anyone else having a tough time?

[Spunkchild]

thread name says it all, how is this fucking terrible year treating you people? I know i'm really struggling with a lot of different things, come commiserate slappers

[drewsmahgoos]

I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

[Dirk_Diggler]

I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

That’s heavy man. I wish you well.

This year really does suck hard. Whoever is having a rough time- things will get better.  I know that sounds cliche these days but whatever you’re going through is just temporary and doesn’t have to define who you are or your life.

[layzieyez]

Hang in there.

My dilemma is my meds for depression/anti-anxiety messes up my balance if I take enough to counter my anxiety. With a lower dose where I feel my balance is where it's supposed to be, I feel anxious during my skate sessions if I can overcome the nervous feelings prior to actually putting on my skate shoes. Trying any trick that takes effort is significantly harder than it should be. I'm just happy I can do and deal with this without anyone around or I probably would skate even less.

I've been at my lower dose for over a couple of months or so.

[Level 60 Dwarf Rogue]

I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

Jesus dude, hope you manage to kick that shit. Everyone I’ve worked with that used fent is fucking dead.

I’m a miserable fuck. Everything annoys me. The world is fucked, I don’t even want to skate, or go outside. I’m constantly exhausted. I’m going to force myself to go for a bike ride and try to clear my head.

[theSketchLord]

Shit, hope you all manage to get by.

On the opposite side, things here are decent. We're about to go into summer with a rad new park opened.
With this Covid shite for me it just means my job is more secure, plus I now get free public transport as I'm an emergency services worker.

My downside is my entire family are in the UK and I should be there this week for my brothers birthday.

If it'll help anyone, DM me your address and I'll send you a zine and some random stickers (it's the best I can do) to get your mind off shit.

[drewsmahgoos]

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I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

[close]

Jesus dude, hope you manage to kick that shit. Everyone I’ve worked with that used fent is fucking dead.

I’m a miserable fuck. Everything annoys me. The world is fucked, I don’t even want to skate, or go outside. I’m constantly exhausted. I’m going to force myself to go for a bike ride and try to clear my head.

Thanks dude. I've kicked heroin a bunch and it's nothing like fent. I just spent the last two hours going back and forth in my head about going to use. If it wasn't for my fiance I would have went. I can kick h standing on my head. Literally almost no problem. Fent is the worst thing I've ever been through. I had to go to the hospital and get an IV yesterday because I was so dehydrated from throwing up. I'm in a constant state of discomfort. It's hellish.

[Stu Pickles]

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I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

[close]

Jesus dude, hope you manage to kick that shit. Everyone I’ve worked with that used fent is fucking dead.

I’m a miserable fuck. Everything annoys me. The world is fucked, I don’t even want to skate, or go outside. I’m constantly exhausted. I’m going to force myself to go for a bike ride and try to clear my head.

[close]

Thanks dude. I've kicked heroin a bunch and it's nothing like fent. I just spent the last two hours going back and forth in my head about going to use. If it wasn't for my fiance I would have went. I can kick h standing on my head. Literally almost no problem. Fent is the worst thing I've ever been through. I had to go to the hospital and get an IV yesterday because I was so dehydrated from throwing up. I'm in a constant state of discomfort. It's hellish.

hang in there guys, and bless your fiance, wish everyone progress in what they are walking away from and running towards. m

This year has sucked, every time something positive has happened theres a family death or a second wave or a friend you though you connected with turning into an insufferable douchebag. quarentine and absence of bar nights has made quitting darts a little easier at least

[Telly]

1) I’m quite private and other than playing poker I don’t interact with the world at large all that much, so social distancing and other than gf or work pretty much slinging life by myself, so cutting back on social occasional s was nearly impossible for me. 
2) I was super stoned the other day and about to put on my mask and go grocery shopping when I had a weird feeling of being in a horror movie with an invisible enemy type scenario.  I can’t name an example because I don’t watch those movies.  Never seen elm street, Friday the 13th, saw, none of them.  If there is a serial killer or haunting, I’m fucking out.
3) anxiety is at an all time high, but it is not unfounded(see pandemic) so I’m finding other anxiety easier to deal with.
4) now I get the movie vibes at least once a day.  If you have ever tripped and thought your hands looked like feet and still get flashbacks to that image when your hand is on the steering wheel of your car you get what I mean.

[Banned from the room]

[

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I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

[close]

Jesus dude, hope you manage to kick that shit. Everyone I’ve worked with that used fent is fucking dead.

I’m a miserable fuck. Everything annoys me. The world is fucked, I don’t even want to skate, or go outside. I’m constantly exhausted. I’m going to force myself to go for a bike ride and try to clear my head.

[close]

Thanks dude. I've kicked heroin a bunch and it's nothing like fent. I just spent the last two hours going back and forth in my head about going to use. If it wasn't for my fiance I would have went. I can kick h standing on my head. Literally almost no problem. Fent is the worst thing I've ever been through. I had to go to the hospital and get an IV yesterday because I was so dehydrated from throwing up. I'm in a constant state of discomfort. It's hellish.

[close]

hang in there guys, and bless your fiance, wish everyone progress in what they are walking away from and running towards. m

This year has sucked, every time something positive has happened theres a family death or a second wave or a friend you though you connected with turning into an insufferable douchebag. quarentine and absence of bar nights has made quitting darts a little easier at least

You can do it bud.

I been there. I've kicked so many times I lost count. Mulitple opioids.  Every time you catch a habit the kick it's going to get worse.

I wish I could tell you the right thing to do but it differs.

NA is likely the best way

I took what I needed from them and others and created my own thing kinda.

I mostly copied my homie.

I likely wrote about it on here before.


...My life now...


I'm struggling with reconnecting with f&f. Social interactions etc.. Friends and family are bummed. I'm full blown flakey hermit now I'm 4 years outside the city.


I want to go see my family and my friends but I'm like such a huge disappointment in all areas of life from the last time I saw them.

I feel bad about disappearing.

I didn't get to say goodbye to my aunt. She was like my mom.

We only saw each other like 2-3x in 15 years. I wanna stop this behavior because the gap is widening daily.


I gotta straighten out my life a bit. I gotta start eating better. I got to get on the bus again.

I'm still negative for covid. So I'm frightened about getting others sick from public transportation.

I have pre existing conditions with breathing too.

What a frickin nightmare.

I need to get off my ass tho

[funeral_tuxedo]

I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

best of luck, man. <3

[krookedjuice]

I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

Wishing you the best, that's really rough.

The worst part of this year was I lost my best friend right before the quarantining and lock downs started and haven't really snapped out of it. He had a history with opioids and no one knew he was even doing it.

Good and bad, my girl and I got a puppy in June and she travels a lot for work and I'm working from home for who knows how long and as much as I love the little guy, it's way more stress than I had imagined when she's out of town. I'm already a very anxious person so that doesn't really help. There's days I have to force myself to eat just so I don't get sick.

[Spunkchild]

Shit, hope you all manage to get by.

On the opposite side, things here are decent. We're about to go into summer with a rad new park opened.
With this Covid shite for me it just means my job is more secure, plus I now get free public transport as I'm an emergency services worker.

My downside is my entire family are in the UK and I should be there this week for my brothers birthday.

If it'll help anyone, DM me your address and I'll send you a zine and some random stickers (it's the best I can do) to get your mind off shit.

Ur a sweetheart kid, this comment is really nice

[Spunkchild]

Wishing you the best, that's really rough.

The worst part of this year was I lost my best friend right before the quarantining and lock downs started and haven't really snapped out of it. He had a history with opioids and no one knew he was even doing it.

Good and bad, my girl and I got a puppy in June and she travels a lot for work and I'm working from home for who knows how long and as much as I love the little guy, it's way more stress than I had imagined when she's out of town. I'm already a very anxious person so that doesn't really help. There's days I have to force myself to eat just so I don't get sick.

I feel that, every day is a battle but we are showing up to the fight

[Andmoreagain]

Thought I was gonna make it through 2020 unscathed, but just got laid off this morning. Luckily I'm going to be able to jump on my GF's health insurance. Hoping I can line a new job up quickly.

[Freelancevagrant]

My wife found a lump in her left arm pit and were scared the cancer is back.

I’ve been shitting blood due to stress.

[Featherdale wildlife park]

<<<<+>>>>
Sending positive vibes to all you guys.

[RichardBarkley]

My wife found a lump in her left arm pit and were scared the cancer is back.

I’ve been shitting blood due to stress.

Positive vibes your way

[RichardBarkley]

I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

Are people taking fent over h by choice now?

Best of luck through this.

[igrindtwinkies]

Man, I was doing well up until now.  It got cold out and started snowing so my anxiety is through the fucking roof.  I think I'm going to ween off alcohol again.  A few beers offers some relief, but makes the anxiety worse when it wears off.  It fucks my sleep schedule up too.  These next few months are going to be rough, but I am optimistic about things slowly returning to normal by next summer.

I live alone, I work 3 12 hour shifts overnight a week where I interact with a total of 3 other people.  I skate and have a few friends I meet up with, but often go 48 hours without really seeing anybody.  Forums and discord chat have been a lifesaver during all of this.  I think I have handled this better than most, I grew up in the country and spent long periods of my childhood pretty isolated socially.  It took a toll on me mentally then, and is taking a toll on me now.  I get off work in 4 hours, hopefully I will get some rest and come back tomorrow night with a post about the positive things I have done during quarantine.

[Sila]

The loneliness is kicking in hard for me at the moment.

I live with an ex and she has friends over all the time and we just don't connect. Not that I even want to, it just affirms how alienated I can feel. My family don't seem to have any interest in anything I have to say either. I've lived a colourful life and have tonnes of stories and insights to share but they've never taken the time to hear me out or get to know me.

I had to cut out a fair few close friends because they were somewhat toxic to me. I've dealt with heavy depression for most of my life and exhaust myself trying to stay centered and positive so I can't have negative people around me.

Was taking pain meds just to feel warmth and slight euphoria but it wears off so quickly and I feel worse off afterwards.

[Grind King Rims]

The loneliness is kicking in hard for me at the moment.

I live with an ex and she has friends over all the time and we just don't connect. Not that I even want to, it just affirms how alienated I can feel. My family don't seem to have any interest in anything I have to say either. I've lived a colourful life and have tonnes of stories and insights to share but they've never taken the time to hear me out or get to know me.

I had to cut out a fair few close friends because they were somewhat toxic to me. I've dealt with heavy depression for most of my life and exhaust myself trying to stay centered and positive so I can't have negative people around me.

Was taking pain meds just to feel warmth and slight euphoria but it wears off so quickly and I feel worse off afterwards.

It sounds hard, but I really admire when people can take control of their life in ways like this. Stay strong brother. <3

[Mbrimson88]

Finding solace in conversations with other skateboarders on here has been a good thing for me, hence the recent flooding of comments in every other thread or so, but sometimes not having to talk to people or be around others is a lot nicer than being stuck in a crowded room, even if it is your friends.

Rad that someone could have started this conversation too and even better others are coming to join in.

[drewsmahgoos]

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I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

[close]

Are people taking fent over h by choice now?

Best of luck through this.

fuck no. it's just easier to get where I'm located. East coast dope is all fent now. I have to get H shipped to me and it's expensive.


I ended up going back after about 48 hours off. It was soul crushing to be honest.

I'm giving it another go this weekend. Well, basically today is the start actually. Doing a rapid taper down and should be hard kicking by friday night since my fiance's mom should be going out of town for the weekend. Hoping to actually make it this time. I know if I can get past 72 hours I'll be okay, it's just the first couple days that are beyond brutal for me.

[RichardBarkley]

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I'm coming off of fentanyl and doing literally anything and everything I can not to go get more as I have never in my life felt so sick.

[close]

Are people taking fent over h by choice now?

Best of luck through this.

[close]

fuck no. it's just easier to get where I'm located. East coast dope is all fent now. I have to get H shipped to me and it's expensive.


I ended up going back after about 48 hours off. It was soul crushing to be honest.

I'm giving it another go this weekend. Well, basically today is the start actually. Doing a rapid taper down and should be hard kicking by friday night since my fiance's mom should be going out of town for the weekend. Hoping to actually make it this time. I know if I can get past 72 hours I'll be okay, it's just the first couple days that are beyond brutal for me.

There must be some meds on Dream Market that can help you ?

Keaton and benzos perhaps?

Sorry to hear your suffering like this.

[jamersonbass]

I appreciate everyone sharing their stories.  It's been a horrible year.

Around March I started drinking what I would normally drink on the weekends every weeknight.  I worked in a small town and at the front of this, I was browsing the news for new cases while coworkers around me where commenting on how it wasn't a big deal, or it was bullshit in general.  I had to hear their comments on it until mid July, when I got fired.  I was trying to boost morale by helping my coworkers, particularly the ones who bitch a lot, with their duties.  I ended up getting so behind on my own workload that I got fired.

I saw it as an opportunity to skate more for the first week or two, and then I fell into depression.  I've been on Paxil for awhile, and while it's pretty mild, it wasn't cutting it for me anymore.

Stopped skating and keeping a normal schedule around late July, and I had the worst bought with dehydration, diarrhea, and eventually cracking a lacroix in the morning would make me vomit.

I figured out that it was a perfect storm of anxiety triggered acid reflux and constipation.  Just this Sunday I was in doubled over in pain.  Felt like my ribs were being stabbed.  Couldn't get comfortable laying down.  Thought I might have Covid until I realized that the pain was similar to 18 years ago when I had to get an ultrasound because I was pregnant with poo.

Everything really bounced back for me Tuesday.  I was more conscious about my health, drinking tons of water and trying to eat cleaner.  I got regular again (!) and I've been pooping the best I have in a long time.  Not drinking too much and between that, nutrition, and regularity, I have a new lease on life.

Hope everyone hangs in there.  I'm down to listen and talk to anyone if you want to dm me.  Stay strong!

[Salsa Verde]

Yes.

Been dealing with what has turned out to be a year long breakup with my GF. It just keeps dragging on because of our connection with each other even though we know we are toxic together. I still love her, but she only wants to be with me when she comes home drunk for the dive bar. Ugh.

Just had to bury my Grandmother. I was particularly close with her and it just felt like she was going to live forever because she out lived all my other grandparents by 25-40 years. This just happened less than two weeks ago. Super bummed about it.

Work has been a nightmare dealing with all the Covidiots this year. It has been fucking beyond frustrating having to tell grown men my fathers age to stop acting like little children and put on their damn mask and fill out the stupid paper work so they can go fuck off for a few days instead out work. Fucking grown men-children. Why am I putting 50 year old men in “time out” like they were 4 for throwing a temper tantrum because they didn’t get a cookie. Ugh.

[TheLurper]

My wife found a lump in her left arm pit and were scared the cancer is back.

I’ve been shitting blood due to stress.

Fuck, good luck dude.


It has been a hard year. It is just all over the place. I've had some amazing ups but for every up there is an equal down. And some of the ups turned out to be huge bummers. I'm exhausted at this point.

[pizzafliptofakie]

Sending good wishes to those going through it. These are certainly trying times with or without extended circumstances.



2020 has been a series of waves for me. I live alone and generally love it, but the first while of quarantining with literally zero interaction with anyone was definitely a very jarring experience. After awhile I finally got motivated to make the most of it and skated/filmed with a small group I trusted and started working on some music that had been sitting on the backburner and it was very exciting. Then I broke my wrist and had to get surgery, so not only am I mostly stuck inside again, but I can't even do any of the downtime hobbies that made me feel better in the first place. I'm trying to keep my head up and use my downtime to force myself to read about more audio production stuff so I can make music more efficiently once I can play again. But some days it's pretty hard to feel motivated to do much of anything.

[Sila]

Sending good wishes to those going through it. These are certainly trying times with or without extended circumstances.



2020 has been a series of waves for me. I live alone and generally love it, but the first while of quarantining with literally zero interaction with anyone was definitely a very jarring experience. After awhile I finally got motivated to make the most of it and skated/filmed with a small group I trusted and started working on some music that had been sitting on the backburner and it was very exciting. Then I broke my wrist and had to get surgery, so not only am I mostly stuck inside again, but I can't even do any of the downtime hobbies that made me feel better in the first place. I'm trying to keep my head up and use my downtime to force myself to read about more audio production stuff so I can make music more efficiently once I can play again. But some days it's pretty hard to feel motivated to do much of anything.

I broke my wrist two weeks ago aswell. On the first skate back after taking a month out with a quadriceps strain. Definitely feeling the lack of motivation. Some days I wake up and lie there for hours. Got some resistance bands though so I can still keep my body in check. What instruments do you play? I play bass and drums but have a synth and make electronic music too some i'm learning more about music theory and stuff so even if I can't play instruments i'm still chipping away.

How was your surgery? If mine doesn't look healed when i'm out of my cast the doctor said surgery is recommended. I'm nervous and hop it doesn't come to that.