I've dreaded this day. As a young girl, my domineering skate dad would oft stand in my doorway at night and proclaim in a throaty whisper, “hellride ends at 30, my dear.” Of course, with the foolishness of youth I lived out my 20s carefree, purchasing any wheelbase and riding whatever duro wheels, all with healthy cartilage. Sure I struggled to afford Skate Mama's, or any pants which would fit over THESE Ishod-esque quads. But I could wake up every day and confidently say, “my pop will stay another year”.
And then.
On the eve of my 29th birthday, I flung off my Dunks into my pile of crumpled up beer bottles and cigarette packs, preparing for sleep, when the clock struck. Thirteen ominous times. DING. DING. DONG. A murder of crows landed on my windowsill, so many black beady eyes seeming to stare right into my very heart. Sleep that night was spasmodic, feverish even. When I awoke I knew something was different. I hoped on my board and suddenly desired Riptide bushings? I stared in the mirror which was sitting on three garbage bags in the corner, daddy's proclamation ringing in my ears. My hips were wider. Pins and needles sensations shot through my knees and my legs felt fatigued. I contracted... Jeff Dechesare's medical condition.
It’s been four years since that morning and I've gained 50 pounds. I’ve mostly skate titanium trucks from the shop in the rich part of town (which I live in) and incorporate exotic race car parts into my setups. Sometimes I still feel Animal Chin's presence while rolling around on my Powell Flight Deck. And yet I cannot control the ravaging of my madness. My fliptricks are unrecognizable, the locals call me the NFT expert (No Flip Tricks).
Tonight is the ceremony. I will bring all my kooky gear into the forest and set fire to it, and when the embers have subsided I will walk into that dark night and find a little cave to post on SLAP from. But before I go I must find a symmetrical egg with a 13.5" wheelbase x 8.75 width and where to purchase Pepper Galaxy griptape.
Please give me your best recommendations. I do not know how to use the internet.