Mental Health Issues

[Ultraviolet catastrophe]

Hey.
I feel I need to start out with some kind of introduction on my first ever cherry poppin post.
But I’m not gonna.
The only reason I have the tits to post at all is because of the anonymity.I’m not even supposed to be here.
I fell down the slaphole while creeping on my husband...Hi Babe!
But I went to bed thinking about this board and woke up still thinking about it. The urge to comfort or help is too strong.

Freelancevagrant, please don’t park your truck in a wall. Please talk to someone. Please try something different with your meds.

For way to fucking long I carried the security blanket of knowing I could end the pain and suffering on my terms. I would pull that blanket out every damn night. It gave me some sense of control over my life.

While I was pregnant with our kid the needle started to move from comforting knowledge to looking like pulling the plug on me was the only path I had. But here was this thing growing inside me that needed me and that I was responsible for its existence so now it wasn’t just my choice to make. I talked to my doc and got some shitty therapy and some meds. Talking about it helped. It helped even though she was a basic bitch with no clue about the world except she needed to listen to the poor unwed mother for class credits. But even talking to her helped. And I found better therapists ( they are out there) Just speaking the thought out loud shone the light on what I thought was my truth. I had two stories in front of me: one was really short and the other one was something I could keep scribbling on.

Saying the bullshit in your head out loud shifts the power. chemical imbalances and synopses misfiring were no longer calling the shots. I took ownership as I spoke the words out loud. With the ownership I saw that those thoughts didn’t fit me. If you start to hear your thoughts you can tell if they ring true or are just noise.
The meds let me keep my head up and tread water. Just breathing and seeing things from a newly shifted perspective and taking it day by day saved my life enough to get a little bit stronger and a little bit clearer.

The first three things I did to make it through a day were:

* think of the things you would miss if you weren’t here and experience them whenever you get the chance. If you struggle to think of something go simple. Start with the senses and boil it down to the purest joy. What do you like to hear, see, taste, feel. Listen to that perfect song over and over, ride the board, feel the sun/rain/wind/ on your skin, eat something that tastes like heaven, have an orgasm.
Savor the little things.

* do something kind for someone or something. Your kindness will have results and ripples that you can’t fathom but you will know that your existence that day put some positivity into the cosmic soup and that is more than a lot of motherfuckers can say.

* speaking of the motherfuckers....Fuck Them! I thought my exit strategy gave me control but I didn’t benefit from that option. Neither would anyone I liked or cared for benefit from that option. I would just be giving up my seat at the table while shitbags continued running around shitting on things. We are here wether we asked for it or not but being these marvelous creatures of atoms and particles and chemical reactions get us a spot on the grid and I don’t want to let the assholes outnumber the real ones.

I’m cheering for you and all the others struggling to figure it out. Keep on keeping on.

P.S. one thing I wish I knew when my demons were loudest was:
The things that are hurting you most about yourself are probably your super powers, you just need to give yourself time to figure out how to use them.

[Banned from the room]

So my end is near I believe.

The is the basic facts.

My kidneys hurt I got this crazy full body rash I piss funny I've had a lump in my stomach for years and now it's become two side by side.

I've been getting examinations on the stomach lumps for years. They said they felt nothing at first.
 I got angry stopped going till the pain become unbearable.  I've have echos back when I was on methadone. They said it was shit (stool) or "again I feel nothing"

Then one day I had a very low level tech say yeah I feel that. I went back to the Dr. "I don't feel anything John are you ok?."

Now it's become two. It's like a peanut. My friends my ex boyfriend my mother my brother all can feel it but the Dr can not. Once he said it's probably fatty tissue? I'm like whatever. You just said you can't find it.

This is all I have to say.  I'm done talking about it rn....

[Grind King Rims]

had to call in mentally ill to work the past two days. I tried to go to counselling again a couple of weeks ago and it went really poorly. Tried to chat to a mental health services hotline today and it brought into focus just how much my instinct is to run away from everything, usually back to bed. Deleted all social media and left all group chats. I just don't want to feel like this any more but pursuing mental health is way harder than I expected.


Anyway it's 3pm and I got domino's on the way. I think I've ordered domino's maybe 2/3 times in my life, so thinks are looking up.

[Tommy G]

These past couple of days have been rough on me mentally. Decided to go sober because drinking, porn, and smoking only make me suppress my problems. In the past couple of days I've realized how much of a people pleaser I am, what my ADD does to me, and how anxiety, loneliness and depression have crept up on me in the past year and it all came to a head yesterday. I'm doing slightly better today after listening to some music and staying away from my thoughts, but I really wish I could skate to just let a lot of it out. Sadly I'm still recovering from an ankle injury so it'll be a few more weeks until I can. For now I'll just play my bass and video games.

Also I know I don't post a lot mainly due to my anxiety, but I've been needing to get this out for the longest time.

[matty_c]

That’s fucked, Grind King Rims
Talk on face time or something if you want

[L33Tg33k]

I started electroconvulsive therapy for the second time. It leaves me wiped out and with a headache, but hopefully this go round will have more lasting positive effects.

[Gary Bucket]

Typed and deleted many a post in this thread. Decided on a quick shalom to everyone fighting the good fight. I think about this thread when I’m having a hard time and it helps so thanks everyone

[Dirk_Diggler]

i drink water and turn my phone off for 2 hours everyday during the day to help with anxiety

This is pretty much what I do, plus smoke a joint.

Not being on social media is a big help also.

[ramplocal]

Been down bad lately, bills piling up, hours cut at work, 0 interest in skating, my daily driver truck has been out on the fritz and forcing me to take my wife’s van, feeling like a massive burden and embarrassment. My meds are not working, and I keep having those chirping thoughts in the back of my mind that tell me to drive my truck into a wall, but they’re becoming more frequent. These last few weeks have been brutal.

Dude I hear you, stuff keeps piling up. I had my car repossessed a few years ago and had to bum rides to work for a year, at the time I was 38 and having no car after never depending on anybody for that is a big hit to your ego. I also take Paxil and at the time it seemed like nothing helped and it wasn't working.. I just want to say it gets better man. I know I am just some dude on a stupid skateboard message board but hang in there. If you are this down it will go back up. You are not a burden, you are just grinding through life right now.  It happens dude. I have struggled with thoughts of not being here my whole life but I can tell you as I have had many loved ones and friends take their life it is not worth it. People love you and care abt you, even when you are down. You are important, loved and its worth it to still be here, no matter how hard it gets, or how down you feel. Stay up brother and please reach out to your gf, friends and /or family or even me if you need it. Just talking about it helps sometimes

[victorP]

Hey.
I feel I need to start out with some kind of introduction on my first ever cherry poppin post.
But I’m not gonna.
The only reason I have the tits to post at all is because of the anonymity.I’m not even supposed to be here.
I fell down the slaphole while creeping on my husband...Hi Babe!
But I went to bed thinking about this board and woke up still thinking about it. The urge to comfort or help is too strong.

Freelancevagrant, please don’t park your truck in a wall. Please talk to someone. Please try something different with your meds.

For way to fucking long I carried the security blanket of knowing I could end the pain and suffering on my terms. I would pull that blanket out every damn night. It gave me some sense of control over my life.

While I was pregnant with our kid the needle started to move from comforting knowledge to looking like pulling the plug on me was the only path I had. But here was this thing growing inside me that needed me and that I was responsible for its existence so now it wasn’t just my choice to make. I talked to my doc and got some shitty therapy and some meds. Talking about it helped. It helped even though she was a basic bitch with no clue about the world except she needed to listen to the poor unwed mother for class credits. But even talking to her helped. And I found better therapists ( they are out there) Just speaking the thought out loud shone the light on what I thought was my truth. I had two stories in front of me: one was really short and the other one was something I could keep scribbling on.

Saying the bullshit in your head out loud shifts the power. chemical imbalances and synopses misfiring were no longer calling the shots. I took ownership as I spoke the words out loud. With the ownership I saw that those thoughts didn’t fit me. If you start to hear your thoughts you can tell if they ring true or are just noise.
The meds let me keep my head up and tread water. Just breathing and seeing things from a newly shifted perspective and taking it day by day saved my life enough to get a little bit stronger and a little bit clearer.

The first three things I did to make it through a day were:

* think of the things you would miss if you weren’t here and experience them whenever you get the chance. If you struggle to think of something go simple. Start with the senses and boil it down to the purest joy. What do you like to hear, see, taste, feel. Listen to that perfect song over and over, ride the board, feel the sun/rain/wind/ on your skin, eat something that tastes like heaven, have an orgasm.
Savor the little things.

* do something kind for someone or something. Your kindness will have results and ripples that you can’t fathom but you will know that your existence that day put some positivity into the cosmic soup and that is more than a lot of motherfuckers can say.

* speaking of the motherfuckers....Fuck Them! I thought my exit strategy gave me control but I didn’t benefit from that option. Neither would anyone I liked or cared for benefit from that option. I would just be giving up my seat at the table while shitbags continued running around shitting on things. We are here wether we asked for it or not but being these marvelous creatures of atoms and particles and chemical reactions get us a spot on the grid and I don’t want to let the assholes outnumber the real ones.

I’m cheering for you and all the others struggling to figure it out. Keep on keeping on.

P.S. one thing I wish I knew when my demons were loudest was:
The things that are hurting you most about yourself are probably your super powers, you just need to give yourself time to figure out how to use them.

This is a really great post and a spot-on quote I will definitely be sharing from now on.

Hang in there. TALK. My buddy, the dude I learned everything skate-wise from, called me to talk about Life a few days before he hung himself in May 2007 (I told him I was busy, thought he was just drunk or high or something, didn't think it'd be last conversation). I've never stopped thinking about that phone call and how I might have handled it differently or whether it would have mattered. I think every bit matters.

We all need to remind our friends and loved ones that we appreciate them and need them here.

It always turns positive eventually.

[FrozenIndustries]

Expand Quote

i drink water and turn my phone off for 2 hours everyday during the day to help with anxiety

[close]

This is pretty much what I do, plus smoke a joint.

Not being on social media is a big help also.

To those of you who have focused social media, how do you stay off? I find my mental health and productivity improve vastly when I focus my Insta, but inevitably I end up finding a "reason" to get back on.

[Doodily]

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

i drink water and turn my phone off for 2 hours everyday during the day to help with anxiety

[close]

This is pretty much what I do, plus smoke a joint.

Not being on social media is a big help also.

[close]

To those of you who have focused social media, how do you stay off? I find my mental health and productivity improve vastly when I focus my Insta, but inevitably I end up finding a "reason" to get back on.

I try to be mindful about "why" I am on Instagram. Is it to see what and where my friends are skating or is it because I am bored and mindlessly scrolling? I find the intent of the former to be good - I'm stoked to see how my friends are progressing and what spots they are skating. I find the intent of the latter to be bad - I'm bored, mindlessly scrolling people I don't care about, and it will just lead to feeling disconnected and depressed.

[dofrenzy]

To those of you who have focused social media, how do you stay off? I find my mental health and productivity improve vastly when I focus my Insta, but inevitably I end up finding a "reason" to get back on.

For me, I just keep quitting.  Oversharing on social media is a sign that I’m in trouble, but the social media is also a trigger for me.  I made a shit-post in a “ponder” thread here recently and I feel like that was a mistake too, but at the same time I appreciate the chance to speak my mind here.

My Instagram is skateboarding ONLY.  I started to let guitar, philosophy, “look at this project I’m working on”, etc. seep into my Insta but have since deleted any non-skate posts.  Skating helps me at this point in my life….funny now that I’ve written that I guess I probably put too much value on the approval I get there.  Maybe I will focus that shit.

I focused my Facebook about a month ago after going overboard in an atheist/agnostic alcohol anonymous group.  Feeling a lot better in general being off of FB.

I went off THC again about 4 weeks ago.  Last week I was lying on the floor in the basement thinking about how much better the world would be without me and telling my wife that there are much better men out there for her.  I am feeling OK now, maybe after the THC withdrawal but that shit is lurking for sure.

I focused the weed for the umpteenth time because it easily aggravates my diverticulitis which is becoming a serious issue for me.  Shitting giant blood clots got me to thinking.  Funny how bloody TP was ok with me for many years but the blood clots really got to me.

I just turned 52 and have been skateboarding for 2 years.  No joke I am in better physical shape than ever and it helps (plus nailing new tricks makes me feel good about myself) but without self-medication w/weed I am in a scary place (no alcohol for about 2.5 years now also).

Now Using strictly CBD in small amounts, and that is definitely helping, and have an appointment to talk about anti-depressants this week but even those in the past have been not-quite-the-trick.  Like, suddenly having no sex-drive was really depressing (Zoloft I think).

Damn, I went off again.  I’ve been avoiding this thread but it calls to me so here I am, and reading everyone’s troubles is tremendously helpful for me and I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has shared their troubles here. 

I wish I could give advice to those who are low, but I can’t.  I am, however, tremendously grateful to know that I am not alone.

[cky enthusiast]

i don’t think people with diagnosed mental illness should have social media. it will only make things worse. it’s almost designed to.

[dofrenzy]

i don’t think people with diagnosed mental illness should have social media. it will only make things worse. it’s almost designed to.

You’ve given me some real food for thought.  I am definitely a little better off now that I’ve been off facebook for a few weeks.  No more slap?  No more Insta?  No more youtube?   Hmmmm……maybe those are addictions too, like alcohol and THC for me.  Thanks for being straightforward about it.

[cky enthusiast]

i’m speaking entirely from experience. it’s worth mulling over at least.

[Prinzy]

hey homies, i dont know if this is the right place for this, so kook me as you wish, but i just wanted to rant and get these thoughts out on somewhere nobody in my personal life can check up on me from.

im not looking for pity or sympathy, just the comfort that my words are out in the ether in some way.

i think im damn near giving up. been socially exiled by all my friends, hate my the program im in for university, my rent is being doubled and i cant work more hours due to my school availability, about to lose the scholarship i have for college that keeps me financially afloat because i couldnt do service hours with quarantine, lost the band i poured my heart and soul into over fake accusations, and really have nobody to go to.

just kinda feel like my time on earth is done, ive ran my course, made some good memories, had ups n downs, all the classic shit. just dont really see anything in the future worth living for anymore.

but, i guess i wanted to write this to give a big shoutout to slap. i know theres tons of negativity on here blah blah blah whatever, but there are some real great motherfuckers on here. in the short time i've been here, it has been one of the few ways i experience conversation anymore, as ive lost a great deal of my friends.  i had my friends and family to support me in years prior, but not really anymore, so im pretty apathetic towards the idea of life.

hope all the other homies in this thread struggling can find some sort of relief, you all deserve it. much respect and much love. from my experience, therapy is fuckin dope, meds are meh but do work for some people, and nicotine fucking blows, so dont cope with that. hope you all can find the peace you rightfully deserve.

in conclusion, dont know why i typed this. this could just be another depressive episode where i wake up the next morning and keep trudging on, or maybe this is it, as im content with the idea of death at this point cause i know im not leaving much behind anymore. i dont know, but what i do know is i love slap. this shit is dope. much love homies.

[donkey]

hey homies, i dont know if this is the right place for this, so kook me as you wish, but i just wanted to rant and get these thoughts out on somewhere nobody in my personal life can check up on me from.

im not looking for pity or sympathy, just the comfort that my words are out in the ether in some way.

i think im damn near giving up. been socially exiled by all my friends, hate my the program im in for university, my rent is being doubled and i cant work more hours due to my school availability, about to lose the scholarship i have for college that keeps me financially afloat because i couldnt do service hours with quarantine, lost the band i poured my heart and soul into over fake accusations, and really have nobody to go to.

just kinda feel like my time on earth is done, ive ran my course, made some good memories, had ups n downs, all the classic shit. just dont really see anything in the future worth living for anymore.

but, i guess i wanted to write this to give a big shoutout to slap. i know theres tons of negativity on here blah blah blah whatever, but there are some real great motherfuckers on here. in the short time i've been here, it has been one of the few ways i experience conversation anymore, as ive lost a great deal of my friends.  i had my friends and family to support me in years prior, but not really anymore, so im pretty apathetic towards the idea of life.

hope all the other homies in this thread struggling can find some sort of relief, you all deserve it. much respect and much love. from my experience, therapy is fuckin dope, meds are meh but do work for some people, and nicotine fucking blows, so dont cope with that. hope you all can find the peace you rightfully deserve.

in conclusion, dont know why i typed this. this could just be another depressive episode where i wake up the next morning and keep trudging on, or maybe this is it, as im content with the idea of death at this point cause i know im not leaving much behind anymore. i dont know, but what i do know is i love slap. this shit is dope. much love homies.

hey man i know it feels like the end but please just remember to see it through. especially if you are young, these feelings are more than likely just temporary, but i can definitely understand how hard it feels and its okay to cope in your own way.

im not sure what immediate things you can do to fix your situations that you have found yourself in, but i promise that it will get better one step at a time. even just breaking your thought pattern with a nice walk outside always helps, and can help you think over things in a different way.

in a few days, months, or even years, you will look back at this point in your life and be glad that you made it through. times like these can really shape your emotional core and provide a type of stability you would have never found if you didn't have to deal with this stuff.

life is a big wave and right now you might be at the bottom of your wave, but give it some time and you will slowly see that you will hit the top again, as long as you make some goals and stick to them. and you're absolutely right about nicotine, that shit sucks and while you think it is providing relief it is only adding more bullshit on top of everything else.

good luck friend and check in soon

[dofrenzy]

Prinzy,

Good on you for reaching out! 

I know how you feel.  PLEASE don’t act on these feelings and thoughts. I understand you are having a difficult time of it.  I know it sucks.  I was lying on the floor of my basement, bawling my eyes out just weeks ago, swearing the world would be so much better without me.  My wife, my young daughters, etc.  I was literally raised to feel this way about myself.  Today I am in hospital, was supposed to get out today but they are keeping me and this morning’s CT scan mentioned possible cancer but they don’t know.  What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

Best thing I can think of right now is to reach out to others.  I hear you on the slap connection too.  Homies on this board are the most real “internet” people I know.  Caring and understanding and a real connection for me.  We all have that “fight or flight” reaction.  Sometimes we want to take flight, I get that for real.  Sleep on it, and a good rest might put some fight back in ya.

With love and compassion,
G
 

[dofrenzy]

@Prinzy just want to say you’ve been in my thoughts a lot today.  Hope you are doing ok friend.

[Sila]

Yo @Prinzy,

I'm not there right now but i've been in that headspace countless times with each time feeling like the final straw, but i'd always decide to sleep another night and see another day. Somebody once mentioned that I should reflect on how many times something happened that made me glad I never took my life and it really put a lot of things in perspective. For instance right now I get to live with my beautiful pets, two months prior to getting my dog I was self harming and basically homeless. Ok this might seem like common sense in some way but it's the little reminders that often give us some perspective to help us keep going.

Please check back in whenever you need and thanks for sharing.

[wilk]

Yes, I have combat related PTSD and been diagnosed a couple years ago with adult ADHD non hyperactive type. It's been rough, I have really bad days and some good days, but as I get older I'm noticing I'm getting worse in some ways and better in other ways, the "experts" tell me PTSD is something that is curable...but from my Vietnam veteran dad, and other older vets I've spoken to who also have combat related PTSD...they tell me the shit never goes away and I'm starting to believe them. I've been in hundreds of hours of counseling, been to groups through the several vaterans affairs I've been enrolled in. Medication, I've tried multiple...but tbh Ritalin has worked the best for me than anything I've been on...idk why, but it just makes me feel normal and not worry about things, actually kills my anxiety while I'm on it, however...the comedown is brutal for me so I had to go off of it, I plan to get back on it whenever I do go back to school. Sleep is a bitch, I hate sleep...I hate bedtime, the night is when I'm the worst because the traumas I went through on deployments were usually at night, so I'm always elevated at night. I haven't had a job in several years, the VA helps me a lot, I'll just say that. But tbh it sucks... because I want to be a "normal" and I don't want to need their help. I deal with severe anxiety, depression, anger outbursts, night terrors, flashback triggers etc. I been through a lot because of my behavior, even went to jail back in 2016 for fighting...charges ended up getting dismissed but I had to do a bunch of classes etc, I was 100% guilty and in the wrong, judge was lenient because it was my first charge and also being a veteran with documented mental health issues, it has fucked my life off though because even though the charges got dismissed the record didn't, and the state it happened in they don't allow expungement, so going to apply for anything that requires a background check it pops up, and then I have to attempt to explain it away to people who just don't fucking understand. I have learned a lot over the years though, and it wasn't easy...had very hard lessons to learn, and learn ways to cope with these physical restrictions I get from my mental issues... breathing techniques and things like that. Keeping a journal helps me, working out and going on runs helps as well. Skateboarding, skating really helps...when I skate, I'm not the type that won't skate if I'm having a bad day...and I'm happy for that because I know there are people who things have to be going well in life for them to step on the board, everything goes away when I step on my board and I'm forced to be totally present into what I'm doing on it...the world goes away for a little bit and so do my problems. Social media, I seen people commenting about that...I naturally don't have an issue with it because I don't bother with it. Tbh, my issues make me really dislike most people and I'm not proud to admit that... I'm not missing friends, I don't want them and I don't like being social, and close family and my girlfriend(probably soon to be ex tbh) have had to deal with some pretty wild shit from me at times, I really am not big on making friends anymore, I choose to be reclusive...a loner and I'm perfectly fine with being introverted, they tell me I'm wrong for that but that's where I feel comfortable currently, they tell me I need to be uncomfortable more to get better...and I've sometimes gotten worse taking their advice. So the things people have issues with concerning Facebook or Instagram and the like, I just don't because I don't care to look, I don't miss it...and when I do go on its only for a couple minutes then I'm off and don't check it again for months. I learned years ago, watching people post how happy they are and how good things are going for them...and that's all they post, so you're getting nothing but that...is bad for me, so I learned to just not care about it and worry about my own shit and making me happy. It's selfish as fuck but hey it's keeping me breathing...I got so many friends from when I was in that ain't made It this far since we been out, that's another reason I don't like going on social like Facebook...I go on there and always finding out who else ain't here anymore. And I gave up on the "hey if anybody needs to talk I'm always here" bs from people I was in with, dudes never stick to that shit...been times I hit people up and they didn't get back to me or didn't know what to say if they did. So I rather keep it clinical, random doctors and nurses who do not know me and have any kind of connection to me other than a medical setting.

[Prinzy]

Sup guys, @sila and @dofrenzy , your guys' responses mean a lot. Apologies for the absence, but have been really avoiding my phone and social media as much as possible, as my presence on slap falls in that category. It's been a tough few days for sure, but sleeping it off Thursday definitely helped. Got to have a pretty productive discussion with my therapist on Friday on what steps to take next with some of the personal matters affecting me right now.

The issues aren't solved yet and I'm far from psyched on life right now, but was able to arrange some shit this week that could potentially lead to some improvement, so I've got my fingers crossed. Like you said @dofrenzy, I'm at the bottom of a wave right now but hopefully I can make some changes to work towards the top again. Felt a bit kooky in the moment to rant on slap about my problems, but in the end it was all I had at the moment to reach out to, so I appreciate you being reciprocating to it, especially when you have your own troubles to deal with.

I really appreciate you following up again @sila, that's mad considerate of you.

You guys are the realest, mad love and respect to both of you.

[dofrenzy]

@Prinzy really appreciate the check in.  I know the kook feeling and I’ve shared some funky shit here in my own low time.  Like you I am grateful for homies being real here.  Good on you for taking a break from social media.  Smart.
Good luck with future planning. 

SHALOM

[boi-cuzudo]

Depression's got a hold of me

[Grind King Rims]

Depression's got a hold of me

Depression? Gotta break free.

[Freelancevagrant]

Expand Quote

Depression's got a hold of me

[close]

Depression? Gotta break free.

Depression’s gonna kill me…

Black flag lyrics aside I figured I’d check back in with the fine folks in this thread and wish you nothing but the best. But I also needed to do some venting. 

Shits been rough lately, I’ve gotten sloppy about missing days taking my meds, I’ve not practiced any self care, and have been a petty vindictive prick to my wife as a result. I’m trying my fucking best, but it feels like I can’t find a god damn balance. That’s bipolar disorder for you.

Then the 4th happened. I fucking hate the 4th. By the end of the day I’m basically catatonic. I have such a hard time being in crowds and the fireworks are really fucking triggering. Not just the sounds, but the visual aspect as well. That shit takes me back to being 19 and on deployment and watching green star clusters and red star clusters being popped. [They are] Flares that signal the start of an ambush or a raid and cease fire. I’m still processing the fourth.

I managed to get through it without any major incident. But it’s one of my wife’s favorite holidays, strictly for the pageantry. I feel a lot of guilt, and I’m afraid she’s beginning to resent me because a lot of the things she loves and enjoys doing, I have a hard time doing or flat out hate. I feel really guilty all the time.

[sproutslide]

Anyone reading this. If you are not severely schizophrenic or psychotic or some shit. Don't take pysch meds.

Doctors don't inform of you of withdrawal/adverse affects when you first take it. Prescribed and my life is ruined months later, Which made me a shell with no sense of humor. Luckily I'm seeing recovery but holy fuck. Why was I ever encouraged to take this? Breathe, Find the small things in life, therapy.

Don't fuck up your brain because of some anxiety or depression. It gets better.

[lemonchicken91]

So my end is near I believe.

The is the basic facts.

My kidneys hurt I got this crazy full body rash I piss funny I've had a lump in my stomach for years and now it's become two side by side.

I've been getting examinations on the stomach lumps for years. They said they felt nothing at first.
 I got angry stopped going till the pain become unbearable.  I've have echos back when I was on methadone. They said it was shit (stool) or "again I feel nothing"

Then one day I had a very low level tech say yeah I feel that. I went back to the Dr. "I don't feel anything John are you ok?."

Now it's become two. It's like a peanut. My friends my ex boyfriend my mother my brother all can feel it but the Dr can not. Once he said it's probably fatty tissue? I'm like whatever. You just said you can't find it.

This is all I have to say.  I'm done talking about it rn....

could be something benign like this?
https://stabmag.com/elsewhere/man-develops-unexplainable-lumps-after-surfing/
https://www.eonline.com/news/1286428/this-patients-medical-mystery-stumped-even-the-botched-doctors

[Brguy]

I've been lashing out on people more and sometimes I don't know if I'm losing it or if some of the people are actually toxic and I'm right in defending myself. It's good to know who's real though, said a bunch of shit to a friend of mine and we're already going camping this weekend, dude got worried but also gets I was just stressed and drunk at the time, no guilt tripping or gaslighting.