Author Topic: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread  (Read 8771 times)

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Nicky Tamzarian

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The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« on: January 27, 2021, 09:13:38 AM »
In Hank's memory, and in honor of Attiba Applebum for his sterling compassion & Roary McTwang for the following idea,

Is there a thread on Slap where people can reach out to other pals in case of need, or where pals can indicate they're willing to listen?

& so many more SHALOMIES for ALL their courageous love, both in passing & in times of need:

If you EVER feel tired, desperate, and to quote Neil Young, like "you need to test your will" - please post in here. We want you to live, fully & beautifully. We are here for you.

It's so god damn easy to feel ALONE these days, and what you are experiencing is fucking awful - but it is normal! You are safe now, and things will be okay in due time! YOU'VE GOT THIS!

So many PALS on here have resources to share, anecdotes to lend, and most importantly: open hearts to help you find the place emotionally & physically where you are HAPPY. This is something you ALWAYS deserve!

I'm a s**cidal trans femme with an illness called Schizotypal Personality-Disorder. This world fucking sucks. We are NOT to blame. This shit tears us down. BUT we are STRONG! So many PALS on here suffer with mental illnesses - it is little solace, but we are NEVER alone!

What's better solace, is we can help each other :)

Things will be okay. I am here for you, and so many others are too! If you need a break from the goofiness or even the bantering, come to this thread. Let us know what you need, and we will do our part to help you get support. You DESERVE support!

All the best,

Nicky
A.K.A. Armin Tamzarian
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2021, 09:35:28 AM »
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lamfordie

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2021, 10:15:02 AM »
This past weekend Ive been feeling like Im going through another round of my depression low. Then reading about Henry passing really hit me hard. I saw him over summer skating my local park and lil did I know that he was hurting and battling his demons. Then yesterday with all the Kobe Bryant tributes I started thinking of my cousin who passed away around this time last year and I broke down and cried. So its been a tough mentally and emotionally the past couple of days. Im glad that this is up and running for us to reach out and support each other. I love you all.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2021, 10:47:44 AM »
I would like to say that Iím open to let people vent out or just shoot the shit with me if they want to. Although I would prefer it on Instgram DMs over the messaging system on here.
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El Fapinator

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2021, 11:26:36 AM »
Glad someone decided to make this thread it really is a breathe of fresh air for Pals and everyone on here taking a moment to reflect on their mental illness/health.

I've tried suicide several times and it fucking sucks to be that person to reach out and crying for help to fall upon deaf ears...... I've been very adamant about reaching out when feeling blue. I know it can be hard to ask for help but I'm here to listen.

  I know writing text doesn't convey the passion when being a supportive person but know this when you are feeling down remember these hands are here for hugs and shoulder taps of affection and caring, I love you all and want you know it gets rough but I'm here to make you laugh and show concern.

Shalom....
« Last Edit: January 27, 2021, 08:08:44 PM by El Fapinator »
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2021, 01:54:21 PM »
Great idea
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2021, 06:44:56 PM »
Many thanks @Armin Tamzarian for setting up this thread! Couldn't agree more with everything your write.


What's better solace, is we can help each other :)

Things will be okay. I am here for you, and so many others are too! If you need a break from the goofiness or even the bantering, come to this thread. Let us know what you need, and we will do our part to help you get support. You DESERVE support!


All of this. Please post here or feel free to reach out to me via DM if you need to get stuff off your chest and need someone to listen. Much love to all of you.


notmikerusczyk

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2021, 09:03:45 PM »
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2021, 09:45:06 PM »
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
Some ssriís are good buttttttt youíve got to be vigilant about what is wrong and right with your meds, remember itís your job to be honest with your psychiatrist and what you want to take away from antidepressants.

Iíve been on a lot of meds celexa, depacote, saraquiell, colonadine.

Having schizoeffective disorder my brain is all kinds of fucky. Delusions paranoia and manic behavior are just the beginning of what Iíve been through but I managed to narrow down my meds with a low dose of klonopin and celexa.

Iíve had some adverse reactions to some of these meds such as heart palpitations and increased anxiety but Iím a particularly rare person and some of these meds werenít a good fit.
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2021, 11:39:10 PM »
Sharing is a great way to process things we go through. I also find that sharing some things can help other's not feel so scared to get mental health treatment.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #10 on: January 28, 2021, 02:51:09 AM »
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?

Have you got a good doctor that you see somewhat regularly or a therapist/psychologist? Don't jump right in without a good amount of consultation beforehand. It's good to really dig deep first so you know what your true issues are.They should always be used in conjunction with therapy. I only took them as a last resort because I seemed to be somewhat treatment resistant. It really really helps to have a proper support network in real life to help you once you start/stop them too.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #11 on: January 28, 2021, 03:33:07 AM »
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?

It's a crap shoot. They typically take 3-4 weeks before effects kick in, and if you have negative side effects to the point of discomfort,  you make need to wean off before switching meds.

Neurotransmitters are a funny thing, and altering them can indeed be beneficial,  but its impossible at this point to say what will work for you and what wont.

It also depends on your illness/ailments/disease. There are many factors.

For example, many doctors will tell you anxiety and depression go hand in hand, even though that's not particularly true. But, to prove my point...

Burprion (wellbutrin), also used for smoking cessation,  is an snri anti depressant. BUT, its main use was designed to stop cocaine addiction. The effects are much like, taking cocaine. So if you have anxiety,  I'd steer clear of this drug.

I'm not trying to scare anyone that needs help, please just be open, honest with your dr and be diligent in doing some research beforehand
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #12 on: January 28, 2021, 04:11:36 AM »
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
Nothing but good experiences for me. The only thing that really changed is that when I get anxious or depressed, it still sucks but it doesn't take over my day- just annoying. They didn't make any anxious or depressive thoughts go away, rather they make them manageable and not seem so big and overpowering.
RIP C.J.
RIP Henry


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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #13 on: January 28, 2021, 04:19:53 AM »
Expand Quote
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
[close]

It's a crap shoot. They typically take 3-4 weeks before effects kick in, and if you have negative side effects to the point of discomfort,  you make need to wean off before switching meds.

Neurotransmitters are a funny thing, and altering them can indeed be beneficial,  but its impossible at this point to say what will work for you and what wont.

It also depends on your illness/ailments/disease. There are many factors.

For example, many doctors will tell you anxiety and depression go hand in hand, even though that's not particularly true. But, to prove my point...

Burprion (wellbutrin), also used for smoking cessation,  is an snri anti depressant. BUT, its main use was designed to stop cocaine addiction. The effects are much like, taking cocaine. So if you have anxiety,  I'd steer clear of this drug.

I'm not trying to scare anyone that needs help, please just be open, honest with your dr and be diligent in doing some research beforehand
I know multiple people who are on Wellbutrin and it works just fine for them. Do you have a link to this info that its effects are much like taking cocaine? I've never seen or heard that
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #14 on: January 28, 2021, 04:55:15 AM »
I took it for a brief time years ago, it does have kind of an upper affect.  It's not real intense, but definitely noticeable.  They have you take it early in the day to avoid sleep problems.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #15 on: January 28, 2021, 12:47:12 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
[close]

It's a crap shoot. They typically take 3-4 weeks before effects kick in, and if you have negative side effects to the point of discomfort,  you make need to wean off before switching meds.

Neurotransmitters are a funny thing, and altering them can indeed be beneficial,  but its impossible at this point to say what will work for you and what wont.

It also depends on your illness/ailments/disease. There are many factors.

For example, many doctors will tell you anxiety and depression go hand in hand, even though that's not particularly true. But, to prove my point...

Burprion (wellbutrin), also used for smoking cessation,  is an snri anti depressant. BUT, its main use was designed to stop cocaine addiction. The effects are much like, taking cocaine. So if you have anxiety,  I'd steer clear of this drug.

I'm not trying to scare anyone that needs help, please just be open, honest with your dr and be diligent in doing some research beforehand
[close]
I know multiple people who are on Wellbutrin and it works just fine for them. Do you have a link to this info that its effects are much like taking cocaine? I've never seen or heard that

Yeah, it wont work that way for everyone but it is fairly common.

You can probably just look it up on rxlist or a similar site.

Or

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24484978/
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #16 on: January 28, 2021, 07:44:49 PM »
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?

I've been fortunate so far in the fact I've not had to go through the process of trying a bunch of different meds out before landing on one. I've got friends with horror stories of half a dozen or more different meds and variants before landing on something.

As someone said, don't jump right into it. Spend time consulting with professionals as much as you can. If you can afford it, or are fortunate enough to be in a position to have benefits that cover it definitely seek out a therapist and see them as much as you can.

I was with my therapist a couple months before getting into medication and between her and my doctor they decided upon a medication that is working for me (so far at least).

In terms of adjustment to starting meds, it varies based on a lot of circumstances between the meds themselves and the person taking them. When I started I started with a pretty low dose with the knowledge that I'd up my dose periodically as a way of easing into it (I've been upped twice so far, each time having less harsh effects on me). When I started I didn't feel much for the first few days, and then for about 2 weeks I felt intensely nauseous off and on. I'd feel car sick just sitting on my couch and it'd come in waves. I was super tired all the time, I was on leave from work at the time so I just sort of napped off and on. Also my dick seemed to shit the bed and basically turned into a useless pud. I could barely keep it hard, never going above an 75% boner and taking forever to cum. Then after a couple weeks of all that shit, that started to all fade and they started to do their job. At first it didn't feel like they were doing much of anything mentally, until my girlfriend pointed out that my temper started to subside, my major depressive episodes got less intense and less frequent, and I no longer spent every minute of my day thinking about killing myself. My anxiety leveled out a decent amount.

Of course I still feel all that shit , all the negative things that come along with lifelong Major Depressive Disorder. That doesn't go away, but between the meds and weekly therapy it's become a lot more manageable and not so all encompassing. It was scary, and I put it all off for far far too long, but now that I've started I've never looked back and the only regret I have is waiting so long to start.

If anyone has specific questions feel free to message me. I'll respond as quickly and as best I can. Keep in mind, ultimately I'm just some dumbass on a skateboard message board so I can only offer personal anecdotes and experience, so it'll never take place of a professional though.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #17 on: January 28, 2021, 10:19:39 PM »
Expand Quote
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
[close]

I've been fortunate so far in the fact I've not had to go through the process of trying a bunch of different meds out before landing on one. I've got friends with horror stories of half a dozen or more different meds and variants before landing on something.

As someone said, don't jump right into it. Spend time consulting with professionals as much as you can. If you can afford it, or are fortunate enough to be in a position to have benefits that cover it definitely seek out a therapist and see them as much as you can.

I was with my therapist a couple months before getting into medication and between her and my doctor they decided upon a medication that is working for me (so far at least).

In terms of adjustment to starting meds, it varies based on a lot of circumstances between the meds themselves and the person taking them. When I started I started with a pretty low dose with the knowledge that I'd up my dose periodically as a way of easing into it (I've been upped twice so far, each time having less harsh effects on me). When I started I didn't feel much for the first few days, and then for about 2 weeks I felt intensely nauseous off and on. I'd feel car sick just sitting on my couch and it'd come in waves. I was super tired all the time, I was on leave from work at the time so I just sort of napped off and on. Also my dick seemed to shit the bed and basically turned into a useless pud. I could barely keep it hard, never going above an 75% boner and taking forever to cum. Then after a couple weeks of all that shit, that started to all fade and they started to do their job. At first it didn't feel like they were doing much of anything mentally, until my girlfriend pointed out that my temper started to subside, my major depressive episodes got less intense and less frequent, and I no longer spent every minute of my day thinking about killing myself. My anxiety leveled out a decent amount.

Of course I still feel all that shit , all the negative things that come along with lifelong Major Depressive Disorder. That doesn't go away, but between the meds and weekly therapy it's become a lot more manageable and not so all encompassing. It was scary, and I put it all off for far far too long, but now that I've started I've never looked back and the only regret I have is waiting so long to start.

If anyone has specific questions feel free to message me. I'll respond as quickly and as best I can. Keep in mind, ultimately I'm just some dumbass on a skateboard message board so I can only offer personal anecdotes and experience, so it'll never take place of a professional though.
Thanks so much for the great response, same goes for the rest that shared their experiences as well. It definitely seems intimidating to start this "trial and error" process; seems like a lot of inevitable stress. But I suppose the end product will make it all worth it. The general consensus seems to be that it's a necessity to pair meds with a therapist. I don't even have a primary doctor to send me to a psychiatrist so I guess I really don't even know how to get started; I have some research to do haha. I'm sure your sentence I bolded is how I'll feel in the future once I finally get everything "figured out." I think I'm gonna try to wait until summer to start the whole process, cause I feel like it wouldn't be wise to start the process in the middle of a hard ass semester of school. If anyone else wants to contribute their experiences, please continue to share
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #18 on: January 28, 2021, 11:36:41 PM »
I think years of CTE are beginning to compound for me. Lots of brainfog and forgetting stories/memories that I had down so vividly. It's beginning to come out on my relationships as well and feel like I can't do anything right sometimes even though people tell me how I'm doing.

I have a lot of good days but some days have been dark for me lately, especially since the weather has been worse lately and haven't been able to skate. I'm glad this thread exists because I don't really have anyone that I'm comfortable sharing these thoughts with unfortunately.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #19 on: January 29, 2021, 01:09:21 AM »
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?

I was going to DM this, but this may be useful for conversation.

I support the idea of sharing and community but I'm still not really too comfortable to talk in a setting like a Slap thread. However, I still wanted to share my experiences with antidepressants. I've tried a handful of medications since 2007. Since emotional matters are not really able to be measured by metrics, it's tough to really nail what one's diagnosis may be. People may exhibit traits or enter states of XYZ, which means it may not be fully accurate to describe someone's condition. That said, I'm not sure what I experience so we'll call it generalized depression and anxiety. This acts as a decent descriptor.

Anyway, I've tried a handful of SSRI/SNRI/atypical antidepressants and it's kind of hard to remember what the names are actually. Most will be generic versions of brand name pills like Lexapro / Citalopram and so on. From my experience, this is fine more or less. People have different chemical structures inside them so unfortunately, one may have to try out different medications to see what fits. Personally, I found that Effexor, an SNRI, works best for me. Wellbutrin makes me manic and while at the time, I have little idea of how it's changing my behavior. Not good at all for me. I've found that a close friend feels quite the opposite. Go figure.

With some medications like Citalopram, I may hardly notice a difference. I looked at life and experience with medication not working because it still feels like I am living under the pass/fail line of happiness and wellbeing. Angered and aloof, I believe it's doing nothing so I taper off under guidance of medical assistance. The body and mind adjust too gradually for me to notice a difference, but in looking back at my behavior, the situation was rather concerning. I had accepted my unfortunate worldview.

Small events lead up to great measures and eventually I hit a wall and believed I needed to return to some form of help. I will not go into detail. Besides, each individual's experience and pain is relative. I was prescribed Effexor, which I had taken 10 years ago, but discontinued because I was irresponsible and would get brain shivers from missing days. Why not try? I had no idea that it started to help out as this too was a gradual process.

I was able to concentrate on getting things done rather than struggle with obsessive and intrusive thoughts which sort of has a stupefying effect on me. Speaking and functioning was a non-thought and I could be normal-ish. Good enough. Without those intrusive thoughts, I could become invested in what I was doing, being work or art. I identified the idea that my personal well-being is dependent on fascination with nature and artistic experimentation as I summerised it as "To be engaged." It could be with interpersonal relationships or curiosities, but I really think what I value is engagement. Without that, I don't really have shit. No more being bored or dealing with a bunch of boring assholes. Fuck that shit. This is still idealistic, but good enough.

Alongside medication, I have been fortunate to make time for therapy as well, crafting a better idea of emotional intelligence. There are different forms of therapy as well, and this too may take a few different practices to settle into a decent dynamic. I've been with people who are very personable or act more clinical. Counseling, therapy, and psychotherapy are all different. Each allows for different tools to deal with trauma in different ways. Personally, I have found that eastern philosophies share the ideals I already have. It's nice to have guidance. My dad credits the book The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts and I've read his old copy from the 70s a handful of times.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhAareENqbg

None of this is perfect and I only highlight the worthwhile factors. Go learn what bird sounds are in your area, hug a cat, and do nothing with the expectation of nothing. Sorry for the wall of text. It was nice to write. That's all I got.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #20 on: January 29, 2021, 07:52:47 AM »
Hey PALS,

Gotta admit I'm having a hard time dealing with all this right now. Mark Waters and Henry Gartland are only two out of four people in my life that have died in the last two weeks. I just feel surrounded by death. Instead of a "Let's Live" mentality to honor our fallen brothers, I can't escape my main thought which is "Who is next?" I don't fear for self-harm, I'm just very sad and overwhelmed. I cry a lot.

 I guess this all started about 3-4 years ago when my friend Curtis Valentine was killed in NYC. I felt terrible because I couldn't be at the funeral, and not long after that P-Stone died. That set off just a long string of deaths and I would just be getting over one and then I would have to start dealing with another. So I feel like I have just been burying homies nonstop for the last four years.

It feels terrible and I don't like it, but typing all this out and reading it back helped a little bit.

Thanks for listening.

Bobby Peru

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #21 on: January 29, 2021, 07:58:09 AM »
Great thread idea!

any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?

Like slappies, I lucked out with relatively non-intrusive antidepressant in Citalopram (generic of Celexa). I've been on it two periods of my life, one for about a year following a suicidal period and one for only a few months in a pretty deep depressive period. The worst side effects I experienced were a little drowsiness, some difficulty climaxing, which can get frustrating, but totally manageable with partner communication, and intensified dreams. I'd never experienced sleep paralysis prior to being medicated, but got it a few times while medicated, and even a couple (less intense) times long after being on it.

Please note that none of these side effects were more than a minor irk, and much, much better than the alternative. There is a lot of aversion to taking medication (which I had myself), and of course, my experience was less intrusive than others, but I recommend it if you're finding difficulty getting out of a bad spot. Your brain is an organ that processes chemicals and sometimes it needs help. You wouldn't hesitate to take heart medication after a heart attack, or vitamins if you have a deficiency. Same thing with antidepressants.

And, just to clarify, I was seeing a therapist during these periods, and continue to see one here and there, despite not being in those depressive spots. Think of it like maintenance. You can get your car checked on periodically, or you can wait until it's a barely-mobile pile of scrap that breaks down, leaving you out of a car until you can afford a new one.

This is the same reason I take note to be sure I'm financially stable before any big moves, have multiple supportive social circles, multiple creative outlets, exercise, eat healthy(ish), etc. These are all long-term solutions that aren't cure-alls for acute depressive periods, but they provide a safety net should one arise.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #22 on: January 29, 2021, 08:07:01 AM »
Hey PALS,

Gotta admit I'm having a hard time dealing with all this right now. Mark Waters and Henry Gartland are only two out of four people in my life that have died in the last two weeks. I just feel surrounded by death. Instead of a "Let's Live" mentality to honor our fallen brothers, I can't escape my main thought which is "Who is next?" I don't fear for self-harm, I'm just very sad and overwhelmed. I cry a lot.

 I guess this all started about 3-4 years ago when my friend Curtis Valentine was killed in NYC. I felt terrible because I couldn't be at the funeral, and not long after that P-Stone died. That set off just a long string of deaths and I would just be getting over one and then I would have to start dealing with another. So I feel like I have just been burying homies nonstop for the last four years.

It feels terrible and I don't like it, but typing all this out and reading it back helped a little bit.

Thanks for listening.

Sorry to hear that, dude. I knew Mark and it's heartbreaking to hear about his death.

I don't know if you have experience with therapy, but it sounds like if talking about it here helps, that's a path you should take. The downside, of course, is the cost. If you have insurance, they should cover most of it. I'm currently paying a $30 copay for the therapist I'm seeing. If you don't, most cities have a sliding scale option. I went to one in SF staffed by psych students where I was paying $35 or so with no insurance. You can also check out websites like betterhelp.com with online therapists. I checked recently and their sliding scale is a little more expensive, but still more affordable than $100 a session or some shit.

Nicky Tamzarian

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #23 on: January 29, 2021, 08:16:09 AM »
I think years of (...)

Whats up Fat Tire! I love your avi-photo - Sabbath super-fans for the win !!!

I'm so sorry to hear about that shit, that absolutely fucking sucks - it's so god damn heavy to feel this way, and what you're feeling makes perfect sense! The fucking brain fog, the amnesia, and what feels like the widening rifts between you and your loved ones - I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing this. It's so traumatic to feel this way! BUT, the greatest power we have over these traumas is our capacity to communicate about how we feel - and you're doing that in spades! You should be very proud of yourself for the self-love it takes to talk this through - that's fucking beautiful !!!

Do you feel like there's a way you could do a daily check-in with the people you are closest to, at least when things feel acutely bad? There's nothing better than a gentle source of support to affirm that what you're feeling is real, and that in good company there is a safe way through it :) And that support is something you ALWAYS deserve !!!

If not with people in your life, you can always do a daily check-in here :) We are here for you my friend !!! May the darkest days of these symptoms be met with the brightest support from the people you love - or even the shalomies !!! Any support is good support , and you deserve it all !!!

All the best,

-Nicky
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Idk

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #24 on: January 29, 2021, 10:18:33 AM »
My university offered counseling. It wasnít much once or twice a week for 30 minutes but she was awesome! I went to an out of school one and she gave me so much anxiety I felt worse than before. Iím saying this for anyone considering therapy. If the therapist is making you more anxious or feeling worse than itís ok to seek a new one. Not all are the same but therapy is helpful. True therapy with someone who will let you cry and not judge and honestly help implement mental exercises really works wonders. Donít think youíre crazy or messed up if you tried therapy and it didnít work.

El Fapinator

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #25 on: January 29, 2021, 10:30:55 AM »
My wife and I have been arguing all morning because she disclosed something intimate with me and I dismissed her conversation with something irrelevant.

So instead of moving forward and admitting that I am wrong (which I have done and apologized profusely) now it's now a rundown of everything I've done wrong and it feels like a bullying pissing contest if I say hey if I did this or complained about everything would it be treated the same?!

I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed with a lot of penned up frustration not on my behalf.

Someone please sort me out am I wrong for feeling attacked verbally and how should I resolve this?
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Nicky Tamzarian

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #26 on: January 29, 2021, 11:02:35 AM »
My wife and I have been arguing all morning because she disclosed something intimate with me and I dismissed her conversation with something irrelevant.

So instead of moving forward and admitting that I am wrong (which I have done and apologized profusely) now it's now a rundown of everything I've done wrong and it feels like a bullying pissing contest if I say hey if I did this or complained about everything would it be treated the same?!

I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed with a lot of penned up frustration not on my behalf.

Someone please sort me out am I wrong for feeling attacked verbally and how should I resolve this?

That's absolutely a lot to be overwhelmed by !!! That makes perfect sense to me; I've had to endure similar verbal bullying before and that shit SUCKS.

Sometimes people get this trauma response when they feel ignored that forces them to turn violent on their friends / partners / spouses - which of course sucks , but is NEVER okay ! It borders on abusive if done in enough succession.

I think a good , gentle course of action would be to reiterate that you did the wrong thing by dismissing the initial conversation - but that in any circumstance , verbally bullying someone like that is not okay ! And that it's causing you acute stress . Spouses should never cause each other that sort of anxiety ! It's emotionally harmful and you ABSOLUTELY deserve to be heard & respected at the bare minimum :)

I'm glad you came here ! It will be alright in due time , and let us know if we can do anything else to help you feel cozy again :) Our ears are yours to lend !
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El Fapinator

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #27 on: January 29, 2021, 11:44:06 AM »
Expand Quote
My wife and I have been arguing all morning because she disclosed something intimate with me and I dismissed her conversation with something irrelevant.

So instead of moving forward and admitting that I am wrong (which I have done and apologized profusely) now it's now a rundown of everything I've done wrong and it feels like a bullying pissing contest if I say hey if I did this or complained about everything would it be treated the same?!

I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed with a lot of penned up frustration not on my behalf.

Someone please sort me out am I wrong for feeling attacked verbally and how should I resolve this?
[close]

That's absolutely a lot to be overwhelmed by !!! That makes perfect sense to me; I've had to endure similar verbal bullying before and that shit SUCKS.

Sometimes people get this trauma response when they feel ignored that forces them to turn violent on their friends / partners / spouses - which of course sucks , but is NEVER okay ! It borders on abusive if done in enough succession.

I think a good , gentle course of action would be to reiterate that you did the wrong thing by dismissing the initial conversation - but that in any circumstance , verbally bullying someone like that is not okay ! And that it's causing you acute stress . Spouses should never cause each other that sort of anxiety ! It's emotionally harmful and you ABSOLUTELY deserve to be heard & respected at the bare minimum :)

I'm glad you came here ! It will be alright in due time , and let us know if we can do anything else to help you feel cozy again :) Our ears are yours to lend !
Thank you for your kind words, we've kinda simmered down now.

 I feel as though in our arguments it's a generational thing, as I'm 10 year's older but she compares ourselves with well to do rich kids like why don't we do this or why don't you do that?

Look I'm a lot of things but rich isn't one of them and secondly I'm a put thing's in to action then talking out the side of my neck.

For me and how I feel it's like I'm not good enough and I've fucked up in the past and you'll never do this or the other, like wtf is this coming from and why not find someone else if that's the life you want?  Some people would love to have a person just to be there as she says yet wants waaaaay more than I can give her.

I know I'm not wrong in feeling the way I do but I'll be damned to be bullied or played like a sucker. I'll take the loss before letting someone getting one over me and it does feel like a weird pissing contest that I'm too old to participate in.

For anyone wondering we got together when she was 22 and I was 32 in the beginning we were damaged people who wanted unconditional love and we've been back and forth with abuse and cheating now it seems she wants.e to do more when I can barely afford anything.
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GardenSkater77

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #28 on: January 29, 2021, 05:24:13 PM »
El Fapster,

Iím gonna take up for your wife.

Why did the fight start? Because you said you were not listening to her. You ignored her feelings. You should have given her your full and undivided attention but you were joking around with her like she was one of the guys.

You gotta learn to really listen. Iíve been married 17 years and Iím telling you women need your undivided attention when they want to talk.

Sheís 10 years younger man. Sheís struggling with the pandemic and becoming an adult. Just remember how fucked up you were at 27. I was manic and worried about shit I donít even care about now.

Just give her an hour or two every day like you did when you were first dating and Iím telling you she wonít be jealous about what Gigi Hadid is up to.

You feeliní me dog?

Now go spark it up mang.

El Fapinator

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #29 on: January 30, 2021, 04:24:39 AM »
El Fapster,

Iím gonna take up for your wife.

Why did the fight start? Because you said you were not listening to her. You ignored her feelings. You should have given her your full and undivided attention but you were joking around with her like she was one of the guys.

You gotta learn to really listen. Iíve been married 17 years and Iím telling you women need your undivided attention when they want to talk.

Sheís 10 years younger man. Sheís struggling with the pandemic and becoming an adult. Just remember how fucked up you were at 27. I was manic and worried about shit I donít even care about now.

Just give her an hour or two every day like you did when you were first dating and Iím telling you she wonít be jealous about what Gigi Hadid is up to.

You feeliní me dog?

Now go spark it up mang.
Yeah man we were talking sexy talk about bdsm and then I got excited about pizza for whatever reason this was early in the morning mind you.

 So I tried to incorporate the conversation of fucking and pizza as sheís like wtf you mean? it became a huge issue of youíre thinking of pizza now?! I know I know itís so random and my ADD was kicking in and it totally was  my fault.

I here you on spending an hour of your time to get her attention, Iíll take that into consideration. I guess food and sexy talk arenít  appropriate conversation points. I thought it was funny buttttt went awry.

Yeah man Iím 43 now and sheís 33 and itís like you said stress about COVID-19 and I think itís her period talking too but thatís between us, Iíll keep that to myself buttttttt like I said most timeís sheís cool as a cucumber but sometimes our conversation went awry super quickly.

Good looking out though and itís worthwhile to hear from both perspectives.
« Last Edit: January 30, 2021, 04:48:10 AM by El Fapinator »
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