Awkward Sexual Experiences

[Hobochilli]

Remember a thing that happend many years ago after reading Baggers story.
So i was home visiting my folks over christmas.
On christmas day i was out meeting up with old friends having a great time.
So i run in to an old girlfriend also vistiting her folks and we really start to get hammered.
After a while we decide to catch up on old times more private so we take a cab to my parents house, by now we are both wasted beyond oblivion.
I remember that we fucked for a bit in my old bedroom but i guess we both passed out.
Woke up the next morning and felt that the bed was soaking wet, so i checked myself.
I was fine, so i woke her up and yes, it was her.
My parents had left to visit some uncle or something so i went down to washthe sheets and put new ones in.
I Went back to sleep in my brothers old room while she went for a shower, she woke me up with a nice bj.
I forgave her after that.

[brycickle]

Not about me but ...

Buddy was having a party at his own house, he's drunk. At some point he creeps into his room with his girl. Later we see him all drunk and happy and he's got some blood on his nose.

A kid I go to school with apparently had the nickname "The Joker" for this very same reason.

[saucy ragu]

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You guys should do it. There are tons of places that test for free and you will have a weight lifted off your shoulders.

[close]

or not...

[close]

Fair enough.

Edit: Dammit! The point was to convince these guys to do it! I didn't get my first test until maybe 4 years ago. I used to get stressed out on it and now I never worry. I have been tested 3 times and it becomes less of a stressful ordeal every time.

[close]

I get tested all the time, it makes sense, I mean why wouldnt you?

I went to get tested last June, it's somewhat long and not sexually awkward in the classical sense, but this is what happened:

   I went to my medical center in early June for a respiratory issue and was prescribed antibiotics. They told me to call if I was still experiencing issues. A week passes by, I'm still congested so I call, get checked out + X-Rays in case of bronchitis, and am prescribed steroids. At this juncture they also schedule me for a yearly check-up two weeks later, at which point they'll ask me how I've been with the respiratory stuff unless it worsened and had to come in sooner. Those first two times were with the same doctor.

   Two weeks later I go in, I'm breathing just fine, and the new doctor comes in. He asked me how I was doing, I replied I was feeling better, but then he said my X-rays worried him; it looked like mild lung disease. A blank canvas stretches over my eyes as I ask him how that's possible, and he quizzes me on how I feel, what my symptoms were like, a bunch of those types of questions. Five minutes later he's relieved that I'm feeling well, and said something along the lines of the oxygenation in my cells in the X-Ray disprove any form of disease anyway. He also didn't know when this X-Ray was taken, and was under the impression that I had it done yesterday. I don't know how he was unaware of that fact; I'm pretty sure I saw the date on the scan or the folder it came in. Either way, I'm so confused at this point that I don't know if I should be pissed off yet because I was just so relieved. Then we get on with the usual check-up shit.

   A few minutes into it, I decide to just brave it and ask for a STD test. He pauses and asks if I'm been sexually active lately and reply that I haven't been. He then asks me if I'm worried about a certain individual, and I mull it over and reply with a shrugging, "Naahh." He starts to chuckle and asks, "What do you want to get tested for then?" My face turns to stone and I tell him, very slowly, "Peace.. Of.. Mind.." He straightens up and starts typing, while I'm thinking that I must be on some suburban localized version of Punk'd, or Indian version of Doctor Ben is just here to fuck with me. After some minutes of typing, he asks, "And you want to get tested for HIV?," to which I reply "Yes" before I can let anything abusive formulate in my head to do to him. Of course I want to get fucking tested for HIV, most STDs pop up within six months of the last sexual encounter, that shit can hide for years! A little bit later he brings up a situation to me and we have this conversation:

Dr: "Sooo.. I'm not sure if your health plan covers this, so I'm just going to put down that you have an Unspecified Venereal Disease."
Me: "Why, so it'll be cheaper?"
Dr: "Yes."
Me: "How long is it going to say in my records that I have an 'Unspecified Venereal Disease?'"
Dr: He waves his hand at the screen as if shooing a fly, "Oh, I'll get rid of it once the test results come in, so about two weeks."
Me: "I don't want that in my records, at all. So how about I call my insurance company to see if they cover it, and reschedule for a test." All the while I'm thinking, 'I know I can get this done at a free clinic. What the fuck is this nonsense?'
Dr: He chuckles to himself again and says, "Yeah, [more chuckling] that's probably a good idea." And deletes the request.

Annnd I haven't looked into it since. There was also some shit about getting tested for food allergies, but I've written enough. This doctor is a fuckhead.

[MaryhillVibe]

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You guys should do it. There are tons of places that test for free and you will have a weight lifted off your shoulders.

[close]

or not...

[close]

Fair enough.

Edit: Dammit! The point was to convince these guys to do it! I didn't get my first test until maybe 4 years ago. I used to get stressed out on it and now I never worry. I have been tested 3 times and it becomes less of a stressful ordeal every time.

[close]

I get tested all the time, it makes sense, I mean why wouldnt you?

[close]

I went to get tested last June, it's somewhat long and not sexually awkward in the classical sense, but this is what happened:

 ?  I went to my medical center in early June for a respiratory issue and was prescribed antibiotics. They told me to call if I was still experiencing issues. A week passes by, I'm still congested so I call, get checked out + X-Rays in case of bronchitis, and am prescribed steroids. At this juncture they also schedule me for a yearly check-up two weeks later, at which point they'll ask me how I've been with the respiratory stuff unless it worsened and had to come in sooner. Those first two times were with the same doctor.

 ?  Two weeks later I go in, I'm breathing just fine, and the new doctor comes in. He asked me how I was doing, I replied I was feeling better, but then he said my X-rays worried him; it looked like mild lung disease. A blank canvas stretches over my eyes as I ask him how that's possible, and he quizzes me on how I feel, what my symptoms were like, a bunch of those types of questions. Five minutes later he's relieved that I'm feeling well, and said something along the lines of the oxygenation in my cells in the X-Ray disprove any form of disease anyway. He also didn't know when this X-Ray was taken, and was under the impression that I had it done yesterday. I don't know how he was unaware of that fact; I'm pretty sure I saw the date on the scan or the folder it came in. Either way, I'm so confused at this point that I don't know if I should be pissed off yet because I was just so relieved. Then we get on with the usual check-up shit.

 ?  A few minutes into it, I decide to just brave it and ask for a STD test. He pauses and asks if I'm been sexually active lately and reply that I haven't been. He then asks me if I'm worried about a certain individual, and I mull it over and reply with a shrugging, "Naahh." He starts to chuckle and asks, "What do you want to get tested for then?" My face turns to stone and I tell him, very slowly, "Peace.. Of.. Mind.." He straightens up and starts typing, while I'm thinking that I must be on some suburban localized version of Punk'd, or Indian version of Doctor Ben is just here to fuck with me. After some minutes of typing, he asks, "And you want to get tested for HIV?," to which I reply "Yes" before I can let anything abusive formulate in my head to do to him. Of course I want to get fucking tested for HIV, most STDs pop up within six months of the last sexual encounter, that shit can hide for years! A little bit later he brings up a situation to me and we have this conversation:

Dr: "Sooo.. I'm not sure if your health plan covers this, so I'm just going to put down that you have an Unspecified Venereal Disease."
Me: "Why, so it'll be cheaper?"
Dr: "Yes."
Me: "How long is it going to say in my records that I have an 'Unspecified Venereal Disease?'"
Dr: He waves his hand at the screen as if shooing a fly, "Oh, I'll get rid of it once the test results come in, so about two weeks."
Me: "I don't want that in my records, at all. So how about I call my insurance company to see if they cover it, and reschedule for a test." All the while I'm thinking, 'I know I can get this done at a free clinic. What the fuck is this nonsense?'
Dr: He chuckles to himself again and says, "Yeah, [more chuckling] that's probably a good idea." And deletes the request.

Annnd I haven't looked into it since. There was also some shit about getting tested for food allergies, but I've written enough. This doctor is a fuckhead.

That is totally fucked, but I have heard so many similar stories from friends that it barely surpises me any more.

Go to the free clinic, there they have experience giving medical help t those who need it, for there own good. most GPs are self agrandising cunts.

[rob2]

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You guys should do it. There are tons of places that test for free and you will have a weight lifted off your shoulders.

[close]

or not...

[close]

Fair enough.

Edit: Dammit! The point was to convince these guys to do it! I didn't get my first test until maybe 4 years ago. I used to get stressed out on it and now I never worry. I have been tested 3 times and it becomes less of a stressful ordeal every time.

[close]

I get tested all the time, it makes sense, I mean why wouldnt you?

[close]

I went to get tested last June, it's somewhat long and not sexually awkward in the classical sense, but this is what happened:

 ?  I went to my medical center in early June for a respiratory issue and was prescribed antibiotics. They told me to call if I was still experiencing issues. A week passes by, I'm still congested so I call, get checked out + X-Rays in case of bronchitis, and am prescribed steroids. At this juncture they also schedule me for a yearly check-up two weeks later, at which point they'll ask me how I've been with the respiratory stuff unless it worsened and had to come in sooner. Those first two times were with the same doctor.

 ?  Two weeks later I go in, I'm breathing just fine, and the new doctor comes in. He asked me how I was doing, I replied I was feeling better, but then he said my X-rays worried him; it looked like mild lung disease. A blank canvas stretches over my eyes as I ask him how that's possible, and he quizzes me on how I feel, what my symptoms were like, a bunch of those types of questions. Five minutes later he's relieved that I'm feeling well, and said something along the lines of the oxygenation in my cells in the X-Ray disprove any form of disease anyway. He also didn't know when this X-Ray was taken, and was under the impression that I had it done yesterday. I don't know how he was unaware of that fact; I'm pretty sure I saw the date on the scan or the folder it came in. Either way, I'm so confused at this point that I don't know if I should be pissed off yet because I was just so relieved. Then we get on with the usual check-up shit.

 ?  A few minutes into it, I decide to just brave it and ask for a STD test. He pauses and asks if I'm been sexually active lately and reply that I haven't been. He then asks me if I'm worried about a certain individual, and I mull it over and reply with a shrugging, "Naahh." He starts to chuckle and asks, "What do you want to get tested for then?" My face turns to stone and I tell him, very slowly, "Peace.. Of.. Mind.." He straightens up and starts typing, while I'm thinking that I must be on some suburban localized version of Punk'd, or Indian version of Doctor Ben is just here to fuck with me. After some minutes of typing, he asks, "And you want to get tested for HIV?," to which I reply "Yes" before I can let anything abusive formulate in my head to do to him. Of course I want to get fucking tested for HIV, most STDs pop up within six months of the last sexual encounter, that shit can hide for years! A little bit later he brings up a situation to me and we have this conversation:

Dr: "Sooo.. I'm not sure if your health plan covers this, so I'm just going to put down that you have an Unspecified Venereal Disease."
Me: "Why, so it'll be cheaper?"
Dr: "Yes."
Me: "How long is it going to say in my records that I have an 'Unspecified Venereal Disease?'"
Dr: He waves his hand at the screen as if shooing a fly, "Oh, I'll get rid of it once the test results come in, so about two weeks."
Me: "I don't want that in my records, at all. So how about I call my insurance company to see if they cover it, and reschedule for a test." All the while I'm thinking, 'I know I can get this done at a free clinic. What the fuck is this nonsense?'
Dr: He chuckles to himself again and says, "Yeah, [more chuckling] that's probably a good idea." And deletes the request.

Annnd I haven't looked into it since. There was also some shit about getting tested for food allergies, but I've written enough. This doctor is a fuckhead.

[close]

That is totally fucked, but I have heard so many similar stories from friends that it barely surpises me any more.

Go to the free clinic, there they have experience giving medical help t those who need it, for there own good. most GPs are self agrandising cunts.

I don't know what the xray chat was about but its a legal requirement to gain specific consent for an HIV test so thats why he said that. (not that I don't believe he was being odd -  a large proportion of doctors are borderline autistic)

So I don't go off topic here's a story:

Stayed in friends little sister's room after a party - managed to break her bed having sex in it, girlfreind then pissed about 5Litres in the night, completely soaked the entire mattress and all the toys beneath it. I don't think Ive ever felt worse in the morning, still can't look the sister in the eye.

[GarglesCmen]

Back in 1999-2000 I was a radio/radar journeyman in the Air Force and was temporarily stationed in Germany.  Being 20 in Germany with $50 a day per diem, plus a regular paycheck and my lodging taken care of means lots of us were getting drunk regularly.  One of these nights I was at the bar on base waiting for some homies to finish up at work when this American girl came up to me and had this little conversation with me:

Girl- Are you married?

Me- No

Girl- Engaged?

Me- No

Girl- Dating anyone?

Me- Uhhh... no.

Girl- Alright, well you're coming with me.

She was an average looking girl and when you're a kid and have no strings attached, you know not to turn anything down.  We walked across the street to the hotel all of us were staying in and this is when I noticed how wasted she was.  She had the whole "one leg is lighter than the other" walk going on.  We made it up to her room and she told me she had to go to the bathroom first.  At this point, I wasn't expecting much because she was pretty drunk and I was expecting her to go throw up or something. 

Before she got to the bathroom, her leg bumped the bed and she tipped over and faceplanted hard right into the edge of a dresser.  I said, "Oh shit!" and then really started to panic when I rolled her over and she was knocked out.  I lightly patted her face and kept saying, "Wake up!" to her and when she came to, she opened her mouth and just spit out a shit load of blood and 3-4 teeth.  I didn't know what to do because I didn't know if Germany had 911 or anything like that, not only that, but people saw us leave together and my hands were beat to shit from fucking around with radios, safety wire and working in a shitty environment.  Someone would think I hit her and she was way to wasted to remember.  I went through her purse and found a bunch of phone numbers and finally got someone to answer and it ended up being her supervisor.  Her boss finally got there and I was about to apologize when her boss said, "Jesus, again?" 

Apparently this girl got wasted a lot and always had bad shit happen.  Thankfully I was in the clear.  A few days later I saw her leaving her room with this fatass lip and a bunch of stitches.  I started laughing and she looked at me like I was an asshole when I realized she didn't remember me being there. 

this is great hahaga

[kenspliffeyjr]

The nosebleed/hickey story reminds me of one, I get bloody noses fairly often and the first time that I hooked up with my now girlfriend as soon we started getting down I get one and start to bleed all over her, but I just got up pinched my nose till it stopped and got back to business. It was just weird sitting there both naked with my nose bleeding and my blood all over her. When it was done we got back down to business and it was all good, it has happened a few times since then but now we just laugh

[GarglesCmen]

this has got to be an awkward one

http://www.daftporn.com/?p=play&Id=115

[No mongz]

this has got to be an awkward one

http://www.daftporn.com/?p=play&Id=115

It froze my computer
It's a trap!

[Patey]

one time i used to date a bitch that would never let me blow in her mouth. i was gettin head one time and i just said fuck it and let her loose without giving any warning.

she basically choked almost to the point of puking and got hella pissed at me but i gave her an innocent "oops"  look and she forgave me.


not awkward for me but probably unenjoyable for her. i win.


gotta keep this thread alive

[chillout]

one time i used to date a bitch that would never let me blow in her mouth. i was gettin head one time and i just said fuck it and let her loose without giving any warning.

she basically choked almost to the point of puking and got hella pissed at me but i gave her an innocent "oops"?  look and she forgave me.


not awkward for me but probably unenjoyable for her. i win.


gotta keep this thread alive

i had a girl who never wanted me to blow in her mouth. one day i convinced her and she took the first shot in the mouth and immediately pulled away. the next shot blasted up her nose. she was not hyped

[lampshade]

You guys should do it. There are tons of places that test for free and you will have a weight lifted off your shoulders.

My University did it for free at the health center.  On day my friend and I decided to go for it.  That cotton swab thing is scary.  They also had a giant bowl of condoms you could take for free. 

[Patey]

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You guys should do it. There are tons of places that test for free and you will have a weight lifted off your shoulders.

[close]

My University did it for free at the health center.  On day my friend and I decided to go for it.  That cotton swab thing is scary.  They also had a giant bowl of condoms you could take for free. 

the main reason i dont want to get tested is because the idea of having a stick jammed down my shaft frightens the shit out of me..

isnt there another way? fuck. i know you can get piss tested and blood tested for certain things but it definitely doesnt cover all the bases.

[Zurg]

i hear they dont use the swab anymore. or not as often at least

[burm]

i hear they dont use the swab anymore. or not as often at least

I think this is the case. They still do it, but it's not as necessary anymore, piss tests have come a long way.

But I can say the thought of the q-tip up the pee-hole is a lot scarier than it actually is. I mean, it's very scary, but it's not as bad/painful as you'd think. I can't really remember it feeling like anything much.

[happenstance]

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You guys should do it. There are tons of places that test for free and you will have a weight lifted off your shoulders.

[close]

My University did it for free at the health center.?  On day my friend and I decided to go for it.?  That cotton swab thing is scary.?  They also had a giant bowl of condoms you could take for free.? 

[close]

the main reason i dont want to get tested is because the idea of having a stick jammed down my shaft frightens the shit out of me..

isnt there another way? fuck. i know you can get piss tested and blood tested for certain things but it definitely doesnt cover all the bases.

The only ways I have been tested are by a swab in the mouth and a blood test. I am sure you can find a place that uses one of those methods or another less frightening one.

[Patey]

yeah i am definitely gonna look around. i'm 23 and have never been tested, so i'd say its time.

i just dont wanna waltz into the doc's office asking for a test and when he pulls out the swab and tells me to drop em', i get freaked out and bail. that would be hella embarassing.


all this being said, i have never had suspicions of anything, nor do i have any symptoms. i know that doesnt mean i am clean, but just sayin.

[jimi420]

not an experience just a failed pickup line.

I was making out with this girl in my car about a month back and we had the radio on. There was a snow advisory and the weatherman said "Be ready for 2 inches of snow tonight" and I told her "you should be ready for two inches tonight". She couldn't stop laughing, I thought it'd work.

[jeremyrandall]

not an experience just a failed pickup line.

I was making out with this girl in my car about a month back and we had the radio on. There was a snow advisory and the weatherman said "Be ready for 2 inches of snow tonight" and I told her "you should be ready for two inches tonight". She couldn't stop laughing, I thought it'd work.

probably cause you just told her you have a tiny dick

[GarglesCmen]

not an experience just a failed pickup line.

I was making out with this girl in my car about a month back and we had the radio on. There was a snow advisory and the weatherman said "Be ready for 2 inches of snow tonight" and I told her "you should be ready for two inches tonight". She couldn't stop laughing, I thought it'd work.

I would have fucked you right then and there if I was that chick

[jimi420]

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not an experience just a failed pickup line.

I was making out with this girl in my car about a month back and we had the radio on. There was a snow advisory and the weatherman said "Be ready for 2 inches of snow tonight" and I told her "you should be ready for two inches tonight". She couldn't stop laughing, I thought it'd work.

[close]

probably cause you just told her you have a tiny dick

That was the joke! bitch knew I was packin heat.

[sleepypancakes]

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not an experience just a failed pickup line.

I was making out with this girl in my car about a month back and we had the radio on. There was a snow advisory and the weatherman said "Be ready for 2 inches of snow tonight" and I told her "you should be ready for two inches tonight". She couldn't stop laughing, I thought it'd work.

[close]

probably cause you just told her you have a tiny dick

[close]

That was the joke! bitch knew I was packin heat.

Looks like the cold front moved in anyways

[macgruber]

not an experience just a failed pickup line.

I was making out with this girl in my car about a month back and we had the radio on. There was a snow advisory and the weatherman said "Be ready for 2 inches of snow tonight" and I told her "you should be ready for two inches tonight". She couldn't stop laughing, I thought it'd work.

man that's awesome

[Facehead]

While back ... I was interested in this one girl, saw her a few times. Eventually things go well and we are in bed making out. Not long after her pleasantly large boobs get exposed, she says, "Tell me you love me."

I ignored her, then she said it again. I was so creeped out I just slowed everything down and left.

I passed up on some free sexy time, but I'm pretty sure I narrowly escaped a major vortex.

[Goblinshark]

since love is such a loaded word I NEVER use it. Chicks seem to dig it when I say I'm fond of them

[Citizen on Patron]

My ex-girlfriend threw up on me a couple times from gagging while giving me head. One of the times she threw up right when my brother walked in the living room...





Throw up in your butt crack isn't pleasant.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

back when i had my first girlfriend that i did the baby-snuggle with, she surprised me with some fine lingerie at some point. of course, this improved our hoizontal monster mash quite a lot.

after some time i asked her where she got the lingerie from.

she told me its from her mom, her wedding lingerie.

[DaSk8D00D]

was throat fucking this girl and she did that same-time cough/sneeze shit and slung the nastiest loogy straight into my pubic hairs. allllllll up in there too. nigga had to stop, grab this lil rag i found, whip it off and get back to it. she already would get rosy cheeks on the regular but her shit looked like a tomato for the next 10 minutes, lol. i was truly kinda grossed out tho, the flem was pretty thick

[finknoos]

was throat fucking this girl and she did that same-time cough/sneeze shit and slung the nastiest loogy straight into my pubic hairs. allllllll up in there too. nigga had to stop, grab this lil rag i found, whip it off and get back to it. she already would get rosy cheeks on the regular but her shit looked like a tomato for the next 10 minutes, lol. i was truly kinda grossed out tho, the flem was pretty thick

[Donkey Lips]

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My ex-girlfriend threw up on me a couple times from gagging while giving me head. One of the times she threw up right when my brother walked in the living room...





Throw up in your butt crack isn't pleasant.

[close]

Man, this isn't about sex, but my ex-wife threw up on me on her birthday.  I was the DD so she could go out and drink with her friends and when we left she seemed fine, she was in heels and she only had a little wobble, but she was walking ok and not even slurring.  She stayed up the whole way home, got in bed just fine and then she woke up in the middle of the night and threw up all over my neck and chest.  Fuck, I was so mad, but I didn't flip on her.  I just cleaned myself up, stripped the sheets and slept on the couch.  She was pretty embarrassed the next day and I couldn't stop giving her shit about it.

You and the Mrs split up? Shit, I'm clueless man. When did that happen?