i really am slipping behind and i dont know if i can keep living like this
i havent been eating three full meals for at least three months now, some days i wont eat anything at all, other days ill eat a lot. i cant eat a lot of things i loved bc my body doesnt want to eat
i lost the most important people in my life or im in the process of losing them
i found benzos in a medicine cabinet and ive been taking them daily, and it leaves me so unmotivated and lazy
i have little motivation to skate and im worried bc i dont wanna lose the one thing keeping me sane
You giving a shit and writing about is a sign that you can still stop your current direction.
I know because you're describing decades of my life.
I wrote this long thing but I know it would make people feel worse and potentially give people bad ideas not solutions.
The positive way I beat myself back into shape once in a while is with lists and alarm notifications.
So like today
I woke up 730 I smoked a half joint and did speed bag then the treadmill for a bit. Smoked half my one cigarette.
Then I did the cat pan and the cat food etc. Now I'm about to eat
I cooked blueberry banana oatmeal way too late.
I sat around here doing nothing till two alarms passed.
So just smoked the rest of the joint just now and I'm going to have a full banana on the side skip my lunch plan.
It's very hard for me to eat without my medical marijuana.
Then I got 4 appointments via the phone today.
I'll get in the shower and skate to the pharmacy hit
Then I gotta clean part of the house. Any part it doesn't matter so long as it's done well.
I usually focused on the bathroom or kitchen.
I just do what I can.
Right now I got to put down the phone.
Change is difficult. You can pull it if you try hard enough. Everyone can change..
Sorry if this reads wrong I'm in a big rush because I'm being an idiot