real confessions

[DaSk8D00D]

Ok remember how I said I botched my pullout with my girl a couple weeks ago?  Well now she’s only a few days away from missing her period and has been showing minor symptoms (random illness, increased appetite, weird cravings, etc) and now I’m lowkey spooked brehs

I’m gonna need the power of SLAP and all the land to come together and give me all their energy like Goku with the spirit bomb....




And send a powerful blast out into the universe with a resounding NO to that insemination cuz I ain’t ready for this shit!

Like forreal I feel like this inside



I know some of us have had our differences on here but that should be even more reason to get onboard and send some infertility vibes my way, we all need this right now

I’ll do anything y’all. Stop using smileys, stop making threads, hell ill even focus my account and post under an unrecognizable alias...

Just please dear God don’t let her get pregnant!!

[Turtle Boy]

What the aborption status in your state? What is your gf opinion on aborption?
I mean you should use some contraception for real, not just the pull out technique. There are tons of methods, from pills, condoms, inserts whatever...
I know it can be a pain in the ass, but WAAAAAY less pain in a ass than a baby.

[shark tits]

you got options.......
has anyone crowdfunded abortions yet?
[nice footage on the other thread, heelflip down 10!?!?!?!]

[somethingmustbreaknow]

Pull Out technique?
you fuckin serious?

[Joe Pesci]

What the aborption status in your state? What is your gf opinion on aborption?
I mean you should use some contraception for real, not just the pull out technique. There are tons of methods, from pills, condoms, inserts whatever...
I know it can be a pain in the ass, but WAAAAAY less pain in a ass than a baby.

You misspelled absorption, but yeah I agree you should look into getting the baby absorbed.

[mynameisnotjeff]

You know you're in deep when you have one of those.
Power to you Sk8dood but stick to Jimmy Caps.

[ducky darnsworth]

goodluck with that shit will, hopefully your gf doesnt go off the wall with this

[Gray Imp Sausage Metal]

I know some of us have had our differences on here but that should be even more reason to get onboard and send some infertility vibes my way, we all need this right now

I have a feeling Simon Woodstock is not going to like your confessions mate. On the flip side, having a kid is awesome!
Welcome to the #raddad club Honestly though, I don't know if she would already be having weird cravings etc. BEFORE her period is due so you'll probably be fine*

* this is SLAP though and no one on here is a doctor right?

[tobey]

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I know some of us have had our differences on here but that should be even more reason to get onboard and send some infertility vibes my way, we all need this right now

[close]

I have a feeling Simon Woodstock is not going to like your confessions mate. On the flip side, having a kid is awesome!
Welcome to the #raddad club Honestly though, I don't know if she would already be having weird cravings etc. BEFORE her period is due so you'll probably be fine*

* this is SLAP though and no one on here is a doctor right?

I mean Shit for Brains is pretty smart. I rather go to him than some nerd who went to school for 8 years

[Monkey_Mcpott]

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I know some of us have had our differences on here but that should be even more reason to get onboard and send some infertility vibes my way, we all need this right now

[close]

I have a feeling Simon Woodstock is not going to like your confessions mate. On the flip side, having a kid is awesome!
Welcome to the #raddad club Honestly though, I don't know if she would already be having weird cravings etc. BEFORE her period is due so you'll probably be fine*

* this is SLAP though and no one on here is a doctor right?

[close]

I mean Shit for Brains is pretty smart. I rather go to him than some nerd who went to school for 8 years

Vibes your way. I wouldn't say you've been my favorite poster and at times i think you can be a bit aggressive with your views but to each his own. Having a kid can be a blessing in disguise sometimes though. Before i had my son at the age of 22 I lived a very carefree lifestyle with no cares in the world or my future. Since then i personally believe he was the reason i decided to take my life and career more serious to make better decisions that led me to the comfortable state that i am currently in. I hope that whatever happens is the best decision for your life, but don't think the worst if it doesn't go the way you want it. You cant plan life, just go with it.

[doomstation55]

Dude it's 2017 if you keep your laptop on your lap you should be shootin blanks. That's my contraception method at least.

[mynameisnotjeff]

Found Nora's Spotify...I think. Sick music and if it is her I've fallen in love just a little more

[Gray Imp Sausage Metal]

I don't like Palace
(surprise surprise)

[shit_for_brains]

I only had one credible pregnancy scare. While I was on the phone breaking up with this girl she said she was already late on her period, which inspired a few vagina rental jokes, and had taken a test you pee on that said she was pregnant. I told her to get in her car IMMEDIATELY and come to my place, and I went and spent about $50,000,000 on all kinds of different brands of tests. When she got there I said I wanted to see her pee on every single one of them with my eyes, then we can sit awkwardly and tensely wait for the results. She changed her tune real quick and I found out you can't return pregnancy tests.

So I guess you should try scaring her into never wanting a kid with you?

[DaSk8D00D]

So at 6:36AM this morning on my way to work my girl gives me the news...



IT’S A PERIOD BREHS




I can’t front that shit had me really shook for a few days but nigga we made it

[SodaJerk]

So at 6:36AM this morning on my way to work my girl gives me the news...



IT’S A PERIOD BREHS




I can’t front that shit had me really shook for a few days but nigga we made it

You know it's not uncommon for women to have their period whilst in the early stages of pregnancy.

[DaSk8D00D]

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So at 6:36AM this morning on my way to work my girl gives me the news...



IT’S A PERIOD BREHS




I can’t front that shit had me really shook for a few days but nigga we made it

[close]

You know it's not uncommon for women to have their period whilst in the early stages of pregnancy.

She’s been keeping track of it and it was right on schedule today, so ima enjoy this feeling of relief until I have a reason not to

[ttching!]

First I was like lil' d00d?   
 

But then I was like: Yung Easely?   


Now I'm all like: RIP Yung Easely 
 

[mynameisnotjeff]

A fight almost broke out at work and while I was getting ready I realized 1) I can't fight but I'm going down swinging 2) My first response was to imitate that Any Roy video where he's yelling and pulling up his shorts to creep out the person 3) I was glad it didn't happen while the cute waitresses where clocked in

[SodaJerk]

A fight almost broke out at work and while I was getting ready I realized 1) I can't fight but I'm going down swinging 2) My first response was to imitate that Any Roy video where he's yelling and pulling up his shorts to creep out the person 3) I was glad it didn't happen while the cute waitresses where clocked in

Count it.
I love that clip of Andy. When someone is in your face the best thing to deal with it is always to be ridiculous.

[shit_for_brains]

But if someone actually gets IN your face, you should headbutt them. Even if you they beat you to death, they can't win against someone who hits people with their face.

[mynameisnotjeff]

But if someone actually gets IN your face, you should headbutt them. Even if you they beat you to death, they can't win against someone who hits people with their face.

Like this?

[shit_for_brains]

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But if someone actually gets IN your face, you should headbutt them. Even if you they beat you to death, they can't win against someone who hits people with their face.

[close]

Like this?

No, that was stupid. You want to hit them in the nose with your hairline and ruin their face forever.

[tobey]

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But if someone actually gets IN your face, you should headbutt them. Even if you they beat you to death, they can't win against someone who hits people with their face.

[close]

Like this?

[close]

No, that was stupid. You want to hit them in the nose with your hairline and ruin their face forever.

Is that what happened to Owen Wilson

[Grind King Rims]

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But if someone actually gets IN your face, you should headbutt them. Even if you they beat you to death, they can't win against someone who hits people with their face.

[close]

Like this?

[close]

No, that was stupid. You want to hit them in the nose with your hairline and ruin their face forever.

[close]

Is that what happened to Owen Wilson

No, he tried to fix it with his hands and made it worse.

[Foray]

sharted in my computer chair while eating a taco

[Jollyoli]

sharted in my computer chair while eating a taco

Did you finish the taco?

[SodaJerk]

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sharted in my computer chair while eating a taco

[close]

Did you finish the taco?

Dude? You don't waste tacos.

[Pigeon]

I’m hornier since I started working out and it fucking sucks. On the plus side, my semen is way more viscous and completely white. It used be translucent and more runny. The testosterone increase is making me easily pissed off, though. Smoking weed doesn’t really help. When this woman was swerving on the sidewalk, while texting, she got pissed off at me. I’ve never wanted to piss on anyone more badly.

[shit_for_brains]

I've been working out for years and have never felt like that. You might just be a dickhead.