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I don't know if I'm depressed or what, but I feel like I have no motivation in life. I graduated high school 3 years ago and haven't really done much to better myself since then. I took a few semesters at a community college, but I basically dropped all of my classes each time. I have no direction in life. I don't know what I want to do. I don't feel depressed though (I've been depressed before), I just feel like I have no drive or incentive to better myself. I haven't even bettered myself at skateboarding really, even though I skate quite often. I guess I should just stop being a pussy and get out there and seize the day, but again, I have almost no motivation. It's like I'm just passing by life. January feels like yesterday. All the days run into each other. I look at most of the people around me and it seems like they've all advanced in some way since 3 years ago. I'm not even 21 yet, but I feel like a retiree almost. I used to feel like I was killing it in life, but now I don't, and don't know what's happened to change that. I feel like I'm actually a lesser-version of my former self. The whole situation is a strange cycle.
Take drugs? Have a history of other mental illness? Have an already overall negative outlook?
Surmise your thoughts on what you feel existence is all "about" . . .
I certainly felt this way at 21 in similarly cyclical way, constantly up & down but over an extended period of time.
Provide a little more information & the Internet doctors will conclude their diagnosis with pertinent results.
Thanks everyone for your kindness. I don't take any drugs, and have no history of mental illness, although I sometimes feel that I could have something mentally different than most about myself. I can be quite eccentric at times. I do however think my outlook can turn negative quite easily, like a snowball effect. When it's bad, it's bad and when it's good, it's great.
My thoughts on life have riddled my mind for the past few years as well. Existentialism resonates strongly with me. I'm not religious. I believe that people should assign whatever purpose to their life as they please, and do what they want, without much regard to social norms. Death is inevitably looming, so why waste time with that which doesn't interest you? That might sound motivating, but sometimes I feel as though nothing truly matters, such as what's the point of pushing myself to get better at skating, even though I know I that I want to get better. Many of my friends have quit skating at this age, or they've stepped it up way beyond the level that I'm currently at. It's hard to just go out and have fun like I used to. There's also like a clash of ideologies, where I basically feel like a loser for not going to school, but then once I get in school, I hate it so much and just want to skate. Also, I'm unemployed, but I have enough money to start a small business of some sort. I have little drive for that either though. I'll be super hyped on getting something going, but after that initial rush, I hardly come back to it. It's 7 p.m on the east coast and I haven't even left my house yet today. I went to sleep last night at 7 a.m. I can't remember when I last woke up before noon.
I feel as though my lust for life is gone. I grew up living quite a sheltered life and maybe that had something to do with it. Some of you may read this and call me a pussy. That's fine, I can see what you mean. It doesn't really matter to me though. I have an almost complete indifference to everything. I thought about talking to a therapist, but I thought maybe some of you guys could relate and offer up some words of wisdom or similar experiences. Thanks again for the replies.
Topic: real confessions (Read 1977392 times)