STRIP CLUB

[kilgore.]

MATES: so i'm going to the strip club this weekend. i need some enlightenment on stip club behavior, ethic, color, and expense. as the past two sentences may hint, i haven't been to a nude house before. now do i go drunk? or will that waste my money? okay that may be a given but damn. what happens if i get a boner? are they going to laugh or does it mean they are doing a good job and they just work around it or maybe even touch it. if they do touch it, can i touch them, or will a bouncer named benny ring my dick? should i quote very shitty rap songs and shout out "pop that pussy" "shake dat ass girl" or "let me see your elbows touch the floor" or lets go with maybe "drop it like it's hot" ? will more girls flock to me because of my I.Q. on mainstream rap? and how much money do i give a girl, i dont want her to be insulted, i mean she's a stripper, but she is a professional, dont get her wrong. i'm more worried about the boner thing, are they going to giggle at me? i've always wondered this, i dont want to be boner bobby to the crowd of cigar infested men. well, i'm excited. oh and my friend fingered a stripper once and fell in love. i dont want to be his finger, that's gross. i mean your finger doesn't cum, so why would you do that?

[sebastian toombs]

unless you shout "shake dat ass" in latvian or moldovan, they wont understand what your saying...   so say anything you want to.  me and mr harperdingle are going to hit the montreal strip clubs on friday

[MexicanSpaniard]

Boners are ok but don't walk around with it. Don't smack the girls with your cash or you'll get choked by bouncers. Drink before hand as drinks are usually expensive in the club. No touching unless they make you/tell you to. Oh, be prepared for the worst music ever.

[tiger woods]

go wasted as shit, its really the only to go. oh yeah, this is some great advice..

Oh, be prepared for the worst music ever.

[Lurkenstock]

Don't even bother talking to the girls, they're not even remotely interested in anything you have to say unless it so happens that you have a bunch of weed or coke or an endless supply of cash. Then by all means go for it.

As stated before, drink beforehand and get wasted but not so much that you make an ass of yourself. Keep it cool.

Maybe wear a hat. I don't know why but there is a certain type of stripper that likes to take your hat off of your head and then fool around with it, maybe wear it for a second, play with your hair and then put it back on your head. I've seen this happen more times than I can remember.

Nurse that drink.

Find the chick that is pretty hot but isn't amazing looking and therefore willing to go the extra mile. They're usually the ones that get the buck wildest.

Tip well.

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

You can tip weed at a lot of places and its actually a better deal.

[mbcls]

spend as much money as you want. if i go to the strip club with a few hundred, ill blow all that shit. some bitches will let you touch them, depends on the place. just get a dance and see if shes down. dont worry about the boner thing. i get pissed if im at the strip club and my shit doesnt get hard. and the girls aint gonna work around that shit, they gonna rub that thing in between their ass cheeks. i hope you have a good time, cuz i sure as hell would

[Prison Wallet]

How much money do you dudes typically go through in a night at the club? I've never been cause I'd just get bummed out at the dudes and chicks. Plus a room full of boners or friends with boners doesn't sit right. How much of a line is there between stripping and prostitution?

Good thread.

[tiger woods]

all together, with the drinks, throwing money at the chicks and at least 1 lap dance, i'll usually spend around 150 dollars, which is why its a rarity to see me at a strip club, i don't think i've been to 1 in a year. as far as that line of stripping and prostitution, i've gotten head whilst getting a private lap dance from a stripper, a hand job, everything but smashing, and the tips i'll usually give are around 50 dollars, and that's after paying 60 to get the lap dance.

if you're gonna go to the strip club, you might as well go all out.

[longballlarry]

i always wondered what the tipping etiquette was at these places too. like if you're not getting a lap dance and your just looking, how often do you throw a dollar at them? like every 3 minutes or so? what about for lap dances. like how long are lap dances and do you pay before hand? are there like options, 10mins, 20mins, etc? if so how much do you tip for a lap dance? how much average does it cost for one before hand? and what percentage of that would you tip them?

[Pelican]

i wonder if anyone has ever shit-dollared a stripper.

[MexicanSpaniard]

Like Tiger said, if you go bring the money and get it done right, and follow the advice above of others or you'll be that guy there lurking.
I've never checked one out in CO though.

[BrojaySimpson]

Maybe wear a hat. I don't know why but there is a certain type of stripper that likes to take your hat off of your head and then fool around with it, maybe wear it for a second, play with your hair and then put it back on your head. I've seen this happen more times than I can remember.

strippers like any kind of prop they can use. hats, glasses, and dear god do they love belts.

my own personal advice is wear wind pants and no underwear. makes for a more enjoyable lap dance.

[Prison Wallet]

Good advice Brojay, but don't dudes blow their load? And with wind pants/ no undies won't it show? Now that I think about it dudes have to blow their load or everyone would go home with blue balls, and who wants to drop $150 on that?

And someone respond to Longball--good questions. And how does the lap dance/tug job/BJ transition work? How is the price negotiated?

[able]

Boners are ok but don't walk around with it. Don't smack the girls with your cash or you'll get choked by bouncers. Drink before hand as drinks are usually expensive in the club. No touching unless they make you/tell you to. Oh, be prepared for the worst music ever.

^^ This is great advice right here. Also, pay them dollar by dollar. Don't start handing out fives. Keep your cool, don't think for a minute that these girls actually likes YOU. It's all about the cash. My friend Jimmy thought this stripper loved him cause she would come hang out with him on her breaks. He eventually got played. Don't be Jimmy.

[jesus0nvi4gra]

I was driving some fools around in a limo once and we stopped at the seediest shittiest Strip Club ever, aptly named "Da Shark Lounge".  There was one stripper and I'm assuming she was deaf, because that bitch sounded like Helen Keller.  Anyways, one of the dudes in the limo gave me 20 bills and I just got each and every single one of them taken out of my mouth with some big juicy deaf and mute Hellen Keller titties.

[CigaretteBeer]

I think strip clubs are fun but they're also kind of depressing. I feel kind of bad looking at a girls cunt and asshole right in front of me knowing she's just doing it to make some money. And watching them scrounge up the money off the floor after they dance is embarrassing and kind of sad. I always go drunk because they don't usually serve booze in all nude places.

[Prison Wallet]

And watching them scrounge up the money off the floor after they dance is embarrassing and kind of sad.

Like kids scrounging stickers at a product toss...

[dudebro]

Strip clubs are weird. I've been maybe five or six times in my life. Depending on how you approach it, it can be kind of fun or kind of depressing. The only time its been fun is when I was pretty drunk and with a bunch of friends and we were already out partying and just happened to stop at a strip club during the night. Portland is good for that because they serve liquor and its really commonplace. You can just pop into one of their many stripclubs and grab a cheap beer, bullshit with your friends and look at some random chick shaking her money makers. The strippers are more decoration than anything. Also its fun to bring a chick in with you during one of those nights.

The times when its weird, depressing and awkward is when you're not so wasted and some asshole friend of yours wants to go to the stripclub and you look around and see what the fuck you're doing and the fucking shitty people you're hanging around with. Creepy older guys, weird jock frat bros with their tongues hanging out thinking "this is fucking awesome," lame wanna be pimp dudes and various other shitbags. A lot of strippers are methed out coked out scum with a baby at home. They get paid to pretend to want you but the whole time they're thinking how much they fucking hate you. Its pretty silly and lame. You won't be the one they "really" like. I mean if this is someone's common means of sexual gratification, I really pitty them. Take that $50 or $150 and try to go on a date with some chick or buy a chick some drinks at the bar (not my style, but some suckers do that shit).

[sweets]

At the tender age of 32, I've only gone to strip clubs a handful of times. Most of those times being when a friend was working at one. I get the same impression as cigs and suds; total bummer. I end up feeling bad for the girls and the bad habits they are feeding with their earnings.

[DevilOnEnzyte]

Look out for the house mom of the club.
Disrespect her girls and she will fuck you up.

House moms are typically in their late 40's to early 5'0's, divorced, overweight, smokers, and for some reason... know how to sew, cook, and apply powder all at the same time.

How do I know.

My mom works for a strip clucb 

[brooklyn brawler]

Wear jogging pants if you're going to buy lap dances.

[CigaretteBeer]

Wear jogging pants if you're going to buy lap dances.

I knew this kid who did that in tampa and he came in his pants.

[brooklyn brawler]

Ever see that on Kenny vs. Spenny episode that ended with lap dancing?

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

If you are at a strip club to get off, its kinda weird. I don't know If I have even popped wood at a strip club. The whole scenario creeps me out too much. Creepy horny dudes and super overagressive naked chicks all to a cheesy soundtrack don't get me horny.

Strip clubs are better for the comedy than anything. One example would be when my friend put a dollar in his mouth and this coked out flatchested stripper (This was not the fanciest joint) came up and tried to grab it with her non-existent breasts. She went at his face so hard in her sped-up coked-out state that when her ribcage hit his face, she broke his nose. Blood came streaming out of his face and he went running out the door. The stripper, entirely unphased, just kept doing her rounds.
Also, I went to a strip club, and on this big wall of screens behind the stage they had HBO or something on, and Jason X was playing. So you had all these strippers trying to be all sexy in front of Jason cutting people's heads off in deep space. Something really awesome about the two things going on at once.
And who cares if you are "that guy" in a strip club by not spending enough money? Do you really care what a bunch of strippers and strip joint workers think about you? If you spend a bunch, you may feel like the coolest guy in there, but it sucks once you leave and you are just a broke loser who blew his money on strippers.

[ahlee]

wear track pants or gym shorts. dont compliment them. dont tip. if them come up to you and ask how you're doing say "im fine but i want to get out of here and do some blow (regardless of weither of not that is true). it will get their attention then bring them with you then bring out the wandering weiner. instant access.

[Sleazy]

i'd say fuck the strip club, spend your cash on drugs and go to a late night club the strippers go to after hours too party.

but if you do go to the club, make sure you check this out first: http://www.slapmagazine.com/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=33&topic=28100.0

[H8R part 4]

i spend at least $100, sometimes more if its someone b-day or something. 
lap dances run $20 depending on where you're at, its fun but this can get really expensive.
i tip $1 for every pair of titties that get slapped across my face, more if she does it right.
sweatpants only.

[j....soy.....]

Expand Quote

Wear jogging pants if you're going to buy lap dances.

[close]

I knew this kid who did that in tampa and he came in his pants.

bring two pair....or wear a condom...

[artichoke]

I went for the first time the other day.  Dropped $3 for cover, $4 for a bottle of water (the dude I was with doesn't drink so I wasn't about to get tanked on $9 beers by myself) and two or three singles into a g string before I was over it.  It's not really my scene, or so i've come to realize.