STRIP CLUB

[H8R part 4]

I went for the first time the other day.  Dropped $3 for cover, $4 for a bottle of water (the dude I was with doesn't drink so I wasn't about to get tanked on $9 beers by myself) and two or three singles into a g string before I was over it.  It's not really my scene, or so i've come to realize.

its not my scene either until i'm getting titties rubbed all over me.
if you really think about, you pay a small cover charge and then its pretty much .50 cents per tit.

sounds like you went with the wrong dude because if you went to the strip club with me, i'd guarantee you'd have a good time.  i'll have you covered in titties and ass the whole time. 
 

[Sleazy]

my experience with "come with us and you'll have a blast"



when i first moved to houston the guys i worked with couldn't believe that i had never been to a titty bar and they swore up and down that if i went with them i'd have a blast. so i said ok and went too check it out. it was so fucking awkward just walking in the place. I've never felt so emasculated and desperate in my life. There were all these fat, blue collar guys licking all over the girls tits while the girls just stared off into space with a bored look on their face and then when they'd get back so the guy who was licking their tits could see their face they'd start making slutty faces and then go right back to bored stare when the guys would go in for the tits. i even saw one girl talking with a friend when the guy she was dancing for would go in for the tits. it was fucking comical. then the girls would come over and ask if i wanted them to dance for me and i just finished watching all these fat slobs licking all over them. Obvious hygiene issues asside, it just turns me off more than i can put into words to see a girl whore herself, the last thing i'd want is too be these fat slobs sloppy seconds so i'd politely decline and then would get vibed for being cheap or gay by a fucking whore. it was crazy.

then it got worst, this one girl came over and sat next too me and just start chatting with me. i told her i wasn't looking for a dance and she said she wasn't trying to sell one and kept talking too me. she asked if i had ever been to a titty bar before and i said not really and then i started asking her questions.

"so when the girls pull down the thong out their ass, is that sexy or just fishing for a wedgy?"

shit like that, just things that really confused me and i figured i'd make small talk. this stripper got all pissed and was like "what's with all the stupid questions?" and i just told her "look, i didn't ask you to come over here and talk to me in the first place" and then she pissed off too my relief.

then i went to the bathroom and they had this old black guy in there handing out towels. he seems pretty chill so i asked him "hey, what do you think about this place? does it seems silly too you at all?" and sure enough he thought the whole thing was pretty funny too. so i ended up staying the bathroom and talking with this guy for a good while about how weird the whole place was and how uncomfortable it made me. the whole time getting crazy looks from all these trashy guys who seemed like they all would have stickers with flames on them on their cars or with calvin pissing on a ford logo. before i left the bathroom i tipped the old guy 20 bucks.

when i got back to the table, all my work buddies were like "where the fuck you been" thinking i had hooked up or something i guess and i told them about chatting with the bathroom guy and how i tipped him a 20 and how i just wasn't feeling the vibe at all and i split.

after that, everyone at my work was convinced i was gay. like these guys seriously thought i was gay because i didn't want to pay to have some sloppy fiths on some half ass bitch.

i decided, i'd never humor the guys on the "if you go with us you'll have a blast" angle again. all that does is make you end up having to pass judgement on them and then they in turn pass judgement on you. and of course if you don't like paying for women, then it means your a fag. it was ridiculous.

[artichoke]

Hit the nail on the head.

Furthermore, dropping $150 on girls who aren't interested in you isn't really appealing to me, especially when I can go to a bar and drop $30 in drinks on a girl and have her come home and actually have sex with me.  I guess it'd be a different situation if I was married and bored with only seeing my wife naked or something though.

[H8R part 4]

^most of us know your dislike of strippers and strip clubs, and to that i say,
50 cents a tit my man, 50 cents.  






  

[artichoke]

^most of us know your dislike of strippers and strip clubs, and to that i say,
50 cents a tit my man, 50 cents.  

Haha.  Maybe I just went to the wrong club.

[Sleazy]

especially when I can go to a bar and drop $30 in drinks on a girl and have her come home and actually have sex with me.

exactly

i had a friend who ended up dropping 700 and was so stoked cause he got a bj out the deal. seems like you could go to a whore house and get it cheaper than that and if you can't plan a date that gets you laid with a girl for 700, you need to hang up your dick.

[Bipsmound]

My Tuesday night ritual is to cruise up to pervert's row with a fake goatee, sunglasses, and the jar of pennies I've been saving up all week.  If you whip em as hard as you can at the strippers, they may respond to you favorably and marvel at your strength and prowess.

[Bobby Peru]

Strip clubs are better for the comedy than anything. One example would be when my friend put a dollar in his mouth and this coked out flatchested stripper (This was not the fanciest joint) came up and tried to grab it with her non-existent breasts. She went at his face so hard in her sped-up coked-out state that when her ribcage hit his face, she broke his nose. Blood came streaming out of his face and he went running out the door. The stripper, entirely unphased, just kept doing her rounds.

Good lord, that's amazing.

I'm glad someone made this thread, because there's a possibility that I'm making my first strip club excursion tonight. I feel like it's something everyone needs to do once but I have to say, I don't know if I'm really too excited for it.

[brooklyn brawler]

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Wear jogging pants if you're going to buy lap dances.

[close]

I knew this kid who did that in tampa and he came in his pants.

[close]

bring two pair....or wear a condom...

make sure to pull out if you're about to finish.

[Sleazy]

Expand Quote

Strip clubs are better for the comedy than anything. One example would be when my friend put a dollar in his mouth and this coked out flatchested stripper (This was not the fanciest joint) came up and tried to grab it with her non-existent breasts. She went at his face so hard in her sped-up coked-out state that when her ribcage hit his face, she broke his nose. Blood came streaming out of his face and he went running out the door. The stripper, entirely unphased, just kept doing her rounds.

[close]

Good lord, that's amazing.

I'm glad someone made this thread, because there's a possibility that I'm making my first strip club excursion tonight. I feel like it's something everyone needs to do once but I have to say, I don't know if I'm really too excited for it.

definitely report back on how it went

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

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Strip clubs are better for the comedy than anything. One example would be when my friend put a dollar in his mouth and this coked out flatchested stripper (This was not the fanciest joint) came up and tried to grab it with her non-existent breasts. She went at his face so hard in her sped-up coked-out state that when her ribcage hit his face, she broke his nose. Blood came streaming out of his face and he went running out the door. The stripper, entirely unphased, just kept doing her rounds.

[close]

Good lord, that's amazing.

I'm glad someone made this thread, because there's a possibility that I'm making my first strip club excursion tonight. I feel like it's something everyone needs to do once but I have to say, I don't know if I'm really too excited for it.

Yeah, I was the same the first time I went to a strip club. its even weirder once  you walk in the door.
Just remember- strippers making comments about you not tipping enough is not as big of a deal as the remorse you get fromrealizing you wasted a bunch of money so some nasty hoes would touch you. Just remember, money just gets sucked out of you at these places even if you aren't into it, stay vigilant! Tip some, for sure, but stay vigilant

[Beautifull]

i never pay for a girl to shake her pussy in my face.  i'd rather pay to fuck, but i don't need to.  just go were girls are and holler.  for some reason this summer is good for being a skater, skating a spot, and getting numbers for me. 

[BrojaySimpson]

in regards to hygiene, strip clubs are sketchy. the first time i went to a strip club in japan, i was amazed when i saw each girl sanitize the pole before they worked on it. think about how many lips are getting down on that thing. and i don't care how good it is, i will never eat food at a strip club. with all the spunk residue and pubes, it'd probably be healthier to eat a baconater off a toilet seat at wendy's.

[Yossi]

You should just get an 8-ball and a hooker instead

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

If you eat food at a strip club, its time to get help.

[Shawn Kemp]

I don't even no where to begin.

[biggums mcgee]

I was driving some fools around in a limo once and we stopped at the seediest shittiest Strip Club ever, aptly named "Da Shark Lounge".  There was one stripper and I'm assuming she was deaf, because that bitch sounded like Helen Keller.  Anyways, one of the dudes in the limo gave me 20 bills and I just got each and every single one of them taken out of my mouth with some big juicy deaf and mute Hellen Keller titties.

you had me LOLing as soon as I read this...gnarred!

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

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I was driving some fools around in a limo once and we stopped at the seediest shittiest Strip Club ever, aptly named "Da Shark Lounge".  There was one stripper and I'm assuming she was deaf, because that bitch sounded like Helen Keller.  Anyways, one of the dudes in the limo gave me 20 bills and I just got each and every single one of them taken out of my mouth with some big juicy deaf and mute Hellen Keller titties.

[close]

you had me LOLing as soon as I read this...gnarred!

You know its a bullshit story though right?

[EricLogan]

I've only went once, when I was like 19 and some co-workers made me go, like without telling me they requested a day off from work for me and had someone fill the shift, so I showed up to work and they were like "alright, you're here, off to the titty bar we go" and I was like whaaaat?

One of my friends that got me the job went alongwith, and he was soooo hillarious, like he was a local, and the dude was younger than I was! He was fuckin' sitting frontrow and center with his knees to the stage, lounged back and making origami bowties with singles and putting them on his chest and the strippers were crawling out onto him n' doing all that routine motorboat shit, it was too much

Like everyone's already said, if you're not taking the fly-on-the-wall approach, tip $1 at a time, usually when the stripper that's dancing does something you appreciate (this can range from removal of garmets to picking up a creased dollar from the floor w/ her snatch)

Lapdances, at the place I was at were $20, and you tip accordingly to their performance, but I wouldn't tip more than $10

And at the place I went to they did this thing called "THE DIRTY 30!!!" that some dude would announce on the PA, which was a 3 song long lapdance for $30, unfortunately those three songs are usually nickleback, limp bizkit and nelly or some fucked up trifecta of sorrow.

If you honestly think boners are uncommon durring a lapdance, think again. If anything you should make light of the situation and talk about your wood durring the lapdance.

I dunno, man. It's your first time, just try to have fun while you're there and analyze how lame of a situation it really was after.

I only blew like $150 total, so it didn't hurt my wallet all that bad, but it's still nothing I'd wanna do again.

[BabyKillaSeason]

i'd rather stay home and beat-off for free.

[Evil Kraken from the Arctic Sea]

i'd rather stay home and beat-off for free.

I'm with you on that one (noof course homo)

[sweets]

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i'd rather stay home and beat-off for free.

[close]

I'm with you on that one (noof course homo)

Of course. Circle jerk at Baby Killa's!

[mbcls]

me and my boys ate breakfast at a titty bar once. french toast, shit was good too. bitches were too bad neither.

[beedas dying dog]

beeda by christmas i wont be here, but if you could arrange 6 pair of hairy dog tits in my face before i pass. i'll ride my red rocket straight to heavens doggy door.

[skate_bored]

i also think its something everyone should do at least once. and ive got a friend who feels the same way. but we havent mustered up the balls to go yet. this thread has me convinced i should try it, maybe tomorrow!

[johnokagain]

i also think its something everyone should do at least once. and ive got a friend who feels the same way. but we havent mustered up the balls to go yet. this thread has me convinced i should try it, maybe tomorrow!

I really think it should happen Saturday.

[jesus0nvi4gra]

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I was driving some fools around in a limo once and we stopped at the seediest shittiest Strip Club ever, aptly named "Da Shark Lounge".  There was one stripper and I'm assuming she was deaf, because that bitch sounded like Helen Keller.  Anyways, one of the dudes in the limo gave me 20 bills and I just got each and every single one of them taken out of my mouth with some big juicy deaf and mute Hellen Keller titties.

[close]

you had me LOLing as soon as I read this...gnarred!

[close]

You know its a bullshit story though right?

We're friends out in the real world big dipper, don't you worry.  Please though, as per usual, type me up my psycho analysis.  Titties in my face might be a metaphor for deep seeded childhood problems.  Or they could just be big juicy titties in my face, but fuck, what would I know.  Tear it up Dr Phil.

[Wasglobal]

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I was driving some fools around in a limo once and we stopped at the seediest shittiest Strip Club ever, aptly named "Da Shark Lounge".  There was one stripper and I'm assuming she was deaf, because that bitch sounded like Helen Keller.  Anyways, one of the dudes in the limo gave me 20 bills and I just got each and every single one of them taken out of my mouth with some big juicy deaf and mute Hellen Keller titties.

[close]

you had me LOLing as soon as I read this...gnarred!

[close]

You know its a bullshit story though right?

[close]

We're friends out in the real world big dipper, don't you worry.  Please though, as per usual, type me up my psycho analysis.  Titties in my face might be a metaphor for deep seeded childhood problems.  Or they could just be big juicy titties in my face, but fuck, what would I know.  Tear it up Dr Phil.

Daytona Beach's shark loungue? Where they dance on little aquariums with shark in them?

[Bobby Peru]

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

Strip clubs are better for the comedy than anything. One example would be when my friend put a dollar in his mouth and this coked out flatchested stripper (This was not the fanciest joint) came up and tried to grab it with her non-existent breasts. She went at his face so hard in her sped-up coked-out state that when her ribcage hit his face, she broke his nose. Blood came streaming out of his face and he went running out the door. The stripper, entirely unphased, just kept doing her rounds.

[close]

Good lord, that's amazing.

I'm glad someone made this thread, because there's a possibility that I'm making my first strip club excursion tonight. I feel like it's something everyone needs to do once but I have to say, I don't know if I'm really too excited for it.

[close]

definitely report back on how it went

My buddy who was really pushing to go didn't make it into town last night, so maybe sometime in the next few weeks, but nothing to report now.

[brycickle]

So you're in PDX right now kilgore?

Acropolis.
Union Jacks.

Period.