Ok, here we go. I’ve been partying/doing drugs since I was 14. By the time I was 18 I had tried just about everything. I stopped doing all the hard shit and just drank and smoked until I was 25. I went to Bonnaroo (2005/2006 I think) and out of necessity, I did coke so I could drink all day and night and not miss any of the bands I wanted to see. After that I would do it occasionally which of course turned into every time I drank (3-4 times a week). By 33 I had pretty much quit doing coke but still drank a lot. Due to some health problems I had to stop drinking. The last time I was drunk was 1/16/18....but from the age of 32 till 38, I was doing a lot of opiates. Usually story, stared with Vicodin’s, then Norcos, then percs. Once those stopped working I graduated to the real deal. While I’ve never shot up, it’s been a daily habit of snorting it. It’s been about a year and a half and I fucking hate it. I don’t get high anymore. All it does is keeps the withdrawals away. Every time I try to quit I make it about 36 hrs and I’m ready to kill myself from the withdrawals. I’m at 36 hrs right now. I got some Xanax and some tramadol to help with the restless legs, hot n cold sweats, and the overall pain that is everywhere. I’ve managed to keep it pretty hidden and although my friends suspect it, they don’t know for sure. I just got a gram of some coke so I could do a little and clean my apartment. Anything to take my mind off of how shitty I feel. I’m not going to treatment because then my parents will know and it will absolutely kill them. Any fellow slap members have advice? I know I could go to a dr and try and get suboxen or methadone, but I just want to be done with this. Like I said, I hate this. Everyday is the same thing, call the dealer, race to his house and back home so I can feel better. I’ve been to 2 meetings and it didn’t help at all. I didn’t like telling strangers in person that I’m a piece of shit. I figured I’d try here cause I know there’s other members like me. Like I said, any advice is greatly appreciated.