I had my second round of ECT this morning. I can tell you that after the first session there was an immediate change to my personality and perspective for the better. I haven't even thought about suicide for the past three days once. I've become far more outgoing and less fearful of....everything. The night of the first treatment I even found myself fucking around on dating sites and messaging every single match I got whether it happened a year ago, I found them unattractive, or had clashing tastes and personalities. Oh, and I went ahead and paid for Tinder so I could swipe indefinitely, and oh did I ever swipe. I started with 2 matches with very homely ladies. Then after, and because of, my swiping blitz, I ended up with 18 matches and some of them are even good. I've been messaging many of them back and forth.
What I'm not stoked on is the fact that ECT is hurting my body something fierce. I assume it's the anesthesia, but I don't think it should be this bad. I think it's the combination of my regular fasting plus the anesthesia fasting. I'm basically fasting twice a day before my scheduled sessions. Anyway, all my muscles are sore and my throat is in constant pain. I can barely swallow anything. Most of all my neck hurts so goddamn bad all the time and will not give me a fuckin' break. To top it off, I'm not allowed to drive so I have to try to bum rides of people all the time. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to get behind the wheel today, though. I've got to turn in my rent check and I am not about to be hit with a late fee or have to ride the bus for 2 hours and then walk up a giant hill instead of taking what should've been a 15 minute drive. Wish me luck.