Awkward Sexual Experiences

[Lance]

I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago and lasted about a minute. maybe this should've gone in the real confessions thread. either way, it was awkward.

i had this issue when i was younger.  fuck with the TV on...works wonders

[steve]

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I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago and lasted about a minute. maybe this should've gone in the real confessions thread. either way, it was awkward.

[close]

i had this issue when i was younger.  fuck with the TV on...works wonders

see, it takes me fucking forever to bust a nut. TV just makes me more distracted.

 The girl i'm fucking now can go forever. Woke me up the other night and said "i'm awake. i don't want you to go to bed. round 4?" I was like damn. started smashing and she is dripping wet. so i flip her over and start slapping against her ass. I end up getting off too. So i pass out and she wakes me up again at 7am because she is leaving for work. She says "you've got 2 minutes. start fucking me now" I've got heart burn like a motherfucker from drinking JD all night, I'm ripping stank bombs from mixing the booze with hummus for dinner, and I'm trying to fucking sleep. I open my eyes, look around, and think to myself "fuck, what am I getting myself into?" We ended up fucking for a half or so. I had to pass out when she left though and I'm feeling old. hahah, I'm good with a couple sessions a week, you know? 4x in 14 hours just ain't where i'm at right now. i like to sleep.

I don't know if this is a good one to get into. Good in bed=crazy in the head... meh, i'll see how it goes

[saucy ragu]

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I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago and lasted about a minute. maybe this should've gone in the real confessions thread. either way, it was awkward.

[close]

i had this issue when i was younger.� fuck with the TV on...works wonders

"When I have sex, I'm always thinking about the pavement so I can avoid premature ejaculation."




First times are like that though. Don't worry about it.

[Donkey Lips]

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I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago and lasted about a minute. maybe this should've gone in the real confessions thread. either way, it was awkward.

[close]

i had this issue when i was younger.  fuck with the TV on...works wonders

[close]

see, it takes me fucking forever to bust a nut. TV just makes me more distracted.

 The girl i'm fucking now can go forever. Woke me up the other night and said "i'm awake. i don't want you to go to bed. round 4?" I was like damn. started smashing and she is dripping wet. so i flip her over and start slapping against her ass. I end up getting off too. So i pass out and she wakes me up again at 7am because she is leaving for work. She says "you've got 2 minutes. start fucking me now" I've got heart burn like a motherfucker from drinking JD all night, I'm ripping stank bombs from mixing the booze with hummus for dinner, and I'm trying to fucking sleep. I open my eyes, look around, and think to myself "fuck, what am I getting myself into?" We ended up fucking for a half or so. I had to pass out when she left though and I'm feeling old. hahah, I'm good with a couple sessions a week, you know? 4x in 14 hours just ain't where i'm at right now. i like to sleep.

I don't know if this is a good one to get into. Good in bed=crazy in the head... meh, i'll see how it goes

Not all chicks that are good in the sack are crazy, but surely, almost ALL crazy ones are good in the bed. Kinda like all hatchbacks aren't station wagons....eh fuck it, you get the point.

My tolerance for crazy has actually grown wider throughout the years, so my advice to you, sir, is to blast through it until you're dealing with more drama than decent sex. Keep in mind though, I'm a complete idiot. Good luck on your future endeavors Steve.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

if he is anything like me, i guess its a nice combination of dry spell + crazy available woman.

[Donkey Lips]

Donkey Lips- you actually grew more accepting of the crazy?  That's unusual.  Do you have a reason?

Probably desensitized from the ex-girlfriend that tried drugging me. That was a whole lot of crazy for one tiny girl.

[steve]

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I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago and lasted about a minute. maybe this should've gone in the real confessions thread. either way, it was awkward.

[close]

i had this issue when i was younger.  fuck with the TV on...works wonders

[close]

see, it takes me fucking forever to bust a nut. TV just makes me more distracted.

 The girl i'm fucking now can go forever. Woke me up the other night and said "i'm awake. i don't want you to go to bed. round 4?" I was like damn. started smashing and she is dripping wet. so i flip her over and start slapping against her ass. I end up getting off too. So i pass out and she wakes me up again at 7am because she is leaving for work. She says "you've got 2 minutes. start fucking me now" I've got heart burn like a motherfucker from drinking JD all night, I'm ripping stank bombs from mixing the booze with hummus for dinner, and I'm trying to fucking sleep. I open my eyes, look around, and think to myself "fuck, what am I getting myself into?" We ended up fucking for a half or so. I had to pass out when she left though and I'm feeling old. hahah, I'm good with a couple sessions a week, you know? 4x in 14 hours just ain't where i'm at right now. i like to sleep.

I don't know if this is a good one to get into. Good in bed=crazy in the head... meh, i'll see how it goes

[close]

Not all chicks that are good in the sack are crazy, but surely, almost ALL crazy ones are good in the bed. Kinda like all hatchbacks aren't station wagons....eh fuck it, you get the point.

My tolerance for crazy has actually grown wider throughout the years, so my advice to you, sir, is to blast through it until you're dealing with more drama than decent sex. Keep in mind though, I'm a complete idiot. Good luck on your future endeavors Steve.

haha, man, my tolerance for crazy has dropped considerably. I'm an empathic guy and used to think "ah, with some help or love, she'll be alright" FUCK THAT. if someone needs to be fixed, i'm all set with doing it. I've dated some chicks who ride under the crazy train. Trying to get knocked up, lying about psychiatric conditions/medication, shit like that.

 I'm an intense person and do well with direction, I can't have anyone fucking with that. Because I'm a nice guy I attract the crazies. I used to find myself attracted to them too, thinking they were more interesting and genuine than other girls. I'm all about making eye contact when i talk with anyone and am generally very open and sincere in conversation and expression, unstable people feel safe in my company. I've been learning the signs of what i don't want to deal with and I'm doing alright with it. I get laid far less often, but i don't generally have the headaches. It's alright. Of course there is the standard of what and how much you are willing to deal with. It takes time to figure it out.

This one, well, i'll see how it goes. I don't think she's too batty but at the first sign, i'm out. I hate that "i love you" shit. fucking a

[steve]

Thanks, brother.

[skate_bored]

man after a 2 year relationship that felt like i was in jail and dating my mother, ive finally realized that the first sign of either is going to have me completely over it. right now ive got this younger girl (21 to my 25) who for the past few months has strictly only been to my room when we are wasted. she never bugs me, anytime we text its jokes and fun, and shes by far the best thing ive ever been in bed with. this already has me set on never getting stuck with a crazy again.

as for awkward, during fucking the other night i pulled out and was going to eat her out before defiling her some more and she queefed pretty close to my face. it was pretty awkward but we were wasted and laughed it off.

[sexualhelon]

I feel like as I've grown older I give less of a fuck, therefore, situations that should be awkward don't really affect me as much. However, there's definitely things that are fucking awkward for anyone. As of late, it's like 70/30 for me on being able to cum. I guess that's better of a problem then not being able to get it up. It's usually one night stand things too and it's not really like I care about the girl it's more like I just wanna get off myself and then end up being like, "fuck it". Getting old man...I need to eat more pineapple or some shit.

Anyway, I should add a legitimate awkward sexual experience of mine. There was this one time that I was fucking this girl for what seemed like a decent amount of time and then I started going whiskey dick and she said, "if you don't get it up I'm gonna punch you in the face". About 2 minutes later she punched me in the face.

[Clayton]

Maybe 6 months ago I went out with the girl I'm currently boning and her friends. A couple of them weren't big drinkers so they kept pawning their sugary creeper drinks off to me. Ended up getting blackout drunk and puking in the parking lot. Went home with the girl I came with and we boned anyway. It had to have been pretty rough/sloppy because at one point I pull out my dick and the rubber broke, (fortunately I didn't bust and she took the plan b pill the next day anyway.)
A couple days later I'm at her house again and at some point she's sitting on my face/I'm going down (up?) on her. Before I realize what the hell's going on I feel something in my mouth. I take it out and it's the tip of the rubber. I place it aside slightly grossed out, yet continue to smash.

[Numeral]

Maybe 6 months ago I went out with the girl I'm currently boning and her friends. A couple of them weren't big drinkers so they kept pawning their sugary creeper drinks off to me. Ended up getting blackout drunk and puking in the parking lot. Went home with the girl I came with and we boned anyway. It had to have been pretty rough/sloppy because at one point I pull out my dick and the rubber broke, (fortunately I didn't bust and she took the plan b pill the next day anyway.)
A couple days later I'm at her house again and at some point she's sitting on my face/I'm going down (up?) on her. Before I realize what the hell's going on I feel something in my mouth. I take it out and it's the tip of the rubber. I place it aside slightly grossed out, yet continue to smash.

that's the spirit, like a true champ!

[Citizen on Patron]

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Donkey Lips- you actually grew more accepting of the crazy??  That's unusual.?  Do you have a reason?

[close]

Probably desensitized from the ex-girlfriend that tried drugging me. That was a whole lot of crazy for one tiny girl.

Dude I was drugged at the bar one time and like 20 mins before I blacked out my ex just happened to show up. I was sitting with her cause I was all bummed and shit and then woke up in the hospital with my friend next to me all scared. The doctor asked me if anyone bought me drinks because I had rehiponole or what ever in my system. One bitch comes to mind... that fuckin slut.


Anyways I was at this chicks house one time with some people I didn't know. I drank like 10 shots of Jim Beam and drank around 4 or 5 beers and started making out with the chick who owned the house. We go to her room and start fucking with the lights off and after I busted I got up to go to the bathroom. I turned the light on and looked down at my dick and I was covered in blood. Right when I was looking down someone comes in through the other door cause it's a shared bathroom between the rooms and I just was just standing there with blood all over my dick and legs and stomach haha. The girl just kinda backed up and closed the door with out saying anything, so I washed my dick and shit and took a piss and got dressed. When I got back out to the living room where everybody was, the chick I fucked was sitting on the couch with a red face and as soon as she saw me she her eyes got real big and lip motioned "I'm sorry" haha. Everyone was like "Dude! Did you kill someone with your dick?!" It was pretty gnarly.

[McBrandt]

Is it common for old guys 30+ to not be able to finish a lot of the time? If so, it's good to know I'm not alone. It sucks going from bareback to having to wear rubbers again. You get the thinnest ones you can, but they still numb your shit up.

[jimi420]

A few months ago, maybe a half year ago I was at home taking a massive dook. As I sat there unleashing the Salisbury Steak I had finished a few hours before I recieved a text from a fuck buddy saying "Wanna smoke a cig?" which was our code for "Let's smoke a cig then go fuck". So I wiped my ass pretty thoroughly and headed on over. We get done smoking and journey inside to her bedroom. We get to going and for the life of me I just can't cum. So in order to get me off she starts sucking my balls but then she moved on down to my asshole and started licking it, to her surprise there was a dingleberry left over and she got a tongue full. She promptly sprang up and shouted "What the fuck!" I responded with "I guess you eat pieces of shit". She then told me to get out and I didn't hear from her for about 3 months. It wasn't awkward so much for me as it was for her.

[trannies and mannies]

Man id give her props for doing what she did

[Hercules Rockefeller]

+1.

[finknoos]

I responded with "I guess you eat pieces of shit".

priceless

[jimi420]

Man id give her props for doing what she did

I took her out to dinner to make up for it. She's a trooper.

[brycickle]

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Man id give her props for doing what she did

[close]

I took her out to dinner to make up for it. She's a trooper.

[close]

Pooper trooper?  It's corny, but it works.

OH THE PUNSANITY!!

[nice weather]

please stop

[jimi420]

if you've never had a girl lick your butthole then you've never orgasmed to the fullest.

[sexualhelon]

I had sex with this girl and then she flipped over and we started going at it doggy style. I look down and there's this piece of fuzz right at the top of her butthole. I giggled then wouldn't tell her why.

[Mark Renton]

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I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago and lasted about a minute. maybe this should've gone in the real confessions thread. either way, it was awkward.

[close]

i had this issue when i was younger.� fuck with the TV on...works wonders

[close]

"When I have sex, I'm always thinking about the pavement so I can avoid premature ejaculation."

Haha some shit like that happened to me too the first time..
I had in mind this passage from Irvine welsh Trainspotting novel the whole time:
"Dianne sensed his extreme excitement. Renton stopped feeling her and tried to imagine that he was shagging Margaret Thatcher, Paul Daniels, Wallace Mercer, Jimmy Savile and other turn-offs, in order to bring himself off the boil."

..And further phrases..with that in mind it was an awesome time even in its EXTREME awkwardness

[jimi420]

not really awkward just creepy. I had sex with this girl last night and drove back home. When I woke up this morning she was on my computer in my house. It's been a while since I've had a stalker so I was kind of flattered.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

amazing.

[skate_bored]

not really awkward just creepy. I had sex with this girl last night and drove back home. When I woke up this morning she was on my computer in my house. It's been a while since I've had a stalker so I was kind of flattered.

this is awesome! never had a stalker chick either but i'd be into it for the experience.

[Donkey Lips]

Yeah Jimi...I'm pretty sure you fucked a ghost.

[jimi420]

The day after the computer incident she was asleep on my couch when I woke up. Taking her stalker game to a new level. I think I'd rather fuck a ghost than a stalker. At least after the ghost's unfinished business is done it leaves. this bitch ain't ever gonna leave!

[saucy ragu]

You just answered your own question. You gotta make her a ghost..