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Dating apps are still stupid. I put in so much effort for no return. I’m so glad my libido isn’t what it used to be. It still sucks though.
what do you do to put in "effort"? I'm just curious what other dudes do/did. I met my partner on a blacked out OKCupid date almost 8 years ago.
I paid for various premium versions of apps. The one I’m currently on is OkCupid. My profile is totally fleshed out and I’ve answered a million of those questions that OkCupid uses to gauge your personality. I send out well thought out messages to dozens of women whenever I open the app. I’ve shown my profile to other people and they all have something different to critique but they also say it’s more or less good. I know that my profile is true to myself. I think the bottom line is women don’t find me physically attractive enough and that can be for any number of unsavory reasons. I know that I’m overweight, but I know I carry it well and nobody’s first description of me is fat ass. I even think I’ve got at least one physically attractive trait in that I’m a black guy with very light colored eyes. I don’t think my face is too bad either, but the lack of interest in me seems to indicate otherwise. I keep thinking that someone remotely like me in personality will eventually respond to a text if I play the numbers game, but the numbers I’m playing with are already astronomical. I will say I did manage to get a date once years ago on one of the apps. As far as I knew things were going great. We had common interests and we talked in depth for hours at a bar, but at the end of the date she told me that she didn’t think it was going to work out. She gave no reason and I didn’t pry. I imagine she just didn’t find me physically attractive. She wasn’t exactly a looker herself but that doesn’t matter. She just wasn’t interested.
that's gotta be hard, my dude. I'm not trying to give unsolicited advice, but this may come off as such- when i was using OKC I didn't have a smart phone or computer, I had a google nexus wifi tablet that worked intermittently
But anyways, I just told stories in my profile. Nothing too specific but like "i was walking through a neighborhood and this is something I observed, did, enjoy, etc." I just asked my lady what she remembered about my profile and she looked at me and said "you know, you want to know the truth? i looked at it a lot before we connected. I wasn't sure if you were too fond of yourself, but you seemed genuine and i wanted to find out." this is coming from a girl that modeling and going on dates all the time, someone i thought was outta my league, she's thinking i might be too confident...
also, to be frank, I went on dates with just about any girl who seemed halfway cool or interesting. shit dude, the first date i went on was with a girl that lived 2 hrs away in a different state and was fucking NUTS. Man, I get there and I'm like "word, so you surf play guitar, vegetarian etc," and she's like "yeah, i quit smoking cigarettes last week and just started doing all those things to help me stop."
Do you drink alcohol or use drugs? I was partying A LOT at that time, so it took a whole lot for me to be visibly fucked up regardless of what I was drinking/ingesting, and I'd often show up to a date with a few drinks or something in the system, which really helped me give less fucks and seem more fun. I mean, the night i met my partner, I starting browning out as we were walking home, thinking I was talking to a girl from work I'd made out with a few days before and had the same name.
and about the confidence thing, although I wasn't wicked confident, it seemed like I was and alcohol made it a whole lot easier. Not tryna say go get wasted but if you're just tryna grab some online dates, it sure made my life easier and more fun.
Edit:
Also, I tried to only kick it with girls that shared a common interest. My interests or knowledge base is limited to a handful of things, about those things I've got a lot of passion, so I stuck to what i knew. I'm not good at small talk either, so I ask a lot of questions, then clarifying or follow up questions. Anyways, I'm done. Good luck out there, my dude