SOBRIETY

[Monolithic Flick]

NA’s, records, candy, wrestling, everything. Recently was at a party & only two people were drinking but it was light. Had a blast.

Almost two years of no beer! Doctor commended me today when I treated myself to a physical for my birthday. That felt good.

That's completely awesome.  Congratulations from a random internet stranger.

[Ankle_Lift]

Went night riding at the ski hill last night, downed a few 0% Coronas in the parking lot after to relax after the work week. Now I'm up at 6am to go back up the the hill to ride with my wife while the kid is in ski lessons....and I don't feel like shit!

Life is good!

[NoComply180]

Went to my first wedding sober this weekend.

Was honestly fun and a lot easier than I expected - sipped club sodas with bitters the whole night. Only downside was sitting across from a random at dinner who (politely) wanted to try to make small talk the whole time despite the music and general noise being way too loud for conversation. That would’ve felt less awkward with a drink or two (10-15) in me. Fair trade off for being fully present for the most important day in my friends’ lives though!

[EdLawndale]

Dope shit, fellas. Got a cpl events (movie premiere and wedding) next month. Will use your recent successes as fuel to give me the strength to stay dry.

[Velcro Wallet]

Well, I didn’t last too long. Sorry.

I was only one of two people in there not on a court order from either jail or mum’s getting access to their kids or both. No shit, it was gladiator school in there. My roommate was doing his 3-6 month stay as a part of his end of 7 year stretch. We quickly became homies as we both had a love for Fords with Barra engines plus he knew my girlfriend who is a nurse at the jail who helped him a ton. He was also member of the main biker club here which helped.

The rehab itself was a joke.

I’m so confused now. I feel everyone is angry and disappointed in me. Girlfriend included!!

Fuck.

[hmmoookay]

Don't be sorry, you're trying. We have not had the same experience so unfortunately I cannot offer anecdotal advice specific to what you're going through, but it took me probably 5 years to actually get and stay sober for some sort of extended time. That included lying to myself (and sadly others) about being sober for a good while, "I've 2 weeks, 10 Days, etc" even when I was still drinking (though less, and trying to ween off) every few months. It wasn't from a place of malice but more to try and give myself motivation to really get started. "If people think I'm doing better maybe I will want to do better, finally". 5 years is not some sort of magic number, I'm only saying that to point out that it really does take the right combination of things to finally get it to click, I wish I had the one size fits all magic solution for you I really do! But it does eventually click when it's supposed to. I know that might not be what you want to hear especially if you're in pain both emotionally and physically.

Is there any way for you to do some sort of intensive outpatient therapy or something like that? A way for you to "do the work" but not necessarily in an AA setting, not in traditional rehab, while still being surrounded by loved ones on the daily? I do believe you want to quit but it sounds like it falls back because of the people you end up having to be surrounded with, largely not by your own choice.

I wish you all the best man, gonna be corny but all I can say is; it works if you work it, whatever program you put in place or attend, it will work if you continue to give it effort. I really believe that.

[type]

Ill be sober a year in april. I was on hard drugs it took meth psychosis to get me sober I though I was talking to god and threw out all my drugs and been sober since, now im kinda fat, life if super boring, man i could write a whole book about it but its just all about getting used to the boringness i guess, at least thats been the lesson for me so far

[Sleazy]

feeling pumped from all the recent shares. way to go everyone. 7 months for me tomorrow.

[NoComply180]

feeling pumped from all the recent shares. way to go everyone. 7 months for me tomorrow.

congrats homie! 1 for me tomorrow.

[Sleazy]

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feeling pumped from all the recent shares. way to go everyone. 7 months for me tomorrow.

[close]

congrats homie! 1 for me tomorrow.

nice, 1 month is a big one. i didn't really start feeling "normal" till week 3.

[NoComply180]

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feeling pumped from all the recent shares. way to go everyone. 7 months for me tomorrow.

[close]

congrats homie! 1 for me tomorrow.

[close]

nice, 1 month is a big one. i didn't really start feeling "normal" till week 3.

weeks 1-2 (well, after 4/5 days of withdrawals) were pretty happy go lucky and idealistic for me. Weeks 3/4 I’ve come back down to earth a bit but still feel confident in the path I’m on.

[hmmoookay]

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feeling pumped from all the recent shares. way to go everyone. 7 months for me tomorrow.

[close]

congrats homie! 1 for me tomorrow.

[close]

nice, 1 month is a big one. i didn't really start feeling "normal" till week 3.

[close]

weeks 1-2 (well, after 4/5 days of withdrawals) were pretty happy go lucky and idealistic for me. Weeks 3/4 I’ve come back down to earth a bit but still feel confident in the path I’m on.

Some will say the "pink cloud" of sobriety shows up once and then never again but I feel like at various times it will manifest again for a bit. Maybe that's just my brain actually experiencing positivity and being able to realize whats good when its good, you know?

Congrats on 7mos and 1mo respectively dudes! Big things, stoked for you both.

[NoComply180]

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feeling pumped from all the recent shares. way to go everyone. 7 months for me tomorrow.

[close]

congrats homie! 1 for me tomorrow.

[close]

nice, 1 month is a big one. i didn't really start feeling "normal" till week 3.

[close]

weeks 1-2 (well, after 4/5 days of withdrawals) were pretty happy go lucky and idealistic for me. Weeks 3/4 I’ve come back down to earth a bit but still feel confident in the path I’m on.

[close]

Some will say the "pink cloud" of sobriety shows up once and then never again but I feel like at various times it will manifest again for a bit. Maybe that's just my brain actually experiencing positivity and being able to realize whats good when its good, you know?

Congrats on 7mos and 1mo respectively dudes! Big things, stoked for you both.

thank you! yeah I heard about the pink cloud haha. I think a big chunk of it for me was relief/realizing I don’t have to keep the cycle of drinking too much/hangovers/withdrawals/trying to cut back and failing -> back to drinking too much going.

I don’t have a scale but I’m pretty sure I dropped 5-10 lbs since January 1. I’m definitely not being restrained in my eating but considering I was drinking probably an average of 1000 calories of booze a day, removing that makes a difference.

Also…did the math on what I saved and I was spending close to 25% of my take home pay on drinking/ubers/eating out meals I would’ve eaten at home if I wasn’t drinking…pocketing that extra money in January was a huge plus.

[FUBAR]

If you find yourself bored in sobriety, I highly suggest trying new things. Challenge youself. Learn a new language. Skate more. Go on a trip. Etc etc.

Skating did it for me. I focused on just getting out there more. Instead of slamming 15 beers after work on Friday, I hit the parking garage and skated until I was tired. Went home with no energy to drink, even if I wanted to. Shower, dinner, then skate videos till I fell asleep. The drinking crowd would prob view this as a ‘lame’ Friday night, but it worked for me. I’d also be able to get up early on Saturday morning (no hangover) and go do shit too. Weekends feel longer when you are sober.

Im not a sobriety coach…just a fat old guy that stopped drinking after 25+ years and am trying to help.

[TheDraught]

Went to my first wedding sober this weekend.

Was honestly fun and a lot easier than I expected - sipped club sodas with bitters the whole night. Only downside was sitting across from a random at dinner who (politely) wanted to try to make small talk the whole time despite the music and general noise being way too loud for conversation. That would’ve felt less awkward with a drink or two (10-15) in me. Fair trade off for being fully present for the most important day in my friends’ lives though!

Great you made it! One thing I noticed is that at a lot bars, clubs or events the music is so loud and there are so many other stimuli (lights, people bumping into you, people talking, just people in general) that you can only handle it (or at least I can) after a few drinks.

Trying to talk/scream literally in someones ear because the music is so loud is not fun at all to say the least. So I tend to avoid those places. A dinner in a quiet restaurant with some N/A beers is much easier for instance.

But sometimes you can't avoid it, like your wedding. Luckily there are always some cigarette smokers you can hang out with outside for a while, they tend to have the best gossip too haha

[type]

Ill be honest, it was a way easier life on drugs being able to control my mood and motivation with substances. I have hardcore depression and schizophrenia and drugs are the only thing that really are able cut through that bullshit and let me live my life. Ever since I got sober I applied for disability and I havent left the house, I quit skating, Im just trapped in this mental illness ive had since I was 15, Im just existing at this point. Hopefully this is just a rough period in my life but yea shit has been sucking man.

[fs1/2cab]

Ill be honest, it was a way easier life on drugs being able to control my mood and motivation with substances. I have hardcore depression and schizophrenia and drugs are the only thing that really are able cut through that bullshit and let me live my life. Ever since I got sober I applied for disability and I havent left the house, I quit skating, Im just trapped in this mental illness ive had since I was 15, Im just existing at this point. Hopefully this is just a rough period in my life but yea shit has been sucking man.

May I ask since when you are sober?
I can relate to and understand the part of controlling your emotions with drugs. But I think the drugs only made you think, that everything is under control because you suppressed your emotions. It all feels rough and pointless now, but there is always a way out of that.
I don't know if you ever considered therapy or things like that. But dude, hang in there. I work with disabled people and nothing is hopeless for you, I promise you that. There are places where you can go to. You are not worthless. If you need someone to talk to, send me a DM.

[type]

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Ill be honest, it was a way easier life on drugs being able to control my mood and motivation with substances. I have hardcore depression and schizophrenia and drugs are the only thing that really are able cut through that bullshit and let me live my life. Ever since I got sober I applied for disability and I havent left the house, I quit skating, Im just trapped in this mental illness ive had since I was 15, Im just existing at this point. Hopefully this is just a rough period in my life but yea shit has been sucking man.

[close]

May I ask since when you are sober?
I can relate to and understand the part of controlling your emotions with drugs. But I think the drugs only made you think, that everything is under control because you suppressed your emotions. It all feels rough and pointless now, but there is always a way out of that.
I don't know if you ever considered therapy or things like that. But dude, hang in there. I work with disabled people and nothing is hopeless for you, I promise you that. There are places where you can go to. You are not worthless. If you need someone to talk to, send me a DM.

Ive been sober 10 months, I used drugs for 10 years. This is my therapy just venting on the internet.

[Easy Slider]

Wow, 10 months after ten years is a great achievement. Pull through homie.

I was drinking for more than 20 years and was always the outgoing engaging type of dude (when drunk, aka all the time). I also struggled with bouts of depression.

Now I have been on the wagon for more than four years and a lot of things are better. I am fitter than five years ago. But I also get to know myself, my sober self. That is a much more introverted dude, and I have to deal with a lot of mental stuff that I used to drown in alcohol.

It‘s not an easy journey but the alternative is much worse: going back to drinks, drugs and an early grave. No way, stay with us dude!

[fs1/2cab]

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Ill be honest, it was a way easier life on drugs being able to control my mood and motivation with substances. I have hardcore depression and schizophrenia and drugs are the only thing that really are able cut through that bullshit and let me live my life. Ever since I got sober I applied for disability and I havent left the house, I quit skating, Im just trapped in this mental illness ive had since I was 15, Im just existing at this point. Hopefully this is just a rough period in my life but yea shit has been sucking man.

[close]

May I ask since when you are sober?
I can relate to and understand the part of controlling your emotions with drugs. But I think the drugs only made you think, that everything is under control because you suppressed your emotions. It all feels rough and pointless now, but there is always a way out of that.
I don't know if you ever considered therapy or things like that. But dude, hang in there. I work with disabled people and nothing is hopeless for you, I promise you that. There are places where you can go to. You are not worthless. If you need someone to talk to, send me a DM.

[close]

Ive been sober 10 months, I used drugs for 10 years. This is my therapy just venting on the internet.

10 months is huge! You can be proud of yourself. I felt way more confused and aimless after 10 months. It felt better after 2 years I think. You got this mate. And yeah, keep on venting and talk to us here.

And like the homie @Easy Slider said, the alternative is much worse.

[People over profits]

thank you guys, Im not there yet but Im going for it, didnt drink yet in feb haha, lets see where it leads me... this topic is a good inspiration!!

[fs1/2cab]

Im 18 in my first year of college and i kind of feel like im blowing it in terms of substance abuse. Ive been smoking weed every day for a couple years and im starting to notice signs of schizophrenia which i know for a fact runs in my family but i just cant get myself to stop. I also have a pretty bad cocaine habit around twice a week on average. I also drink at least a few times a week and when i start i usually dont stop until i sort of crash. I still and am on top of my school work and im not fucking up my relationships or anything like that but im always very depressed and anxious and feel like i use these things as a crutch especially when going out socially and such. Sometimes like right now i just think im going down a dark path and i need to stop before it gets worse. Other times i convince myself its not that serious but i dont know i dont really open up to people i know in real life and i feel like it would be good to hear other peoples perspectives. Anyone whos been in a similar position or was close to people who are, i tripping over this too much or should i seriously start trying make some better lifestyle choices

This is going to be a long post about my own problems because I finally feel able to talk about that. So first of all, sorry for annoying ya all with my stupid shit.

Can't tell you anything about coke. But I developed some crazy schizophrenia when I was 27, after about 6 years of taking antidepressants and 8 years of daily weed smoking. The last year of me smoking everyday like 3 grams, my whole body and mind felt like shit. I heard like two different voices battling against each other. One telling me, to give up and kill myself. The other voice saying, everything will be alright if you stop smoking weed and take care of yourself. Then on christmas I slit my wrist but survived somehow. I kept on smoking weed and taking antidepressants, smoking painkillers and drinking whiskey for the next two months. 19th February 2018. I had a pneumonia, took antibiotics, antidepressants, smoked two pills of painkillers with some whiskey and went skating. After that I smoked like 3 grams of weed and drank more whiskey. Then the voices were back but like 6 of them. In the night I had a heart attack, got panic, started crying and screaming and just wanted everything to stop. So I smashed my head against a wall which didn't help. Then all I can remember is, lying on the floor under my window that I prayed to god that he make the voices stop. Then my heart raced like crazy, like it would explode and I became unconscious. A few hours later I woke up because some sunrays shined on my face. The voices were all gone and I cried tears of happiness and thanked god. Felt like absolute shit for the rest of the day and was very anxious and scared of everything that happened the night before. This was February the 20th 2018, since then I am mostly sober. Because 40 days later I took 3 hits of a spliff and the voices were instantly back and my heart went crazy again. The homies helped me to calm down. Had like 10 days of drinking since then and all those times felt like shit. Now I can have like two drinks in the evening and everything is fine but I very rarely drink. That still counts as 6 years sober for me in a few days on February the 20th.

Coming back to your original post. If you already notice signs of schizophrenia I would tell you, to stop with the weed or cut it back a bit. You are still young and I have two "friends" from back then who didn't stop when I did and they are in really dark places nowadays. Nothing wrong with a bit of party, go for it if you feel so. But I don't think any substance abuse can be a long term solution for anything. Be it making social interactions easier or bring the mind in a better space or just to relax and chill. I think you would want the best possible life for you and your family and you got to be healthy for that. Physically and mentally. Those are just my thoughts and opinions and I am a stranger from the internet. But you will figure out, what you want to achieve in this life. 🧡

[NoComply180]

Im 18 in my first year of college and i kind of feel like im blowing it in terms of substance abuse. Ive been smoking weed every day for a couple years and im starting to notice signs of schizophrenia which i know for a fact runs in my family but i just cant get myself to stop. I also have a pretty bad cocaine habit around twice a week on average. I also drink at least a few times a week and when i start i usually dont stop until i sort of crash. I still and am on top of my school work and im not fucking up my relationships or anything like that but im always very depressed and anxious and feel like i use these things as a crutch especially when going out socially and such. Sometimes like right now i just think im going down a dark path and i need to stop before it gets worse. Other times i convince myself its not that serious but i dont know i dont really open up to people i know in real life and i feel like it would be good to hear other peoples perspectives. Anyone whos been in a similar position or was close to people who are, i tripping over this too much or should i seriously start trying make some better lifestyle choices

18/19 in college was similar for me in someways. I smoked weed every day for the most part and drank 2-3 nights a week or so, drinking mostly at parties/social settings. I was also on top of my classes and stuff. Had a lot of really bad depression and anxiety I hadn’t learned how to label and deal with yet.

Eventually by the time I turned 20 being stoned all the time had me panicking constantly and feeling worse than I did when I wasn’t smoking. I would get so paranoid high that I’d be convinced loved ones were dying or people were coming to get me/after me. I ended up taking time off from school to deal with my mental health and since then (10+ years later) have never been able to smoke weed more than occasionally. Though, after that over the next decade I developed a huge booze problem.

 I know a lot of people swear by weed helping their anxiety/depression/mental health (and I don’t doubt that and I’m happy for them finding whatever relief they can get) but I do strongly believe that for other people, especially those like you or me who have a genetic disposition for schizophrenia or other serious mental health issues, it can make things worse. 

Anyways, you’re super young and so is your brain. I’d recommend trying to take a few months off the substances if you can and see how you feel. Or, at least reduce/cut back on something. I know that can be hard to do. Wish you the best.

[Sleazy]

it's really interesting to hear people talking about schizophrenia and weed as i haven't heard anyone talk about that before but experienced it myself. i quit smoking years back which was in part thanks to a thread here on slap. at the time i was feeling some schizophrenia type symptoms. for me it was just a lot of random dark thoughts that would pop in my head when i smoked. the best thing i can compare it too is when your on a really high balcony near a big drop and you get butterflies and images of falling in your head. that kind of vibe but just about anything shitty that could happen. i think a lot of it had to do with my mind racing and me smoking alone at home instead of when i'm out and about and my mind is preoccupied. i also felt on some level it was my mind trying to send me a signal by making smoking unenjoyable for me kind of like your mind wants you to back away form a high ledge. after stopping smoking those thoughts eventually went away but it wasn't immediate for me.

i've also got a friend who shared a story about one of his colleagues going off the deep end and eventually committing suicide. the people that were close to him were all convinced that the "high dose THC" he was into was a huge cause/contributing factor to his mental decline and eventual suicide. to add context, my friend was in a forum with this guy for almost 10 years where you share extremely personal details so he was very plugged into what was going on with his friend.

anecdotally i feel weed can cause mental health problems, i know for me it did on some level.

[hmmoookay]

Im 18 in my first year of college and i kind of feel like im blowing it in terms of substance abuse. Ive been smoking weed every day for a couple years and im starting to notice signs of schizophrenia which i know for a fact runs in my family but i just cant get myself to stop. I also have a pretty bad cocaine habit around twice a week on average. I also drink at least a few times a week and when i start i usually dont stop until i sort of crash. I still and am on top of my school work and im not fucking up my relationships or anything like that but im always very depressed and anxious and feel like i use these things as a crutch especially when going out socially and such. Sometimes like right now i just think im going down a dark path and i need to stop before it gets worse. Other times i convince myself its not that serious but i dont know i dont really open up to people i know in real life and i feel like it would be good to hear other peoples perspectives. Anyone whos been in a similar position or was close to people who are, i tripping over this too much or should i seriously start trying make some better lifestyle choices

I feel like I overshare in this thread so I'll try to keep things short and on track with this reply.

Speaking from experience when I was a student your age, I didn't fuck around with hard drugs because that is what I was always worried would always get me. I stuck to booze (rarely weed but I would accept if the opportunity presented itself) and like yourself started out 1-3 times a week because I had only started drinking as a freshman in college and that's just what the scene was on campus. Unfortunately, it was really easy to get my hands on booze pretty much all the time (as im sure it is for most college kids still) and before I knew it (but didnt recognize it at the time) drinking was an every day thing in some capacity, often drunk, even through the school week. I'll save the long of it but that did eventually lead to getting drunk pretty much every single day through my early-mid twenties, into my late 20's. I'm 32 now and got sober at 30. Like yourself, my academics never suffered. Two degrees obtained despite all that internal turmoil. All I'm trying to say there is that often when we're accomplishing shit outside of what we're doing to ourselves with drugs or alcohol its easy to ignore warning signs and push things aside. Just be careful if you continue to drink or do recreational drugs and try to recognize when you feel it might start to become to much (which I think is what your post above is recognizing, maybe). I'd never tell anyone that they need to get sober, that's on the individual. If that is the route you feel you need to take, I hope that it happens a little sooner for you than it did me. Wasted time sucks to reflect on.

The only thing I can add to the weed discussion is that last year I did try using very low dose thc/cbd edibles for sleep as I was going through some sleep problems and that seemed like a safe, natural solution. I do not count this as interfering with my sobriety because I wasn't getting high and only took them at bed time. But, I do think they were making me depressed so I stopped using those and continue to use cbd for pain management / sleep. Maybe try giving yourself a break from the weed for a bit and just see how you feel. Don't worry about the social implications or anything like that, you gotta do what's right for your mental.

Also, I know you said you haven't, but try opening up to people you trust in real life. You wouldn't believe the number of people within reach that might be going through the same thing. Look at all the people in this thread. (I know this isn't IRL per se but you know what I mean)

[hmmoookay]

Also, approaching a month fully of caffeine. I said I would give myself that amount of time and re-evaluate, and I will, but I think I might keep it going. I've kind of adjusted to not relying on a pickmeup to "get me through" parts of the day because in reality if I just try and manage sleep well, make sure I'm eating well / enough, generally I've got the energy to do the important things and get exercise. The only part of my day that "suffers" now are the evenings where a few days through the week I'll go to bed a little earlier and feel down because I feel "boring", but in reality all I'm missing out on is staying up a little later to get fucked on by cheaters in Apex Legends, so I'm not really missing anything, haha. It's been a nice change, again I'm gonna see what's up at the end of these 30 days.

[Ankle_Lift]

It's interesting what everyone is talking about about with smoking weed.
I was a daily weed smoker until I was about 19 (Im 39 now)

I stopped smoking it because it just gave me wicked anxiety, but it also fucked me up. Weed fucks me right up, and if I do smoke some weed, I hear basically techno music and I guess what I would describe as malevolent voices, in my head. Almost like whispering voices.
I don't know if that's from mental issues, or from a history of drug taking from a young age. Either way it's fucked.
I've never been able to explain it to anyone because it makes me sound crazy, because the majority of people smoke weed and it relaxes them.

I have always liked alcohol for the main reason because it's numbing. It numbs my brain and feels so good.

[Ankle_Lift]

The only thing I can add to the weed discussion is that last year I did try using very low dose thc/cbd edibles for sleep as I was going through some sleep problems and that seemed like a safe, natural solution.

I'd you're having trouble sleeping but want something natural try Valerian root.
I've used it, it actually works, but one of the side effects of it is possible nightmares.
I had a night after taking some where I legitimately had night terrors, like literally screaming while I was sleeping until my wife woke me up.

[NoComply180]

It's interesting what everyone is talking about about with smoking weed.
I was a daily weed smoker until I was about 19 (Im 39 now)

I stopped smoking it because it just gave me wicked anxiety, but it also fucked me up. Weed fucks me right up, and if I do smoke some weed, I hear basically techno music and I guess what I would describe as malevolent voices, in my head. Almost like whispering voices.
I don't know if that's from mental issues, or from a history of drug taking from a young age. Either way it's fucked.
I've never been able to explain it to anyone because it makes me sound crazy, because the majority of people smoke weed and it relaxes them.

I have always liked alcohol for the main reason because it's numbing. It numbs my brain and feels so good.

Fuck man, this. I WISH weed relaxed me in the moment like alcohol did or weed seems to do for lots of people. I’ve tried to get it to work for me a lot but it still seems like at best it’ll sometimes be enjoyable while still running the risk of putting me in a really fucked mental space.

[EdLawndale]

I get everyone is different and not trying to discount anyone's experiences. That said, I did take a class that taught me that one's reactions to and experiences with all substances, marijuana included, is related to one's "set and setting". In other words, there are variables that can change the experience each individual time you do it.

For me, sometimes I smoke weed and get very anxiety-ridden/paranoid, other times it's a very enjoyable experience. I can't really find a pattern or through line, except for maybe my built-up tolerance level or taking care of things to worry about beforehand, as sometimes each sort of experience happens regardless of where I am or who I'm with.

I recently started smoking much less, and partook with someone for the first time in months on Thanksgiving. He had a toddler staying in the house with us. And almost as soon as I smoked even a small amount, I began to trip hard on where I left my medication and if it was in place that the toddler could reach. Had he gone into my room when I wasn't there? Did he already find it and accidentally ingest it? Do I know where it is? I went upstairs to my room and searched my luggage for the pills (some were in a child-proof container, but I had others in just a plastic bag). Once I accounted for my pills, I put them all the way at the bottom of a zipped backpack. That seem to alleviate that concern.

While searching for my pills, I noticed the Air B&B had many roach traps under the beds. Then that became a thing to me that had to be immediately dealt with. I had to inform my friend that the roach traps were there, in case it was a threat of ingestion or contact to his son. My friend's wife was pregnant with their second child and ended up having a miscarriage that night in the Air B&B but I googled it and it likely had nothing to do with the insect traps.

But I was tripping.

Other times, I've smoked a bowl and gone to Costco or the farmer's market and been on cloud 9.

But it definitely can be a crapshoot as to what sort of time you are going to have.