This is not the first time I've whined in this thread about my alcoholism. (I'm shitfaced as I'm typing this, so I'm sorry.) My (ex) girlfriend is in med school. I'm 21, she's only 23 and is a third year student, which is actually pretty crazy. (over achiever type lady.) She has an INSANE schedule right now, and is usually pretty stressed. She needs some stability. My unpredictability/benders/drunken assholishness finally but me in the ass today when she dumped me. It sucks because she lives like 4 houses down from me, so I know ill see her all the time. We hang out with mostly the same people as well, so it sucks. She has always given everything she had to me, and has done a LOT to try to help me get my life back on track, and I know I'm a piece of shit for taking it for granted. She called me today (about a fist fight i got into last night with my hest friend at a bar)and we talked and she basically told me she was over it, mainly due to my drinking. She loves "sober Will", but apparently sober Will doesn't really come out anymore. I'm hurt, not bitter or angry at anyone but myself. I've done inpatient and outpatient rehab before, and have managed to stay sober for as much as 9 months at a time. (I relapsed when i broke my ankle in October and started drinking very heavily again). But it finally hit me today. I lost the thing I love most for a fucking feeling. I fully know how much of a shit person I am. I'm very very scared that this ended relationship will make my "situation" worse. I fucking despise myself. She did say that if i could clean myef up a bit that we may be able to work it out. i fucking hope so. Im gonna have a hard time forgiving myself knowing that i singlehandedly pushed away the thing i love the most. FUCK. Starting tomorrow I'm gonna try this "not drinking" thing again. Hopefully it goes well. Sorry to rant and stuff.