Here's another weird one.
My friend's band was playing a show where mostly younger college kids hang out because the place will generally sell beer under-21. A girl about my age starts staring at me and we end up drinking beers and talking for a while. Her and her other v attractive girlfriend and I leave together and they proceed to drive me around party/bar-hopping while simultaneously smoking me out and buying me beer, essentially rendering me blacked out and supremely confident. We all end up back at homegirl's apartment and I'm feeling like a 3-some is imminent (!). I start making out with the one girl while her other friend is outside on the phone or something. Outside girl slides out at some point and the other girl and I start going at it in her room. She was definitely on the freakier/rougher end of the spectrum and at one point pulls out some weird sex toy to use on herself. I assume we bang for a while and pass out but the next thing I remember is waking up to her screaming at me and driving me home.....
*important caveat*
Growing up I had the strange habit of sleepwalking when I fell asleep in a new place. This would happen at friends' houses I'd sleepover at as well as on family vacations in hotels. By college when drinking had come into play and I was living in a dorm there would be numerous occasions where I would wake up in weird stairwells, and other floors, often close to naked and urinating on various objects (my older brother has this same problem).
So it turns out that I had drank enough and been in a weird enough location/situation that I did just that, and the various object this time happened to be this poor girl's face.
She ended up texting me the next day telling me that her "pussy still hurt" and we ended up banging/semi-dating for the next two months. She got really clingy and I dumped her via text on the way to a Radiohead show in Tampa. I still see her around town from time to time and she is actually really cool and one night actually successfully played wingwomen for me.
man, sometimes I miss doing shit like this.
why would u ever dump someone via a text? what the fuck is wrong with you?
i had a habit of ending contact without even a text message. I hate dumping girls. Looking back, other than just straight up not talking to her anymore, the worst I pulled was the summer I graduated from high school. I thought I was a baller hippy hahaha and at the summer camp I worked at I started hooking up with this chick who wasn't particularly good looking but wasn't so bad either, a 5 on the physical plane but liked to party, so she was a 7 most of the time, you know what I'm saying?
Anyhow, after maybe 3 weeks of straight raw fucking in my van she started trying to say "I love you" during sex. I may have been a fool of an 18 year old but I wasn't feeling that, I was looking for a straight up cum dumpster. So I slow down contact but seeing as we worked together I was faced with seeing her everyday. I tried to ignore, I tried to say "no."
Her best friend had died in a wreck earlier in the year and was constantly torn up by it.
After work my buds are shooting hoops and I'm ollieing over the tennis nets when she comes over and starts buddying up to me. I look at her and say "are you seriously drinking before driving home? After what happened to Jessica this year? That's fucked up" She began crying and ran away. Didn't speak to me for the remainder of the summer.
I'd left town and gotten into some shit for a while after that summer and ran into her when I was back around. She asked me to come over her place and I did. After sitting there smoking bowls to the face for a few hours I put on a pink floyd bootleg and we get into her bed. Ever been so high that it's just awkward to be in bed next to someone? I was. She starts jerking me off and my dick remains flaccid. She starts licking my neck and I'm not moving, like a dead man. She then says "Ooh, this music makes me feel like a prostitute in New York City." Deep in my mind I'm thinking "what the fuck is this bitch talking about? Pink Floyd and hookers? Is she making a reference to the Wall?" I'm still not moving, mind you I'm in the height of my tripping days, perpetually bugged, and she is trying to go to town. She then says "My sister told me she can fit a cucumber in her pussy," proceeds to pull a huge green cuke from under the pillow, lick, and "wanna try it to me?" Something in me finally snaps, I sit up, say nothing, get dressed, and walk out.
I forgot about this until now. what the fuck!
Topic: Awkward Sexual Experiences (Read 464261 times)