Figured it was time to get this one out here.
I'm going to start with the concept of the drunk booty call girl. I'm not talking about a regular booty call, drunk is the operative word here. You know, the type of girl that you're on the very brink of being attracted to in a sober mind state but once you are fully encapsulated by the beer gogs, the strange shape of her body turns into a curvy blur and the minute details of her face that keep you dissatisfied in the daylight are overlooked. That girl. Mine was named Sara.
Me and Sara were friends, but she always wanted to hook up and I never saw her like that, until I had the liquor in me. We had fooled around a few times before, but had never gone all the way because most of the time for me to get intoxicated enough to want to hook up with her I would also be suffering from a condition most would call "whiskey dick". But she was persistent, one of those chicks that would actually take advantage of you if you were blacked out to the point of no return.
It was my good homie's birthday party a few summers ago, and it started out like a normal night. Casual shotgunning with the homies, beer pong, and everyone was turnin' up to my get buck playlist (which consisted of vast amounts of Gucci Mane.) This is where things take a turn for the worst. I'm out of beer and a friend is offering me infinite amounts of Juarez tequila because he brought like 3 handles of it. Now, I'm not sure if you guys are familiar with this specific brand of tequila, but it ain't no Jose Cuervo yummy tasty add some lime and salt and it will be fun college girl on spring break tequila. I'm talkin bottom shelf poison. The type of shit you just take a whiff of and you suddenly feel like death is all around you. But, at this point I'm a healthy 6 on the 1-10 scale and my night is nowhere close to over. I brave the drink of death, near puking with almost every gulp, but we all know after awhile once you get fucked up enough it doesn't matter what you're drinking anymore because your taste buds have been abused and numbed to the point of no return.
Fast forward about an hour (at this point in time my sense of time was starting to not exist), and I'm beer pong partners with Sara. We are killin' our opponents which is leading to many flirtatious gestures such as hugs, ass grabbing and even public bouts of kissing, (at this point in time any fucks that I had left to give were long gone and never to be seen again). I think to myself "Do I really want to go down this path?". Something I had failed to mention previously was that I NEVER drink tequila unless it's the most dire of circumstances. One thing that I had forgotten about being tequila wasted was that it makes me ridiculously DTF, so the answer to the question I had asked myself was "fuck everything I'm goin' in."
Me and Sara get comfy on the couch and start making out and shit all while all our friends are still around partying their asses off. She says it's a bit early (no idea what time it actually was), and that she'd like to get a bit more intoxicated before things get serious. I take this opportunity to down some more alcohol and this is the point where all consciousness or memory goes bye bye for the night.
I wake up the next morning at my other friends apartment on the floor with my pants unzipped and my shirt right next to me covered in what seemed to be alcohol vomit. With a very bad hangover and still being reasonably inebriated, I stumble into my friends room to ask him what the fuck happened last night. The first thing he says is "Sara still here?". At this point I figured I misheard him due to my blood alcohol content and I ask "what are you talking about?". He was like "Uh... Sara. You brought her back last night. Is she still here or did she leave early? Confused, horrified, and still pretty wasted, I go on to inform him that I do not recall anything about what happened after a certain point the night before and that he needs to tell me everything he remembers.
He goes on to tell me that our homie whose bday it was started kicking people out the night before so me and my other friend headed back to his place. He said I kept mumbling some shit about how I was gonna hook up with her but she was nowhere to be seen at this point so apparently we went to get some food. He told me I was telling him that she was gonna meet us at his place and apparently I promised her a burger from burger king before we get there. He also informs me when we get to burger king, I order 2 burgers and devour both instantaneously, he then asks me "what about Sara's burger?" and I respond with a slurred, but prompt "the fuck are you talking about?", (this is quite indicative of my mind set at the time). According to him, we get back to his place, Sara shows up, he goes to bed and assumes the worst about me and her.
After hearing all of this I'm pretty stressed at the idea that I hooked up with this chick especially since no condom was found on scene so who knows what could have happened. I hit her up via text message asking her what happened last night because I remembered nothing, she then goes on to inform me that when she got there we started fooling around and then she gave me a bj (I have no clue how I didn't have whiskey dick at this point, the tequila must have went straight to my dick). This bj however, did not end on a normal note. Apparently without warning I bust and right at that exact moment I simultaneously projectile vomit hot deadly Juarez liquid puke all over and proceed to pass out. I've never ejected 2 different fluids out of my body from 2 different places before at the same time, but I'm assuming it's a pretty interesting sensation. She went back home right afterwards and left me pants down, belly up with a puke pile and a ruined shirt all around me.
Needless to say, this must have been quite uncomfortable/ awkward for her at the time, but I'm almost happy I was too blacked out to recall any aspect of that experience whatsoever. We're still friends but she lives on the east coast now so I rarely ever see her, sometimes we'll text and I'll jokingly bring this up to her and we'll have a good laugh.
Topic: Awkward Sexual Experiences (Read 464636 times)