Awkward Sexual Experiences

[straight]

Do you spit or swallow?

[Sk.A.T.A.N]

Today i went out with my girl and we usually fuck in the car after going to the bar or something. I went to our usual hidden places to fuck and no one was empty... Cars doing the same thing, or something happening close to it. So we went to the final option, that is usually always the one that is never available (there's always someones there fucking too), and it was empty, no car in it. So I park the car, middle of nowere, bushes all around, almost pitch black. I go out and pee, hear some noises, but they seemed really far, and like some animal (could be a fox or something). Then my girl goes out to pee too and tells me the same, that heard some noise, but it seemed like a animal. I was a little suspicious, but we started making out and forgotten about it. We started fucking and when he were about to change positions we hear the noises again. I told her to dress on, she jumps to the seat and we stop there, starring at the bushes and we see some cigarette flame in it. we freeze and stay looking, after like 5 mins about 6 youngsters jump out of the bushes at pass like right in front of the car and go away. So we started panicking thinking they filmed us. I tried on her Iphone right there if they could see anything but it was straight black, i tried the flash but with it would reflect in the frontwindow and they couldnt see anything more than the car number (the windows were a little wet too). I left my girl home and tried to simulate the action on my garage (it was as dark too). So without flash, they couldnt see shit, with flash they could see the car, and there's some chance about the inside, but the flashlight would be so strong that it would reflect on the window shield. there's no chance they could use the flash without we noticing it. Well, not that interesting story, I'm not worried about them seeing my dick or her ass... I'm just hoping that if by any chance they caught us on film, it doesnt goes to facebook or something. 

[FrenchFriedClownFingers]

Do you spit or swallow?

First time i spit, second time i swallowed and i now have night vision loads



ahh i wouldn't skatan, they were prolly in the middle of their nightly circle jerk and were just as startled as you were

[h00man]

Today i went out with my girl and we usually fuck in the car after going to the bar or something. I went to our usual hidden places to fuck and no one was empty... Cars doing the same thing, or something happening close to it. So we went to the final option, that is usually always the one that is never available (there's always someones there fucking too), and it was empty, no car in it. So I park the car, middle of nowere, bushes all around, almost pitch black. I go out and pee, hear some noises, but they seemed really far, and like some animal (could be a fox or something). Then my girl goes out to pee too and tells me the same, that heard some noise, but it seemed like a animal. I was a little suspicious, but we started making out and forgotten about it. We started fucking and when he were about to change positions we hear the noises again. I told her to dress on, she jumps to the seat and we stop there, starring at the bushes and we see some cigarette flame in it. we freeze and stay looking, after like 5 mins about 6 youngsters jump out of the bushes at pass like right in front of the car and go away. So we started panicking thinking they filmed us. I tried on her Iphone right there if they could see anything but it was straight black, i tried the flash but with it would reflect in the frontwindow and they couldnt see anything more than the car number (the windows were a little wet too). I left my girl home and tried to simulate the action on my garage (it was as dark too). So without flash, they couldnt see shit, with flash they could see the car, and there's some chance about the inside, but the flashlight would be so strong that it would reflect on the window shield. there's no chance they could use the flash without we noticing it. Well, not that interesting story, I'm not worried about them seeing my dick or her ass... I'm just hoping that if by any chance they caught us on film, it doesnt goes to facebook or something. 

God damn kids. Should always have towels or sheets to cover the windows, even though it's obvious from the outside.

Me and one of my exes used to get it on in the car on a few streets near her place late at night. One time I parked near a bus stop (even though the buses don't run that late anyway), and we were started to get undressed and shit. I believe she was giving me head, when I saw blue lights flashing behind my car. Panic mode, I told my girl to stop and we were freaking out. Pulled up my pants and gave her her shirt to put back on. Cop came next to the window and asked me to roll it down (which was kinda hard because we were in the back seat), and asked if she was my girlfriend. I said yes, and he asked her if she was my girlfriend, which she responded with yes. He then told us to get out of there, and left. We went home that night. But we came back the next couple of days to do our thing anyway.

[Sk.A.T.A.N]

God damn kids. Should always have towels or sheets to cover the windows, even though it's obvious from the outside.

Me and one of my exes used to get it on in the car on a few streets near her place late at night. One time I parked near a bus stop (even though the buses don't run that late anyway), and we were started to get undressed and shit. I believe she was giving me head, when I saw blue lights flashing behind my car. Panic mode, I told my girl to stop and we were freaking out. Pulled up my pants and gave her her shirt to put back on. Cop came next to the window and asked me to roll it down (which was kinda hard because we were in the back seat), and asked if she was my girlfriend. I said yes, and he asked her if she was my girlfriend, which she responded with yes. He then told us to get out of there, and left. We went home that night. But we came back the next couple of days to do our thing anyway.

It was a really hidden place, didnt thought that somebody could be there. But nothing happened in the past days so I think we are safe!  

A friend of mine had a similar situation with the cops but they didnt done anything, just asked them to leave.

[h00man]

Expand Quote

God damn kids. Should always have towels or sheets to cover the windows, even though it's obvious from the outside.

Me and one of my exes used to get it on in the car on a few streets near her place late at night. One time I parked near a bus stop (even though the buses don't run that late anyway), and we were started to get undressed and shit. I believe she was giving me head, when I saw blue lights flashing behind my car. Panic mode, I told my girl to stop and we were freaking out. Pulled up my pants and gave her her shirt to put back on. Cop came next to the window and asked me to roll it down (which was kinda hard because we were in the back seat), and asked if she was my girlfriend. I said yes, and he asked her if she was my girlfriend, which she responded with yes. He then told us to get out of there, and left. We went home that night. But we came back the next couple of days to do our thing anyway.

[close]

It was a really hidden place, didnt thought that somebody could be there. But nothing happened in the past days so I think we are safe!  

A friend of mine had a similar situation with the cops but they didnt done anything, just asked them to leave.

God damn cops ruining all our fun!

[Adam Carolla]

i put an ad on cl looking for matures and grannies specifically and one replied. she was almost 50yrs old. she didnt live far and after a couple days of chatting and swapping face pics she came over and turned out to be hot as fuck not fat at all. we went up to my room and i started eating her pussy and it didnt smell bad at all. she told me to start fingering her ass and she mustve used an enema cause it was super clean didnt stink either. she warmed up her butthole too before she came over because it had that elasticity to it and naturally looked broken in which is perfect. but while i was down there burying my face in her cunt i couldnt stop thinking about how now i probably have herpes for life and its gonna be all over my face. made me really nervous which then made my dick super soft like shrunken into little baby dick size i was so embarrassed. after a lil bit i got hard and put on a condom but then got soft again really quick and i took it off and then tried to shove it in raw but it didnt work. she sucked me off and didnt like the condom taste so she stopped. we talked for a bit and i kept saying how sorry i was and she was cool about it. i wish i could do it all over again or have a second chance cause i wouldnt be nervous and i would seriously tear her ass up she was so fine.

[Gray Imp Sausage Metal]

she warmed up her butthole too before she came over because it had that elasticity to it and naturally looked broken in which is perfect.

fuck dude...

[swag nollies]

Lanza, you off the chain dawg

[Rafiki]

i put an ad on cl looking for matures and grannies specifically and one replied. she was almost 50yrs old. she didnt live far and after a couple days of chatting and swapping face pics she came over and turned out to be hot as fuck not fat at all. we went up to my room and i started eating her pussy and it didnt smell bad at all. she told me to start fingering her ass and she mustve used an enema cause it was super clean didnt stink either. she warmed up her butthole too before she came over because it had that elasticity to it and naturally looked broken in which is perfect. but while i was down there burying my face in her cunt i couldnt stop thinking about how now i probably have herpes for life and its gonna be all over my face. made me really nervous which then made my dick super soft like shrunken into little baby dick size i was so embarrassed. after a lil bit i got hard and put on a condom but then got soft again really quick and i took it off and then tried to shove it in raw but it didnt work. she sucked me off and didnt like the condom taste so she stopped. we talked for a bit and i kept saying how sorry i was and she was cool about it. i wish i could do it all over again or have a second chance cause i wouldnt be nervous and i would seriously tear her ass up she was so fine.

Whose man is this

[jc]

i let out a juicy fart during a blowjob once.

[Wizard Fight]

Has anyone been farted on while going down on a girl?

[Level 60 Dwarf Paladin]

Yes. I didn't give a fuck, thought it was hilarious. Sounded like a shower fart because of all the wetness. Brap.

[jimi420]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for around 2 years or so and the crazy, weird sex has cut back dramatically. We're really feeling this hit so we decided we wanted to spice it up a little bit so on Christmas we decided we wanted to have sex at every Christmas we went to (we had 4). We got through 3 of them perfectly fine but we saved her family's for last because  it was the hardest to do so at. We get there and have a good time but then we decide it's time. There was a clubhouse in the backyard and the kid's were too busy with their new toys to try to  go out there. We sneak out and get to business. It was pretty dope because it was a really nice clubhouse, I wasn't even close to nutting when her cousin shows up (I'm assuming because she got made fun until she left like she does every holiday) and stops dead in her tracks. Now this would be awkward in the first place but I semi-dated and took the cousin's  virginity a couple years before I dated my current. She yells in surprise and walks back to the house. We sit out there trying to decide our next move; either go back inside the house and face the family or just bail. We feel like the cousin wouldn't snitch so we head back in. As soon as I step in the door we're met with all eyes until one of her other cousin's says "My girlfriend starts crying from embarrassment, and I drink my chelada thinking about how I cant show my face around her family for at least half a year and now that's a Christmas memory for the whole family. Maybe getting caught having sex is my kink or something but I can't help putting myself in these situations. I got a new pair of all white Vans Old Skools and an 8.25 Alien deck tho so Christmas was pretty good. Also, my family is taking all of us to Pensicola in August so I'm sure something embarrassing will happen there too.

[Joust Ostrich]

Happy New Year Jimi.  Thank you.

[jimi420]

There was a typo i didnt notice. her cousin said "IDK WHY I NEVER THOUGHT TO FUCK OUT THERE". Happy New Year all

[somethingmustbreaknow]

i don't think that that's a typo.
but gnarred all the way. sick b.

[castillo's curls]

Wait, you took your cousin's v-card 
Are you Kevin Gates?

[jimi420]

Wait, you took your cousin's v-card 
Are you Kevin Gates?

my girlfriend's cousin, my bad. No Kevin Gates here.

[shark tits]

just got done having sex, we'll say my gf's name is lasagna. lasagna is complaining of allergies so i offer her a spoon of my honey because local honey has pollen it kills allergies, makes your dick hard and all sorts of good stuff. raw honey is magic.
so i leave lasagna in bed naked, grab honey and spoon. erstwhile my mom has just gotten the mail. mailman's wife is also named lasagna. i gave him a jar last fall for helping me net my blueberries.
i just spooned honey in my girl's mouth, spilled some on her tit. i'm leaning over to lick it off when i hear my mom go 'best honey lasagna ever tasted' and we both freeze up like 'is she in here? watching from the door? this is highly fucking inappropriate!'
i start to stammer something but my mom isn't in the room, she had just seen mailman who had repeated that his wife's praise of the honey but talk about poor timing.

[saucy ragu]

Just say your girlfriend's/mailman's name. Your bank account isn't getting hacked over that. Now I have an image of lasagna with honey instead of tomato paste.

[straight]

you would

[Nosferatu]

Where art thou, Jimi?

[h00man]

Gotta keep this thread going.

Well not really awkward but have been fucking a girl from tinder. She's fun.

Yay not much of a story sorry guys.

[MintySandwhich]

I was fucking my girlfriend, and a dry and loose booger fell from my nose on to her face. Needless to say it was awkward for me and that it killed the vibe.

[Deucifer]

Was at a show a couple weeks ago and this pretty cute girl comes up to me and offers to buy me a drink. After almost saying no, I rethought my decision and accepted. Ended up hanging out at a couple bars the rest of the night, made out for a while. I'm getting ready to head out, ask if she wants to come back to my place. She has work in the morning, cool, I head out back home. Within 2-3 minutes she texts "come pick me up". So I turn around to what I thought was going to be me picking her up and heading to my house. Wrong.

I show up to the address she gave and call to let her know I'm there. She tells me to come in. I go inside and it's this gay couple's place and everyone was cooking vegan food and drinking vodka. I said fuck it, when in rome. So I drink some vodka and I'm dancing in the living room with her and the gay dudes to some gaga and other various awful music. after maybe an hour or so she leads me outside to my car and we start hooking up. She immediately grabs for my dick and just starts going for it, she really knew her way around a shaft. I'm kinda on top of her in the front seat, trying to decide if I wanna try and fuck in the front seat or just let this girl give me the full tug. I decide to opt for the full tug and nut all over this girls shirt. surprisingly, she's not even bummed and wants to hang out again.

So she texts me the next day wanting to hang out again that night. I agree, she changes her mind, I agree again. A couple hours later she hits me up for my address saying she's coming now over but I need to make it quick. Ok. At this point it's maybe 2 or 3 in the afternoon. She shows up around 3:30-4 and we head straight to my bedroom. I am pretty much dead sober, so awkward as they come. We're hooking up and get naked and I go to put a condom on and could not get past 45% erect. Put out a piss poor performance. I tried to get round 2 going but was completely flaccid. I got nervous this girl was so willing to just hop in bed, plus my anxiety with new people is x100 without some sort of buzz. After a few minutes of realizing it wasn't going to happen she gets up and starts putting her clothes on. I offer her a ride, she accepts and that's that.

I chalk it up to a loss, you live and learn. Don't do booty calls at 4 in the afternoon. Then I get a text from her, "was it me?" I tell her no, I just get anxious and was nervous. she says "be honest" and starts guffing me about not telling her the truth and blah blah blah. thats when I stopped responding.

[Joe Pesci]

How you even got that far with her stop and go, back and forth attitude was a feat itself. A true warrior.

[somethingmustbreaknow]

are you me?  sounds  deadly familiar,
unfortunately. which show was it at?

[Grind King Rims]

How you even got that far with her stop and go, back and forth attitude was a feat itself. A true warrior.

Agreed


Also, I got "stage fright" a couple of weeks ago with this girl, just because I was nervous and it's been ages since I've been with a girl. I just laughed about it, said sorry, she said I don't need to be sorry, I went down on her, it was cool. The next time we hooked up it was great, no pressure at all. Been seeing her for a few weeks. Your old boy Grind King Rims is back in the game after years, boys 

[Willie]

So, my marriage is basically sexless at this point although once every few months (usually when I am super tired or just wanked twice or have a cold, etc.) my wife signals she is down for some action.

She's usually not into a lot of foreplay and just wants to get to business. Most of the time I bust a nut in under a minute. It bums me out and I imagine doesn't do much to enhance my standing. I didn't have such a problem with staying power in my 20s or early 30s or when I'm having a wank either. It's weird. Don't know if it's nerves or technique or what.