Keep your chin up Doughboy. My condolences on the loss of your cat.
Next week on the 20th, it will be 9 years since one of our cats died. She was 11. I still carry a ton of guilt and self loathing over her death. I was a piece of shit alcoholic cokehead at the time. Completely selfish. Anyone could see this cat was not doing well. Really lethargic and having trouble breathing. I just kept putting off taking her to the vet. Until that morning when I woke up to the wife screaming that she was dead. It was the worst day of my life. Before and since then, I've had to deal with losing my dad, little brother and 2 good friends. But losing that cat was still the roughest. She was my child, and I let her die. If it was a human, I'd be in jail, rightfully so. At least you did all you could.
3 years ago, that cat's sister passed away. She was 17. It was sad of course. But not nearly as devastating. I did all the right things this time.
Regarding the girl, I wanted to say something similar to G.I.S.M. and Dwarf that you can't really judge someone on grief levels. It's not a contest. But for her to leave you at such a low point maybe just means that its not meant to be. You know the sayings. "when the going gets rough" "in sickness and in health". The people who are by your side at those points are the true friends and loved ones. When I'm at my lowest, my wife turns into a super woman and really takes care of me. We've been together just shy of 20 years now. And like you, no kids, the cats are our babies. If you're really meant to be with this girl, she'll come back. If not, there is someone better out there for you. At least you still have one cat to keep you company.
Thank you very much for the condolences. I deeply appreciate it.
Thank you so much for sharing all of that. I'm very sorry about the kitties you have lost. I would imagine writing some of the things you shared were tough for you to type out or maybe you're just super open, or just a good dude trying to give some words that may help another dude. Regardless, thank you very much. I too have lost family members and quite a few friends, but my cat is just the toughest thing ever for me. I raised him, I protected him, fed him, spent everyday for 16 years with him. I miss him so very much. He was super healthy and happy right before he got sick. He had a great check up in February and I really thought he had 2 more years. Once he got sick though in July, he got really bad really fast. So it is all still very shocking to me.
I definitely had my questions about how the girl was or wasn't feeling about the loss. A lot of what I probably wanted to express to her wasn't coming out of my mouth and brain as well as I would have liked, due to just the shock and crippling pain I was going through with the loss. When he got sick I pretty much just stopped everything else I was doing to be available full time for him and make sure he got all his medicines and foods when he needed them. Giving 6-8 syringes of oral medicine or food to an animal and having to spread it out every couple hours takes a lot of time and love. I would have done more if it would have helped. The cats are our kids, I'll do anything for them. There was some stuff going on with the girl during the time our dude was sick that kind of made me start to question her support and level of care. I think that is what led up to me kind of starting the grief contest after his passing. I'm not even going to get into it cause it's a very long story, even though Doughboy obviously likes typing long stories. Even if it fully explains things so that others can understand a bit better why I had the questions I had, so much has already happened that saying more won't change anything.
I would very very much like her to come back. I've gotten to a point that I am willing to look past her leaving when and like she did. I have an unconditional love for her and I'm willing to take the blame for anything I need to and change in anyway that would maybe help us to have the goodness back... The overall reality of the situation is that she is probably not coming back and just wasn't the person I thought she was. It sucks to say that, but as the days go on it's proving to be more true. It's a big world and I have a big heart and if she doesn't want that anymore, there has to be someone awesome out there that will.
I am hoping after some proper eating and sleeping I can get to skate again and get to the place that I want to be. I want to be a happy about my cat's life and the time we had instead of sad about his death and the time we don't have.
I'm gonna work my hardest to give the other kitty dude I have the life he deserves. One full of love, food, safety, toys, good times, and happiness.
Thank you very much for the words handsclapanin.
Thanks to all you dudes. I was struggling bad and still am. You have all made that struggle slightly less though. I am grateful.
Topic: Things You Are Not Stoked On (Read 1898121 times)