-i cant grow a full beard
-i first ate acid when i was 15 and went for about a year dosing up 1-3 times a week. i dont remember much.
-i broke into a garage when i was younger and vandalized the place with a couple friends, surely causing tens of thousands of dollars worth of damage, some of which was to some old vintage cars that they were working on. feel bad about that one.
-when i worked at the gas cylinder plant, i became so disgruntled that a coworker and i began to piss in random places- in the stockshed, in the work areas and on the equipment of people we didnt like (especially in the summertime). we also used to leave shits in the toilets- one day i left a good one, and when one of the managers found it, he called out a locksmith to come put locks on the bathroom doors in the building he managed (there were two buildings, loosely interlinked, and he suspected it was somebody from the other building), at a cost of $300. when upper management got wind of the situation, they scolded him and told him he was breaking all kinds of codes and shit by doing it and ordered him to get the locks removed, which he did, bringing the total cost of my shit up to about $600.
-i also stole a cylinder of ultra-pure grade 6 (99.9999%) nitrous oxide from that place one night and took it to a friend's house, where we proceeded to get cracked out and sell balloons of nitrous that is completely unlike anything any of you have ever had your hands on. took it back the next day.
-i defrauded two drugtests to get that job, one with somebody else's piss, the other with a system-flush agent.
-i changed my english grade in the teacher's gradebook my senior year of high school.
-i went into the woods with a bb gun and a couple friends one time and shot a bird out of a tree. realizing the senselessness of my actions, i was overridden with guilt and had to finish the bird off. i've never felt so bad in my life, never had the desire to do that shit again. i could go hunting and shoot something if i was going to eat it, no question, but since then i've been much more conscious of taking care of wildlife and shit.
-i almost fell in love with a ho once.
-i fucked the fat girl (well, she was thick, and very tall, a big ass bitch) who lived across the street from me. i denied that one for a long time.
-her parents used to skinny dip in their backyard pool and i snuck over there with a neighborhood kid and observed one time, i think i was probably 8 or 9. i was repulsed yet somehow couldn't leave, like when you see something that totally sucks and you just can't help but look on.
-my dog, like many other dogs, is racist, and i find it to be humorous and endearing rather than deplorable. like "awww, look at the cute little racist jack russell, he's so sweet"- one time he slipped out the door when a former roommate was leaving and proceeded to chase a huge black guy around the parking lot, savagely growling and snapping his jaws trying to bite the guy as he ran in circles, screaming in pure terror. i was talking with the maintenance man one day and he said the guy came into the office, i guess later on that day, and broke down in tears telling the story to them, complaining about how my dog didn't have a leash on. he said that when the guy left the office they had a riot laughing at him. poor dude. i never formally heard anything about it.
-i used to play ball with kids who were wayyy older than me, and one time when i was like, 8 or so, my mouth got the best of me and i was thrown around like a ragdoll by some dude who was like, 18 or 20 or something. he was bitching because one of the kids whose older sister he was dating was wearing some of his sweatpants while we were playing football. i was irritated that the game was being held up and said something to the effect of "its just a fucking pair of pants, jesus, let's get back to the damn game" (i had a foul mouth at an early age as a product of always hanging out with older kids), and this prick proceeds to come over and sling me around the yard like a fucking ragdoll. i kept my composure, then cried on my way home and wished death upon the guy. later that year, after i got the nerve and the know-how, i poured sugar in his gastank while he was parked next door at his girl's house (happened to be my next door neighbor). i'd love to see him again, now that i'm 24 i'd fight that faggot in a second.
-one time i was at this chick's house who i desperately wanted to fuck and i stole a pair of her panties and used them as a nutrag a couple times, on some true weirdo stalker type shit. i threw them away and felt ashamed. what can i say, i was 17, horny as fuck, and not getting that ass from her.
-a friend of mine started living with this weirdo one time, he was a retired marine and worked at IBM, dude was a little strange at first, but friendly (probably about 35 years old); anyway, he loved to watch porn and claimed to have been a producer of amateur films- said that he could sell them to people in korea or taiwan or some shit in bulk and blah blah blah. he was trying to get me to do some films and shit, i mean, he even had like a disclaimer and terms of service type of consent form that he had me look over and stuff, you know, attesting to the legitimacy of his shit. well, he kept pressuring me to get involved, which would have been cool, i like to fuck, but he was trying to get me to do like, a "solo" film where he'd film me jerking off and THEN i could start fucking bitches. i was like "hmm, yeah, no thanks,", and that's kind of when i began to get the feeling that he was a fag who might also like women. anyway, he ended up pulling his shit out and jerking off while he and another friend of mine were drinking beers and shit. he's all like "yeah i dont care if you jack off in front of me man, i understand if you get horny watching porn and shit,", hahahahaha, my friend said he hid under this blanket near him and called me up on my cell phone wanting me to come pick him up and shit, which i refused to do since i was indisposed. anyway thats some horrible creepy shit and he ended up pulling a similar number on my buddy who was actually living with him. anyway it heightened my paranoia of gays and made me realize that every dude i've known in my life who has been openly or secretly gay has been a complete and total fucking creep about it. i'm seriously paranoid about that shit now.
-when i was younger, i used to push mongo...
i've got many more but i'll leave it at that for now
Topic: real confessions (Read 1736695 times)