over the past couple of weeks (friends and i) have been going to parties and end up either unintentionally starting a big fight, or we end up in it because a friend of a friend is in a fight outnumbered so we jump in and it turns into a full on brawl. we've been getting psyched on it despite the fact that most of us hate fighting. for example; some thirty something year old dude was hitting on my friends seventeen year old sister which led to a fight inside the party, which turned into a forty on forty fight outside
i have the inability to talk to girls at parties(who would've thought) or even other people unless i know them. i've been coming out of my shell more and more though, so i'm hoping something awesome is going to happen this weekend. somehow all of my friends make it back to some girls house while i just sit around with everyone else.
i'm going into the weekend with the game plan to stop being such a pussy by actually trying to meet people
for one reason or another i always get stuck on girls that turn out to be out of their minds, but i try and hold onto the dream for as long as possible
i used to be really skinny, then got really fat which led to an eating and a f.t.w problem until i became heroine chic skinny, then i started to gain weight again. instead of getting bummed out on it i just started to go apeshit made for no reason most of the time, so i've been trying to control the anger thing while losing the weight in a sensible way
i lost my last job and applied to a number of different ones that i haven't followed through with mostly because i want to do nothing all day everyday after class and live a carefree life. up until recently i figured i would only work a job that has some sort of bonus payoff; like free stuff or a discount on stuff that i would normally buy. i'm going to set my standards lower and tough it out because i want to get my license, get my own place, and be able to go out and have fun. i'm tired of being the guy that shows up without any beer to a party, and asking friends for cigarettes. i feel like a complete scumbag even though people aren't taking it as such. my mom also gives me twenty dollars or so every week, but i've always refused to by alcohol or cigarettes with the money she gives me
during my christmas break i started to really consider if i was making a mistake by going to school for what i'm going for and thought about dropping out to save money. i thought about what i would actually do if i chose something else, then i started to think about friends who do absolutely nothing because they dropped out of highschool or college. now i'm psyched to be back in class a couple days a week and i've been trying to not blow anything off till the last minute and trying to do better than what i consider my "best work"
even though i really don't like fighting, i've tried to fight the kids in the room next to mine because they invite people over to their room until two or so in the morning. everyone just yells and slams doors non-stop while knocking on my door intermittently. it's impossible to do work and then get to bed at a reasonable time so i can wake up at seven the next morning, so i've come out swinging more so than i like to admit
i recently discovered the joy joy of sleeping naked even though i still prefer to wear just my boxers most of the time. before it felt weird, but now i just think "hell yeah! sleeping naked, who cares?"
that's all i have for now
Topic: real confessions (Read 1976507 times)