Awkward Sexual Experiences

[Watson]

Yeah no shit. Didn't  Lieutenant Wesley Crusher tell that story in Stand By Me?

[Mackattack]

I think that Tucker Max guy tried to one up it by having a friend filming in the closet and adding him to the anal accident puke train.

[jrock]

A classmate of mine in high school was porking his girlfriend in his car. She was on top and he asked if he could fulfill manifest destiny and put it in her butt, she grants his wish. As he's about to come, she yells "stop" and he finishes in her as deep as he can reach. She pulls off, and the diarrhea (with white accents of course) comes out all over him. He pukes on himself at the sight of it, and she pukes at the sight of his vomit, leaving them in a sticky .

was friends with a gay dude in SF (pseudo-manager of my band) who used to go to the Power Exchange (notorious bondage club a few blocks from my house) all the time.  anyway, its a creepy sex club where everyone fucks out in the open.  they make you strip down to a towel when you walk in. etc. etc.  he said he was there once and saw his friend fucking some young filipino dude who barely spoke english.  anyway, the little filipino suddenly got a panicked look on his face, and stated frantically repeating the word "caca".  his man friend dismounted and was promptly sprayed by a stream of explosive diarrhea.  then the puking ensued.  

when keeping it real goes wrong

[sven thorkel]

i once was fucking 6 chicks in the ass. they were circled around me and were on a merri-go-round with a carved out center where i was standing. i had my trusty assistant spin the merri-go-round while i would assembly line plow them. you know, dip in, disassemble their bowel then dip out and repeat on the next. once i had preformed 3 rounds of the love revolver they all simultaneous turned to me and said "scheisse" (did i mention they were german? [ohh yah, they were also sextuplets {and great sex puppets}]). they then proceeded to diarrhea all over me. my reaction was to immediately puke all over them, of which the stomach acid and mass amounts of lava hot doritos i had eaten dissolved the sextuplets. i had a job interview in ten minutes and didn't have time to clean up so i went directly too it. luckily the interview was for a mascot position for a local high school football team called the mud monsters. they thought i had spirit and hired me right away   

[mandibleclaw]

i once was fucking 6 chicks in the ass. they were circled around me and were on a merri-go-round with a carved out center where i was standing. i had my trusty assistant spin the merri-go-round while i would assembly line plow them. you know, dip in, disassemble their bowel then dip out and repeat on the next. once i had preformed 3 rounds of the love revolver they all simultaneous turned to me and said "scheisse" (did i mention they were german? [ohh yah, they were also sextuplets {and great sex puppets}]). they then proceeded to diarrhea all over me. my reaction was to immediately puke all over them, of which the stomach acid and mass amounts of lava hot doritos i had eaten dissolved the sextuplets. i had a job interview in ten minutes and didn't have time to clean up so i went directly too it. luckily the interview was for a mascot position for a local high school football team called the mud monsters. they thought i had spirit and hired me right away   

A+

[Alan]

Now that story I believe.

[Albatross]

one of my buddies was tellin' me this crazy story about a fish and a couch and whiskey dick, went like this.

Expand Quote

Okay, I think Im finally going to tell this story, because I dont think she goes on here anymore and also because I don't care.  You may know the person in question as Vicky, or victoria.  This was like 2 years ago when I was going to school in Philly.  I started chatting her up on here via PM, and then AIM.  I end up meeting up with her on this one really rainy day at her school which was a couple blocks from where I went.  We went to like some cafeteria or something and she put on Fully Flared on her Macbook.  It was pretty awkward. All you guys who think that it would be sick to date a chick who is into skateboarding, its not what its cracked up to be.  Any time she would bring up skateboarding it would be like "Oh, so and so is sooo sick!  Did you see that Thunder ad!" It was just weird.  But anyway I hang out with her 1 or 2 times after this, ALWAYS with her annoying friend, who incidentally also posted here but I dont remember his name.   I went over to her friends house where she was hanging out one day after class (she refused to let me in her own apartment, I dont know why), and theyre throwing back rum and cokes.  Its like 4 oclock. Shes already drunk, all sitting on my lap and shit and all over me.  Now, I wasnt even sure if I was into it, but I just let it happen.  She keeps drinking and is basically hammered, Im barely buzzed.  We drive all over the fucking city to the train station to pick up her sister, and the whole time shes just so annoying and drunk.  Finally we get back to this girls apartment, and we go in her friends room and she shuts the door.  We start making out.  Shirts off, titties sucked.  I still pretty much just want tot leave at this point, the whole night had been annoying as fuck.  Her friend starts opening the door and is like WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN HERE?  And so shes all like "quick go in the bathroom!" because she's half naked.  Im really fucking annoyed right now.  Her friends like "JUST GO FUCK ON THE COUCH" and we go back in the living room.  She takes her clothes off and literally just lays there like a dead fish.  By this point i am woefully aware this isnt the most.. "fit" girl Ive been with.  I could not be any more flaccid.  After like 5 minutes of me hoping shell do some fluffing or something, I say something like "Ummmmmmm....its uhhh not getting...."  We put our clothes back on, I walk to the train station and never see her again.  She texts me a few days later asking if she was the reason I couldnt get a boner.  I tell her it was because I was a virgin and was too nervous.  I never talk to her again.

Moral: Dont try and fuck anyone from Slap.

[close]

you know how sometimes a girl is really into you but she fucks up somehow and you break things off really really bad, so she goes around trying to hate on your dick or something

this story is like the man version of that

[Watson]

One time I was fucking this elephant in the ass. I was standing on a ladder really giving it to that gaping pachyderm asshole, when I heard this loud trumpeting sound. Not speaking elephant, I mistook the violent, urgent trumpeting sounds for the screams of pleasure from a big fag mammal. Unfortunately I was wrong. After I started thrusting harder, the elephant started to spray elephant diarrhea, causing me to fly off the ladder, onto my back, where the jet from the giant poocano squirted in my mouth. Because of the loss of breath from slamming on my back, I was gulping for air and ended up swallowing a couple of mouthfuls of elephant diarrhea. I promptly stood up, keeled over, and puked out the shit. Upon looking back and seeing me puking up puke-shit, the elephant had to vomit too, but tried to hold it in his mouth, and it ended up shooting out of his trunk, straight up in the air, causing us to run around trying to avoid it, looking like two little kids running around in  sprinkler on their mom's lawn on a hot a summer day.

At one point I looked over and saw a nasty looking baboon who was hiding in the bushes masturbating while he watched us fuck. The entire grisly scene made him vomit also.

[LloydChristmas]

Yeah no shit. Didn't  Lieutenant Wesley Crusher tell that story in Stand By Me?

"a complete and total barf-o-rama"

[Pelican]

sometimes i piss in my own mouth.

[lazy]

One time I was fucking this elephant in the ass. I was standing on a ladder really giving it to that gaping pachyderm asshole, when I heard this loud trumpeting sound. Not speaking elephant, I mistook the violent, urgent trumpeting sounds for the screams of pleasure from a big fag mammal. Unfortunately I was wrong. After I started thrusting harder, the elephant started to spray elephant diarrhea, causing me to fly off the ladder, onto my back, where the jet from the giant poocano squirted in my mouth. Because of the loss of breath from slamming on my back, I was gulping for air and ended up swallowing a couple of mouthfuls of elephant diarrhea. I promptly stood up, keeled over, and puked out the shit. Upon looking back and seeing me puking up puke-shit, the elephant had to vomit too, but tried to hold it in his mouth, and it ended up shooting out of his trunk, straight up in the air, causing us to run around trying to avoid it, looking like two little kids running around in  sprinkler on their mom's lawn on a hot a summer day.

At one point I looked over and saw a nasty looking baboon who was hiding in the bushes masturbating while he watched us fuck. The entire grisly scene made him vomit also.

[Stoeipoes]

This is pretty akward

http://www.efukt.com/20659_The_Fap_&_The_Furious.html

[Hola]

This is pretty akward

http://www.efukt.com/20659_The_Fap_&_The_Furious.html

jesus, that is guy is sick!

[General Cornrow Wallace]

This is pretty akward

http://www.efukt.com/20659_The_Fap_&_The_Furious.html

hahaha thats fucked

[SFblah]

^uhhhhh....wtf

[raul]

Where the fuck does that guy live where so many women just casually look away and stay while he does that? Especially with a camera. I can only imagine someone with Downs Syndrome being able to do this with that reaction.

[sven thorkel]

Where the fuck does that guy live where so many women just casually look away and stay while he does that? Especially with a camera. I can only imagine someone with Downs Syndrome being able to do this with that reaction.

looks like its in the czech republic or somewhere in central/near eastern europe. but you know, europeans are a little more adventurous when it comes to sex so those ladies must see public masturbators every single day. i like how some of those clips had a first person shooter vibe to them. i cant wait for impregnator 3D to cum out for the (solo) playstation

[Bipsmound]

That guy's a pussy.  Excepting certain Austrians, European perverts ain't shit.  The real jizz sprayas be cummin from the land of the rising sun.  Those are some real ass nasty tentacle fans who be running up and coating girls straight up.  None of this lurking in the shadows business, get out and spray a street hoe today like a proper Japanese lust professional.

[winter sucks]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article3835640.ece > all of asia

[Alan]

That guy's a pussy.  Excepting certain Austrians, European perverts ain't shit.  The real jizz sprayas be cummin from the land of the rising sun.  Those are some real ass nasty tentacle fans who be running up and coating girls straight up.  None of this lurking in the shadows business, get out and spray a street hoe today like a proper Japanese lust professional.

I saw a video like that a few years ago, probably on here, posted by John. Some dude was jacking off in a library and then he busted over a girl in the aisle and ran off. What's that called?

[DevinSB]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article3835640.ece > all of asia

yeah i watched that shit on the national geographic channel, what a sick fuck

[Goblinshark]

Expand Quote

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article3835640.ece > all of asia

[close]

yeah i watched that shit on the national geographic channel, what a sick fuck

[Bobbito]

nice ^^^

[Dude Dudestofferson]

I was 17, at my girl's house, we'd been dating 4 or 5 months, and finally she's down to do anal.
I assure her I have lube and will use my hands to get her asshole nice and ready for me.
5 minutes into it, I have my index and middle fingers in her tight little ass and she's starting to moan.
BOOM! her old man walks in the room cursing up a storm, ol' girl jumps up with my fingers still in her ass and breaks both of my fingers.
I had to have 'em both put in splints.

In retrospect, I was lucky her old man was such a little dude. I really think the fact that I was a solid foot taller and 40 pounds heavier than him is what kept him from freaking out. I wouldn't have been much good in a fight with 2 newly broken fingers.

[DevinSB]

thats nasty dude

[Evil Kraken from the Arctic Sea]

anal at 17? yoú were early on huh? and that girl was probably christian and wanted to keep her virginity?

[Dude Dudestofferson]

she actually did have a super christian family, but she wasn't saving herself. she was just a smart, wild girl who decided she wasn't going let her conservative family control the shape or quality of her experiences. we had a lot of fun together. i hope she's ok, wherever she is.

[jack burton]

should of asked her dad if he wanted to join in on the fun.

[blackalbino]

This is pretty akward

http://www.efukt.com/20659_The_Fap_&_The_Furious.html

3:24

[raul]

I was 17, at my girl's house, we'd been dating 4 or 5 months, and finally she's down to do anal.
I assure her I have lube and will use my hands to get her asshole nice and ready for me.
5 minutes into it, I have my index and middle fingers in her tight little ass and she's starting to moan.
BOOM! her old man walks in the room cursing up a storm, ol' girl jumps up with my fingers still in her ass and breaks both of my fingers.
I had to have 'em both put in splints.

In retrospect, I was lucky her old man was such a little dude. I really think the fact that I was a solid foot taller and 40 pounds heavier than him is what kept him from freaking out. I wouldn't have been much good in a fight with 2 newly broken fingers.

HAHAHAHAHAHA sorry but I had to say, "I broke my fingers in her asshole" out loud and it's way too funny. Thanks for the story hahaha.