Most Embarrasing Moments

[DaSk8D00D]

I'll start it off. Aside from my various farting in class while napping incidents there's one moment in my mind that truly stands out. When I was in about 4th or 5th grade i discovered the joys of fapping for the first time and really started to get into it. I began using some random lotion i found in my household bathroom. after a week or so i started to develop these weird, brown streaks on the top of my palms and the skin between my fingers. at first i thought it was dirt but it still was there after showering. the next day i mentioned it to my mom & my grandpa cuz i curious as to what it could be. my mom said that it looked similar to what happens to skin when you use too much tanning lotion. when asked about using it i said i only put it on my legs once because they were ashy, but where i fucked up with that lie was that the streaks were only on my right hand. my grandpa immediately burst out laughing and could hardly contain himself. in the knick of time my grandma called for dinner and we all got up and left the room. my grandpa stayed behind my mom and looked back at me, still chuckling hard as hell, and said "You were rubbing lotion on your dick!" and left the room laughing. Never in my young life had i ever felt so salty, and even to this day ive had a few incidents in front of large groups of people that never left me so humilated. That shit had me shook for like 3 days lol.

[DaSk8D00D]

aw shit just remembered another good one. there was this skate-church thing goin on in my city for a while 4-5 years ago where they had a ton of ramps indoors for a 2 hour skate session, some youth-group shit, then a little more skating for an hour or two. anyway a friend and i had gotten there early while they were setting and some of the teen-mentor chicks were pretty fuckin hot. anyway they happened to be cruisin around on one of those cheap ass wal-mart skateboard-that-turns-into-a-scooter things. they set it down and while waiting for everyone else to show up we started fuckin around on it. after being impressed by some bunny hops i happened to ride by her and we locked eyes on some disney channel romance scene type shit. right after giving her some cheesy 13 year old "playa" smile the kingpin on trucks of the scooterboard thing fell off and i just got whipped to the ground and fell face first. not on some petty shit either it was a fairly painful fall. after asking if i was ok everybody started laughing and went back to work. i sat in my 5 minutes of shame until all of the other skaters showed up and tried to forget about it.

[apad88]

I was skating home from the skate park and saw a group of at least 5 fine ass bitches chillin at a picnic table at a park, I popped a smooth ass ollie off the curb to impress them and ended up landing in oil and skidding and slamming on my arm, I heard the group of honey dips laughing their asses off and I picked up my board and bounced as fast I could. I cried

[FART BOY]

First thing that came to mind was those 8th grade years, being the new kid and all. I had a massive in-class fart, trying to hold that shit in. I thought it was gone after a little bit but I ended up bending over to get my books.. and of course that thing came out full blast. I ended up getting the nickname fart boy for the next 2 or 3 months.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

First thing that came to mind was those 8th grade years, being the new kid and all. I had a massive in-class fart, trying to hold that shit in. I thought it was gone after a little bit but I ended up bending over to get my books.. and of course that thing came out full blast. I ended up getting the nickname fart boy for the next 2 or 3 months.

BANTAM YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!

[FART BOY]

Expand Quote

First thing that came to mind was those 8th grade years, being the new kid and all. I had a massive in-class fart, trying to hold that shit in. I thought it was gone after a little bit but I ended up bending over to get my books.. and of course that thing came out full blast. I ended up getting the nickname fart boy for the next 2 or 3 months.

[close]

BANTAM YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Hahahah damn good start to my morning

[Hercules Rockefeller]

i love you, bantam.

[ROCKxADIO420]

when i was in 1st grade i used to leave class all the time so i could play gameboy in the bathroom. well one day i had done this once already, when i realized that i actually needed to take a shit. i asked my teacher, who at this point had caught onto me, and she wouldnt let me go cause i had already gone like 20 minutes before. well i held it in for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was just too much. i shit all in my pants. i immediately got up, and ran out of the room. on the way out my teacher yelled where are you going, i just said BATHROOM, and ran out, probably on the verge of tears. i got into the bathroom and spent like half an hour in there trying to wipe diahrea out of the fibers on my sweatpants (which is all i wore back then) to no avail. at one point, a bunch of kids were in the bathroom fucking around, and they noticed i had been in there for like 15 minutes. they started banging on the door and yelling and laughing and shit. i was so fucking bummed.

[apad88]

when i was in 1st grade i used to leave class all the time so i could play gameboy in the bathroom. well one day i had done this once already, when i realized that i actually needed to take a shit. i asked my teacher, who at this point had caught onto me, and she wouldnt let me go cause i had already gone like 20 minutes before. well i held it in for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was just too much. i shit all in my pants. i immediately got up, and ran out of the room. on the way out my teacher yelled where are you going, i just said BATHROOM, and ran out, probably on the verge of tears. i got into the bathroom and spent like half an hour in there trying to wipe diahrea out of the fibers on my sweatpants (which is all i wore back then) to no avail. at one point, a bunch of kids were in the bathroom fucking around, and they noticed i had been in there for like 15 minutes. they started banging on the door and yelling and laughing and shit. i was so fucking bummed.

fuck I hated elementary school.

[ivegotlevitation]

when i was in 1st grade i used to leave class all the time so i could play gameboy in the bathroom. well one day i had done this once already, when i realized that i actually needed to take a shit. i asked my teacher, who at this point had caught onto me, and she wouldnt let me go cause i had already gone like 20 minutes before. well i held it in for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was just too much. i shit all in my pants. i immediately got up, and ran out of the room. on the way out my teacher yelled where are you going, i just said BATHROOM, and ran out, probably on the verge of tears. i got into the bathroom and spent like half an hour in there trying to wipe diahrea out of the fibers on my sweatpants (which is all i wore back then) to no avail. at one point, a bunch of kids were in the bathroom fucking around, and they noticed i had been in there for like 15 minutes. they started banging on the door and yelling and laughing and shit. i was so fucking bummed.

oh god, that's terrible

[ROCKxADIO420]

Dude, in fucking sweatpants?  What did you do?  I would have waited for classes to be in and just left and walked home.

whatever happened after that i dont remember i just assume i am repressing it.

[cat litter]

i got a similar bathroom story. I was a sophomore in high school and i had to take a shit. It was the middle of the day, and I felt awful. I shoulda just skipped and went home but I decided to go at school for some reason. I walked up to the third floor so nobody could hear me, and as I'm sitting in the stall like 10 noisy ass motherfuckers come in. And in my head I'm just like Oh shit. So I dont make a noise hoping they dont know I'm in there.

Then a few minutes go by and nobodys using the bathroom they're just like hanging out and shit, and I feel fucked cause I can't just leave after 5 minutes of pretending im not in there without losing my dignity. So i wait some more, and a couple guys kept walking in and out, and I was like WTF will you fools ever leave? Then I hear loud banging noises, and I hear them start fighting, like a secret bathroom fight club or some shit. Im thinking how in the fuck is nobody hearing 10 people yelling and fighting and shit? While they were taking turns fighting someone had to use the bathroom and he comes up to the only occupied stall ( me). He tries to open it and Im just sitting there in shock, mentally preparing myself for public humiliation. he starts punching the door and goes " What the fuck, someones in here" and someone else goes " Has he been in here this whole time?" So they all start to leave while kicking on my stall door and talking shit about me.

I still cringe thinking about it.

[Cadillac Ranch Dressing]

so most of these are about shitting your pants?

in 1st or 2nd grade, the class took a trip to the public pool once.  we all changed at school, left our clothes there.  when we got back and we were changing back into our clothes, i couldn't find my underwear, was looking everywhere.  then this one kid, the bully-type, held them up, and they had a little skid mark in them.  i tried to say they were my sister's underwear that i had borrowed for some reason, but everyone knew.  laughing.  tears choked back.  a hatred that would burn eternally.

Haha nice save...

[chockfullofthat]

My parents found an empty box of cough medicine pills under my dresser in high school.  That was pretty embarrassing...

[GarglesCmen]

we went to the zoo when I was in 1st grade, I fell completely into pig shit. I do not remember much after that but I know I cried

[BuddyPal]

between kindergarden and 2nd grade, i pissed my pants numerous times.

[backagain]

In seventh grade I told this kid to "shut the fuck up for once" in class and was verbally berated in the hallway by the teacher. I guess it's not that embarrassing but I think if I do a little more explaining you'll understand why I was embarrassed.

This kid was in a special program for kids with behavioral disorders.  He was generally a trouble maker but he often got made fun of by other kids. So he wasn't your typical thirteen year old asshole, he was also the butt of thirteen year old asshole's jokes.  Anyways, he wasn't a good kid.  So this kid keeps telling me to "shut up" in class even though I'm not saying anything, trying to be funny.  So after about the fifteenth time I finally yell out "shut the fuck up for once".  The teacher brings me out in the hallway and tells me that I should be ashamed of myself.  She tells me that I'm the reason he'll be a future drop out and go absolutely no where in life.  All because of my "antagonism".  She told me that I was the reason for essentially every problem he's ever had.  And this is embarrassing because I couldn't work up the courage to tell this dumb cunt off.  I just sat there and took it. This kid was clearly distracting my whole side of the classroom from hearing what she was saying and just being a complete pain in the ass for no reason. This kid obviously didn't belong in our class, he belong in one of those watered down behavioral disorder class rooms.

I'll never forget that day. Still to this day I want to go back there and tell that bitch off.        

[Hercules Rockefeller]

Who wants to hear the story about how I was jumped by a kid with Downs and then I laughed at him when he almost drowned?!

my god, even the description of that incident is fucking hilarious.

[pancake man]

The good ol' beating off as a prepubescent and having my mom walk in mid jerk. She shut the door and went straight back to bed and I just sat there with my now flaccid dick in hand with no idea what the fuck was going on

[Bobby Peru]

Fewer stories about regular kids and more stories about hilarious public humiliation, please.

When I was in middle/high school I whacked off a lot. Anyway, one winter evening, like many before it, I found a quasi-risque sounding movie on HBO, waited for boobs, and started jerking. I know you're thinking, "Are you some kind of caveman, Bobby Peru? Didn't you have the internet?" I did, but it was in the basement, where my dad and his friend were on the computer, and I was on the main floor. Now usually I can hear when someone is coming upstairs, giving me plenty of time time to zip up, but that day I kept on whacking and reached climax when I heard steps just a few feet behind me. My dad's (female) friend, who I had known for years and whose child I had played many games of peek-a-boo with, passed the corner where the couch is, grabbed something she left near the TV, quietly said, "bye," and left, all whilst semen volcanoed over my hand. I have no idea what she saw, but I imagine it was at least a little of what I just described. Like a saint, she never said anything about it on future visits.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

i guess the kid peed in the pool while having his seizure, so the joke was on you.

[Bobby Peru]

Maybe we should make a "what's the dumbest shit you've whacked off to?" thread.

[pancake man]

Expand Quote

Maybe we should make a "what's the dumbest shit you've whacked off to?" thread.

[close]

A comic book when I was in pre-season.



EDIT:

I also know a dude who's first time was to the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit?.

I mean Jessica Rabbit, why not? unless homeboy was like 17+

[Zurg]

haha these are pretty good. i feel like i may have told this, but im going for it anyway.

unfortunately this happened when i was 21 or 22 and not in grade school. this has a pretty big back story, so i apologize in advance.

one of my old roommates got pretty nuts when he drank(reference, i saw him walk barefoot through fire out of spite because some guy claimed it then backed down. he also was in a coma for months after getting hit by a car whilst walking home wasted) anyway, i get home from work at about 8pm on friday and him and my other roommate are noticeably wasted already. i look on the table and they had polished off most of a 60 of whiskey, mystery solved. i joined them drinking and we were getting rowdy for no real reason, i remember we broke a few chairs that night. me and nick(the non fire walking roommate) were having a smoke outside our door about to head to a friends party. our other roommate comes pushing past us with his bike saying hes going to the theater to meet his girlfriend. the guy can barely walk, let alone bike, so were telling him he's going to get hit by a car and he should take a cab or walk. he refuses, and starts pushing his bike into all of these people outside of the bar we lived above and bikes away.

several hours later were at the party and nick gets a call from him saying that  he was hit by a car. he has kind of a dark sense of humor was extremely nonchalant about the whole thing, so we werent entirely sure if he was fucking with us or not. when i get home hes on the couch watching tv and drinking, he looked fine so i figured he was fucking us. i say whats up to him and he turns to me and the whole left side of his face is fucked. i offered to bandage it up and he refuses, but he was pretty out of it so i did it anyway.

the next day im extremely hungover by myself at home, sort of getting back to life. decide to watch some pr0ns in my room and try to beat out the remaining hangover. we always had lots of people coming and going and living above a bar had made me ignore usual noises that you would investigate in your house. im going at it when i hear footsteps in the living room, but figure its one of my roommates. 2 seconds later my door flings open and its my roommates dad demanding to know where his son is. i guess he somehow heard about the accident. i cant remember if i answered his question or if he just fled, the whole thing happened quick though. it was embarrassing, but even at the time i kinda appreciated how ridiculous and funny it was. dude should have knocked

[dude]

This is, without a doubt, the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me:

When I was 18 I was living in Berlin and western Europe just happened to be having one of the hottest summers on record. It was an absolutely gorgeous day so I decided I would take a book and a blanket to Tiergarten (Berlin's central/main park). Now I must mention that I was living there without a job and because money was tight I didn't own a subway pass. So it was about a half hour walk through some pretty heavy Turkish neighborhoods to get to Tiergarten. On my way I decided to stop at a grocery store and pick up some beer. The grocery store had signs near the entrance of specials they were having that day and, because it was so hot, ice cream bars were all on special. So I bought some beer and ice cream and proceeded on my way to the park. I got to the park, settled on a nice place in the sun and began to read my book while drinking my beer and eating ice cream. After about 45 minutes, I had finished my ice cream and I had drank about 4 beers. Soon i notice that I'm farting the most rancid smelling farts. I dont think much of it and continue to read. But the rancid and ungodly smelling farts persist. Still i think nothing of it. I start to feel a really big fart coming. I go to let it out and  instantly realize it isn't a fart but explosive diarea. The beer and ice cream had ample time to churn together in my stomach to create this explosive diarea (yes, I know now not to ever mix alcohol and dairy). I am nowhere near a bathroom, not even close. I quickly pack my things up into my bag as I feel I probably only have a minute to find some place to release my bowels. I start awkwardly running towards a forested area of the park with my butt cheeks clinched together. Just as I enter into the trees and am about to rip my pants down to shit, i notice some british guy like 10 feet away from me taking a piss and holding up a beer: "hey mate, beautiful day isn't it?". I curse his existence and get myself back on the path to find another spot to shit. At this point i can feel leakage. I've lost the battle. Im standing in the middle of the path while joggers and cyclists go by me. They have no idea I'm just standing there letting diarea pour out of my asshole and into my boxers. I stand there a moment, completely in disbelief of my situation. What the fuck am i going to do, i ask myself. I can start to feel it running down the backs on my legs, getting closer to my socks. I walk straight into a wooded area. I can still see people jogging but I dont give a fuck. I pull my pants and underwear down. The damage is so bad that my balls are completely soaked in diarea. My ass and the inside of my legs are completely covered. I take my shoes and socks off, take my pooped soaked pants and boxers off, take my blanket out of my bag, fashion it into a kind of skirt around my waste, take my belt out my pants and tie it snugly around the skirt/blanket, put my shoes back on and proceed to walk back home through the Turkish neighborhoods with this fucking skirt on. I got some really weird looks from people and, if anyone would inspected me more carefully, they have seen dried poop down the sides of my legs. After only about 5 minutes of walking though, my asshole started to burn from the chaffing and the insane heat from the sun. By the time I was about a block away from my apartment I could barely walk because my asshole was torn apart by chaffing. Luckily my roommate wasn't home. I got inside my apartment and went straight to the bath tub, turned it, spread my ass cheeks and let the warm water bidet my asshole. Remember the scene from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo when she gets in the shower and blood pours out of her asshole? Ya, it was like that. I spent the next 3 days in bed, applying cream to my asshole every hour.

[dude]

Excellent, excellent story.  Wow.  Fuck that!

I've never told this story to anyone. I told my roommate in Berlin that i was feeling ill as an excuse for my decimated asshole and dignity. What better place to tell it for the first time than SLAP!

[DaSk8D00D]

Expand Quote

Excellent, excellent story.  Wow.  Fuck that!

[close]

I've never told this story to anyone. I told my roommate in Berlin that i was feeling ill as an excuse for my decimated asshole and dignity. What better place to tell it for the first time than SLAP!

SLAP's the only place where you can turn your most personal, humiliating moments into some form of respect. i salute you & yo shitty draws.

[Locbrew]

Fuck, my stories aren't shit compared to y'alls.

My best friend threw up on me in Kindergarten. I split my pants trying to imitate Johnny Cage's split in Mortal Kombat, had to get these tight shorts from the Lost and Found to replace my other shorts. Sneeze/farted combo in 8th grade, which the kid who skateboarded and was all about Mike Vallely called me out in front of the whole class, they had to open up the window because it was so bad. I got the last laugh, the kid now is into MMA. High School was pretty bad, fell in front of 1200 students in the courtyard, our courtyard has those 6" by 6" tiles and they are all sorts of fucked up, so some stick up more than others, I've seen five other kids fall over the same tiles over the school year, I guess that day happened to be my day, Busted my ass, looked up and it was quite as fuck and everybody was looking at me. Also, same year, tried to slide down this kinked rail leading into the auditorium with my Kerry Getz Clive Bookbag filled with books and homework, made it down the first part of the rail, got halfway down and the weight of my bookbag threw me off and powerbombed me into the steps in front of the majority of the JV cheerleading squad.

Again, not as embarrassing as y'alls.

[trannies and mannies]

I was skating a mini ramp with my friend at the same time. My friend,who is substantially larger than me, slammed into me,which knocked me unconciouss. I laid on the mini ramp blacked out for a few minutes with the entire skatepark laughing.

[hime]

In the third grade, this super hot hawaiian TA had organized a school outing to the public library which was about a mile from our school. She thought it would be cute or something to make couples out of the kids who were taking the trip, and I ended up being paired with this chick I was crushing hard on at the time. I had woke up really congested that day and being an 8 year old dipshit, I never felt like I needed to blow my nose. So half the day goes by, and me probably being nasally and booger infested, this chick goes 'can you blow your nose?'. I comply, and look into that napkin to find a fucking dead spider!! That shit had been in there all day!! She sees this monster and starts screaming!! Everyone comes over to see whats going on and slowly the "Whaaa....James had a spider in his nose!!''...."What!? A spider?... Ahhh...Ewww" starts going around until I was completely humiliated by every single person on the trip. I was in shock and a deep, cringing, unwavering pain was instilled in a young boy.

P.S. The summer after high school, I came to fuck that chick. A small victory.