I don't have anything too crazy compared to these other ones on here especially after reading the ladyboy story. I just got done regaining air supply from laughing so fucking hard.
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A good 2-3 times of a shit covered dick from anal with this cougar, who I still bang. She refuses to use enemas and sometimes shit happens, it comes with the territory. I quickly had to grab 3 sheets of Kleenex, and wrap it around my schlong while I ran downstairs naked and immediately began scrubbing the shit out of it with soap and a washcloth in the tub. I went through like three different washcloths to make sure there was no trace and when I got home took a full shower and scrubbed it again.
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This one's not really awkward but just a once in a lifetime experience. Back in high school I was dating this chick who was known by pretty much everyone as a super whore, but I was stupid and didn't care. She wasn't that bad looking. Anyway, one Saturday her mom lets me come over to stay the night (no daddy in this chick's life) and we get a campfire going in the evening. She invites some of her other dirty whore friends over that live across the street and we all get high and drunk. By the end of the night we end up in her room, she planned it so her mom would be asleep by the time we banged. However, since she's a super whore her mom knew it was coming and decided to check on us while I'm balls deep in her cunt. Makes me get out of her room but doesn't kick me out, just makes me sleep on the living room couch. One of her whore friends didn't make it home and wakes up to me getting comfy on the couch, and immediately gives me this look like, "let's fucking do this". I hit that shit till the sun came up and emptied my balls until nothing came out. Thank God for whores, I'll never forget that night.
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Here's my ender. So a long time ago, I was working at a smoothie place in the mall and had to walk out in front of the cash registers to stock chips and snacks. This dirty mall slut that I always saw walking around is talking to some dude at the Verizon stand right by me and I look over to see her giving me the eye. I didn't really engage, but I hear her ask for a pen and paper and she ends up walking over and shoving her number down my pocket and walking away. Picked her up that night from her run down apartment and brought her back to my place, only to discover she smells like a carton of cigarettes and a moldy basement. *This was just the warning smell* She ends up reading me quotes from this stupid book for an hour while I'm just waiting for her to shut up and get to fuckin' me.
When it finally happens and we're both naked with me slipping the condom on, she warns me that she's a squirter. I'm fucking PUMPED at this point and start pounding the shit out of her till she starts soaking me and my bed with squirt. Normally, this would be a dream come true for any man, but not this time. I immediately start smelling the most vile disgusting shit that's ever entered my nose. I literally had to jump off her and take a time out. She starts asking what's wrong and I wanted to be like, "bitch you have a sewage swamp inside your cunt" but of course I don't want to hurt her feelings. I don't remember how I played that one off, but with all the power invested in my now scared and flaccid penis, I somehow managed to get hard and fight through it until I blew my load. Needless to say, I pretty much drove her home immediately and never talked to her again.
I got home and life sucked pretty fucking bad, and it never should after you just got laid. My entire bed was ruined, not just the blanket and sheets, the squirt had soaked through onto my mattress and it took the whole next day to do the laundry and scrub the pussy swamp out of my mattress.
Topic: Awkward Sexual Experiences (Read 464613 times)