SOBRIETY

[hmmoookay]

I got sober in 2015 at the behest of my ex-wife. We split up in the tail end of 2022 and if I’m being honest with myself, I think I only stayed sober through last year out of a hope she would take me back. Now at this point it’s abundantly clear I will never be in her life again and it’s been a serious struggle to not drink myself to death. Everyday is an eternity. But still sober.

My first serious attempt to stay sober, outside of all the little other attempts over the years, was right before my ex and I split up towards the end of 2020. We were together almost 10 years, through almost my whole 20's. To say she and her family were a huge part of my life is an understatement. Anyway, the writing on the wall was there but I knew that my drinking at the very least pushed her away in the end and I was hoping somehow I could show her I was getting it together. Not to get into it too much but she moved states for work so in reality she wasn't seeing that I was trying, even if I tried to show it from afar, the damage was done.

3 years and some change on and I'll be honest that first year removed from that relationship pulled me right back in to the same old habits. You've got more sober years than I, so I know you know this, but going back again for another year just amplified that pain I was feeling and was definitely not worth it. Sobriety continues to teach me lessons about letting the world happen around you, staying focused on what you can control, and all of that was stripped away from me when I kept going off the wagon. Do I miss that person I was around for so long? Absolutely. But the reality now is that we have both changed and quite frankly I don't recognize who she even is anymore, at least from afar. I kind of take comfort in that now, but it took time for sure, and I hope you find the same kind of solace soon.

[NoComply180]

I got sober in 2015 at the behest of my ex-wife. We split up in the tail end of 2022 and if I’m being honest with myself, I think I only stayed sober through last year out of a hope she would take me back. Now at this point it’s abundantly clear I will never be in her life again and it’s been a serious struggle to not drink myself to death. Everyday is an eternity. But still sober.

fuck man. I can’t imagine how difficult shit must be for you right now. I don’t have any advice, just hope you can stay strong.

[Freelancevagrant]

@hmmoookay I’m in a kind of similar situation. We got together when I was 23, got married a year or so later, bought a house in may of 2022, and on my 32nd birthday in October, it all imploded. She had a boyfriend before the year was up. There’s a lot more to it but it’s besides the point, ya know?

I’ve thought a lot about what would happen if I start drinking again. I’m well aware it’s a zero sum game, and essentially just long form, passive, suicide. Which, if we’re keeping it a buck, is admittedly appealing in some ways. But for now, at least for today, gotta stay sober because who knows what tomorrow brings. Maybe Kat Dennings gonna slide into my dm’s and I’ll finally land a tre tres hahah

@NoComply180 big love homie. Greatly appreciated my dude. It hasn’t been all doom and gloom, and I’ve enjoyed getting to do whatever I want to but there’s times where it gets real dark, and I’d give anything back to have what I lost.

[Coastal Fever]

Massive respect, Freelance.  Might not feel like it, but you’re killing it right now by staying booze free.  33 is young, and there’s definitely buttery tricks and bangin babes in your future if you keep taking care of yourself.  Sending you all the good vibes.

[NoComply180]

Man, I feel like brain is starting to play catch up on 15+ years of not fully processing emotions/experiences/feelings. Can be a bit overwhelming. Really realizing just how much booze shaped my life in ways I didn’t realize, even when it was just a weekends thing in college and what not. Kinda questioning my life a lot.


On a positive note - all the above doesn’t make me want to drink.

[Peter Zagreus]

Strength and love to all the pals dealing with the psychological/emotional challenges that come with sobriety, but I have a question relating to the "lower" faculties:

Anybody else deal with digestive issues after they stopped drinking? I'm a couple of months into sobriety and I've gone from taking substantial dumps just about every day (when I was drinking regularly) to taking these meager little half-shits now that I'm sober. My diet isn't terrible or particularly low on fiber and I probably eat more now that I'm not worried about trying to balance my booze and food calories, but my shits are just not there. I'm not experiencing any pain or constipation per se, but it's like my digestive system is on low battery mode or recalibrating or something. Idk what to think.

[NoComply180]

Strength and love to all the pals dealing with the psychological/emotional challenges that come with sobriety, but I have a question relating to the "lower" faculties:

Anybody else deal with digestive issues after they stopped drinking? I'm a couple of months into sobriety and I've gone from taking substantial dumps just about every day (when I was drinking regularly) to taking these meager little half-shits now that I'm sober. My diet isn't terrible or particularly low on fiber and I probably eat more now that I'm not worried about trying to balance my booze and food calories, but my shits are just not there. I'm not experiencing any pain or constipation per se, but it's like my digestive system is on low battery mode or recalibrating or something. Idk what to think.

drinking gave me diarrhea for the last 5+ years of it - a week or so into sobriety I had my first solid, satisfying tree trunk breaking off in my ass kind of dump in years.

[Freelancevagrant]

Can vouch for the above. I’ve got ulcerative colitis, which the booze definitely exacerbated, but I’ll never forget passing a fucking duraflame log when I first dried out.

[type]

I did have a lapse of judgment yesterday, I havent been on the darkweb since I got sober but yesterday i hopped on to see what was up with it. Sure enough different markets are now the new thing, and the only thing stopping me from ordering xanax and heroin was that I dont have any money. When I got sober I also stopped selling drugs so Ive been broke ever since.

I kinda fear for when I get a job Im just gonna fall right back into addiction. In some ways I feel like im staying broke just so I can stay sober.

[type]

Also have been getting some teeth pulled at a couple of places and apparently they stopped giving prescriptions to painkillers for afterword, I remember before this whole opiod crisis getting painkillers for a pulled tooth no problem now I guess theyre scared to.

[Sleazy]

@Freelancevagrant sorry to hear. that's one of the hardest situations in life to deal with. sending you good vibes

[Xen]

I'll be 3 years sober in May. Like smoking, one day I just said no more (however this was after making the switch to tequila only, no yummy bourbon or wine, as I felt it would help me taper off).

I also had to friends that were bad and enablers, I cut them out of my life.

Clarity, focus energy, lowered blood pressure (mine goes thru the fucking roof when I drink) lost weight/got ripped, not tired at the gym, can skate more/whenever the homies txt - saves.so.much.money (money I put into getting my bloodwork done and levels adjusted).

I miss it when I'm bored and socializing (all my drinking friends all but dropped off, never get invites out anymore, fuck them anyway I drank when bored so I tried to fill those gaps....I'd go skate or play more games, read, do a bit more work, whatever instead of drinking and watching fucking shows....I drank, varying amounts 6pm - 10pm that was the window (I wasn't cracking box wine at 2pm until the pandemic, full bottles of everything were going down too easy that's what pushed me to stop - I

Boredom and anxiety, it helped me GET to sleep but the sleep was shit. I, too, use sleepy time tea (extra, with valerian) as well as these: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BWPKRMV2?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details, all in addition to some doctor prescribed theanine mixes...oh and I also love LOVE caffeine (so even more anxiety); I still do coffee and green tea, but usually for pre-workouts (ditched energy drinks and pre-workout supps) and not first thing in the morning.

It's hard, but keep at it you can do it - it's takes massive balls to admit there is a problem, let alone come on here and voice that out in the open. If *I* can do it, you can too. Go you - I am proud of you.

[fakiefs180]

I did have a lapse of judgment yesterday, I havent been on the darkweb since I got sober but yesterday i hopped on to see what was up with it. Sure enough different markets are now the new thing, and the only thing stopping me from ordering xanax and heroin was that I dont have any money. When I got sober I also stopped selling drugs so Ive been broke ever since.

I kinda fear for when I get a job Im just gonna fall right back into addiction. In some ways I feel like im staying broke just so I can stay sober.

Will xanax and heroin improve anything in your life? Why do you think, that you need it? I think you already came a long way being sober, why do you wanna destroy it all again? No judgement mate, we are with you and all fight our battles. We have to be stronger as the demons.

[Fishhb]

9 years free of alcohol and hard drugs and 6 weeks free from weed for me

[type]

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I did have a lapse of judgment yesterday, I havent been on the darkweb since I got sober but yesterday i hopped on to see what was up with it. Sure enough different markets are now the new thing, and the only thing stopping me from ordering xanax and heroin was that I dont have any money. When I got sober I also stopped selling drugs so Ive been broke ever since.

I kinda fear for when I get a job Im just gonna fall right back into addiction. In some ways I feel like im staying broke just so I can stay sober.

[close]

Will xanax and heroin improve anything in your life? Why do you think, that you need it? I think you already came a long way being sober, why do you wanna destroy it all again? No judgement mate, we are with you and all fight our battles. We have to be stronger as the demons.

I really just want to improve my mood. Nothing defeats depression better than a hit of heroin, nothing gets me out of my own head like a xanax. Trying to self medicate. Its just been rough having to learn how to live with this depression ive always had, on top of that I take anti psychotics that leave me like a lifeless zombie. Its tough inside my head. Really I just have to stay off the markets to not get tempted.

[NoComply180]

9 years free of alcohol and hard drugs and 6 weeks free from weed for me

congrats dude that’s major! What made you decide to quit weed too?

@type depression sucks. I hope you stay strong and clean. Nothing good comes from the dark web.



Without alcohol, I’m losing a little bit of weight and taking better care of my health issues that have caused chronic pain and kept me from doing many things that I love, including skating. I haven’t skated since July 2021. I think when I hit 2 months (march 1) I’m going to reward myself with a new complete and see if I can push around. Shit, even if I can’t yet maybe I can buttboard around my neighborhood. There’s some kids on bikes who I see around, maybe they’ll accept a limping 30 something into their crew.

[Fishhb]

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9 years free of alcohol and hard drugs and 6 weeks free from weed for me

[close]

congrats dude that’s major! What made you decide to quit weed too?

@type depression sucks. I hope you stay strong and clean. Nothing good comes from the dark web.



Without alcohol, I’m losing a little bit of weight and taking better care of my health issues that have caused chronic pain and kept me from doing many things that I love, including skating. I haven’t skated since July 2021. I think when I hit 2 months (march 1) I’m going to reward myself with a new complete and see if I can push around. Shit, even if I can’t yet maybe I can buttboard around my neighborhood. There’s some kids on bikes who I see around, maybe they’ll accept a limping 30 something into their crew.

Thanks I really appreciate the support my problem is I can’t do anything I’m moderation I got a two year old and another on the way and I just don’t want them to grow up around my substance abuse issues. So I just replace my unhealthy addiction’s with healthier ones like skating and surfing but I really just want to be a good dad and set good examples

[NoComply180]

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9 years free of alcohol and hard drugs and 6 weeks free from weed for me

[close]

congrats dude that’s major! What made you decide to quit weed too?

@type depression sucks. I hope you stay strong and clean. Nothing good comes from the dark web.



Without alcohol, I’m losing a little bit of weight and taking better care of my health issues that have caused chronic pain and kept me from doing many things that I love, including skating. I haven’t skated since July 2021. I think when I hit 2 months (march 1) I’m going to reward myself with a new complete and see if I can push around. Shit, even if I can’t yet maybe I can buttboard around my neighborhood. There’s some kids on bikes who I see around, maybe they’ll accept a limping 30 something into their crew.

[close]

Thanks I really appreciate the support my problem is I can’t do anything I’m moderation I got a two year old and another on the way and I just don’t want them to grow up around my substance abuse issues. So I just replace my unhealthy addiction’s with healthier ones like skating and surfing but I really just want to be a good dad and set good examples

Hell yeah, what a great move on your part for you and your kiddos. Smart man.

[Fishhb]

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I did have a lapse of judgment yesterday, I havent been on the darkweb since I got sober but yesterday i hopped on to see what was up with it. Sure enough different markets are now the new thing, and the only thing stopping me from ordering xanax and heroin was that I dont have any money. When I got sober I also stopped selling drugs so Ive been broke ever since.

I kinda fear for when I get a job Im just gonna fall right back into addiction. In some ways I feel like im staying broke just so I can stay sober.

[close]

Will xanax and heroin improve anything in your life? Why do you think, that you need it? I think you already came a long way being sober, why do you wanna destroy it all again? No judgement mate, we are with you and all fight our battles. We have to be stronger as the demons.

[close]

I really just want to improve my mood. Nothing defeats depression better than a hit of heroin, nothing gets me out of my own head like a xanax. Trying to self medicate. Its just been rough having to learn how to live with this depression ive always had, on top of that I take anti psychotics that leave me like a lifeless zombie. Its tough inside my head. Really I just have to stay off the markets to not get tempted.

Hey man I’ve been in your shoes and everything theses substances improve only mask the problem and just dig you deeper in that hole try focusing on the other things that make you feel good like skating you can beat this

[hmmoookay]

This far into my sobriety I have generally been able to kind of just accept life on life's terms and try to smile and continue forward. That doesn't mean I haven't had bad days and all that, but I'm pretty sure I had some kind of dissociative / anxiety attack last night. Long story short, I have had a pretty stressful couple weeks at work, which culminated Friday after an email from another employee, kind of questioning my job performance (really generalized way of putting it, worth mentioning this person is not my boss or has any actionable power over me) and despite doing my job very fucking well for 5 years now it really, really got to me. Friday was the first time I had to seriously sit with myself and tell myself that any escape was not worth it (for me that would be drinking). #1, I cant believe I let someones opinion, as short sighted as it is, get to me like that. But I have a feeling that was just the cherry on top so I cant blame them 100% but #2, this was a serious reminder that no matter how positive I can try to be, none of us are immune to the intrusive thoughts of times gone by where our past selves would have just poured gasoline all over our emotions.

I'm feeling better today, good enough at least. I did reach out to some close friends not so much to say "hey, I'm worried about drinking" but just giving them a similar rundown of the situation so they were at least aware I was pretty fucking stressed out. Those folks would know how to talk me down if need be. Anyway I just kind of wanted to get that off my chest a bit. Last night was really weird and (hopefully) just the tail end of a stressful period of time. I was questioning my entire life choices, felt so hopeless and lost, I truly don't want to feel those things again given how sure I am that I'm doing the best that I can, but we all know how unpredictable life is so that's an unrealistic expectation.

Thankful for this thread to be able to spell things out, much love y'all.

[Fishhb]

This far into my sobriety I have generally been able to kind of just accept life on life's terms and try to smile and continue forward. That doesn't mean I haven't had bad days and all that, but I'm pretty sure I had some kind of dissociative / anxiety attack last night. Long story short, I have had a pretty stressful couple weeks at work, which culminated Friday after an email from another employee, kind of questioning my job performance (really generalized way of putting it, worth mentioning this person is not my boss or has any actionable power over me) and despite doing my job very fucking well for 5 years now it really, really got to me. Friday was the first time I had to seriously sit with myself and tell myself that any escape was not worth it (for me that would be drinking). #1, I cant believe I let someones opinion, as short sighted as it is, get to me like that. But I have a feeling that was just the cherry on top so I cant blame them 100% but #2, this was a serious reminder that no matter how positive I can try to be, none of us are immune to the intrusive thoughts of times gone by where our past selves would have just poured gasoline all over our emotions.

I'm feeling better today, good enough at least. I did reach out to some close friends not so much to say "hey, I'm worried about drinking" but just giving them a similar rundown of the situation so they were at least aware I was pretty fucking stressed out. Those folks would know how to talk me down if need be. Anyway I just kind of wanted to get that off my chest a bit. Last night was really weird and (hopefully) just the tail end of a stressful period of time. I was questioning my entire life choices, felt so hopeless and lost, I truly don't want to feel those things again given how sure I am that I'm doing the best that I can, but we all know how unpredictable life is so that's an unrealistic expectation.

Thankful for this thread to be able to spell things out, much love y'all.

I had someone tell me when i first quit drinking “it gets easier but it never get easy” I think things like this remind up how fragile things are and kinda helps keep us on track the day I think I got it beat is the day I start drinking again. Good luck out there

[Kook Me Amadeus]

10 months of not drinking for health reasons and it’s surprising how all cravings are gone.  Impressed by how adaptable the human mind/body is.  Mostly just about declining it in situations when it’s offered.  I used to explain, but now I just say ‘no thanks’ and it’s not a big deal. 

[hmmoookay]

Expand Quote

This far into my sobriety I have generally been able to kind of just accept life on life's terms and try to smile and continue forward. That doesn't mean I haven't had bad days and all that, but I'm pretty sure I had some kind of dissociative / anxiety attack last night. Long story short, I have had a pretty stressful couple weeks at work, which culminated Friday after an email from another employee, kind of questioning my job performance (really generalized way of putting it, worth mentioning this person is not my boss or has any actionable power over me) and despite doing my job very fucking well for 5 years now it really, really got to me. Friday was the first time I had to seriously sit with myself and tell myself that any escape was not worth it (for me that would be drinking). #1, I cant believe I let someones opinion, as short sighted as it is, get to me like that. But I have a feeling that was just the cherry on top so I cant blame them 100% but #2, this was a serious reminder that no matter how positive I can try to be, none of us are immune to the intrusive thoughts of times gone by where our past selves would have just poured gasoline all over our emotions.

I'm feeling better today, good enough at least. I did reach out to some close friends not so much to say "hey, I'm worried about drinking" but just giving them a similar rundown of the situation so they were at least aware I was pretty fucking stressed out. Those folks would know how to talk me down if need be. Anyway I just kind of wanted to get that off my chest a bit. Last night was really weird and (hopefully) just the tail end of a stressful period of time. I was questioning my entire life choices, felt so hopeless and lost, I truly don't want to feel those things again given how sure I am that I'm doing the best that I can, but we all know how unpredictable life is so that's an unrealistic expectation.

Thankful for this thread to be able to spell things out, much love y'all.

[close]

I had someone tell me when i first quit drinking “it gets easier but it never get easy” I think things like this remind up how fragile things are and kinda helps keep us on track the day I think I got it beat is the day I start drinking again. Good luck out there

Yep, I definitely subscribe to all the cliches, they're cliche for a reason after all. But when things are going "well" it's can be easy to forget, you know? Good luck to you too Pal, feelin' much better today. Thankful.

[hmmoookay]

10 months of not drinking for health reasons and it’s surprising how all cravings are gone.  Impressed by how adaptable the human mind/body is.  Mostly just about declining it in situations when it’s offered.  I used to explain, but now I just say ‘no thanks’ and it’s not a big deal.

Congrats! It's nice to be able to just say "no" and have that be an acceptable response for most people.

[fakiefs180]

6 years sober today. The first 2 years were rough. Especially the first 6 months, I felt overwhelmed a lot from all the suppressed emotions all the years before. But I had much more energy after those 6 months. I felt really lost for the first month and I needed some structure and things to do. Skating, drawing, video games, going on dates and coffee all helped. It all felt lame and boring compared to party but it also felt good to take a slower pace and see how good life is already. It is still what you make of it, you just need to have a plan I think. It was the best decision in my life, especially if I now see the people I used to hang around back then. They haven't stopped in the last 6 years and things got worse for them. But that is another topic, maybe they are happy with the life they live and don't expect or want much more from it. But enough of that, I don't want to judge them. Neither am I in the right to do so. I am happy that I was able to break out of that cycle and find other things in life that make me happy. I still feel bad how I treated the people around me and how I made people sad or angry. Only thinking about myself and getting high or drunk was all that mattered to me. But I also don't wanted to end up as the 40 something year old who never took responsibilities for anything in his life. Still trying to be a better person everyday. The only thing that never fully got away is my aversion of people. Too much, too loud, too annoying but I try to be better with that. There are still some rough days nowadays but it is better to deal with any emotions instead of swallowing them. At the very least you can still say fuck you to stupid people and avoid them. I think that’s all I had in my head half the day and I am happy we have this place here to talk/write about stuff.

You can all kick the bad habits and create a better life for you if you want. Yes, it will suck in the beginning and it won't be easy. But that is still better as being homeless, mentally ill or dead.

Send me a message if any of you make it here and wanna skate some crusty spots. Or if you just want to talk or get stuff of your chest, my DMs are always open. Much love from Berlin pals.

[NoComply180]

6 years sober today. The first 2 years were rough. Especially the first 6 months, I felt overwhelmed a lot from all the suppressed emotions all the years before. But I had much more energy after those 6 months. I felt really lost for the first month and I needed some structure and things to do. Skating, drawing, video games, going on dates and coffee all helped. It all felt lame and boring compared to party but it also felt good to take a slower pace and see how good life is already. It is still what you make of it, you just need to have a plan I think. It was the best decision in my life, especially if I now see the people I used to hang around back then. They haven't stopped in the last 6 years and things got worse for them. But that is another topic, maybe they are happy with the life they live and don't expect or want much more from it. But enough of that, I don't want to judge them. Neither am I in the right to do so. I am happy that I was able to break out of that cycle and find other things in life that make me happy. I still feel bad how I treated the people around me and how I made people sad or angry. Only thinking about myself and getting high or drunk was all that mattered to me. But I also don't wanted to end up as the 40 something year old who never took responsibilities for anything in his life. Still trying to be a better person everyday. The only thing that never fully got away is my aversion of people. Too much, too loud, too annoying but I try to be better with that. There are still some rough days nowadays but it is better to deal with any emotions instead of swallowing them. At the very least you can still say fuck you to stupid people and avoid them. I think that’s all I had in my head half the day and I am happy we have this place here to talk/write about stuff.

You can all kick the bad habits and create a better life for you if you want. Yes, it will suck in the beginning and it won't be easy. But that is still better as being homeless, mentally ill or dead.

Send me a message if any of you make it here and wanna skate some crusty spots. Or if you just want to talk or get stuff of your chest, my DMs are always open. Much love from Berlin pals.

congrats man! Stoked on you for having gotten out of the cycle of harm for yourself.

The suppressed emotions coming out really resonate with me. It’s mostly good but also very overwhelming and a ton to process.

[type]

I think im done skating for good. Like drugs it just feels like something I need to move forward from. I skated from kindergarten till 32 non stop, all I have to show for is im kinda good at skating. Maybe because drugs and skating were so intertwined for me, I never piled out and stopped skating, I would do drugs and skate, my favorite combo. I kinda feel at this point I can only skate if im high. Thats all I cared about was drugs and skating.

Really Im just ready to move forward with my life and focus on the things I never focused on like getting a career and a relationship. Disability denied my claim and I dont feel like appealing it, Im just ready to start moving forward and skating just isnt important to me anymore.

I dunno, maybe Ill just take a break and revisit it in the future, I think it would maybe be fun relearning stuff in the future.

Im just at that point that im over it, I dont feel bad about it either it is what is.

[Coastal Fever]

Skating until 32 without quitting is next level commitment.  There’s absolutely zero shame in putting it down to see what else life has to offer.  It can actually feel quite freeing and refreshing.  Skating will always be there when you want it.  Work, relationships and other hobbies might give you a whole new sense of control and confidence that skating doesn’t. 

I stopped playing music when I got sober because it felt awkward and wasn’t fun anymore without getting a buzz on.  No regrets, I found new fulfilling ways to spend my time.

[RembrantQeinstein]

I think im done skating for good. Like drugs it just feels like something I need to move forward from. I skated from kindergarten till 32 non stop, all I have to show for is im kinda good at skating. Maybe because drugs and skating were so intertwined for me, I never piled out and stopped skating, I would do drugs and skate, my favorite combo. I kinda feel at this point I can only skate if im high. Thats all I cared about was drugs and skating.

Really Im just ready to move forward with my life and focus on the things I never focused on like getting a career and a relationship. Disability denied my claim and I dont feel like appealing it, Im just ready to start moving forward and skating just isnt important to me anymore.

I dunno, maybe Ill just take a break and revisit it in the future, I think it would maybe be fun relearning stuff in the future.

Im just at that point that im over it, I dont feel bad about it either it is what is.

Maybe you’ll eventually come back to it in a different way.  Cruise or skate bowls or whatever you haven’t done, but I totally get where you are coming from. 
I really think that is what separates people is the willingness to take on new ways of being in the world.
Not everyone is willing to do that. 
Respect.

[type]

Trust me Im not worried about that shit, it just haunts my dreams