man, i've avoided posting a bum out in here, but i've gotta do it somewhere.
Me and the lady had broken up. I wanted more of a serious thing after 9 months and she wanted to keep taking it easy as we'd gotten together within a month of her last relationship, which was a live in gig that lasted 4 years. We didn't talk for a month or so and to avoid feeling lousy emotions regarding the situation i raged my head off with all the skate rats i met during the last semester, shit got kind of gnarly. I also went on to hook up with all the available younger girls; at 25 as an undergrad there's no contest . I went gnarlier on the bar/party scene than i've been in a few years. Again, i did all of this to indirectly avoid thinking about the break up.
Couple weeks ago the lady calls me. She says she misses me and asks me to dinner. I make her wait a few hours, but she knew i would say yes; i called her and said "ok." Since then we had pretty much gotten back to how things were going before- sex on the daily, smoking, drinking, talking, having fun.
The stipulations of us hanging out were that it would be open and we were cool to go on dates with other people. She was all keyed up about this as she has never gone on a "date" that wasn't with me or her ex. I wasn't too thrilled about this; when i want to settle it's because i'm content- if the lovin is good, it's good enough every day, no need for anything else- but i agreed and thought that things would be ok.
tonight i find out that she's on a 2nd date with some dude who asked her out at work- she's a waitress at a rock club- she said she kissed him. I bugged the fuck out and i feel rightfully so seeing as we fucked yesterday and were planning on going away for the weekend. To me, going on a date and kissing as opposed to fucking is far more intimate.
She said that we had agreed to keep things open and that i was being unreasonable. I disagreed and said that i can't be with her while she's going out with other dudes and don't want to think about that every time i go to kiss her or touch her.
I'm traveling across the country over the next three months and she's doing a semester abroad from mid august til Xmas, so it's not like we were going to be together anyways but i felt that it wasn't too much to want to be together while we were both here and see how things pan out upon return.
Shit sucks and i'm very bummed out. It's weird because i haven't given a fuck enough about a female in years to call her back after the first couple of fucks- this girl has had me bugging hard and i can't help but feel that i'm doing the right thing in telling her that i can't see her until she figures out what she wants but at the same time i'm going to miss her company, man.
fuck, that was my rant and confession.
peace