Awkward Sexual Experiences

[shark tits]

So, my marriage is basically sexless at this point although once every few months (usually when I am super tired or just wanked twice or have a cold, etc.) my wife signals she is down for some action.

She's usually not into a lot of foreplay and just wants to get to business. Most of the time I bust a nut in under a minute. It bums me out and I imagine doesn't do much to enhance my standing. I didn't have such a problem with staying power in my 20s or early 30s or when I'm having a wank either. It's weird. Don't know if it's nerves or technique or what.

dr shark tits here. my best hypothesis is it's lack of practice. ie when you're doing it alot you become inured to the feeling, i don't wanna say it becomes 'whatever' but when it's rare you're more excited and therefor more 'hair trigger'.
i had a friend on maui that's originally from little rhody [providence] and she visited me a few yrs ago. her ex and our mutual friend had taken his life and we hung out together a bunch so one time we started making out and i swear this never happened before/since but i straight busted in my pants like a diurnal emission then had to stay into it to play it off so she didn't think 'wow this jamoke just busted from some tongue kissing'.
but yeah, totally a result of lack of female energy.

[SodaJerk]

So, my marriage is basically sexless at this point although once every few months (usually when I am super tired or just wanked twice or have a cold, etc.) my wife signals she is down for some action.

She's usually not into a lot of foreplay and just wants to get to business. Most of the time I bust a nut in under a minute. It bums me out and I imagine doesn't do much to enhance my standing. I didn't have such a problem with staying power in my 20s or early 30s or when I'm having a wank either. It's weird. Don't know if it's nerves or technique or what.

Dude that fucking sucks. Do you speak to your wife about why you're not having sex? I have times where my wife and I go a few weeks without sex and it twists my brain. I work a lot and don't get much time to myself so I can't even really knock one out so I go stir crazy but I've found that text flirting or straight up saying "Where doing it tonight/tomorrow " or whatever triggers her into thinking about it and then we get down. Since working this out my text flirting game is getting strong.

[CRAILFISH TO REVERT]

i haven't had any awkward sexual experiences in a seriously long time, but here's one that stands out from back in the day.

I woke up (I was passed out drunk) to my friends not so attractive, dreadlocked girlfriend rummaging in my pants and fully stroking my shit.
Her hands were all fucking rough and I have no idea how long she had been cranking on me but it my reaction was to push her off of me. I can't remember exactly what I said.. it was something like "no thanks." I do remember whatever it was, it bummed her out.. but I know I wasn't mean about it.

I told my friend a like a year or so later, and we had a good laugh about her rough assed hands.

[straight]

^ was her name annie?

[shakecunt]

My most confusing nut was solo when I was on molly. I went to piss with shriveled dick and nutted and peed at the same time. No stimulation necessary at all. It was a good feeling nut I must admit, imagine peeing and nutting at the same time, but I was scared I was just gonna keep nutting my pants out of nowhere the rest of the night.

[CRAILFISH TO REVERT]

^ was her name annie?

no ..please tell me you know of another busted face dreadlocked girl who 'takes advantage' of drunk dudes.

[straight]

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^ was her name annie?

[close]

no ..please tell me you know of another busted face dreadlocked girl who 'takes advantage' of drunk dudes.

same exact thing happened to me on annies blue futon .. annie didnt wear deodorant and also introduced me to some really great weed .. she claimed to know the guy that invented the strain headband .. she looked and sounded like janis joplin

[Willie]

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So, my marriage is basically sexless at this point although once every few months (usually when I am super tired or just wanked twice or have a cold, etc.) my wife signals she is down for some action.

She's usually not into a lot of foreplay and just wants to get to business. Most of the time I bust a nut in under a minute. It bums me out and I imagine doesn't do much to enhance my standing. I didn't have such a problem with staying power in my 20s or early 30s or when I'm having a wank either. It's weird. Don't know if it's nerves or technique or what.

[close]

dr shark tits here. my best hypothesis is it's lack of practice. ie when you're doing it alot you become inured to the feeling, i don't wanna say it becomes 'whatever' but when it's rare you're more excited and therefor more 'hair trigger'.
i had a friend on maui that's originally from little rhody [providence] and she visited me a few yrs ago. her ex and our mutual friend had taken his life and we hung out together a bunch so one time we started making out and i swear this never happened before/since but i straight busted in my pants like a diurnal emission then had to stay into it to play it off so she didn't think 'wow this jamoke just busted from some tongue kissing'.
but yeah, totally a result of lack of female energy.

I completely believe this is a thing.

So, I basically produce zero precum. I can get an erection or have a half a wank watching tv, quit, and nothing's gonna happen. If I make out with girl and get like a 30 second boner and then walk away I'll dribble some seminal fluids in my pants without fail.

Why? Gotta be that female energy...

[CRAILFISH TO REVERT]

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^ was her name annie?

[close]

no ..please tell me you know of another busted face dreadlocked girl who 'takes advantage' of drunk dudes.

[close]

same exact thing happened to me on annies blue futon .. annie didnt wear deodorant and also introduced me to some really great weed .. she claimed to know the guy that invented the strain headband .. she looked and sounded like janis joplin

Annie sounds like the more connected and slightly less rough handed version.

[shark tits]

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So, my marriage is basically sexless at this point although once every few months (usually when I am super tired or just wanked twice or have a cold, etc.) my wife signals she is down for some action.

She's usually not into a lot of foreplay and just wants to get to business. Most of the time I bust a nut in under a minute. It bums me out and I imagine doesn't do much to enhance my standing. I didn't have such a problem with staying power in my 20s or early 30s or when I'm having a wank either. It's weird. Don't know if it's nerves or technique or what.

[close]

dr shark tits here. my best hypothesis is it's lack of practice. ie when you're doing it alot you become inured to the feeling, i don't wanna say it becomes 'whatever' but when it's rare you're more excited and therefor more 'hair trigger'.
i had a friend on maui that's originally from little rhody [providence] and she visited me a few yrs ago. her ex and our mutual friend had taken his life and we hung out together a bunch so one time we started making out and i swear this never happened before/since but i straight busted in my pants like a diurnal emission then had to stay into it to play it off so she didn't think 'wow this jamoke just busted from some tongue kissing'.
but yeah, totally a result of lack of female energy.

[close]

I completely believe this is a thing.

So, I basically produce zero precum. I can get an erection or have a half a wank watching tv, quit, and nothing's gonna happen. If I make out with girl and get like a 30 second boner and then walk away I'll dribble some seminal fluids in my pants without fail.

Why? Gotta be that female energy...

for reals, my dick's bigger when i pull it outta some pussy vs when i'm pulling on it.
can't remember what her name was but i knew a 'handsie' girl in tempe. my buddy had sex w/ her and my exgf ended up going down on her. i was just like 'oh great, i'm very proud of you honey'. she's gotta be close to 40 now.
once i woke up to a 14 yr old girl jerking me off in a tent.
another time i woke up to a more age appropriate girl jerking me off in a squat in the mission.
still another time an exgf tried to wake me up riding me but i had a pee-on so i pushed her off and kinda rolled over and pissed. we were in a cow field just over the texas border on the oklahoma side after cops pulled our train over and the next morning we all had ticks [gf's exbf was w/ us too. one crazy summer!]

[Deucifer]

are you me?  sounds  deadly familiar,
unfortunately. which show was it at?

haha it was a friend's band at a local pub. All together a pretty good time.

I spent the night at this other girl's house over the weekend, woke up in the middle of the night to pee and couldn't find the door out or the light. Started getting real worried I was just gonna end up pissing all over the ground. found the door in the nick of time.

not exactly a sexual experiance but would have guaranteed none of those for me with her in the future.

[Nate]

So lately the only action I have gotten was through random tinder hookups.  I finally met a girl who I was into and we ended up hooking up, for some reason I got nervous and couldn't finish.  Next night we fucked again and I came in 5 minutes, I felt so embarrassed but for some reason she is still into me.

[h00man]

So lately the only action I have gotten was through random tinder hookups.  I finally met a girl who I was into and we ended up hooking up, for some reason I got nervous and couldn't finish.  Next night we fucked again and I came in 5 minutes, I felt so embarrassed but for some reason she is still into me.

If a girl isnt into you because you can't finish she isnt the one. You got a good catch. 

[CRAILFISH TO REVERT]

So lately the only action I have gotten was through random tinder hookups.  I finally met a girl who I was into and we ended up hooking up, for some reason I got nervous and couldn't finish.  Next night we fucked again and I came in 5 minutes, I felt so embarrassed but for some reason she is still into me.

five minutes is respectable, especially if you translate it into a pump count.

example: 1 pump per second = 60 pumps per minute. (+- 7.5 pumps)
Multiplied times 5 = 300 pumps on average. 262.5 pumps at the least and 337.5 pumps on the high end.

[Deucifer]

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So lately the only action I have gotten was through random tinder hookups.  I finally met a girl who I was into and we ended up hooking up, for some reason I got nervous and couldn't finish.  Next night we fucked again and I came in 5 minutes, I felt so embarrassed but for some reason she is still into me.

[close]

five minutes is respectable, especially if you translate it into a pump count.

example: 1 pump per second = 60 pumps per minute. (+- 7.5 pumps)
Multiplied times 5 = 300 pumps on average. 262.5 pumps at the least and 337.5 pumps on the high end.

say you extend those pumps out to 2, maybe even four seconds. We're talking 10-20 minutes. Now you're cooking with gas!

[Esquivel]

[CRAILFISH TO REVERT]

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So lately the only action I have gotten was through random tinder hookups.  I finally met a girl who I was into and we ended up hooking up, for some reason I got nervous and couldn't finish.  Next night we fucked again and I came in 5 minutes, I felt so embarrassed but for some reason she is still into me.

[close]

five minutes is respectable, especially if you translate it into a pump count.

example: 1 pump per second = 60 pumps per minute. (+- 7.5 pumps)
Multiplied times 5 = 300 pumps on average. 262.5 pumps at the least and 337.5 pumps on the high end.

[close]

say you extend those pumps out to 2, maybe even four seconds. We're talking 10-20 minutes. Now you're cooking with gas!

turtle pumps

[IanBZHD]

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So lately the only action I have gotten was through random tinder hookups.  I finally met a girl who I was into and we ended up hooking up, for some reason I got nervous and couldn't finish.  Next night we fucked again and I came in 5 minutes, I felt so embarrassed but for some reason she is still into me.

[close]

five minutes is respectable, especially if you translate it into a pump count.

example: 1 pump per second = 60 pumps per minute. (+- 7.5 pumps)
Multiplied times 5 = 300 pumps on average. 262.5 pumps at the least and 337.5 pumps on the high end.

[close]

say you extend those pumps out to 2, maybe even four seconds. We're talking 10-20 minutes. Now you're cooking with gas!

[close]

turtle pumps

Turtle's necks look like dicks, and turtles are also slow.

It like God was trying to give us a hint...

[tobey]

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So lately the only action I have gotten was through random tinder hookups.  I finally met a girl who I was into and we ended up hooking up, for some reason I got nervous and couldn't finish.  Next night we fucked again and I came in 5 minutes, I felt so embarrassed but for some reason she is still into me.

[close]

five minutes is respectable, especially if you translate it into a pump count.

example: 1 pump per second = 60 pumps per minute. (+- 7.5 pumps)
Multiplied times 5 = 300 pumps on average. 262.5 pumps at the least and 337.5 pumps on the high end.

[close]

say you extend those pumps out to 2, maybe even four seconds. We're talking 10-20 minutes. Now you're cooking with gas!

[close]

turtle pumps

[close]

Turtle's necks look like dicks, and turtles are also slow.

It like God was trying to give us a hint...

Jerry Seinfeld is god confirmed

[shark tits]

i had this south carolina gf who knew what she wanted. i'm kind of a lazybones, quid pro quo, missionary or doggy basic bitch in the sack but she really brought the alpha dogg outta me.
she'd smack me to get me mad and pull her hair, choke her til her face goes blue.
so i tied her up one time and she liked being choked and i'm not versed in the ways of D/s relationships so to me, choked and water poured down her throat is 2 sides of the same coin.
well guess what? it is not!
she swallowed a beer and i peed in a cup and she swallowed [hold her nose so she has to open her mouth] and for whatever reason i had like a large glass of water and poured that shit, girl started shaking and crying.
i felt rotten like 'what did i do?'
she goes 'i drowned in a past life' and you know, she's nuttier than dogshit but who am i to disagree?
on the bright side, we got to just have vanilla sex for a few days and i was off the hook for quasi abusive [but still kinda rad] rape fantasy all the time crap. too much pressure!

[givecigstosurfgroms]

  I was taking a bath and my friend whos a girl came by and was sitting in the bathroom with me.  Shes my friend and I don't want to fuck her at all.  She starts rubbing my body and I start to get a chubbo and she keeps going till she gets down to my dick and she's like, "you can finish yourself off cause I'm not going too."  I was pissed she said that cause I would have stopped her if she started with that  anyway. (shes married and has bad breath occasionally, less then half the time tho but still)

[shark tits]

  I was taking a bath and my friend whos a girl came by and was sitting in the bathroom with me.  Shes my friend and I don't want to fuck her at all.  She starts rubbing my body and I start to get a chubbo and she keeps going till she gets down to my dick and she's like, "you can finish yourself off cause I'm not going too."  I was pissed she said that cause I would have stopped her if she started with that  anyway. (shes married and has bad breath occasionally, less then half the time tho but still)

i see you've met my wife

[SOTY]

I'm a 31 year old virgin, and that's awkward.

[givecigstosurfgroms]

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  I was taking a bath and my friend whos a girl came by and was sitting in the bathroom with me.  Shes my friend and I don't want to fuck her at all.  She starts rubbing my body and I start to get a chubbo and she keeps going till she gets down to my dick and she's like, "you can finish yourself off cause I'm not going too."  I was pissed she said that cause I would have stopped her if she started with that  anyway. (shes married and has bad breath occasionally, less then half the time tho but still)

[close]

i see you've met my wife

  -you see?  I'm a good guy.

[givecigstosurfgroms]

I'm a 31 year old virgin, and that's awkward.

 
  You might be better at sex then some vets tho you never know.  I heard there's nice hookers in indo.  Big ol seal you gotta break there mister. Good luck!

[TheFifthColumn]

I'm a 31 year old virgin, and that's awkward.

Maybe spend more time at bars and less time at spermbanks?

My son Vince born April 18th, 2015. Best thing that ever happened to me.

[givecigstosurfgroms]

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I'm a 31 year old virgin, and that's awkward.

[close]

Maybe spend more time at bars and less time at spermbanks?

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My son Vince born April 18th, 2015. Best thing that ever happened to me.

[close]

Bars?  -I don't know if thats the best place but maybe.

[imad]

  I was taking a bath and my friend whos a girl came by and was sitting in the bathroom with me.  Shes my friend and I don't want to fuck her at all.  She starts rubbing my body and I start to get a chubbo and she keeps going till she gets down to my dick and she's like, "you can finish yourself off cause I'm not going too."  I was pissed she said that cause I would have stopped her if she started with that  anyway. (shes married and has bad breath occasionally, less then half the time tho but still)

You're a fucking pathetic loser holy shit LOL.

[Mark Renton]

I kinda have them every time I trick a girl into having sex with me.

[matter of fact]

  I was taking a bath and my friend whos a girl came by and was sitting in the bathroom with me.  Shes my friend and I don't want to fuck her at all.  She starts rubbing my body and I start to get a chubbo and she keeps going till she gets down to my dick and she's like, "you can finish yourself off cause I'm not going too."  I was pissed she said that cause I would have stopped her if she started with that  anyway. (shes married and has bad breath occasionally, less then half the time tho but still)

shoulda pulled a louis ck and jerked off in front of her. sounds like she was asking for it