I know other people have a lot of stuff going on in this thread and I'm not trying to take away from any of that or be selfish by any means, but I've actually been going through some stuff for about a month and I really don't know where else to turn or what to do. I'll start by saying I have an appointment to get started with grief counseling already set up, but due to everything that's been happening and the wait time it takes to get into the counseling center, I still have to wait another week. For me what is going on is incredibly personal and even though others have posted many personal things here, I have not wanted to post about these things due to how much they mean to me... But I'll get started and I'm sorry if this is long or makes anyone bummed... I'll try to explain as best I can and maybe someone can have something decent to say. I could use hearing something good. Thank you if you read or reply.
At the beginning of August my 16 year old cat that I raised since he was a baby and I absolutely loved with all my heart passed away. He started to get sick in July and I did literally everything that I could to help him. To me he was my child. I'll skip the details about him being sick and all the time I spent on my hands and knees giving him medicine and feeding him chopped up liquid wet food for a month, because it's all pretty depressing and I don't want to put that kind of stuff in anyone's head.
Some back story that is important to all of this, is that my girlfriend of 6 years that I lived with 5 years and I couldn't have children. We raised our 2 cats as our kids, as I'm sure many other couples that cannot have children do. We loved them both very much and our home was a very happy one. She helped to raise my cat for 6 years. She helped many times when he would get sick. She loved him and he loved her. I helped to raise her kitty that she brought when she moved in. Her kitty was only about 1 year to 1 and half years old when we started dating, so he's basically my baby too...
After a month of being sick my kitty had to be taken to the emergency animal hospital 50 miles away at 1am. It was his last night in physical form.
The loss was and is an unbearable one for me. Our bond was absolutely true. Many things in my life have not been easy for me. He was always there though. I always put him first for 16 years. When I drank years ago and didn't even take great care of myself, he still always came first. He always had the best food, toys, playtime, doctor visit, attention, anything he ever needed. He was my number one.
I met my girlfriend 6 years ago in August and we fell very in love. We both had cats. We were both kind of weirdos. We both worked. Found out we had been living less than 3 blocks away from each other for over a year and then we finally met randomly at the gas station. She didn't drink a lot and I was a rock bottom drinker at the time we met. I mean morning, afternoon, and night drunk. I am ashamed to admit that about myself, I think I've mentioned it in the old dude thread years ago though. After about 2 months of dating, her and I quit drinking completely. Typing those words make me miss her. I had to take my glasses off to actually tear...
She moved into my place after less than a year of dating. I supported her rent free for 5 years so she could work and pay off student loans. She bought the groceries and cooked. I paid for everything else. Every major household repair anything we needed, I got us. Never asked for anything.
We lived together for 5 years building our home and lives together raising our little furry dudes. Barely any fights. Both sober. No abuse. No cheating. No lies.
The week after my cat passed away was pretty rough for me. I took my vacation time from work and went skating a few times real early in the morning by myself to just get clear in the head. We made an appointment with my tattoo artist to get a little something to remember our boy. My grief was pretty bad. She seemed to not be very effected by the loss and extra focused on her job. Kinda odd to me. She loved my cat and he loved her and for every 3 pictures of him, there is one of her and him. Don't really know why she's not really feeling the loss. Still don't know what's going on with her.
One week and 3 days after my cat passed, her and I had a verbal fight on a Sunday morning. Basically I'm kind of questioning why she's not really very bummed, now remember her and I cannot have children the cats are our kids... We kind of both say a bunch of shitty stuff and she's just going on and on about her job and how important it is to focus on work. Her job is good, but far from what she makes it out to be. I've always supported her with every work decision she's had to make. Even if it meant less time for us, I never told her not to do something. She leaves for a few hours to go to her Dad's so we can both cool off. Her Dad, who never paid for anything for us in 6 years together 5 years living together. I took care of her. Something goes wrong with her car, our home, or at work, or she needs $10 for lunch or gas, needs shoes, the cat's always have food, toys, doctor visits, I take care of it. She comes home from her Dad's. Everything is good. We chill, talk, eat, watch Suits, have desert. Seems pretty good.
One week and 4 days after my cat passed away. Monday morning. We wake up it's the first day that I really felt like I could start to move on with my grief. My mom and girlfriend both told me I was the best cat daddy and did absolutely everything a human could do to help him... If the 2 most important women in my life are telling me this, it must be true. My girlfriend kissed me goodbye and left for work. We were joking about our kitty that's still alive eating all the birthday cake she made for her co-worker and was taking to work that day. He didn't really eat the cake. While she's at work I do the laundry, take care of our other cat, and clean. I called my physician that day to make an appointment to get the ball rolling on seeing a therapist for grief counseling. I am so excited to talk to my girlfriend when she calls me on her way home from work like she does everyday. I wanted to tell her how I was feeling positive about things and even made and appointment with my doctor about getting some help to deal with my grief.
She calls after work. 5 minute phone call. She says she's never coming home and we are done. She says we have grown apart and want different things. She says I can keep her cat because she doesn't want me to not have anything. A couple nights later I get a string of very generic texts from her explaining everything. It literally sounds like she asked Siri what to type. She won't answer any calls. I text her my whole heart and tell her that as long as we stick together like we always have since we met, that things are gonna be ok. A day later I get one 25 minute phone call so she can say that she's read my texts and it's still over. The next week or so I get some texts here and there about when she can get her stuff. And that's pretty much how it is.
6 years together. I never hit her. Not even on the Sunday that we had our only really bad fight, so please do not say that I had to have hit her or anything like that for her to act this way. I never cheated. I never, not even once lied to her about anything. We literally always had fun and were happy. She never paid rent in 5 years. I supported many things she wanted to do or liked to do, even if I had zero interest in them. I always gave her positive advice and there have been many times she has needed it. I absolutely loved her. After all of that. I got one 5 minute phone call, some very odd texts, one 25 minute phone call, and a few texts so she can pick up her things.
The overall summary of her explanations is that she loves her job and needs to do that without any relationship. She works 35 hours a week and commutes 2 minutes?
Her mother did leave her, her sister, and father for a guy she met online when chat rooms and stuff first existed like 20 years ago. Maybe that's why she is the way she is.
I don't know. She won't talk to me. I miss my cat very much and my girlfriend leaving like she did kind of majorly messed up the grief of my cat for me. I miss my girlfriend completely also. So basically I'm kind of fucked. I can't really eat or sleep well. I don't even want to skate. I have an appointment for the counselor in a week. It is going to be a fucking insanely long week though. I do have my mom and few good friends that I keep in touch and skate with to talk to.
I know other SLAP family members have lost friends, family, jobs, all that. I am in no way trying to make my situation seem bigger or more important. For me right now though going through all of this kind of alone, it seems and feels pretty awful. If anyone on here ever asked me for help and it was something I knew more about than they did, or thought I could help, I'd be there. Maybe some of my four wheeled brothers have something to say that makes sense. I'm having a hard time making sense of things. If you want to reply please don't make fun of me. If you want to ask me something. I'll reply. I may not be the most popular poster on SLAP, truth is, I'm just not as interesting as some of you dudes. I'm just some boring old dude with a giant heart and right now it's very broken.
Thanks dudes or chicks if chicks post here too.
-Doughboy
Topic: Things You Are Not Stoked On (Read 1895880 times)