Awkward Sexual Experiences

[jimi420]

I could totally make it look like a suicide. That bitch is suicidal anyway. I'm the only black guy she knows though so the police will automatically come to my house.

[Donkey Lips]

If she's this persistent in life, think about that shit when she dies. She'll haunt the fuck out of you. Well, she basically is already. But at least physics apply to her while she's alive. If you kill her, she can just float right through walls, Jimi.

[jimi420]

Then there goes the rest of my sex life. She'd just pop through walls and scare the girl away! But then I guess I could manipulate her ghost into doing my dirty work. I think I'm going to have to kill her.

[skate_bored]

if shes down to have sex with you and also stalking you then maybe you should see what else you can get out of her. tell her that when you get home from work you want your bed made, kitchen cleaned, and a beer cracked. chicks like her are usually down to do whatever it takes, so you might as well milk it for a while.

[Greg Ostertag]

Tell her you want your asshole licked, but make sure you've got a nice dingleberry in there.

[jimi420]

if shes down to have sex with you and also stalking you then maybe you should see what else you can get out of her. tell her that when you get home from work you want your bed made, kitchen cleaned, and a beer cracked. chicks like her are usually down to do whatever it takes, so you might as well milk it for a while.

She already cooks and buys me food. I think she thinks I have feelings for her, but she's trippin.

Tell her you want your asshole licked, but make sure you've got a nice dingleberry in there.

It's the same bitch so you'd think she wouldn't want me after licking my shit.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

eat lots of mexican food, beans and stuff. make her toss your salad again. shart in her face. post story here.

[ATYPICALSLAPPOSTER]

im really a virgin in high school but I will pretend like I had an awkward sexual expereince

[Bug]

the only sexual experience you've had is the one you are a product of. Zing!

[ttching!]

I've had a few, but these two are the ones I'll share:

Took home a cute punk rock chick one time.  To my surprise, underneath the purple mohawk, spiked collar, and leather vest an elusive 'squirter' was hiding.  True to her punk nature though, she suggested we lay down a towel and do it again after she flooded my bed on the first round.  I obliged.  She then soaked the towel too.

Got taken home by a girl one night. Almost immediately after we finished our business, she bluntly told me that I could either go home or sleep on the couch in the hallway. I elected to go home, and as I was getting dressed, noticed that my jimi-hat had come off during our activities, presumably inside her. Since she'd gone from orgasming to cold bitch in 4.2 seconds, I decided not to mention it and left.

[commie]

The girl I'm seeing right now is way too loud in bed. She basically screams "fuck me" and stuff like that on top of her lungs every time. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but she has lots of neighbors. I feel awkward when I run into her neighbors. She doesn't think too much of it.

[skate_bored]

The girl I'm seeing right now is way too loud in bed. She basically screams "fuck me" and stuff like that on top of her lungs every time. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but she has lots of neighbors. I feel awkward when I run into her neighbors. She doesn't think too much of it.

im with a loud girl right now too and its pretty fun to cover her mouth while i fuck her. ive had my friend who lives directly underneath me say he has heard me smacking her ass haha.

[oyolar]

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The girl I'm seeing right now is way too loud in bed. She basically screams "fuck me" and stuff like that on top of her lungs every time. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but she has lots of neighbors. I feel awkward when I run into her neighbors. She doesn't think too much of it.

[close]

im with a loud girl right now too and its pretty fun to cover her mouth while i fuck her. ive had my friend who lives directly underneath me say he has heard me smacking her ass haha.

Some chicks love it when you get all aggressive/dominant and cover their mouth.

[DaSk8D00D]

hahaha damn she was actually BLEEDING? goddamn that nigga bit into dem thighs like they was some chicken wangs!

[Tale Crab]

He did now did he not!

[gkn00dlez]

This happened a few days ago to a homie and it simply trumps any stories of my own.

My friends apartment is that spot everyone goes to after they leave the bar at 4 am because there is always free booze and crazy happenings. It's on the second floor of a big house that has been converted into apartments. His cousin was in town from Florida and wound up scoring this mangy looking chick from the bar and getting her back to the house. They went straight from the front door right into the room he was crashing in to get down to business. About an hour and a half goes by and me and some people are out on the balcony (which is directly out the front door) when this girl comes lurking out. She was carrying her shoes like a scene from a bad party movie and she looked very surprised to see we were still up. But she bummed a cigarette off of me, joined the conversation and was being a pretty fucking cool chick. Turns out they fucked, he smoked her out, then he passed out and she was ready to dip. She says bye to everyone and starts to squeeze by to get downstairs. Now, the wood on the barrier for the balcony is just rotted to all hell and when this chick squeezes past me she leans on the balcony in the worst spot, it snaps, and she falls one story down to the fucking ground. We all snap back to reality and rush down to help her out. We call an ambulance and it turns out she broke her arm in three places, cracked two ribs, fucked her knee up and busted her face. We felt legitimately bad for this girl, until we found out that she tried to jet with the homies wallet and iphone. After she landed they just fell out of her purse and someone pointed out that she had two phones and a mans leather wallet. The ambulance hauled her away, we gave the paramedics her purse, minus some makeup that my friend's girl decided to keep, and walked upstairs and tried to wrap our head around the fact that this slag almost robbed this dude. Best part is the whole time this was going down he never woke up and still doesn't know he almost got robbed.

[RCB3]

This happened a few days ago to a homie and it simply trumps any stories of my own.

My friends apartment is that spot everyone goes to after they leave the bar at 4 am because there is always free booze and crazy happenings. It's on the second floor of a big house that has been converted into apartments. His cousin was in town from Florida and wound up scoring this mangy looking chick from the bar and getting her back to the house. They went straight from the front door right into the room he was crashing in to get down to business. About an hour and a half goes by and me and some people are out on the balcony (which is directly out the front door) when this girl comes lurking out. She was carrying her shoes like a scene from a bad party movie and she looked very surprised to see we were still up. But she bummed a cigarette off of me, joined the conversation and was being a pretty fucking cool chick. Turns out they fucked, he smoked her out, then he passed out and she was ready to dip. She says bye to everyone and starts to squeeze by to get downstairs. Now, the wood on the barrier for the balcony is just rotted to all hell and when this chick squeezes past me she leans on the balcony in the worst spot, it snaps, and she falls one story down to the fucking ground. We all snap back to reality and rush down to help her out. We call an ambulance and it turns out she broke her arm in three places, cracked two ribs, fucked her knee up and busted her face. We felt legitimately bad for this girl, until we found out that she tried to jet with the homies wallet and iphone. After she landed they just fell out of her purse and someone pointed out that she had two phones and a mans leather wallet. The ambulance hauled her away, we gave the paramedics her purse, minus some makeup that my friend's girl decided to keep, and walked upstairs and tried to wrap our head around the fact that this slag almost robbed this dude. Best part is the whole time this was going down he never woke up and still doesn't know he almost got robbed.

Reading this while drunk on a Friday just made my night more awesome. This thread is sickkkkk.

[TheNAC]

I'm about to lose my virginity in a few hours... I've been sucked up plenty, but it's been a while since I have had a sexual encounter. I'm expecting an awkward story. Any tips to make it maybe a little less awkward?

[Hercules Rockefeller]

I'm about to lose my virginity in a few hours... I've been sucked up plenty, but it's been a while since I have had a sexual encounter. I'm expecting an awkward story. Any tips to make it maybe a little less awkward?

show up wearing a animal mask. and nothing but that.

if she is nervous too, you can make her feel less tense by using one of these, always good for a laugh.



or if she is more of a classy girl, come in a tux.

[trannies and mannies]

Get in a reverse 69 and fart right in her face, it will clear out the awkwardness.  Your smooth sailing from then on out.

[TheNAC]

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I'm about to lose my virginity in a few hours... I've been sucked up plenty, but it's been a while since I have had a sexual encounter. I'm expecting an awkward story. Any tips to make it maybe a little less awkward?

[close]

or if she is more of a classy girl, come in a tux.

Ahaa, it works on two levels. That's great. No, she's slutty and she's 20 (I'm 17) and she's coming to my house and she's bringing condoms lol.
Backwards 69 to face fart doesn't sound that great for anyone hahaa. I'll ask if she's down. I told her not to dress bummy though, I thought that was tight.

[backagain]

I'm about to lose my virginity in a few hours... I've been sucked up plenty, but it's been a while since I have had a sexual encounter. I'm expecting an awkward story. Any tips to make it maybe a little less awkward?

Explain you're a virgin. Then proceed to ask how you're going to fit your balls in as well. When she tells you they don't go in there, ask her if she wants them in her ass instead. When she says no, eat out her belly button until she agrees.

[chockfullofthat]

When I read reverse 69 I thought about two people with their asses on the back of eachother's head.  That shit sounds stupid.

[trannies and mannies]

Maybe i didnt word it properly, I meant YOUR ass in HER face.

[Joe Pesci]

[TheNAC]

Expand Quote

I'm about to lose my virginity in a few hours... I've been sucked up plenty, but it's been a while since I have had a sexual encounter. I'm expecting an awkward story. Any tips to make it maybe a little less awkward?

[close]

Explain you're a virgin. Then proceed to ask how you're going to fit your balls in as well. When she tells you they don't go in there, ask her if she wants them in her ass instead. When she says no, eat out her belly button until she agrees.

Wait.... You mean.... You're not supposed to put your balls in her butt?

[TheNAC]

So how'd it go?  Did you bust out the NAC?

Thanks for asking! It was pretty dope. Her body wasn't that great naked, so I felt less uncomfortable for some reason haha. All kinds of NBDs for me, I tried hitting the nac, but that one wasn't going. The run up was sketching me out

[Goblinshark]

http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/26/2818832/naked-man-shot-killed-on-macarthur.html

[ice nine]

http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/26/2818832/naked-man-shot-killed-on-macarthur.html

5 bucks says its bill o'reilly

[wiggitywiggity]

Not too awkward, more psyched after the fact. Here goes

I believe it was Cinco de Mayo last year, so there's a party at my house. My ex was drinking tequila while I had some beers, she getting much drunker than myself. After a few hours or so, I'm basically over the whole thing so i retreat to my bedroom to chill. She ends up going with my cousin (my roommate) to drive some friends home. By this point, I decide sex is futile and opt to sleep. An hour later, I'm woken up by her drunken presence and she makes it clear she wants to do it. I'm reluctant at this point considering our blood alcohol difference but after a bit, I give in. We get into it, when she decides she wants to be on top. She basically throws me off the bed and I proceed to slam my scalp off a 2 inch corner sticking out from my window en route to the floor. I feel my head all wet, head to the bathroom and turn on the light, finding my face is completely covered in blood down to my crotch. I jump into the shower, she joins, sobers up a bit, my head stops bleeding and we complete the original task at hand.

My fanciest sex injury