real confessions

[tobey]

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l33t maybe you should try different meds cause i remember seeing that you were on the same dosage as me for prozac and the prozac made me feel worst. i threw up every morning i couldn't go out, didn't talk to anyone and i even got separation anxiety from my mother (i was 19 at the time, who has separation anxiety from there mother in their late teens?) The only time i felt like myself was when i was drunk. Now i am on paxil and i even take a low dosage of that now cause when i was on like 50mg of it i felt like i wasn't real, like my mind was in a fog. But i also have meds for my panic attacks but i take less pills than i use to when i was on the prozac. I took about 7 pills a day for my panic attacks now i only take 3 pills a day so i see that as a huge success so far. When i was on the prozac i had a plan to kill myself, im not going to tell you my plan cause i don't want to give you any ideas but i was there and still am kind of there but i rarely think about it now. So it does get a little better but im not cured, i still can't drive anywhere thats more than 10 minutes away but im still trying and i have hope now

[close]

I used to get those, along with panic attacks. You ever figure out what caused that stuff?

no never understood why i had that cause my mom travels a lot, even when i was a kid and it never bothered me but during that time it was the worst feeling ever

[L33Tg33k]

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I very much so meant suicide bag. I really don't like life. I'm grateful to have been a piece of the universe that got to experience itself, but I don't like the experience. It's not for me.

[close]

Spend more time in the sunlight. Skate or do some sort of physical activity outdoors. Suicide is a giant "fuck you" to everyone who cares about you.

People say that, but I think loved ones forcing you to live for their sake despite one's unhappiness is worse. Of course it would hurt them, but I don't think I should have to live for them in spite of myself.

[Made In China]

The girl I really like told me that she has a crush on someone else.

[ThugWaffle]

The girl I really like told me that she has a crush on someone else.

[BRIX SKWIKZ]

Yeah I'm hoping to explain to the judge that what I did was a slip in my usual good judgement and even when I was going through with it I felt terrible(which is true). A lot of the stuff I've been reading online imply that I should get an attorney but I'm not sure if that's necessary. I'd be happy to just pay a fine or something as long as its under 200 bucks and this is taken off of my record. I've been reading about being able to get the charge reduced to littering so that's something I'll probably try to do as well. I just want to be done with all of this.

YOU ARE A GOOD BOY YOU SHOULD JUST SAY STEALING IS IN THE DNA OF YOU SCUMBAG SUBRACE

[silkyjohnson]

I've been really freaked out/ anxious about death, it's probably one of my greatest fears, around this time a couple years ago one of my best friends passed away really young and just this last Friday my sisters friend died in a car accident, shits got me buggin, just can't help but feel scared about my and family's mortality.

[Aidan Clarke]

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Yeah I'm hoping to explain to the judge that what I did was a slip in my usual good judgement and even when I was going through with it I felt terrible(which is true). A lot of the stuff I've been reading online imply that I should get an attorney but I'm not sure if that's necessary. I'd be happy to just pay a fine or something as long as its under 200 bucks and this is taken off of my record. I've been reading about being able to get the charge reduced to littering so that's something I'll probably try to do as well. I just want to be done with all of this.

[close]

YOU ARE A GOOD BOY YOU SHOULD JUST SAY STEALING IS IN THE DNA OF YOU SCUMBAG SUBRACE

you sound like my friends grandpa. he had white stuff in the corners of his mouth and couldnt get out of his recliner to shower himself. one of the more entertaining senior citizens ive met in my life, and one of the least entertaining smells ive smelled in my life.

[dillanharp]

I've been really freaked out/ anxious about death, it's probably one of my greatest fears, around this time a couple years ago one of my best friends passed away really young and just this last Friday my sisters friend died in a car accident, shits got me buggin, just can't help but feel scared about my and family's mortality.

I'm not trying to talk shit, but when I was really young I had serious death anxiety. As cliche as it sounds, it's a part of life, everyone's going to die.  Hang in there dude. Enjoy the time you have with the people you love.

On that note, I've been super soft on anything that has to do with kids.  Shit's constantly on the news, kid dies because of a shitty parent.  My son just turned 6 months old, I can't imagine any of this shit.  A guy forgot his kid in the car for an entire work day, forgot to take him to daycare, kid was dead when he got off work.  Mother stabbed her baby in the middle of the street, handed dead infant over to police.  Fucking ridiculous.  3 year old run over... Every time I read this shit I have to go hug my son and tell him I love him.

[ThugWaffle]

I've been really freaked out/ anxious about death, it's probably one of my greatest fears, around this time a couple years ago one of my best friends passed away really young and just this last Friday my sisters friend died in a car accident, shits got me buggin, just can't help but feel scared about my and family's mortality.

LOL YOLO

[Spitfire4life]

All my life something has been wrong with me. I've always been the weird kid that had no friends and was nothing special. I've always been extremely anti-social, not in the way I don't want to talk to people, in fact that's all I want, but in the way I couldn't. I'm extremely socially-awkward to the point where I have almost no friends. I feel closer to SLAP PALS than I do with people in my classes. I usually skate alone, or with my only friend. I am always super depressed to the point where I just put headphones in at school and pretend I'm not even there. I spend most of my time skating or sleeping, and I'm starting to lose my drive to skate whenever I'm just at home. It just feels like so much effort to go try and bunch of stuff that I probably won't land (at least that's what I tell myself). I am just so depressed that I feel like life is completely pointless.

About a month ago, I went to the Doctor's with my mom and he explained to me that I have aspergers. I honestly don't know what to do with this. I have an explanation for how I feel, but it only makes me feel more alienated. Getting that diagnosis only depressed me more because the way I see it, I'm stuck this way.

Any advice or knowledge of life would be greatly appreciated.

[shark tits]

All my life something has been wrong with me. I've always been the weird kid that had no friends and was nothing special. I've always been extremely anti-social, not in the way I don't want to talk to people, in fact that's all I want, but in the way I couldn't. I'm extremely socially-awkward to the point where I have almost no friends. I feel closer to SLAP PALS than I do with people in my classes. I usually skate alone, or with my only friend. I am always super depressed to the point where I just put headphones in at school and pretend I'm not even there. I spend most of my time skating or sleeping, and I'm starting to lose my drive to skate whenever I'm just at home. It just feels like so much effort to go try and bunch of stuff that I probably won't land (at least that's what I tell myself). I am just so depressed that I feel like life is completely pointless.

About a month ago, I went to the Doctor's with my mom and he explained to me that I have aspergers. I honestly don't know what to do with this. I have an explanation for how I feel, but it only makes me feel more alienated. Getting that diagnosis only depressed me more because the way I see it, I'm stuck this way.

Any advice or knowledge of life would be greatly appreciated.

i'd be your friend but i think you said you're a kid in the other thread and that would be weird plus i'm not in az. i'd disregard the diagnosis, for a while i thought i had that, i was reading about it and i usedta be obsessed w/ trains and some of the other symptoms [riding them and looking at tags, not so much looking at the numbers] but it's whatever. just keep doing what ya do and you'll meet someone else who's into that shit. az is kind of the best.
my life is all fucked off, me and a pal who shall remain nameless got into some stuff over the wkend and i seen a psychiatrist today. i'm pathologically honest so i mentioned it and the bitch is like 'i'll write you a benzo script if you can piss clean' so i'm hoping that urine exited my penis at 72 hours or more from my last shot.
oh messy life!

[Spitfire4life]

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All my life something has been wrong with me. I've always been the weird kid that had no friends and was nothing special. I've always been extremely anti-social, not in the way I don't want to talk to people, in fact that's all I want, but in the way I couldn't. I'm extremely socially-awkward to the point where I have almost no friends. I feel closer to SLAP PALS than I do with people in my classes. I usually skate alone, or with my only friend. I am always super depressed to the point where I just put headphones in at school and pretend I'm not even there. I spend most of my time skating or sleeping, and I'm starting to lose my drive to skate whenever I'm just at home. It just feels like so much effort to go try and bunch of stuff that I probably won't land (at least that's what I tell myself). I am just so depressed that I feel like life is completely pointless.

About a month ago, I went to the Doctor's with my mom and he explained to me that I have aspergers. I honestly don't know what to do with this. I have an explanation for how I feel, but it only makes me feel more alienated. Getting that diagnosis only depressed me more because the way I see it, I'm stuck this way.

Any advice or knowledge of life would be greatly appreciated.

[close]

i'd be your friend but i think you said you're a kid in the other thread and that would be weird plus i'm not in az. i'd disregard the diagnosis, for a while i thought i had that, i was reading about it and i usedta be obsessed w/ trains and some of the other symptoms [riding them and looking at tags, not so much looking at the numbers] but it's whatever. just keep doing what ya do and you'll meet someone else who's into that shit. az is kind of the best.
my life is all fucked off, me and a pal who shall remain nameless got into some stuff over the wkend and i seen a psychiatrist today. i'm pathologically honest so i mentioned it and the bitch is like 'i'll write you a benzo script if you can piss clean' so i'm hoping that urine exited my penis at 72 hours or more from my last shot.
oh messy life!

Thanks dude, I'll definitely try to shake it off, doctors have been wrong before.

[L33Tg33k]

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I very much so meant suicide bag. I really don't like life. I'm grateful to have been a piece of the universe that got to experience itself, but I don't like the experience. It's not for me.

[close]

At least get laid before you completely write life off. If possible, form a connection with the person first, which makes it twice as fulfilling.

LOL. I guess I should go ahead and win the lottery before I off myself too.

[pinche gringo]

Hey l33t I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. Is there someone close to you that you can talk to about your suicidal thoughts? I hope you get through this. There is a lot of world out there to see. I understand that I'm a total stranger but if you want to chat PM or email me. I've lost several friends to suicide. I understand that it sometimes seems impossible that your situation will improve but it will.

[@thewilleasley]

L33tG33k keep your head up man I'm a firm believer that any negative experience can be turned into something just as positive if you keep a positive mindset and learn from your experience as much as you can. thats the whole point. when i was going through all that shit with my friends family & mom dying i was an emotional wreck for MONTHS and dealt with a ton of anxiety & sadness but you just gotta keep hope alive and know that that struggle is whats gonna make your success so sweat. if you notice, a large amount of insanely successful people have gone through periods of life just like you where shit just hit rock bottom or worse, but they hung in there and once you get out that hole the whole world opens up to you. the problem with you is that you fall victim to your own negative thoughts and its just a vicious cycle that seems like it'll never end. a little "fake it til you make it" would honestly do you a lot of good. don't go overboard of course but try to make an effort to cheer yourself on a little bit. its all on the inside man. we could all tell you the greatest advice in the world and some pornstar could fuck you for a week straight but at the end of day true happiness comes from within and you just gotta really dig deep and pull through for yourself. you're not an asshole so i figure you have karma on your side, you just have to stop being your worst critic and putting yourself down for no reason. if you keep thinking the same way, you'll get the same results. before you truly become an asshole and try to kill yourself at least pretend to confident & happy for a while and just see what happens.

[L33Tg33k]

I don't think Exposure is that bad.

[ttching!]

[Mr. Lono]

I don't think Exposure is that bad.

Hello g33k. I have been lurking this forum for a long fucking time and have read tons of your posts. Your posts having been losing humor more and more and honestly i'm starting to get a little worried. Of course i have no fucking idea who you are and it is none of my god damn business but I just had to break through a basement window recently to throw a friend in an ice cold shower because he ate about 20 zanex and downed about a handle bottle of whiskey. I had to pour peroxide down his throat to make him vomit profusely. (note to others) I totally understand what you said about how not modifying your life or death to please others. Sometimes the trick is to embrace isolation. Find a way to vent the fucked up thoughts you are feeling. Wether it be drugs, reading, writing..anything. just find what works. I don't know, my thought process changes drastically every day.

[Mr. Lono]

I forgot to mention I have been working in a assembly line and am on the verge of drinking myself to death. real confession. On a positive note I have been learning a lot more spanish and writing more

and dude..just go to the things that made you laugh today

[L33Tg33k]

I thought I still made humorous posts. Then again, it's not like my sense of humor was ever on the pulse of the people. Point is, I've still been making myself laugh a little. As for my suicidal ideations, I honestly don't know if it's even a thing to worry about because I've been too big of a pussy to do it for so long, I just don't know if I'm capable of it. That's why I was talking about realizing my plan slowly and step by step so that maybe I can normalize the idea of going through with it and it would become more real to me over time with ever lessening fear. The fear itself is nearly unbearable. I don't want to feel it any more.

[SodaJerk]

L33T, do not normalise suicide. For some people it is a full blown certainty that they will die at their own hands but from all I have read from you you are not one of these people in my eyes. If you put the effort you were willing to put into normalising the end I think you can put this effort into accepting your present state and either embracing it or changing it for the better. I don't feel ending your life takes courage, I think improving it does. The world doesn't need one less skater so I hope you can work this out.

[greenmilktea]

i have really terrible social anxiety when i'm skateboarding to the point where i get so annoyed with everyone around me and bummed out that i can't do anything because i feel like everyone is watching and judging me and i only really feel comfortable when at least one of my friends is with me. also i'm terrible with money and i got fired from my job and would have been homeless the past two months if i hadn't been able to borrow money from people close to me in order to pay my rent and i have debt and debt collectors calling me every day and i feel like i'm slowly spiraling downward into a place i don't want to end up

also l33tg33k keep your head up bud i don't know you but i hope everything works out, honestly

[Jim and Dan]

I re-relapsed last week . . .

[shark tits]

I re-relapsed last week . . .

me too on saturday even though i'm not technically 'off drugs' just drinking. a little crack and her'on never hurt nobody but it almost made me fail a piss test for my benzos. not trying to normalize it but if you can relapse and get back on the wagon i think you're doing ok. or like, don't beat yourself up if that's what you were doing.

[Jim and Dan]

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I re-relapsed last week . . .

[close]

me too on saturday even though i'm not technically 'off drugs' just drinking. a little crack and her'on never hurt nobody but it almost made me fail a piss test for my benzos. not trying to normalize it but if you can relapse and get back on the wagon i think you're doing ok. or like, don't beat yourself up if that's what you were doing.

Quick two-day ball bender, which also always leads me to get really sick & I'm now the owner of a lovely scar on my arm.

Framing the situation in the perspective of, "I made a mistake, just don't keep doing that", as opposed to, "I fucked up 3 months of sobriety, I'm a piece of shit" seems to make a significant difference in my post-use attitudes; basically dictating what happens next.

However, it is amazing to not feel the deadly pull of using everyday or really at all . . .

Drugs are freaking wack when you can't hang tough anymore kids . . .

[ROCKxADIO420]

i think i missed all of leetgeeks humorous posts

[Rumpleforeskin]

Only two things can come out of me staying in this city and living with the people I currently live with:  Suicide or literally drinking myself death.  Most likely, the latter.  The past 4 days I have spent drinking while taking various sleeping medications.  I usually pass out for around 12-14 hours which isn't too bad I guess.  I start working full-time this weekend.  I'll be making around $9-$10 an hour which isn't bad for a summer job.  The people I live with are disgusting.  They don't clean up anything at all, all they do is eat the food I buy and fuck their slutty daddy-issue girlfriends.  They never leave!  Its such a shame that these were people I grew up and considered friends.  Me getting a place and sharing it with these fuckers was supposed to be a pretty great opportunity for all of us.  All you have to do is pay rent/utility and not fuck up school, and they end up doing the complete opposite. Its like you give these people one inch of freedom and they completely pile out.  Its pathetic.  The fact they see nothing wrong with any of that is horrifying to me, they even throw it in my face time to time as a way of bragging.  If I leave here I sacrifice leaving a fairly prestigious university and missing out on decent job opportunities that might arise after graduating college, but at this point it just doesn't seem worth it.  I feel like I'm going crazy, man.  Never felt so alone in my life.  The only thing I ever leave the house for is to go skate occasionally..  Thank god for skating.

[Coastal Fever]

LOL. I guess I should go ahead and win the lottery before I off myself too.

You should get tinder/okcupid/whatever, and start convos with girls without any intention of getting laid.  When you mostly hang out with immature dudes, it's really nice to just shoot the shit with a cute chick, it will invigorate you and that new confidence will shine.  Maybe she'll be going through some shit and you'll be able to comfort her, which will make you feel extra good about yourself.

[shark tits]

Only two things can come out of me staying in this city and living with the people I currently live with:  Suicide or literally drinking myself death.  Most likely, the latter.  The past 4 days I have spent drinking while taking various sleeping medications.  I usually pass out for around 12-14 hours which isn't too bad I guess.  I start working full-time this weekend.  I'll be making around $9-$10 an hour which isn't bad for a summer job.  The people I live with are disgusting.  They don't clean up anything at all, all they do is eat the food I buy and fuck their slutty daddy-issue girlfriends.  They never leave!  Its such a shame that these were people I grew up and considered friends.  Me getting a place and sharing it with these fuckers was supposed to be a pretty great opportunity for all of us.  All you have to do is pay rent/utility and not fuck up school, and they end up doing the complete opposite. Its like you give these people one inch of freedom and they completely pile out.  Its pathetic.  The fact they see nothing wrong with any of that is horrifying to me, they even throw it in my face time to time as a way of bragging.  If I leave here I sacrifice leaving a fairly prestigious university and missing out on decent job opportunities that might arise after graduating college, but at this point it just doesn't seem worth it.  I feel like I'm going crazy, man.  Never felt so alone in my life.  The only thing I ever leave the house for is to go skate occasionally..  Thank god for skating.

you need better friends mr foreskin. don't give up on school, even though it produces a bunch of eggheads you're better off going than being a knucklehead and owing money for an incomplete education. shit is tough when you're young, your best friend becomes a jerkoff when you're roomies, just the way it is. least you got skating, most people ain't even got that.
ps i usedta piss in my soda cause i was sick of drunk roomies drinking it. that learned em......

[@thewilleasley]

Only two things can come out of me staying in this city and living with the people I currently live with:� Suicide or literally drinking myself death.� Most likely, the latter.� The past 4 days I have spent drinking while taking various sleeping medications.� I usually pass out for around 12-14 hours which isn't too bad I guess.� I start working full-time this weekend.� I'll be making around $9-$10 an hour which isn't bad for a summer job.� The people I live with are disgusting.� They don't clean up anything at all, all they do is eat the food I buy and fuck their slutty daddy-issue girlfriends.� They never leave!� Its such a shame that these were people I grew up and considered friends.� Me getting a place and sharing it with these fuckers was supposed to be a pretty great opportunity for all of us.� All you have to do is pay rent/utility and not fuck up school, and they end up doing the complete opposite. Its like you give these people one inch of freedom and they completely pile out.� Its pathetic.� The fact they see nothing wrong with any of that is horrifying to me, they even throw it in my face time to time as a way of bragging.� If I leave here I sacrifice leaving a fairly prestigious university and missing out on decent job opportunities that might arise after graduating college, but at this point it just doesn't seem worth it.� I feel like I'm going crazy, man.� Never felt so alone in my life.� The only thing I ever leave the house for is to go skate occasionally..� Thank god for skating.

stay up man but forreal dont let them hold you back from what you feel your supposed to do. try to solider through & use that frustration to fuel you to make some power moves to chance your circumstance. Dont one bad group of friends fuck you over at this point in life cuz the last thing you would want to do is blow a bunch of good opportunities that could potentially be very good for you down the line just because you're dealing with some short-term bullshit in the now.

on the other hand, i know exactly whats its like to go thru a fucked up situation, feeling so alone, and moving far far away for a fresh start so if shit gets REALLY bad that may actually do you a lot of good IF you move to right place under the right circumstances. Stay up tho fam, sending positive vibes your way.