Awkward Sexual Experiences

[cancelled]

nice, your girl wouldnt let you take off your pants?

[steve]

hahhahah

[trannies and mannies]

nice, your girl wouldnt let you take off your pants?

+1

[Hercules Rockefeller]

Pocket called my dad during sex.
At home now trying to avoid eye contact.

it is called the "no pants dance" for a reason.

[Jejenhausen]

it was the pocket, the 'back' one

[j....soy.....]

I was thinking the dude was fucking just wearing a fanny pack....

[era]

this girl gets on my nerves...


her personality is just so fucking one sided to what she thinks that it's impossible to get through to her for anything other than what she wants to hear.


anyways, she's pretty bad (sexy and all thick in the right places) and her pussy was nice.
we fucked before in her shower.

anyways, i'm trying to maneuver a quick heem sesh in her room right now and she's telling me that she's "trapped in her feelings" right now. and when i asked about what happened to chilling, she didn't even really read it and kind of just answered me as if she didn't understand me. (this bitch won't answer the phone, but she'll answer texts. fucking new generation..)

that's that shit i don't like. the annoyingness of bitches who think their philosophy is all encompassing and can be used to control dudes. lol.

DUDE!  I fucking feel you man.  That shit is the worst.

[weedpop]

it was the pocket, the 'back' one

You keep your phone inside your ass?

[oyolar]

Expand Quote

it was the pocket, the 'back' one

[close]

You keep your phone inside your ass?

You don't?

[Jejenhausen]

its so all my mobile facebook posts are from 'the deep south'

[Clayton]

Someone mentioned pocket dialing dad during sex, reminded me of a time maybe 5 years ago...

Girlfriend spent the night, she was a regular at the time and I lived with my parents at the time but they never cared. Our house has paper thin walls and my bed used to be directly above my parents. Anytime we'd bone at night we would normally go across the hall to my brother's old room to do it, (he moved out years prior.)

In the morning I hear my mom yell from downstairs that her and my step-dad we're leaving somewhere. A few minutes go by and after peering out our front window to make sure their cars are gone I go back into my room with my girl. I took it as a good excuse to fuck as loud as possible. We had probably a good 15 minute fuck session with her moaning, bed springs squeaking, me repeatedly spanking her ass louder than hell, etc. When we're done we're both exhausted so I put on some thin basketball shorts, dick probably still visible, and went downstairs to get some water. As I make it to the bottom of the stairs I look into the kitchen and my step-dad is chilling there looking fucking pissed. He doesn't make eye contact and just leaves out into the garage.

I realized later there was a tree half covering the view of his car from the window I peered out of earlier, and since I wasn't wearing my glasses and his car was green, it just blended in to me when I looked. I told my girlfriend and she was super embarrassed but all we could really do was laugh about and try not to make eye contact with my step-dad. To this day hes never said a word about that morning. Thank god.

[KOOL MIKE]

While lying down jerking off in bed I've almost accidentally shot a load directly into my face on two separate occasions. Luckily they shot diagonal and soiled the pillow both times. I can't be the only dude on here that's had a close call like that. Real Confessions anyone?

yeah i have come pretty close a couple of times.... i once had morning wood and somehow managed to piss right in my face, straight to the eyeball, fucking sucked because i didn't want to have a shower.

[Frank]

i think dads are pissed because they are jealous son actually gets to bone some hot young chick. not because you're too loud or anything. if they can't hear you they can pretend you don't have any sex at all and it makes them less bitter about their sexless adulthood. just a theory...

[Carrolls Chesthairs]

Being asked about my religious beliefs while making out.
See ya.

[Neverlaid4lyfe]

Grandpops walked in on me giving a girl a butt massage

[crackrazor]

   I met this Filipino chick at an art show, she gave me her number and we'd text every once and a while. Then one night she calls me and she's all drunk and fingerblasting her self. I'm down, so we go meet up at a bar and get tanked for a while. Eventually she invites me back to her house. We get there and it's pitch black. She leads me down to the basement and we play Super Nintendo for a while. After a while we start going at it, and she's dumb freaky. Shit like putting my hand on her neck while we're fucking and telling me to choke her. After the banging I pass out, only to wake up the next morning in this dank basement that just reeks of vagina. I quickly get dressed and walk up the basement stairs. I open the door, and I walk in on a full on Filipino family gathering. Her grand parents are there, her parents, tons of kids and a bunch of old people. There are also crosses on the wall and a HUGE painting of jesus. They all stare or glare at me in silence and I just walk out. Worst walk of shame I've had thus far.

[scorpion1001]

you just reminded me of a good one!

a few years back i went to my girl's place (at the time) to get it in since her mom was out.  i sneak out incognito and manage to avoid her mom coming home from work, until i take a few steps outside her building and realize i left my phone.  i had to walk right back up to her apartment and ring for my cell, with her mom staring me right in the face as i walked off in silence.

[Dontfearthereefer]

this thread kills it, i don't have anything of any value to input, i must be blowing it by having normal sexual experiences

[Goblinshark]

Due to popular demand, I will be posting my real life porno double blowjob story in the next day or so. Its only gay if balls touch right?

[Mundungus]

Due to popular demand, I will be posting my real life porno double blowjob story in the next day or so. Its only gay if balls touch right?

Oh wow, sounds like some good start of the week reading..

[Matze]

Being asked about my religious beliefs while making out.
See ya.

haha, feeling you.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

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Being asked about my religious beliefs while making out.
See ya.

[close]

haha, feeling you.

ask her if she is christian, then "nail her to the cross".

[pica]

Being asked about my religious beliefs while making out.
See ya.

"Herpes!" would have been the correct answer.

[hankmasterflex]

banging in the local grimey pizza joint's bathroom
banging on my friends living room couch surrounded by 9 people sleeping on the floor
handjob while my girl was driving and a friend in the backseat (multiple times)

nothing super craze.

[steve]

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Expand Quote

Being asked about my religious beliefs while making out.
See ya.

[close]

haha, feeling you.

[close]

ask her if she is christian, then "nail her to the cross".

i was once having hard sex with this girl I'd just met and she kept loudly moaning "oh my god. Jesus. oh my god" so I stopped mid thrust and asked "do you always pray when getting fucked?"

[essal]

I was out drinking with my battle buddy from the army, and he wanted to wingman for me since he already had a girlfriend and thought that would be cool. While he is probably the best battle buddy, he is a really shitty wingman. I have a pretty bushy beard, and he finds these "classy" girls which basically don't like beards... At all... EVER.
Another skate buddy comes along, and we decide to ditch my battle buddy, the girls he invited and some other random dudes, to hang out with some other guys that skate.

We walk into this place, and buy beer. My buddy talks to a girl at the bar, while catch up with the other guys. The girl comes over to me, and seems pretty interested. Since I was drunk, I thought she was pretty attractive and sweet (she was swedish). So after a few minutes she said "so you did want to fuck right?" and I say of course.
We walk to her place, fuck and then I fall asleep (WHY DIDN'T I BAIL AND STEAL SOME FUNNY SHIT???).

So I wake up the next morning. She is fucking ugly, as in the worst I have ever done. She wakes up and we talk for a while, turns out I lied about my age (claimed I was 28 or 29, I'm 24), what my job was (I have no clue about what I said, I study) and some other shit. So this was turning out great.. Then I asked her what my buddy had talk to her about earlier last night; Basically he had walked over to her, and told her that "my buddy said that you were hot and that he wanted to fuck you".
The expression on my face probably made her realize that this wasn't very true. I left without saying anything else.

On the positive side, she did not complain about my beard hurting her, and from now on I can only do hotter females.
And my buddy actually gets me laid when he is wingman'ing.

[Fairy Boy]

banging in the local grimey pizza joint's bathroom
banging on my friends living room couch surrounded by 9 people sleeping on the floor
handjob while my girl was driving and a friend in the backseat (multiple times)

nothing super craze.

how the fuck does that work? bench front seat, buddy napping on a road trip? If I was the friend I'd make her crash before I let that go down.

[Greg Ostertag]

Expand Quote

banging in the local grimey pizza joint's bathroom
banging on my friends living room couch surrounded by 9 people sleeping on the floor
handjob while my girl was driving and a friend in the backseat (multiple times)

nothing super craze.

[close]

how the fuck does that work? bench front seat, buddy napping on a road trip? If I was the friend I'd make her crash before I let that go down.

[BARACKOBAMA]

so me and this girl have been pretty tight for like two years now, one of those situations where dude is madly in love with the girl but ol girl is not really havin it like that. so over the summer we're kickin it alot because we both stayed on campus and shit, i drunkenly profess my love on several occations and subtly put in some friendzone elimination work.

so Das racist comes in to town and hes got this rapper from Houston, Fat Tony with him, I know some peeps who are cool with the dude from high school and me and girl end up smokin and drinkin wit Heems and fat tony. by now shes drunk as shit and super impressed by my ostensible connections. for a moment I was that Nigga.

so we're chillin at her crib and its like 4am. we in the same bed and shit and we get on some cuddle game, i should note that up to this point i was on the bitch route as a cuddle buddy for some time. but all of a sudden jesus comes down and gives me an in. she takes my hand and puts it over her left tit. oh glorius left tit that had been the forbidden kingdom for so long...at this point im activated all systems are go and ima get whats mine. I proceed to go from neck down to navel and make the most crucial error any man has made in history. i go from naval up to lips (i often do this to build anticipation in the girl) but this time it was a fatal error. full boner and all i hear the most crushing words a man could hear
"I cant kiss you,ahh this is too weird now"
i blew it. and then returned to cuddling like a bitch fully erect penis and all. I dont talk to this girl much anymore...

[Matze]

barack, in about 10 years I want to do your daughter. she's hot