SOBRIETY

[Sleazy]

props to everyone hitting milestones. i'm just shy of 6 months and had a pretty neat thing happen i figured i'd share. took my daughter (15) and son (13) to their first metal show. didn't drink, had a great time. my daughter and i got to the front of the stage and she was jamming the whole time and the guitarist ended up giving her the set list on his way off stage. my daughter was bragging after the show that she was partying harder and having more fun than a lot of the people and that she wasn't even drinking. she was saying how she felt bad for this couple next to us who were clearly huge fans but got so wasted they got thrown out of the show. she also commented how how "present" the people in the band seemed and how they didn't seem wasted. we googled it later and it turned out that they guys in the band had all sobered up a few years earlier and their before and after picks were pretty amazing difference. all in all it felt to be a great influence on my kids, be completely sober to drive them home and then to see my daughter and son learning to enjoy these type things without alcohol before they inevitably get into real partying. helping create that baseline and good example felt great.

before



after

Also any advice or feedback from y’all who are currently going through cutting back or quitting or those of you who are sober would be greatly appreciated! Feels good to have a place to vent and rant and talk about it.

good luck @Noble Experiment

share from my side... i find stressful situations easier to navigate when i'm not drinking. to clarify, physical feelings of stress pretty much disappear with a drink but for me that just pauses it till the next day and then i still have to deal with the root cause of the stress. i've had to deal with putting my 7 year old dog down from cancer and having my business go from being profitable money maker to a stressful "is this still working" over the last year and being sober has made each blow easier to navigate for me. YMMV.

few other things that were helpful for me

- NA beers
- fitness tracker (keeping track of sleep scores is really eye opening)
- understanding alcohol withdraws. for me if i drink i'm going to have shit sleep for 2-3 days after and then on the 3rd to 4th day i have a full on crash and end up needing to take a huge nap mid day. it's why moderation wasn't working for me. if i only drink on the weekends it was actually harder than going dry.

[Monolithic Flick]

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props to everyone posting up. keep it up!

i'm 91 days in. i started with a dry 30, went for 60 then 90 and now i'm just enjoying being sober and the energy. i might be done. probably getting too old for drinking.

[close]

I’m with you on being too old. The recovery from an evening moderate drinking isn’t worth it and I’m positive the booze and a slowing metabolism are to blame for the extra weight I’m carrying around.

Pretty much these two.  I’m lucky in that while alcoholism runs all over my family I have had no problems picking up or putting down beer for the most part.  I’m the typical moderate old man weekend drinker for the most part. But lately beer just doesn’t sit well with me.  The buzz isn’t great, the sleep gets fucked, it seems to give  me heartburn now, and the next day is generally grey.  Not to mention I took up skateboarding as an old man and I don’t need anything to interfere with my already shitty balance.

I have a brother who generally struggles with alcohol so we are quitting together.  One thing I have thought a lot about is associations.  Even as a moderate drinker it is new to associate not being buzzed with a Friday night movie.  Making new mental associations is going to be key for me I think.

Good luck to all of you during this holiday season.  Appreciate this thread.

[yghartsyrt]

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props to everyone posting up. keep it up!

i'm 91 days in. i started with a dry 30, went for 60 then 90 and now i'm just enjoying being sober and the energy. i might be done. probably getting too old for drinking.

[close]

I’m with you on being too old. The recovery from an evening moderate drinking isn’t worth it and I’m positive the booze and a slowing metabolism are to blame for the extra weight I’m carrying around.

[close]

Pretty much these two.  I’m lucky in that while alcoholism runs all over my family I have had no problems picking up or putting down beer for the most part.  I’m the typical moderate old man weekend drinker for the most part. But lately beer just doesn’t sit well with me.  The buzz isn’t great, the sleep gets fucked, it seems to give  me heartburn now, and the next day is generally grey.  Not to mention I took up skateboarding as an old man and I don’t need anything to interfere with my already shitty balance.

I have a brother who generally struggles with alcohol so we are quitting together.  One thing I have thought a lot about is associations.  Even as a moderate drinker it is new to associate not being buzzed with a Friday night movie.  Making new mental associations is going to be key for me I think.

Good luck to all of you during this holiday season.  Appreciate this thread.

best wishes for your endeavour!

[hmmoookay]

props to everyone hitting milestones. i'm just shy of 6 months and had a pretty neat thing happen i figured i'd share. took my daughter (15) and son (13) to their first metal show. didn't drink, had a great time. my daughter and i got to the front of the stage and she was jamming the whole time and the guitarist ended up giving her the set list on his way off stage. my daughter was bragging after the show that she was partying harder and having more fun than a lot of the people and that she wasn't even drinking. she was saying how she felt bad for this couple next to us who were clearly huge fans but got so wasted they got thrown out of the show. she also commented how how "present" the people in the band seemed and how they didn't seem wasted. we googled it later and it turned out that they guys in the band had all sobered up a few years earlier and their before and after picks were pretty amazing difference. all in all it felt to be a great influence on my kids, be completely sober to drive them home and then to see my daughter and son learning to enjoy these type things without alcohol before they inevitably get into real partying. helping create that baseline and good example felt great.

before



after

Expand Quote

Also any advice or feedback from y’all who are currently going through cutting back or quitting or those of you who are sober would be greatly appreciated! Feels good to have a place to vent and rant and talk about it.

[close]

good luck @Noble Experiment

share from my side... i find stressful situations easier to navigate when i'm not drinking. to clarify, physical feelings of stress pretty much disappear with a drink but for me that just pauses it till the next day and then i still have to deal with the root cause of the stress. i've had to deal with putting my 7 year old dog down from cancer and having my business go from being profitable money maker to a stressful "is this still working" over the last year and being sober has made each blow easier to navigate for me. YMMV.

few other things that were helpful for me

- NA beers
- fitness tracker (keeping track of sleep scores is really eye opening)
- understanding alcohol withdraws. for me if i drink i'm going to have shit sleep for 2-3 days after and then on the 3rd to 4th day i have a full on crash and end up needing to take a huge nap mid day. it's why moderation wasn't working for me. if i only drink on the weekends it was actually harder than going dry.

@sleazy that's awesome man, what a great feeling that must have been for you as a father. surely that has to be motivation to continue.

I'll be two years in the spring (not to get ahead of myself, keeping it one day at a time as always). My motivation to stay sober hasn't really changed; to be the best version of myself, to experience life, to be a good person to others, among other things. I agree with sleazy's list there, if beer was your thing the NA beer market is kind of booming right now, I'm sure you could find a replacement for something boozy that you liked. I was a liquor man so NA beers are alright but very few and far between for me. I have not tried any of the alcohol free spirits, as I'm kind of worried those might point me in a direction I don't want to go. To each their own though!

Non-skateboarding fitness was always something I struggled with especially when drinking but getting in to running tremendously helped me around 6-7mos, mostly as something to keep me occupied in the evenings. Still continuing to improve on that in addition to adding biking back in (stationary right now because winter) but fitness truly is something wonderful in sobriety as cliche or corny as it sounds. I ended up taking a hiatus from skating this year to focus on running instead and I'm looking forward to getting back in to skating when it feels right. The last few years of skating before I quit drinking were so intertwined with booze I think I just needed time to re-associate that with other, more positive things.

Do not discount the power of sleep and how much proper rest can affect your mental as well. Sleep is so important.

Sobriety podcasts and online communities are also big for me, listening/reading others stories both cautionary and celebratory. Super crucial for me. This thread 100% counts as one of those communities.

TLDR; fill your time you might have otherwise been drunk or high with things that stimulate the mind or body, or both! It's kind of a sober person cliche for a reason. Sleep! Community!

@noble rooting for you homie! keep that taper going (unless you feel you need medical assistance, in that case do that), you'll get down to 0 before you know it. That's when the real work starts but it's worth it, I promise.

[Coastal Fever]

@Noble Experiment wishing you success on your journey and happy wholesome holidays.  You got this champ.

I got through my family Xmas dinner last weekend without issues, had a nice time and honestly the only uncomfortable part was seeing my parents get buzzed and lippy towards each other.  Yesterday though, may have been my toughest day yet.  Finished work early and started my vacation, which in past years, would mean an instant kickoff to festivities, ie: go straight to the liquor store and let the week of self-numbing/loathing begin.  A tough tradition to break for sure.

It’s especially hard this year because my partner’s going to visit family for the week, so I’ll essentially be alone with the cats the whole time.  Definitely had thoughts about getting into the weed and booze, but I’ve come too far to throw it away now.  Gonna try to be active and reasonably healthy, and make the best of my time off.

Good luck and best wishes to everyone here.  New year is just around the corner, no better time to make positive changes, or celebrate those you’ve made and held onto.

[Easy Slider]

Stay strong brehs, you got this.

Looking forward to not drinking and being able to drive home from the various gatherings and skating or running the next day instead of having to sleep over and being hungover.

[Velcro Wallet]

I have completely and truly gone of the rails. I don’t think there are rails at all anymore.

Having spent 3 or 4 (I can’t remember) times in detox since April I cannot stop. Each time walk out of detox SWEARING I’ll never drink again, it takes about 10 minutes before I’m at the bottleo.

My last time they had to do all the blood tests plus an ultrasounds etc because of all the blood that was coming out both ends. Thank god they put you under when they shove cameras up your ass and throat.
They told me I have cirrhosis of the liver, infected bladder and my kidneys where fucked.

But the thing with alcohol is that I feel like I’m going insane. My brain is playing tricks on me. Way worse that drug psychosis.

I go into detox on the 8th and then rehab for 3 months.

I feel so much shame. That’s the worst part.

It’s Xmas here in Aus so.. MERRY CHRISTMAS XO

[Velcro Wallet]

Oh and I saw one of my best friends turn yellow/brown from alcohol ad die in September. Sorry if I’ve to you guys/gals this stuff before. Memories shot

[Coastal Fever]

Hey man, you’re trying, and that’s all yourself or anyone else can ask of you.  Be proud of your efforts, and try again.  You’ve got what it takes to come out the other side.

[Easy Slider]

Oh man @Velcro Wallet stay with us bro, praying for you.

[fakie nollie]

@Velcro Wallet it sounds like this will be your first time doing anything beyond detox and it will be good for you. Rehab will be a good way to surround yourself with other people recovering and they’ll likely send you to AA throughout it, building the muscle to do it once you’re out. I’ve seen many recover from alcoholism and a few to the extent you’re at. You got this ❤️

[disclosed]

little late but wishing everyone succes during the holidays. i can imagine this will be tough time especially for those who got sober recently, or those who are going through a tough time right now.

[hmmoookay]

Keeping you in my thoughts @velcrowallet as has been said already you're trying and that 100% counts for something, what matters.

Sobriety granted me the opportunity to make breakfast for everyone this morning which was fun. I did that when drinking too but it's much more enjoyable sober, with no headache or shakes, etc.

Additionally, a good friend of mine is 60 days sober today after quite a scare over the summer. he's put in a lot of work to get those 60 days and I so happy for him. I dont think he lurks the boards and if he did he wouldnt know my user name, but on the off chance both of those things do happen, just know I'm proud of you bud!

much love pals, wishing everyone a safe and sober holiday season including new years. dms always open to talk!

[Velcro Wallet]

Have any of you girls/guys been diagnosed with cirrhosis and other major internal problems from drinking?

I know it sounds dumb but I need to hear real stories about any of you have similar stuff and survived.

I understand that talking about your past is hard. It’s not very anti hero. (A poor example)

What time is it over there!?!? Merry Xmas and all that. I hope you’re with your children. I got to FaceTime mine for 15 minutes which was only better than nothing, it was magic.

[Velcro Wallet]

Plus is anyone on long term opioid programs?

[Easy Slider]

Have any of you girls/guys been diagnosed with cirrhosis and other major internal problems from drinking?

I know it sounds dumb but I need to hear real stories about any of you have similar stuff and survived.

I understand that talking about your past is hard. It’s not very anti hero. (A poor example)

What time is it over there!?!? Merry Xmas and all that. I hope you’re with your children. I got to FaceTime mine for 15 minutes which was only better than nothing, it was magic.

I did not have a cirrhosis but I met a dude who had it and survived because he stopped drinking. That‘s the only treatment for it. You can do it, and you will live if you do.

What helps me stay away from the sauce is to look at it realistically without any emotion/nostalgia or whatever: Alcohol is poison. Your body does not need it. Everybody telling you something else lies. There are absolutely no benefits attached to drinking the stuff, period.

The buzz you feel are the symptoms of the intoxication and your body fighting it. It is not good for sleeping, it fucks with your sleep pattern. It makes you feel good because dopamine is released but when that effect wears off, your dopamine level drops below baseline, making you feel shitty and crave more (as does any drug).

Get your dopamine hit elsewhere, skating, running, coffee, sex, nice food, whatever floats your boat (except other substitute drugs).

It‘s past 6 am in central Europe, I am going for a run in the woods because I indulged in some (a bit too much) delicious food yesterday. I prayed for you when I woke up because I care for you and want you to pull through. There are many other people who care for you.

[Velcro Wallet]

Yeah, the book “alcohol lied to me” is amazing and is pretty much telling you “you are putting poison into your body.. so what do you expect”

I’ve read/listened to countless self help alcohol and drug books but this one really hit home. I went on a pretty good sober stretch because it tripped me out so much (with truth bombs)

[RembrantQeinstein]

If I can, I could offer you one piece of advice.

Getting sober is more about really accepting that addiction creates a false reality from our distorted perception.
It can take a couple of years to reconstruct a stable reality if you are really fucked…

imagine it like this: you have curable dementia. It has gotten so bad that you are damaging your body unintentionally.

 Like how Cardiel left the hospital in a wheelchair, and learned to walk and bike again when he got home. 

There is only so much that can be done quickly.
That’s the whole “one day at a time” thing.

You were brave enough to smash your body into concrete to learn to play skateboards. Embrace the suck, and you can 100% build a life that you don’t want to escape from.

[Velcro Wallet]

It all goes back to the fucked up childhood. Being abused by parents and relatives. Then it compounds itself when you try to deal with it yourself with drugs and alcohol and trying to find happiness in places it’s not gonna happen.

I’m so sick of thinking about it. I can’t wait for the next 3 plus months where that’s all you talk about every day.

BUT. I live in the lucky country so I’m gonna punch myself in the face and suck it up.

[Easy Slider]

It all goes back to the fucked up childhood. Being abused by parents and relatives. Then it compounds itself when you try to deal with it yourself with drugs and alcohol and trying to find happiness in places it’s not gonna happen.

I’m so sick of thinking about it. I can’t wait for the next 3 plus months where that’s all you talk about every day.

BUT. I live in the lucky country so I’m gonna punch myself in the face and suck it up.

If that‘s what it takes go for it bro.

[RembrantQeinstein]

It all goes back to the fucked up childhood. Being abused by parents and relatives. Then it compounds itself when you try to deal with it yourself with drugs and alcohol and trying to find happiness in places it’s not gonna happen.

I’m so sick of thinking about it. I can’t wait for the next 3 plus months where that’s all you talk about every day.

There is not a single person (myself included) with a history of addiction who has not experienced trauma.  There are also huge numbers of people with unspeakable traumas who don’t become addicted,
Authentic recovery involves the understanding that the addiction is the reason that your brain has given you permission to frame your life in terms of your worst experiences.
That is to say, someone may have tried to kill you in the past, but you are killing you now. Your brain is rationalizing this by framing it externally.
That, imo, is what the higher power thing is about..the development of a meta-cognition….a watcher…a space in your perception that does not believe the narrative of the brain.
In the next 3 months, you’ll tell your story again, but maybe then, you won’t ever want to tell it, even to yourself.

[Velcro Wallet]

There’s also a big number of people with perfect childhoods that go onto to be monsters. But I’d say it’s about 20/80% maybe less.

I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Anyone else had ECT?

[Sleazy]

everyone have a fun sober new years. i hit an interesting milestone this week. my wife an i are just hosting a few of our kids friends and probably going to go to bed at 10 watching fargo. what you all got gooing?

[hmmoookay]

everyone have a fun sober new years. i hit an interesting milestone this week. my wife an i are just hosting a few of our kids friends and probably going to go to bed at 10 watching fargo. what you all got gooing?

congrats!!! big 6mos 😤

honestly, kinda forgot it was nye today. busy holidays this year or maybe I've just stopped paying attention, who knows. might go skate with a friend at an indoor in a few hours. as far as nye celebration is concerned, like yourself, I will probably be in bed before midnight, and I wouldn't have it any other way. the funny thing was that when I was drinking I always kinda looked down on holidays like this; "I can drink whenever I want I don't need a holiday to dictate that"...funny, I'd often go a little easier on something like NYE than a normal night of drinking almost out of spite, and maybe out of guilt, telling myself "this year I'm gonna cut back or stop" but knowing that I probably wouldn't. even just typing that out made me retroactively anxious. I'm really thankful that I'm not that guy anymore. I'll take going to bed early over what would have normally transpired any day.

wishing you all a safe, sober new years and more success in all areas of life in 2024. while I am generally comfortable talking about my sobriety and my journey to people irl, this thread has made that a lot easier, seeing fellow pals going through the same things. grateful for y'all!

if you catch this thread wondering if you should give sobriety a shot in 2024, give it a try. you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. trust.

[ralf_]

binged some its always sunny while working on a manuscript on the couch on sunday, then my girlfriend came home and said, she has some work to do aswell. 15 before midnight we each wrote 3 wishes / reflections / whatever on some little paper scraps, went on the balcony, seen some fireworks, set the papers on fire one by a time and through them off. then listening to a record or two and after that reading in bed. january first i scraped myself out of bed to go jogging and make breakfast for ma boo. then she left for her family (i didnt feel like coming)... at 7 pm, having fixed some stuff around the house, i was like: i am done for the day, it's to early to go to sleep.. right?? ended up playing some session listening to an episode of seincast. today, getting up was a lot harder, but i am baking a bread right now (can take it out of the oven in 20!)

long story short: make it nice for youself, dont be sorry for yourself, give yourself some wiggle room.
there is a lot to do in this world and your brain will always tell you this or that, which you will then again interpret as this or that. but don't be confused: you are not your brain. you're a rhythmic knot in a world-net waiting to connect. ha-ha, sorry, got off the rails there.

you know what the hesh guys keep yelling, yell it too, in the mirror if you have to: Let's fucking go!

[Monolithic Flick]

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props to everyone posting up. keep it up!

i'm 91 days in. i started with a dry 30, went for 60 then 90 and now i'm just enjoying being sober and the energy. i might be done. probably getting too old for drinking.

[close]

I’m with you on being too old. The recovery from an evening moderate drinking isn’t worth it and I’m positive the booze and a slowing metabolism are to blame for the extra weight I’m carrying around.

[close]

Pretty much these two.  I’m lucky in that while alcoholism runs all over my family I have had no problems picking up or putting down beer for the most part.  I’m the typical moderate old man weekend drinker for the most part. But lately beer just doesn’t sit well with me.  The buzz isn’t great, the sleep gets fucked, it seems to give  me heartburn now, and the next day is generally grey.  Not to mention I took up skateboarding as an old man and I don’t need anything to interfere with my already shitty balance.

I have a brother who generally struggles with alcohol so we are quitting together.  One thing I have thought a lot about is associations.  Even as a moderate drinker it is new to associate not being buzzed with a Friday night movie.  Making new mental associations is going to be key for me I think.

Good luck to all of you during this holiday season.  Appreciate this thread.

[close]

best wishes for your endeavour!

I forgot to say thank you for this, but thank you.  20 days as of today for me.  I have enjoyed some NA beers here and there just for fun.  Unfortunately my brother has re-started twice now.  I'm really hoping this last one takes. Maybe momentum from the Dry January thing can help.  I'm more worried about him than me.

[Monolithic Flick]

Have any of you girls/guys been diagnosed with cirrhosis and other major internal problems from drinking?

I know it sounds dumb but I need to hear real stories about any of you have similar stuff and survived.

I understand that talking about your past is hard. It’s not very anti hero. (A poor example)

What time is it over there!?!? Merry Xmas and all that. I hope you’re with your children. I got to FaceTime mine for 15 minutes which was only better than nothing, it was magic.

Others here have given you good replies already.  I knew a co-worker who had every organ stop on him, including the liver, and lived.  His hospital stay was his detox and he never drank again for the 13 years I knew him (still alive, I just got a different job and then later moved away).  He had gave up smoking too, so then super expensive coffee became his 'vice.' 

He was happier, funnier person sober for sure. You can get through this and it can be better on the other side.  Hang in there.

[NoComply180]

Whaddup. Trying to ease into quitting drinking via dry January. Tried a few times before and never made it past 5-6 weeks. But as I’m getting older and drinking more, and more often, the impacts from it are getting more and more clear and undeniable. I’m outwardly a highly functioning individual but I think if I keep drinking there’s no other outcome but it eventually ruining my life.

Honestly what’s most daunting is how I’ll deal with having to do things I don’t feel like doing…for years now I’ve just gotten drunk for those.

[FUBAR]

Whaddup. Trying to ease into quitting drinking via dry January. Tried a few times before and never made it past 5-6 weeks. But as I’m getting older and drinking more, and more often, the impacts from it are getting more and more clear and undeniable. I’m outwardly a highly functioning individual but I think if I keep drinking there’s no other outcome but it eventually ruining my life.

Honestly what’s most daunting is how I’ll deal with having to do things I don’t feel like doing…for years now I’ve just gotten drunk for those.

Start easy…just don’t do things you’d need to get drunk to do. Example: you have to get drunk to hang out with a certain crowd…stay away. I used to enjoy getting hammered and washing my truck. I would take it through the wash once I stopped drinking, but now I am back to enjoying it with some good music playing. Took some time though.
Also, I can’t enjoy bowling sober, so no more of that.

[NoComply180]

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Whaddup. Trying to ease into quitting drinking via dry January. Tried a few times before and never made it past 5-6 weeks. But as I’m getting older and drinking more, and more often, the impacts from it are getting more and more clear and undeniable. I’m outwardly a highly functioning individual but I think if I keep drinking there’s no other outcome but it eventually ruining my life.

Honestly what’s most daunting is how I’ll deal with having to do things I don’t feel like doing…for years now I’ve just gotten drunk for those.

[close]

Start easy…just don’t do things you’d need to get drunk to do. Example: you have to get drunk to hang out with a certain crowd…stay away. I used to enjoy getting hammered and washing my truck. I would take it through the wash once I stopped drinking, but now I am back to enjoying it with some good music playing. Took some time though.
Also, I can’t enjoy bowling sober, so no more of that.

appreciate the advice, thank you.

I have some events I’ll have to attend (weddings, family stuff) that I’d need to drink at to enjoy. I think I’ll just have to be ok setting hard boundaries with myself and others. If I’m done and ready to go home, I’ll just go.