I'm just all sorts of fucked up, I can't get it together and although stable, still live in a world of crisis and uncertainty, essentially drifting lost amongst the sea of life... I just can't take any of this seriously and the obsessive compulsion of ideation enters my thoughts as soon as anything becomes critical. I just don't know what to do anymore, should I just dispossess everything I have and worked for? Move to some kind of shack in the woods and live off the land until the day comes that I walk into the forest and never come back? Finally return to the Earth and let the animals and microorganisms continue the perpetual cycles of death and rebirth? I just don't know what to do anymore and it's partly my own doing, partly genetics and partly environment, some things were within my control and some weren't, with the parts that weren't sending me down a psychological path that is extremely difficult to find your way out of. I'm scared, scared all the time, of the unknowns, of how I can make it to tomorrow and what it holds. While decades of extensive therapy have helped at times, I feel trapped in my current situation and don't know if I have the strength to get out of it, it's very psychologically gripping and very co-dependent. The potential of having the things I love taken away from me has kept me here too long and I just find myself in a real bind. I fear the psychological issues will never subside, the obsession will never go away and just feel generally hopeless in regards to my actual self, feeling as if I wasn't built for this life. We keep these kind of things inside of us, maybe afraid of the taboo and stigma, maybe afraid to admit how bad it really is or not wanting to feel vulnerable, but I'm not one to really sugarcoat these kind of matters and don't mind speaking openly about the struggles that I have, even though I often don't feel worthy as there are people and populations in this world whose struggles make my own look extremely manageable. But I understand at the same time that we are all individuals with our own experiences and what may be hard for me might be easier for some and vice-versa.
In regards to feelings of rejection and validation, I don't know the exact answer to that and suffer from similar reactionary feelings. Reframing the paradigm of reaction could potentially help or just going through with the task or project that you are seeking to accomplish regardless of the external validation. But that is a complicated situation with a complicated answer, as again, we are all unique to a degree. I've built my entire adult life around validation, so ultimately I'm probably not the best person to answer this, as the rejection by my mother and her choice to put her relationship with her partner above the welfare of her child and subsequently letting said partner abuse her child set my me down a long path of seeking validation from female figures in my life.
Topic: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread (Read 75833 times)