Okay, I debated posting this because I GURANTEE nobody will believe me but then I thought to myself, ''Psalmtree, that's not you, you gotta get the truth out there, no matter what the stakes!''
So here's the run down. It's Tampa Am circa 2009. This is at one of the numerous after parties where people aren't just drunk, they're trashed. One thing about Tampa, the whole weekend consists of drinking. Whether you're underage, competing tomorrow morning, or there with your kids, you're getting drunk.
So back to the party.
The party took place at a fairly large house and shit was straight popping off. SLAGS (seattle slang for skate whores, or something like that) were ubiquitous and were down for anything.
The music was loud, the alcohol was constant, the people were waisted.
So there I am, chilling in the corner, chatting up Flo Marfaing ( product don't come cheap, and I love me some Fury trucks) when all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see Elissa Steamer hurriedly closing a door to a room.
Now at this point, if you're anything like me (that is to say, if you're anything like the average, heterosexual male), you're lusting for Elissa .
So what do I do, I do what any man worth his weight in ? testerone would, I chase right after her. I barge the door and see her laying on the bed half naked (she had her bra and panties on). Who was perched ? afront her? None other than than Riley Hawk himself.
Now I think it should be stated that I'm a HUGE Riley fan, and I didn't wanna bird-block the guy (see what I did there?), but there is no way I was about to let that adolescent son of a bitch take away my life fantasy. I pushed him aside and before you could say ? ? ? ? ? ?