real confessions

[ice nine]

my handicap cousin still does that at urinals

[TheFreshSC]

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i went to a camping party the last weekend before i left colorado to go back to school in california. There, i met the most amazing girl ever. Everything about her is exactly what i want... gorgeous, laid back, and excellent taste in music. She's fucking perfect, and likes me for some reason. But we both knew i was moving in like 5 days. Still, we hang out every night and the more time i spend with her, the more it feels like i'm falling in love with this girl. On moving day, i text her during the whole 13 hour drive. We continue to text, and even call (crazy, i know) each other over the next few days. I've never dated a girl, and definitely never been in love with a girl, but the one time i get close to both i end up having to leave. I'll be back in colorado in november for thanksgiving break, but neither of us knows what we'll do til then. She digs me as much as i dig her.
But there is some rage inside me that hates the physical impossibility of me being with her. After 5 just days spent with this girl, it's like i'm, in some sense, addicted. And the more i think about how i won't see her again for at least three more months, the more depressed/angry i get. I have some high levels of deep frustration that are seemingly impossible to get rid of.
Now, she's texting me saying she's confused about us, and implying she doesn't want to continue any sort of long-distance relationship. This is the worst. I'm not interested in any other girls. All i want to do is be with this girl, but i have a scholarship to art school in laguna beach that i can't and don't want to waste.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[close]

that's a tough one Freshie.  sounds like you guys are both pretty young though.  don't mean that as a condescending statement.  just, maybe neither of you is in the right place to make a sacrifice like that (obviously not good for her to leave high school to come live with you, and you shouldn't blow your scholarship)..   maybe follow the cheesy "if you love someone set them free" philosophy.  if you guys still feel strongly for each other in a year then maybe you can bring her out to where you go to school..

sorry to be of no help .

your story does sound like it should be made into a movie though, starring Michael Cera

michael cera would be the obvious choice, but that's overdone. it's joseph gordon levitt or the deal's off 

[BuddyPal]

i'd say i skate alone 98% of the time

[VictoriousOG]

If I see some one spit, then I spit. Weird habit.

[TMZ]

this thread is golden. hopefully this is a nbd. when i was much younger i took a picture of my spread behind on my mother's kodak. then she got it developed and told me never to do it again or she would go to jail. now that i think about it, i think it's hilarious

[Omamori]

I had a faux hawk when I was a junior in high school. the only reason I did it because I couldn't grow a mohawk. After 3 months my hair grew so slow it would take for ever for the back of my hair to grow.  Surprisingly girls like it, I don't know why it looked dumb. luckily I grew out of that phase after 2 months. Now I have a #4 shave, easy maintenance and I cut my own hair.

[CigaretteBeer]

Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

[oyolar]

i'd say i skate alone 98% of the time

[RobDyrdek]

i ate my girlfriends pussy and fucked her when my sister was in her room less than 6 feet away from my bed, with 2 really thin walls and doors between us, the girl was being loud too im pretty sure my sister heard the whole thing very clearly 

[prettytoney]

Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

how'd that 'eroin endeavour go?? ya smoke or shoot it??

[Smurph]

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Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

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how'd that 'eroin endeavour go?? ya smoke or shoot it??

Who cares!?!
It's just going to be his most emphatic facebook status since the break up...

[CigaretteBeer]

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Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

[close]

how'd that 'eroin endeavour go?? ya smoke or shoot it??

Shoot it into the dick. James Brockman style

[Omamori]

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Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

[close]

how'd that 'eroin endeavour go?? ya smoke or shoot it??

[close]

Shoot it into the dick. James Brockman style

This is a serious question, I'm not trying to critique your lifestyle. why do you do drugs?

[Hobochilli]

i'd say i skate alone 98% of the time

[Raped by Harpoon]

I've gained 30 pounds since I've lost my shitty restaurant job. I wasn't skinny to begin with, either. I've always blamed Florida's heat for not going outside and getting exercise, but now the weather's decent so I have no excuse. For the past couple weeks, I've been skating to where ever I need to go, but it's not enough. I've cut down on a lot of the unhealthy shit I eat too, but it's still not enough. The new clothes that I bought earlier in the year don't fit me, and I only have myself to blame. I know it's lame to be bummed about clothes, but I rarely get new clothes. I have shirts with tags still on them. I'm not obese, but if I continue this comfortable, sedentary lifestyle I will be by the time I'm 25. I need to get off my lazy ass.

I'm pretty fucking ignorant. I have no college education, but I have a CNA certificate from going to a vocational school. That isn't shit. I wasted my time taking that shitty course because no one is looking to hire CNA's. It's the LPN's and RN's people want to hire. Anyway, I hate myself for wasting my time with that, because the only reason why I had a vague interest in the medical career field was the financial security and the CNA course was the fastest and the cheapest. I'm not the nurturing type, anyway. In fact, I can be rather cold and distant. I have a lot of days where I favor my cats over people. I would be a horrible nurse aide.

I do plan on going to school next year, because I hate being the idiot. It's not like I'm truly stupid, or I "don't get it", but I've made so many bad decisions with my life, my IQ and mental capacity is irrelevant. The thing is with school, I don't know if I want to go to college or go to a vocational school. I say this because my father is 73, and I don't know how much longer he has. He's a healthy man now, but something unexpected could happen. He's had a stroke, and that was unexpected. What else could be next? The more I see him slow down, the more I realize that I need to straighten up, fast. I want to do something to get on my own two feet before the inevitable death of my father. I've applied for for financial aid and various scholarships in the last week, so hopefully this rut will be history.

Oh, and I have girl issues; I'm a picky motherfucker. Although, females will be on the backburner since I'm a hot mess already. I'm easily distracted, and a girl would be the ultimate in distractions.

It was really nice getting this off of my chest.

[TheFreshSC]

i need to find a new girl. This long distance shit is going nowhere, and it's a constant bummer in the back of my mind. It was incredibly stupid of myself to become attached to a girl back home in the first place. She's too good for me anyway, and it feels like now we both know that.

[smokecrack]

it's gonna be a hard one to believe, but i swear it's all true 100% . i've never posted this online or told too many people due to the sheer ridiculousness of this story. so i got tickets to go to the mtv movie awards 2 years ago at the gibson amphitheater by the universal city walk. i end up going with my gf. by the time we get there, i'm pretty stoned off some chronic or kush or someshit and i've been drinking too. so we get there, everything's cool and we take our seats. you're only allowed to get a drink or use the restroom during the commercial breaks (i guess they don't want you interrupting the "live" show or anything.) the first break we get i takeoff to buy some beer and i see dyrdek just posting in line to get booze too. he was with that snowboarder dingo or whatever his name is. there was nobody around him and no one even seemed to care. i was like "fuck it" and asked him how much footage he had for mind field. he said "13-15 tricks. about a minute and a half of footage" cool, good luck with that. nice guy, he gave me a pound, peace. so that's not the main part of the story. the show is getting towards the end and i'm kinda buzzing at this point and i tell my girl that i'm going to rush the stage. she doesn't really believe me and i take off during the last commercial break. i actually had a Rorschach mask (from WATCHMEN) in my pocket, ready to go. i had originally planned to bring a white hoodie to write SMOKE CRACK on it so i could appear on tv & rep my shit. i had forgotten the fucking sweater in the car (i know, lame move) but i was gonna do it anyway.  i went in the restroom right by the main doors downstairs. i had a good 30 second moment where i was gonna back out, but i said fuck it, i'm going in. the awards are back on and the ushers are calling everyone to return. i sneak into the lower area and seriously, what happened next felt like i was in a fucking movie. (every thing felt like it was going in slow motion too.) they're announcing movie of the year or something and jack black, ben stiller and robert downey r are on stage. my other big-ass mistake was that i decided to do this right when they were showing clips of the nominated movies, so what was happening on stage was not gonna air on tv. i start walking down the isle, mask on, and no one seems to notice me. right when i start walking up the steps, i realize i just walked past the hills girls,  diddy, jonah hill, lohan, etc. a few people clapped as i walked on the stage and that's when i realized i hadn't thought up what to do at this point. jack black seemed to not even notice me, stiller looked all confused and downey kinda looked at me with a "wtf?" kinda face. so i'm standing there and a director/guy with clipboard worriedly asks me what i'm doing on stage. i just froze and stood there. i stood on that stage for 5-10 seconds tops, then some big-ass goon in a suit grabbed me and lugged me off to the front of the building. i must've been pretty fucked up too cuz i kept making fun of him and talking shit, but this dude was tall and atleast 250 pounds. he took me outside, took my mask and was straight up heated. he was acting like i interupted HIS awards show! he wanted to deck me so bad, especially since i kept making fun of him. i tried snaking my mask back, but i couldn't. so as i'm leaving and people are leaving the arena, i realize a)i'm not geting my mask back and b) what i did wasn't even going to air that night. what a royal fuck up. people were cheering for me as they were leaving and i just laughed becuase i didn't get choked out or arrested. i even thought about somehow contacting mtv or their corporate offices to try to see if they have footage of me, but i've been too much of a pussy to ever do it. the only remote evidence i have is my ticket and my gf as my only witness. i think i'll end up contacting them one day, i just hope i don't get sued or something.

[TheDraught]

Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

Good. Inject an overdose.

[sven thorkel]

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Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

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how'd that 'eroin endeavour go?? ya smoke or shoot it??

[close]

Shoot it into the dick. James Brockman style

[close]

This is a serious question, I'm not trying to critique your lifestyle. why do you do drugs?

cause the poor guy can play 38 instruments, has a big dick, and lives in sunny california. you haven't felt pain until you've lived that life

[MrDreamPop]

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Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

[close]

how'd that 'eroin endeavour go?? ya smoke or shoot it??

[close]

Shoot it into the dick. James Brockman style

[close]

This is a serious question, I'm not trying to critique your lifestyle. why do you do drugs?

[close]

cause the poor guy can play 38 instruments, has a big dick, and lives in sunny california. you haven't felt pain until you've lived that life

pics or gtfo

i always gotta take a shit before i jerk off and i take my pants completely off for maximum ass spread

[GISM]

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Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

[close]

how'd that 'eroin endeavour go?? ya smoke or shoot it??

[close]

Shoot it into the dick. James Brockman style

[close]

This is a serious question, I'm not trying to critique your lifestyle. why do you do drugs?

[close]

cause the poor guy can play 38 instruments, has a big dick, and lives in sunny california. you haven't felt pain until you've lived that life

[close]

pics or gtfo

i always gotta take a shit before i jerk off and i take my pants completely off for maximum ass spread

For the shit or the jerk?

I've focused this account twice

[MrDreamPop]

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Tomorrow I am buying black tar heroin and meth amphetamines. I've done meth, but never heroin. : )

[close]

how'd that 'eroin endeavour go?? ya smoke or shoot it??

[close]

Shoot it into the dick. James Brockman style

[close]

This is a serious question, I'm not trying to critique your lifestyle. why do you do drugs?

[close]

cause the poor guy can play 38 instruments, has a big dick, and lives in sunny california. you haven't felt pain until you've lived that life

[close]

pics or gtfo

i always gotta take a shit before i jerk off and i take my pants completely off for maximum ass spread

[close]

For the shit or the jerk?

I've focused this account twice

i was talking about the shit, but i do also have my pants completely off for the jerk.  which brings me to another confession.  i usually hold onto my nuts with my empty hand when i jerk so i don't have them bouncing all over the place.  i go hard.

[Zurg]

I take my shirt of when I shit, no matter where I am.

my friend claims those are called "fat man shits". not sure why exactly

[sven thorkel]

i'm guessing because fat man poops are largely a guessing game. it would be hard to know where the hole is when you got layers upon layers of flabby flesh; therefore, they have to take their shirts off because they could easily end up getting some poop on their favorite hawaiian shirt 

[smokecrack]

moms used to work at this big lady clothing store called catherine's. they'd get pissed if the ac wasn't on. summer, winter, whatever. fat people sweat a lot, so i guess they have to get close to naked when they take shits or else it'll be a sweatfest in the shitter room.

[dolphinstyle.]

Tonight, I went to an AC/DC cover band concert. The band was called AC/ID.
The drummer looked like this just 56 years old

the guitar palyer stripped and was a fatso.
the audience, in essence, looked like this

[boyan]

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I take my shirt of when I shit, no matter where I am.

[close]

my friend claims those are called "fat man shits". not sure why exactly

they always sweat when shitting, so taking the shirt of feels nice

honstely, I'm not fat and it feels nice

[overheated]

I don't really like most of the people I skate with.

[cancelled]

moms used to work at this big lady clothing store called catherine's/

why dont you just say my mom?  your not black and even so it sounds stupid.

[BriDen]

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moms used to work at this big lady clothing store called catherine's/

[close]

why dont you just say my mom?  your not black and even so it sounds stupid.

Maybe he was just stating a fact... there were multiple mothers who worked at a fat lady store.