pathetic & failed attempts @ sexual relations

[Stoeipoes]

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been talking to this girl for about a couple of weeks, took her to the movie and saw your highness (movie sucked) paid for the tickets and popcorn and got herself a slurpie. we went back to my house and was making moves in till she said :wait i really just want to be friends". i told her to get out

[close]

this is the best one yet

haha you silly boy. why do you buy tickets and popcorn for the girl? females want to be treated like man so they can pay for their own shit. or. you pay tickets and she buys the popcorn and drinks.

You're a teenager?

[tobey]

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been talking to this girl for about a couple of weeks, took her to the movie and saw your highness (movie sucked) paid for the tickets and popcorn and got herself a slurpie. we went back to my house and was making moves in till she said :wait i really just want to be friends". i told her to get out

[close]

this is the best one yet

[close]

haha you silly boy. why do you buy tickets and popcorn for the girl? females want to be treated like man so they can pay for their own shit. or. you pay tickets and she buys the popcorn and drinks.

You're a teenager?

19 i just got paid so i was feeling good about it so i wanted to treat her well, she didnt want to return the favor

[Doogie Howser Ph.D.]

YOU BET YOUR FUCKING ASS I'M NEIL PATRICK HARRIS

[Stoeipoes]

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Expand Quote

been talking to this girl for about a couple of weeks, took her to the movie and saw your highness (movie sucked) paid for the tickets and popcorn and got herself a slurpie. we went back to my house and was making moves in till she said :wait i really just want to be friends". i told her to get out

[close]

this is the best one yet

[close]

haha you silly boy. why do you buy tickets and popcorn for the girl? females want to be treated like man so they can pay for their own shit. or. you pay tickets and she buys the popcorn and drinks.

You're a teenager?

[close]

19 i just got paid so i was feeling good about it so i wanted to treat her well, she didnt want to return the favor

yeah i understand your plan to succeed.

You ever kissed her or something? If you see her at a party next time, give her a little attention, but not too much. after that ignore her a little if she searches for attention you know you're doing good.

Girl's love guys that are a little hard and cocky. I you buy her shit the first time, she's like awww sweet but a little soft.

Off course even females can be different, but that shit worked for me and it saves money.

[tobey]

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been talking to this girl for about a couple of weeks, took her to the movie and saw your highness (movie sucked) paid for the tickets and popcorn and got herself a slurpie. we went back to my house and was making moves in till she said :wait i really just want to be friends". i told her to get out

[close]

this is the best one yet

[close]

haha you silly boy. why do you buy tickets and popcorn for the girl? females want to be treated like man so they can pay for their own shit. or. you pay tickets and she buys the popcorn and drinks.

You're a teenager?

[close]

19 i just got paid so i was feeling good about it so i wanted to treat her well, she didnt want to return the favor

[close]

yeah i understand your plan to succeed.

You ever kissed her or something? If you see her at a party next time, give her a little attention, but not too much. after that ignore her a little if she searches for attention you know you're doing good.

Girl's love guys that are a little hard and cocky. I you buy her shit the first time, she's like awww sweet but a little soft.

Off course even females can be different, but that shit worked for me and it saves money.

i use to hook up with her when we were freshman in highschool, then i tried to get back where we left off and it didnt work out, i could honsetly care less about her i just wanted to see that movie and she was just around

[Stoeipoes]

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been talking to this girl for about a couple of weeks, took her to the movie and saw your highness (movie sucked) paid for the tickets and popcorn and got herself a slurpie. we went back to my house and was making moves in till she said :wait i really just want to be friends". i told her to get out

[close]

this is the best one yet

[close]

haha you silly boy. why do you buy tickets and popcorn for the girl? females want to be treated like man so they can pay for their own shit. or. you pay tickets and she buys the popcorn and drinks.

You're a teenager?

[close]

19 i just got paid so i was feeling good about it so i wanted to treat her well, she didnt want to return the favor

[close]

yeah i understand your plan to succeed.

You ever kissed her or something? If you see her at a party next time, give her a little attention, but not too much. after that ignore her a little if she searches for attention you know you're doing good.

Girl's love guys that are a little hard and cocky. I you buy her shit the first time, she's like awww sweet but a little soft.

Off course even females can be different, but that shit worked for me and it saves money.

[close]

i use to hook up with her when we were freshman in highschool, then i tried to get back where we left off and it didnt work out, i could honsetly care less about her i just wanted to see that movie and she was just around

then you got what you wanted to right? you saw the movie

[tobey]

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been talking to this girl for about a couple of weeks, took her to the movie and saw your highness (movie sucked) paid for the tickets and popcorn and got herself a slurpie. we went back to my house and was making moves in till she said :wait i really just want to be friends". i told her to get out

[close]

this is the best one yet

[close]

haha you silly boy. why do you buy tickets and popcorn for the girl? females want to be treated like man so they can pay for their own shit. or. you pay tickets and she buys the popcorn and drinks.

You're a teenager?

[close]

19 i just got paid so i was feeling good about it so i wanted to treat her well, she didnt want to return the favor

[close]

yeah i understand your plan to succeed.

You ever kissed her or something? If you see her at a party next time, give her a little attention, but not too much. after that ignore her a little if she searches for attention you know you're doing good.

Girl's love guys that are a little hard and cocky. I you buy her shit the first time, she's like awww sweet but a little soft.

Off course even females can be different, but that shit worked for me and it saves money.

[close]

i use to hook up with her when we were freshman in highschool, then i tried to get back where we left off and it didnt work out, i could honsetly care less about her i just wanted to see that movie and she was just around

[close]

then you got what you wanted to right? you saw the movie

yea i was just extra bummed that the movie sucked

[burm]

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been talking to this girl for about a couple of weeks, took her to the movie and saw your highness (movie sucked) paid for the tickets and popcorn and got herself a slurpie. we went back to my house and was making moves in till she said :wait i really just want to be friends". i told her to get out

[close]

this is the best one yet

[close]

haha you silly boy. why do you buy tickets and popcorn for the girl? females want to be treated like man so they can pay for their own shit. or. you pay tickets and she buys the popcorn and drinks.

You're a teenager?

[close]

19 i just got paid so i was feeling good about it so i wanted to treat her well, she didnt want to return the favor

[close]

yeah i understand your plan to succeed.

You ever kissed her or something? If you see her at a party next time, give her a little attention, but not too much. after that ignore her a little if she searches for attention you know you're doing good.

Girl's love guys that are a little hard and cocky. I you buy her shit the first time, she's like awww sweet but a little soft.

Off course even females can be different, but that shit worked for me and it saves money.

[close]

i use to hook up with her when we were freshman in highschool, then i tried to get back where we left off and it didnt work out, i could honsetly care less about her i just wanted to see that movie and she was just around

[close]

then you got what you wanted to right? you saw the movie

[close]

yea i was just extra bummed that the movie sucked

And then Natalie's ass got you all horny but you couldn't get some?

[Lordata]

might have been close to something last night, but then the chicks friend started puking. damn lightweight.
then she left for a party I couldn't get into and apparently satisfied her desires with random people on the street. (just making out though since they were on the street). she then returned and proceeded to try to study with her friend but passed out.
damn it.

[prettytoney]

macked on with a lass from work after like a year and a half of of fuck me eyes so i finally fucked the shit outta her by a footy field she sucked dick like a true champion then back at her place got no sleep but four loads away no doubt.. Now I got a blister on my dick.. Muthafucka.

[Prison Wallet]

macked on with a lass from work after like a year and a half of of fuck me eyes so i finally fucked the shit outta her by a footy field she sucked dick like a true champion then back at her place got no sleep but four loads away no doubt.. Now I got a blister on my dick.. Muthafucka.

Get that shit outta here.

[tag_king]

Tobey's story reminds me of one of my more badass moments with my toxic ex. 
 
Here is the scenario: When we dated, for my birthday I was given some tickets to see The Cure. We broke up (for like the 4th time) in the time between the show and when the gift was given. She had the tickets in her possession and I had to retrieve them about a week or so before the show. I wasn't dating anyone at the time, and I was either going to take on of my bros to see Robert Smith. I didn't want to have to finish telling people about the show with 'No Homo', so I asked my ex if she would still want to check out the show with me, and she accepted. 
 
So we are at the show, drinking heavily, catching up and what not. It's a pretty good time. After the show we split a cab back to my place. We are both wasted so she asks to stay over. Mind you we were making out the whole night so I was like 'fuck yea'. We get into bed and are fooling around. I put on a condom and give a couple prods, when she pushes me off her and tells me 'She can't do this' and then explains that she is dating her room mate in College. She turns over and passes out, like, right away. I rip off my condom and through it out of my window onto the street below. Ew, I know. So I am staring at the ceiling for probably ten minutes being like 'what the fuck'. I start to hear her snore, and I couldn't take it. I lightly shook her, whispering her name to try and wake her up without being to abrasive. She finally moans and asks me what's up to which I whisper 'There's a couch down stairs. Get the fuck out of my bed.' She woke up and started beating the shit out of me. I just shielded myself until she bailed.

[Bobby Peru]

Today I came out of my girlfriend's bathroom and went to her room. She gave me some shifty eyes on her bed and asked if she shouldn't shower yet. So I kissed her and she said, "That's not an answer." Then I kissed her again and she said, "no really though, I'm afraid of it getting too humid." I got confused and asked what she meant. Turns out she didn't want pre-shower sex. She was just worried that I stunk up the bathroom with my poop, and that showering would make the smell worse. I went downstairs and dejectedly did my homework while she showered with the window cracked.

[Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!]

Bump

A few days ago, I spent the night over at a girl's house. We were making out on the bed and I already undressed her to the point where it was just panties and bra. We were really going for it, she rolls me over, laying on top of me (while still making out). I sit up, so now I'm sitting on the side of the bed with her in her underwear, in full lapdance position, making out with me. I was already high-fiving myself.
Until she suddenly mumbles "we can't do this, we should stop". I tried to convince her for a while, but then I realized I was almost begging a girl to do it with me and I was almost creeping myself out. So I just conceded and spent the rest of the night on a mattress on the floor. Clinging on to the last little bit of dignity I had left.

[Beeda Weeda]

the girl i have been sleeping with came over last night, to sleep over, and thats exactly what she did, sleep.

[raunchyrick]

i poked a girl on facebook a couple days ago. she hasn't poked back.

I FEEL YOUR PAIN DUDE.

[Miadaskate]

i know a lot of people say "_____ is the worst", but fuck it, girls that act like theyre down then dont do shit at game time are the worst

+Infinity.

I liked this one girl all through highschool. We would hang out and she would always initiate shit, then I would continue, and she would always turn away or stop, or tell me "You're not even my type". She was the first girl I ever made out with, saw naked, and fingered, but wow what a fucking tease. I'm surprised I even got that far with her. Serious commitment issues. Completely certifiable. She would always want to hang out and shit ended the same way everytime, with me being confused at what I could have possibly done wrong and her hating me and ignoring my calls. A few years later, she started messaging me on Facebook "Let's hang out I miss you". I fucking chewed her ass out. Figuratively speaking, of course. I hate girls that fuck with your mind. I really regret wasting so much time chasing after her, but I was stupid.

[frank]

whiskey dick sounds like a bummer..
Any way, open door policy sucks. a lot.

[saucy ragu]

I was visiting some friends in western Mass this week for my birthday, and made plans to meet up with this broad. We were from the same town, made out once drunkenly, and lived on the same dorm floor. She made dinner and I brought some beer, we began chatting as she showed me her dope house that she had to herself for the summer until her 5 other roommates came back for the school year. Not too far into dinner she brings up how much fun she's been having fucking around since becoming single. I tell her about my shameful dry streak, she sympathizes. Deeper into the topic, I tell her I'll be back often during the month, and she mentions wanting to have a fuck buddy around here. At this point I figure it's prime time to bring up sleeping together, NSA. She's not down, whatsoever. Says I need to catch her in the right mood, she's sweaty from work, and I made it awkward. I stayed a couple more hours somberly drinking my Pabst while she asked my advice about whether or not she should fuck my friend who just gave her his number, and what to do about this other boy she only wants to fuck, but can't stop from liking. I told her the power is in her hands, because all guys want from a girl is to fuck. I left shortly after. At least I got a free meal.

[Doogie Howser Ph.D.]

Damn, that sucks.  I hate being in a situation like that.

[j....soy.....]

Bump

A few days ago, I spent the night over at a girl's house. We were making out on the bed and I already undressed her to the point where it was just panties and bra. We were really going for it, she rolls me over, laying on top of me (while still making out). I sit up, so now I'm sitting on the side of the bed with her in her underwear, in full lapdance position, making out with me. I was already high-fiving myself.
Until she suddenly mumbles "we can't do this, we should stop". I tried to convince her for a while, but then I realized I was almost begging a girl to do it with me and I was almost creeping myself out. So I just conceded and spent the rest of the night on a mattress on the floor. Clinging on to the last little bit of dignity I had left.

Did you give a ride home and part way say....'i can't do this....you have to get out...'

[Beeda Weeda]

some of the hottest girls i have ever been with, immeadiatly attempted to play head games with me, to try and boost their egos.

[PTDK]

some of the hottest girls i have ever been with, immeadiatly attempted to play head games with me, to try and boost their egos.

This.

[Greg Ostertag]

Being attractive is very difficult to cope with mentally...

[Donkey Lips]

I was visiting some friends in western Mass this week for my birthday, and made plans to meet up with this broad. We were from the same town, made out once drunkenly, and lived on the same dorm floor. She made dinner and I brought some beer, we began chatting as she showed me her dope house that she had to herself for the summer until her 5 other roommates came back for the school year. Not too far into dinner she brings up how much fun she's been having fucking around since becoming single. I tell her about my shameful dry streak, she sympathizes. Deeper into the topic, I tell her I'll be back often during the month, and she mentions wanting to have a fuck buddy around here. At this point I figure it's prime time to bring up sleeping together, NSA. She's not down, whatsoever. Says I need to catch her in the right mood, she's sweaty from work, and I made it awkward. I stayed a couple more hours somberly drinking my Pabst while she asked my advice about whether or not she should fuck my friend who just gave her his number, and what to do about this other boy she only wants to fuck, but can't stop from liking. I told her the power is in her hands, because all guys want from a girl is to fuck. I left shortly after. At least I got a free meal.

That's a pickle of a situation my friend. I've had a similar experience and the female's mentions of banging my friends were actually pretty open "Look how desirable I am!" attempts. Sealed the deal the next time. You're the sauce boss. Take what is yours and then make her make you dinner afterwards.

I was up in MA this past weekend and toured Boston brewery. They only let me sample three beers. THREE BEERS.

[saucy ragu]

Donkey Lips, hit me up next time you come up for some beer, and thanks for the advice.

n0torious, always right. A lady co-worker of mine laughed at my attempt and said the same thing. Trial by error man. I'll work on my game plan for next time.

[Beeda Weeda]

always leave them waiting.

[svilleantigo]

I was up in MA this past weekend and toured Boston brewery. They only let me sample three beers. THREE BEERS.

the fuck? every brewery tour i've ever been on was like 5 minutes of some dude showing everyone a couple tanks and then 2 hours of everyone drinking themselves absolutely silly. what a gyp-job.

[Donkey Lips]

I think it's more for show than anything. I know most of the bottling operations for Sam Adams are done in Pennsylvania and Colorado, so I think this brewery is just more the birthplace/tourist stop. Still it's disappointing that they had three beers to sample (Boston lager, Summer ale & Brick Red). I think Harpoon brewery lets you sample like 7-10 usually, and I've heard Dogfish Head basically let's you just hang out and drink until you get bored.

But onward to the failed attempts at putting your wiener in things. I getting drinks with a girl this weekend that should provide a story that will wind up here, or in the awkward sex thread.

[worldclassflux]

Years ago I convinced my girl to finally let me try to stick it in the back door...We had been working at it for a while... you know fingers, tips & lube...so we went for it, seemed safe... at first everything was fine, she was into it...
I got too carried away & pushed hard... she turned around punched me on my chest. i look down and theres blood everywhere. She was pissed at me for weeks! Since then, that area is completely off limits... I don't know how to get her to even try anymore.