I had stopped breathing hard, and I tell her, just go softer. So she does. Again, she's doing a good job and because of that, I can't help breathing harder. So it happens again, she goes fucking elbow grease on me. It was like she was trying to wax a damn car.
So here I am, back to square one again. I realize that talking to her about how to do things is pointless, so I make up my mind to just force myself to not breath hard at all (By the way, no, I don't only breath heavily. I'm a dyke, but not THAT much of a dyke. I don't fucking grunt and practically pant into my partner's ear like a dog. Yes, I'm like most girls, I moan. But I don't like to be that vulnerable with someone I hardly know, so I hold the noises back. I realize I'm getting very personal with strangers on the internet... Oh well) So she's doing pretty good again and in a couple minutes I'm cumming and I really can't control my breathing so out of nowhere, you know what happens. So I shoot up in pain, less than half way through an orgasm and scream, "Ow!" She looks so concerned and asks if I'm okay and if she hurt me. I just look at her for a second while I'm thinking, "This is fucking pointless" and say, "Yeah, I, uh, finished..."
She goes, "Oh!" and smiles and starts kissing me again while I'm thinking, "Noooo!" So I stop her to look at my clock, it's around five thirty. So I tell her, "Oh no! My stepdad's gonna be home soon." She gets scared, says, "Oh!" and runs to go get her shirt, bra, and shoes while I lean back in relief that she couldn't pick up on my bad acting.
Once we're both dressed, I walk her to BART with my board, hug her goodbye, and skate away as fast as possible. It burned when I peed for the rest of the day and I told my friend's girlfriend that I'm never trusting her with setting me up with a girl ever again.
That was way longer than I expected it to be. But I guess it was worth it since I killed some time in a sleepless night. Anyway, please, please keep posting in this thread! I realize my story isn't nearly as bad or funny as some of the others in here, but that's why I want more stories! Well, I have no life. I'm off to lurk and never post again. If you got this far, thanks for reading.
Topic: Awkward Sexual Experiences (Read 464472 times)