Appreciate the responses fellas, hopefully I'll adjust just gotta weather the initial storm
I had been struggling with pretty severe stage fright for years when I got a job as a designer on a small agency. This meant that I would have to be the one doing the pitching and presentations for the clients - I was shitting bricks.
Had many sleepless nights before these meetings, being so nervous getting nervous during the meeting, that I would be at home having panic attacks.
One day I realized that 1. Nobody but me ever noticed all the signs of me balancing on the edge of a breakdown that I thought were so fucking obvious (and thus awkward/embarrassing); 2. even if they did, they didn't give a fuck and 3. If they did give a fuck - fuck em cause they shouldn't. And most importantly - it is completely fine for it to be silence in the room - you don't have to talk constantly, saying all the right things.
But maybe that wasn't at all related to what you're going through?